Receiving compliments

[paulineiw]

Hi, I am having a few problems receiving compliments! I have lost 40lb now, no good at updating the ticker!!!!
I am getting loads of lovely comments but rather than feeling good about them I hate it and get quite upset!
I belong to a social club that I went to last night and saw lots of friends that I hadn't seen for a few weeks.
Comments like.....
You look so much better( I wasn't ill!!! )
You look fantastic
( did I look **** before!? )
Haven't you lost weight!
Not difficult as I am sick every day!!!

I almost find it insulting, I am still me, was I so bad before!! I know everyone means well but I think that because the weight loss is so rapid in my head I am still the same old me.
Does anyone else feel the same or is it me being ultra sensitive!!?

 

[LizzieBee]

Morning Pauline!
I am sorry you are not enjoying at least some of the compliments. The 'you look better' ones... Hmmmm unless they mean from immediately post op, then they're being insensitive.

I suppose if you are being sick everyday you are not necessarily feeling great. So that might affect the way you feel about the compliments. I enjoy the compliments that I am getting but I think that is because I feel good - still on purees so not tried the 'real food' yet!

What is making you sick everyday? Maybe getting that sorted might help you to see the positives about the surgery?

Hugs to you :gen126:

Lx

 

[The Rose]

Hi Pauline

When you lose weight very quickly, it takes a long time for your brain to catch up!!! Therefore you will still see yourself as the big person instead of the shrinking lady that you are.

Also, if you have spent the last 15 years or so calling your self every name under the sun, along with having a low self esteem, and no self confidence (not saying this is you by the way), then it is difficult to accept compliments from other people. All of the compliments that people have given you - you have proceeded to say something negative about them!! You need to take those compliments on board - you are losing weight - you are beautiful, and you are going to build up tons of self confidence.

You are also probably not feeling too great at the moment (especially if you are being sick all the time), therefore give yourself time, take it easy on yourself, and look back at this in a couple of months. Hopefully you will be thinking to yourself "actually I do feel great", "I do look brilliant in my smaller clothes" and "making this very difficult and brave decision to change my life has been completely worth it!

Love
Rosie xx

 

[markelsie]

Hi there....Personally speaking I do understand where your coming from regarding the compliments about your weight loss and what people say to you...I too have lost some weight of late due to my op and are receiving kind words.For me before my weight loss and operation I KNEW in my heart and mind I did not look the way I wanted to look and accept that others saw me like this as well.I could not not change that UNTIL weight started to come off and alike others too would see me like this.That said it does not alter the person within one tiny bit but you cant expect others to see you like this until they get to know you...Sadly being over-weight stands out like a sore thumb I believe and people "rightly or wrongly" DO JUDGE....but then again DO THEY MATTER.....You mention about being very sensitive and I'm the same and have to say at times I look to deeply in to what is said which in turn can get the old brain cells working overtime when in reality there is NO ISSUE....
This is purely my own reasoning and logic and accept we are all different...
Mark

 

[Nezzy]

I would love the compliments as I have lost 44lb and I can't tell any difference. The people that are complimenting you are just being nice and to say you look fantastic probably means that considering what you have been through that you look well, try and be more positive and as I said I'd love it!!!

Take Care Anez xxxx

 

[Caroline101061]

Hi Pauline

I know how you feel but in a different way - Ive lost 5st 6lbs and I get no pleasure from it at all - its totally bizarre. I honestly think and Ive been told that post surgery of this type, you do get mad mood swings and this could be part of yours and my problem - get your nausea problem sorted and hang on in there. At the end of the day, its what you think that counts. Last time I lost a vast amount of weight, a distant cousin remarked that I looked like a human being now - well you can imagine - my mum gave her what for and that was the last time I ever went to a family function.

 

[Mummyof2]

Hiya pauline

I have a feeling I'm going to feel the same as you, In my view i guess it's kind of the concept i've always just wanted to be accepted and it will be like suddenly i'm less offencive to the human eye and the mental and physical trauma i've been through with being fat all my life doesn't come into it so longs as i'm not insulting the public by being fat. So I too will probably be offended by the comments but remember you've done this for your own health and personal reasons not for them, try and enjoy the compliments I'm sure your mind will catch up with your body soon if that makes sense!

Clare xx

 

[gaelic girl]

Hi Pauline
I'm pre op so can't comment on compliments yet but looking at it from the comments i receive as an obese lady i think people forget we have a heart we hurt just the same as them and we are a human being. people just don't think before they make a comment before and after weight loss. We are the same person just a bit less of us and i personally have made up my mind that the people who would'nt accept me as heavy then they need'nt bother when i lose my weight, because i've suddenly become acceptable to them don't think so! I'm sorry you are being sick every day i hope you can get that sorted and don't let the insensitive idiots get you down. Sending a big hug xx

 

[chris195]

Hi, I am having a few problems receiving compliments! I have lost 40lb now, no good at updating the ticker!!!!
I am getting loads of lovely comments but rather than feeling good about them I hate it and get quite upset!
I belong to a social club that I went to last night and saw lots of friends that I hadn't seen for a few weeks.
Comments like.....
You look so much better( I wasn't ill!!! )
You look fantastic
( did I look **** before!? )
Haven't you lost weight!
Not difficult as I am sick every day!!!

I almost find it insulting, I am still me, was I so bad before!! I know everyone means well but I think that because the weight loss is so rapid in my head I am still the same old me.
Does anyone else feel the same or is it me being ultra sensitive!!?

hi pauline now please please dont take this wrong what im going to say?iv been big all my life and prob like you most of time felt ok,not really seen the me or should i say not took any notice--how bad i really looked,not till i was mucking with my camera other wk with no shirt on,my god it hit in the face how bad i really look--and only true friends would hote to me,witch there only one my wife,and i thought she was not be serios,so i cant wait till surgery 18th sept 09--better still for compliments,chris195

 

[Sulleyp]

Hi Pauline.

I was exactly the same as you. I had a very hard time dealing with the compliements when I first lost 4 stone. To the point where Id get quite mad when people would say stuff like "You looked so fat before, everyone was saying it."

The most depressing thing was that I recently got back up to the original weight so i know what everyone is currently thinking.

But remember, compliments are innocent. They are meant to be nice.

 

[phatmomma]

Hi, i agree with everything with what everyone above says but i also understand completely why you said what you said.

How many times do people say to us about larger people "oh she has such a pretty face" and dont say 'but she's fat'?

I am figuring what you are saying is that what was wrong with me before? And i agree with that. It's not the pounds that make the person the great person you are!

I think you should get your sickness sorted out you will feel so much better and then get down the social club again. Take all the compliments from the folks there and just smile graciously and move on with enjoying your evening....

Oh and congratulations on your fantastic weight loss and also the fact you still went out to socialise when your feeling so crappy.

Enjoy the rest of your weight loss journey.

 

[Bonita]

See now I know exactly what you mean and feel much the same but then that is probably because I actually enjoyed being voluptuous.. Isn't that a super word... Voluptuous..

Anyway like you I get annoyed when someone says something thoughtless like you do look better. Having said that when someone like the district nurse says 'the weight is falling off you', then I feel really pleased, but she is stating a fact and I have worked hard to get this far.

I've got a feeling that should one day if I ever reach my target weight I'm still going to be flying the flag for my big buddies and probably be feeling like the one left out...lol

Don't take it to heart, they are being well meaning if slightly thoughtless that all.

 

[Caroline101061]

would someone say to a person who has had cosmetic surgery - wow, you looked like an old hag before! Think its the same thing isnt it?

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Agree with everything said by others,I didnt need telling how bad I looked,ie I dont just mean fatter than before,I mean my face has dissappeared,legs have turned to blobby horrible tree trunks,stomache hangs like a huge deflated balloon,bingo wings that shudder each time I move,lady lumps I could tuck in my nickers!lol exagerating a wee bit there!Aches and pains,pee myself all the time,getting that way wont be able to wipe my own backside.Remember we are doing this for our health first and looks second.People will say these things,perhaps you are a bit sensitive but you dont feel well so thats natural.Dont beat yourself up over it,we do enough of that for lots of reasons.Try yoga or pilates it really relaxes you and gives you a focus.

 

[fairyringuk]

Pauline I am so sorry you are feeling so bad about the compliments you are receiving.
I think the fact you are losing weight so quickly is not giving your head time to deal with how YOU feel about it before others are commenting and this is difficult for you.
When they say you look great, they really dont mean you looked awful before, they are saying now you look better and well done you.
When they say you look so much better, they mean that literally, and in a way you were ill, you were sufferring the side effects of overeating and the toll that takes on you health all round.
These people are genuinely saying, you have done amazingly and I want you to know I have noticed and want to compliment you on it
Embrace the compliments.
You must have known that a bypass would drastically change your weight and shape, and no matter what, that is going to be noticed and commented upon. You have worked hard to get where you are, enjoy the praise, you deserve it.

Jay xx

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

Hi Pauline so sorry you are not feeling great at the moment. I think because you are not feeling too great at the moment you are reading more into these comments than is actually ment by them. Please understand I know where you are coming from because I am exactly the same. Alot of people are so worried to make a comment when someone has lost weight in case they offend. It usually makes me feel alot better but the problem is we find it difficult to accept compliments as we are not used to getting them so look further into them. Sorry if I am waffling but I just want you to realise you are still the same person on the inside that everyone loved before you lost the weight and that is why these people are trying to encourage you. Take care and I hope you get the sickness sorted soon.

 

[jumanji]

After losing like 10 stone I always get compliments from people I haven't seen since I was really fat, and they always say how great I look.

But do I look great, or just great in comparison to how awful I looked before? I just don't know

 

[phatmomma]

After losing like 10 stone I always get compliments from people I haven't seen since I was really fat, and they always say how great I look.

But do I look great, or just great in comparison to how awful I looked before? I just don't know

I am gonna jump out on a limb here and be controversial.... Just because you are/were fat (i fall in the first bracket) doesn't mean you are ugly or look awful! Fat people can scrub up pretty well too you know. Maybe your perception of yourself is not how those who love you saw you? Sometimes we beat ourselves up when in actual fact someone out there thinks we are the most beautiful thing that walked this earth!!

People get judged enough by other people, let's try and stop judging ourselves too much.........

 

[BlueDiamond]

I am gonna jump out on a limb here and be controversial.... Just because you are/were fat (i fall in the first bracket) doesn't mean you are ugly or look awful! Fat people can scrub up pretty well too you know. Maybe your perception of yourself is not how those who love you saw you? Sometimes we beat ourselves up when in actual fact someone out there thinks we are the most beautiful thing that walked this earth!!

People get judged enough by other people, let's try and stop judging ourselves too much.........

gr8 advice and words of wisdom xx

 

[Mynewlife]

I can understand how you feel. I feel like I cringe inside when someone says to me that I am looking "well". I have a really hard time accepting compliments.
Then on the other hand, I went and visited my parents at the weekend, and hadn;t seen them for a few weeks -- and guess what the first thing my mum says ????? "you dont look very well, you look pale - are you ok????

MNL