Referred Yesterday....

[Lostinmy30's]

Ok so I was referred to a Bariatric surgeon, I have read a good bit and have decided I will probably want to go for a band and I was absolutely delighted and elated when i left the GP's surgery yesterday.
Then I text my sister my best friend and my husband to tell them.......best friend thinks I am being selfish putting my kids through this and says I shouldn't even go to the initial appt, hubby (after having a few beers with his work friends) tells me it will probably end our marriage and sister says she will support me no matter what.
My mind is all swirly this morning :sigh: i don't want to be trapped in this body anymore, I want to be alive and not be dependant on a carer in later life, i don't want my weight to affect my two girls....am I doing the right thing?

 

[madstaffyblonde1]

obsoletely(sp) the way i am looking at this is it makes no matter to me what others say i am doing this for me and only me. Your oh reaction is probably worry. Think of yourself and do what you feel is best for you. good luck in your weight loss journey and welcome to minis

 

[Lostinmy30's]

Thanks Mad...there is a bit of me wonders if my friend is jealous - she lost in excess of 5 stone a few years back kept it off for over a year and has whacked it all back on.....

 

[elffie01]

First of all welcome to mini's and congrats on taking that first step.

Your hubby is probably in shock that it has got to the start of the process, mine was. He might even have the thoughts that 'slim' you will do a runner with some other bloke, thats his self esteem issue not yours.
You need to sit down with him- sober lol- and explain the process, explain how you feel and tell him the benefits.
Same with your friend.
Everyone goes through the 'am I doing the right thing by my kids' part, I have an 11 yr old and she is clued up and understands its a major op, she cried a couple of times and is scared, hell who isnt me included. But she understands that after a few months, mum will be able to play with her, go riding, cycling run and chase her. I dont want to be out of breath after 1 min running. I want to chase her till she is knackered.
Yes I am putting my daughter through a lot butI will be putting her through a hell of a lot more when she has no mum in a few years :cry:

You personally have to weigh up ( no pun intended) your health problems, if you have any and if they will worsen, to the surgery and weight loss and a healthier lifestyle. Im not going to decide for you but I'll let you guess which oneIm going for.

Read some of the diaries on here, even get your best friend and hubby on her and let them read them. Yes there are some not so straight forward diaries but they give the reality not the glossed overview.

Lecture over lol. Good luck in whatever you decide

 

[Spikeyjaycee]

Hi Lost - of course you are doing the right thing. Your kids will have a mum who can play with them, you will have a better and healthier way of life and you will benefit from it so much. Is your best friend overweight (is she jealous that YOU are doing something constructive?), your husband is worried that after you lose all the weight other men will find you attractive and you may leave him!! and your sister is being the only sensible one by supporting you. Give your sister and hubby time to get to grips with the idea, then sit them down and talk to them about how you are feeling and how this is right FOR YOU! If they love you, they will come to terms with what you are doing. At the end of the day, it is your body and only you can know how your weight affects you. My husband was dead set against me having a bypass (I think he's worried I may die on the operating table) but he now understands why I wany the bypass and is totally supportive. Everyone gets scared about the unknown and WLS surgery is a big decision for everyone involved. Bear with them - they will come round.
All the best

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

firstly do this for you and ultimatley you, it will give both you and your children a better life, the ones that are trying to put you off are the ones that dont want you to change because it makes them feel better, if you dont do this because of someone elses insecurities then you will become very resentfull towards them and always be thinking "what if ?", id say go 4 it, it was the best decision ive ever made and it has given me my life back in many aspects.

good luck xxx

liz xxx

 

[margaretmc]

Good luck with your weight loss journey .
take care .
Margaret xx

 

[marky v]

my other half was against me at 1st, her dad was not for it either, luckily my sister was all for it as she knows how long i've been battling my ''food demons'', they all understand now, that i'm doing this for me and a better healthy life, not (in my case) to get bigger and more unhealthy as the weight piles on...it has now got to the stage where my other half has put herself forward for a gastric band, she's even joined my bloody gym lol!! but she's now as excited as me about not just my surgery but hers as well, your friends and family need to understand that you're doing this for all the right reasons, not selfish reasons....but is it selfish to want to be slimmer and healthy...i think not...you go for it girl....plenty of supporters of you on here

 

[Lostinmy30's]

Thankyou guys - your right I will sit hubby down with the list i took to my GP - he probably doesn't even realise some of the issues i have - I have no intention of ever leaving him no matter how skinny I am lol
My friend will understand once i explain my reason to her I hope - if not shes not a true friend. I read on someones post that your more likely to be killed by a coconut than to die during weight loss surgery so surely she will see reason.
And ultimately I am def doing this for me - cos its only me stuck in here
p.s. I don't know how to do the thankyou thang on posts lol

 

[thinkbethin]

I know you're in a predicument here but you have to think of you and your kids. Once the weight is gone you will have a much healthier life and probably live alot longer and be able to watch your kids grow up and give you grandchildren. Its not a case of just doing it to look good, its a case of being healthy. Your friend and husband will come round to your way of thinking but you will have to involve them for them to understand why you're doing it. I had a band in may and had the thoughts of leaving my kids but my hubby and I decided that it was better for them this way if anything happened than to watch me suffer a long painful death through obesity. Good luck with your op and remember you're doing this for yourself and your childrenxx

 

[marky v]

just remember re surgey...yes there are risks, we all know that, but these bariatric teams know how to deal with the problems that arise with operating on the larger person than your run of the mill operating teams, but the ''benefits far outweigh the risks'' you know that

 

[marky v]

p.s. I don't know how to do the thankyou thang on posts lol

you can't till you hit a certian number of posts, i had the same prob!! thanks in words is good enough lol

 

[Roch]

Hi Lost and welcome to MM.
You are no way being selfish at all in fact the opposite, wls is no way an easy option and is a journey where you will have many ups and lows but all so worth it in the long run.
You wanting this surgery is you acknowldeging that your weight is a serious problem and that you cant manage on ur own to lose it and u need the help of surgery which is a fab tool to help you get your weight under control.
I personally feel the risks of surgery compared to the risks of all the obesity relates illnesses are minimal and once you have this surgery so much is going to change for you and you will feel fab.

I think sitting down with your hubby and explaining to him all the obesity related illnesses you could have if you dont get your weight under control and like you said re assure him that u luv him no matter what hopefully will help him change his mind.
Maybe the 2 of you could go to a wls support group in your area maybe that would put his mind at rest if he is worried about wls.
its fab ur sis is supporting you, when it comes to ur best friend maybe the reason she is acting like that is because she has weight issues and would not consider surgery and is jealous of you as u will have ur weight under control, at the end of the day my best friend although is scared for me to have my bypass and would luv me to lose it the normal way she knows how hard it is for me and is supporting me 100% in my choice as that is what friendship is about, we might not agree with our friend`s choices but its our lives and not there`s and true friends will support you 100% no matter what.

Soz if i have rambled on and on bout friendship its one of those days for me lol, take care and hope ur wls jounery is a smooth one luv Roch xxx

 

[fairyringuk]

Lost welcome to minis and sorry your initial appt was spoiled by your 'friend' and hubby.
I think your friend is insecure about this, god forbid you should end up looking better than her, and of course you have thought about the children, I would think that after you, they are one of the main reasons you are doing it, to help their quality of life with their mum, who will be a better happier healthier and more active person and so much more fun to be around.
Hubby probably worries how it will affect your relationship, you can only reassure him, but if he truly loves you he will support you, dont let him pressure you into a lifetime of misery just to make him feel better.
I wish you well and hope you will find the courage to continue your journey for your sake.

Jay xx

 

[Bonita]

Your not being at all selfish, just the opposite in fact. It maddens me when I hear people saying things like that. If anything your friend and hubby are the selfish ones. The friend sounds selfishly jealous and your hubby is frightened of the change maybe because he's selfishly insecure.

Its not them that are having to live with the problems that being this overweight brings with it. Having said that its natural for them both to have concerns, this is major surgery your contemplating here.

I would sit your friend down on this forum and let her explain to all of us just how she works out that your being selfish. Doing nothing about your weight problems and living the rest of your life in misery would be selfish IMHO. You cannot take your friends feelings into consideration in any way shape or form, this is the rest of your life your talking about here, but if she is being supportively worried about the operation and follow up then thats understandable and a sign of a true friend.

As for your husband. He'll be fine and will just need reassurance. I think all our partners have the same thoughts... 'Are they going to survive the op'. 'Are they going to want me when they are slim'. 'Will their personality change'... Etc Etc.

Maybe you can link up with some others in your area that are either having it done or had it done so that both of you can talk it through with others that have already been there and know how you both feel. Are there any WLS support groups in your area?

 

[Lostinmy30's]

My brain feels clearer now than it was this morning...I am remaining positive and will keep my excercise up and not let others opinions affect my resoluteness . Thankyou everyone - I know I am doing the right thing!

 

[thinkbethin]

Glad you're having a better perpective of it now. As I said, involve them for them to understand. Show them the youtube vids of the band surgery. Your hubby may think that the slimmer you may want to run off into the sunset but if you have a strong marriage then he should know he's stuck with you lolxxx

 

[Lostinmy30's]

Well still no sign of my letter yet but Hubby has agreed to come along to my appointments so he can ask any questions - I have assured him I am going nowhere - fat or slim!
Kids are back at school and so far have avoided my friend as I really don't want to 'go there' yet and I know its going to be her trying to talk me out of it with all sorts of emotional blackmail.
What I have convinced my hubby on is that this is not 'the easy route' or 'quick fix' he thinks it is.
I cannot understand though how WLS could ever be seen as a negative step for anyone has anyone else come up against this in their journey?

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

hi
i have just been refused the band but am considering the bypass only my mum and hubby knew anyway but my mum is very neg about both but is even worse now she knows i am considering the bypass she cant understand why...
her words last week when i found i could not have the band were "WELL YOU CAN DO IT ON YOUR OWN NOW !!!!!!" if only
good luck xxxxxx hopefully those who care about you wont care and those that dont care are you bothered ?

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

No way are you being selfish. There is only you that truely knows how your weight is affecting you. My husband has been totally supportive of my decision but my mum and twin sister don't agree with me having it. Having said that my mum is starting to soften a little because she is now seeing how desperate I am. They are worried because all they hear about are when things go wrong. What they don't think about are most of the ops have positive outcomes. My dad is totally supportive too and occasionally asks questions about it but I try not to talk about the detail too much in front of mum because she is a panicker. Hope they soon realise how desperate you are for this op. Take care.