Reality check time

[Venture]

Hi there everyone. First post here. This has turned into a long one, sorry!

I've been overweight since at LEAST age 12. I am now 25, and I have had ENOUGH!!

Some facts for you, first off I'm a 6'4" man so my figures are a bit different to most people's here. At my worst weight July 2013 I was 141kg/BMI 39, after that I made the most intense weight loss effort of my life - ate properly (mostly), completed Couch to 5k, then did 2 months of intense 45min workouts 6 days a week, and a period of swimming 1km every weeknight for 6 weeks; I felt good and I got the weight down to 121kg/BMI 32.5. But I was still BIG. I'm fortunate in that I have a large frame so I just look like some kind of giant rather than FAT fat, and the weight doesn't look as bad as it does on others, but I hate it. I have had manboobs all my life (HATE those), a big stomach, I struggle to buy clothes. Even in the best shape I have ever been in my adult life I am still medically obese.

Since then I have slacked a lot and I am sure my weight has slipped up because clothes aren't fitting right anymore but I'm not brave enough to get on the scales. I decided to make a new effort at another fitness drive because I did so well before, but it's not going well. Yesterday I got hugely depressed about it because although I know I shifted weight before, it is such a long road and I don't have the drive to do it knowing that making the biggest and most continuous effort in my entire life I still couldn't get down to a decent weight. It just feels impossible from here and I hate it. The only exercise I remotely enjoy is swimming, and that requires an hour at the pool every day for months to make any difference on its own, I don't have the determination for that. I CAN and DO eat healthy food but I always have the demon on my shoulder telling me I'm hungry, or wouldn't it be nice if we had a takeaway for dinner, my mind obssesses over it basically all day, and either I deny it and feel miserable or I give in and completely binge on it. And the other day whilst I was halfway through my swim, months from achieving anything from it, and my muscles ache like hell and all I want is to order pizza because it's tasty and it's late and I'm tired but I am beating myself up because I know it's a bad idea, but I still want it argh, I thought: you know what? F**K THIS! This can't be it. This can't be how I'm going to be the whole rest of my life!

I refuse to accept that at age 25 the only choices for my future are to be depressed daily about being overweight, or be depressed daily by having to deny myself what my body is telling me it needs (even though I know it's wrong! It still doesn't go away!). I will not live that way. I REFUSE. I already look back on my school days and teen years and hate that I missed so many opportunities in those days by being heavy. I don't want to look back at my 20s and 30s in the same way. I just want to be NORMAL, and I want to it in time to enjoy being a young man! I feel like I have tried the proper ways of doing it and I just don't have the willpower to follow through with the months and years of effort it will take to get there. I can do it a bit in the short term if I need to. If there is an obvious achievable goal and I am making progress towards it. But that willpower from day 1 I just can't keep going forever, it's a different story on a rainy Wednesday evening after a long horrible day at work and the goal is not even 25% achieved.



My problem is I think a bad psychological relationship with food, and basically no "full" reflex until I am totally stuffed, full to the brim, stomach physically hurting. As I understand it, normal people get a twinge of some sort that lets them know when they're full, and they only keep going past that on Christmas! I might get a tiny flicker if I'm lucky which is quickly overwhelmed by the thought that there's loads left on the plate and it's so tasty... I am terrible at portion control because I just don't want to stop until it's all gone, or stomach hurts. I have been this way as long as I can remember.



I am thinking and hoping that gastric sleeve may be my answer. I've done some digging and feeling the most hope I have done for ages. Here's where I need the reality check from you guys, tell me if I am being realistic in my expectations here. My thinking is that the sleeve will act as a nuclear weapon in my weight loss arsenal. Make all my usual efforts much easier.


Expected pros:
- Hunger/peckishness during the day will go down due to reduced stomach size and reduced hormones.
- I will gain a more normal "full" reflex because I will get that stomach hurting sensation after one small plateful rather than stuffing my face continuously.
- I will not feel miserable about food choices because I CAN have those unhealthy things sometimes and it's physically impossible for me to binge on them since they won't fit in my stomach.
- Will think about food much less because I'll feel satisfied longer & won't feel I am living a life of denying myself anything. I would be physically unable to eat more than the right amount of food to maintain a normal BMI.

Expected cons:
- Difficult pre-op and post-op diet. Liquids etc. I can manage that kind of difficulty for a limited period with a definite purpose and goal. Worried but not too worried.
- Probable vomiting etc in the early days.
- Probable tough time with cravings in the early days too. I can man up and deal with those in this situation because I know it's not forever.
- Still have to make healthy food choices, it's not a license to eat only cakes! I am fine with that - I eat pretty normal levels of healthy most of the time anyway. It's the binging that makes me fat, I think.
- Having to adjust to not drinking and eating at the same time.
- No fizzy drinks for life. I like my fizzy drinks but I am not addicted. A willing sacrifice!
- Can't take the mickey with it or it WILL stretch and the weight will be able to go back on. I think this is OK - I can maintain weight alright I think, it's just losing it really sucks.
- Normal surgery risks of medical problems etc.
- Excess skin. Hopefully not too much of an issue as my size won't change that drastically...



OK so stop me if I'm wrong. Is there anything I've missed?
If I could ever get down to 100kg - top end of healthy BMI band, about 25 - I would be over the flipping moon. Knowing how much better I felt going from 39 to 33. And if this could be felt whilst forever locking away that little demon that wants takeaway and ice cream (or being able to shut him up with one spoonful rather than the whole tub) then I will be forever grateful.


Sorry for the long post!

 

[purplepippa9]

Hi Venture! Welcome to this wonderful forum - you'll get lots of support here. It looks like you have really thought about this and your pros and cons list is pretty comprehensive. However, I would say don't underestimate the power of the cravings which don't go away with a sleeve. I'm 6 months in and despite lots of counselling over the years in a bid to understand my warped relationship with food and some fantastic psychological support as part of my bariatric package, I am finding it harder and harder to stop the mindless eating coming back into my life. I would strongly suggest looking at getting some counselling or doing a CBT course before you have surgery so you have a few tricks up your sleeve on the difficult days.

Whatever you choose to do I wish you all the very best and look forward to following your journey on here.

Pippa

 

[Venture]

Hi Pippa thanks for the response.
Could you go into more detail about what exactly you're still struggling with?
My situation is that 95% of the time I am perfectly capable of eating healthy choices and not resenting it, although I might occasionally eat more than I should. Every now and again though I won't be able to hold it together and I will eat unhealthily and WAY too much of it.
My thinking is that the sleeve wouldn't solve that problem but it would at least provide damage limitation, that when those situations come up and I make an unhealthy choice at least it will only be a few mouthfuls before I am stuffed rather than 3000 calories.

 

[samp24]

I agree with pippa, and think you should get some councelling to help back you up! I didn't have a sleeve (I chose a bypass) so also have the added back up of the "scare factor" of fatty/sugary foods that could make me ill (like ice cream!) and that helps to keep me on the straight and narrow to a certain degree. the surgery hasn't stopped me wanting the food though, so I think you should get some talky therapy to run along side your surgery plans, anything that can try to make sense of your relationship with food and maybe help you come up with some strategies to help tackle the bingeing, then you will have even more in your weapons arsenal. I don't think you are needing much of a reality check, I think that you have done your homework, just one question for you? why have you decided on a sleeve as opposed to a bypass?

 

[Venture]

Why sleeve over bypass? Well I'm an engineer so maybe that has a bearing but the prospect of re-wiring systems that much just terrifies me! I read there are many potential issues with the new stomach outlet, and the whole thing of having to fear certain types of food forever just feels wrong for me. Sleeve appeals because it just reduces how much I can take in to a reasonable level and eliminates much of the hunger hormones.

 

[samp24]

good answer!! sounds to me like you know what is best for you. as with both sleeve and bypass the hunger hormones will eventually come back, but hopefully you will have retrained your eating habits by then and will be choosing the most nutritious and healthy foods the majority of the time. Good luck, I certainly don't regret my surgery, just wish I had done it sooner.

 

[Venture]

Thanks for your support!
An opportunity to reboot eating habits of a lifetime with a serious helping hand in the form of a tiny stomach sounds like just what I need.

Do you experience any loss of strength in the periods of drastic weight loss? How long do you need to avoid exercise? I'm keen to keep exercising in the hopes of making the most of it & trying to tone.

Can we talk about cravings? You still get them? My thinking is that I'll still exert the same amount of effort to resist them as I do now, but when I fail it's not the end of the world because of the limits of how much I can eat. And I am hoping that the happiness at my slim figure would counteract a lot of the leftover negative food related feelings and provide a reminder of WHY I make the effort to eat healthy.

 

[los in it]

hello venture
what an amazing post! thank you for sharing,i wish you loads of luck in your quest for a better life

 

[Kar8858]

Hi! I was the same, eating huge amounts in one go with no feeling if fullness, I went for the sleeve and it's been fantastic. There's no binge eating anymore and I feel dull after a tiny amount. You no longer want to eat anymore as you're stomach says no way!! If you do manage that mouthful too much you will throw it up!
It's each to their own but I love my sleeve and the result I've had.
Good luck with your journey

 

[Venture]

Kar, thanks for that great positivity!
Great to hear from someone in a similar boat.
I was doing some research and found a statement that binge eaters have less success with surgery on average, but it was talking about bariatric surgery in general there. I can't see how you could fail with a sleeve; the worst you could do is stretch it but even then it would surely take another decade or 2 of continuous abuse to get it to a similar size it must be now...

 

[Twothirdsamidwife]

Hi venture
What a fantastic post - I could have written the majority of it myself!!
I have no words of wisdom as I am hoping to start my journey today with my appointment at Homerton.
I thought I was set on a bypass but having a read of a few sleeve posts I will be looking into it a bit more!!!

I look forward to reading everyone's advice and how you get on x

 

[siana58]

I think that you maybe would benefit more at this stage from working on your head and your feelings about food/why you overeat rather than going straight for the surgical option. If you read around this forum you will soon see that surgery doesn't stop the head stuff and the head stuff can defeat the point of surgery. Eg. Years ago they used to wire peoples jaw together to stop them eating, I knew someone who used to liquidate doughnuts with a pint of cream and suck it up through a straw, she hadn't addressed the head stuff. So focussed therapy may be a good idea at this stage, and not likely that it will be free. You might benefit from finding the root cause of over eating, me personally, I used to "self medicate" with food to help cope with historical stuff. CUT I great for addressing behaviours, but many people find disciplines such as hypnosis, EMDR (if eating trauma related), or complementary therapies such as GET useful. Good luck!

 

[siana58]

CUT = CBT

 

[Venture]

Hi Siana thanks for the post.
I've had CBT before for non food related stuff and after a few sessions the counsellor said that there's little point continuing, because I have such an analytical brain that I have already done by myself most of what they teach!
I'm often told that I have an answer for everything and some people think I'm making excuses, but my family know that it's just because I do a lot of soul searching and research before I tell anyone about something, I want to have all the bases covered in my head first!

For me the bingeing is definitely, definitely about my weight. Stupid as that sounds. I feel I work very hard to try to lose weight almost constantly, but progress is obviously slow and I feel very defeated all of a sudden one day, perhaps I catch myself side-on in the mirror or something. After that is the sense that there's no point making all this effort because it never gets anywhere and since I have no immediate control over being depressed about my weight I may as we eat what I want and not be depressed about that part!

My theory is that with natural weight loss happening post surgery, the efforts won't feel futile because I'll be seeing results all the time. The root cause of the binges is going away. And if I do struggle with a stall, I will have the reminder in the mirror that it IS working, I am getting somewhere. And on the exceptionally rare occasions where even that isn't enough - at least the binge will be physically stopped by stomach size before it gets out of hand.

 

[siana58]

Sounds like you have covered the right bases, good luck! Are you hoping for NHS or going private? Either way, I did loads of research into surgeons, picked my surgeons, then found the various providers whose umbrella they operated under (was more expensive going direct) and had a few consultation s before I decided which way to go.

 

[Yvessa]

You seem very prepared and you appear to have really thought this through. The only pro I would question is your comment about think about food less. My experience is the opposite and the same for many people I know. Wls tends to highlight food and I find I am far more aware of what I eat than ever before and I can get obsessive about it.

 

[kurstywursty]

I too am a binge eater with a band. A few days ago I downloaded a book called overcoming binge eating (2nd edition). This was very helpful as one, it let me see how far I have come. Even though I am seriously struggling right now and gaining weight.....my binges are minimal now compared to what they used to be...I have to graze for long periods rather than shoving it all in at speed.

But also pointed out that dieting actually causes binge eating....if a woman is eating less than 1200 calories a day she is in starvation mode and a binger is more likely to binge in these circumstances.

I need to get back to basics and eat more as I am trying to limit my food to such an extent that I generally eat very little in between my now mini binges....and this is because I am feeling so out of control with my food..

It's a hard one....I know some people with a sleeve still do manage to binge and have trouble with weight loss

It's not a magic cure babe....but good luck

I do not regret my band and still think it is the best thing I have ever done but the day to day eating battle is as hard as it has always been :-(

 

[Twothirdsamidwife]

Venture again your last post sounds similar to me. I have managed 2/3 months on vlc diets before and the quick losses for someone so big was really encouraging. But then I had a bad day and fell off the wagon. I think a sleeve will stop that fall being so huge as I'll be vomiting and feeling terrible which will make me get back on the wagon.

I plan to do exercise from the off to minimise saggy skin but maximise losses and will increase the intensity as the weight drops off.

If need be I will pay for cbt/hypnotherapy/counselling as this has been such a long time coming that I have to do everything I can to beat this addiction

 

[Caroline jess]

I think that over eaters have more long term success without therapy because it's not possible to binge or over eat those who snack on sweet things all day and have a terrible sweet tooth suffer more. Don't forget though that after a few years you will be able to eat more. You need to learn about proper nutrition and learn the habits of eating food that's good for you when your hungry like extra veggies instead of grabbing a packet of crisps. Completely obvious I know but at the end of the day that's how we put on weight. Essentially it's the opportunity to reset your metabolism and learn to eat properly without the pesky distraction of actually being able to over eat/binge eat getting in the way and hopefully seeing those pounds melt away Spurs you on to make life long changes.

 

[Twothirdsamidwife]

Kursty- I'll have a look out for that book - who is it by?