Remember where you came from

[frankyboysh7]

Hey everyone.

You may not care, but I'm going to point it out anyway.

There are some people on this site that have got to, or almost gotten to where they want to be.
And that is great.
I look to people like this for advice and support.
You've been there, you've done it.

But you were like me too at one point.
Nervous, scared, messed up, embarking on a journey.

Now personally I have had nothing but support and love from people in a similar boat to me, but I've read some *****y and nasty comments on this site.

Others have seen them too and I have bend messaged by someone saying that he won't be using the site anymore due to these comments.

The words oppressive and cliquey were used.
And the more I think about it, I agree.

I think there's only 2 or 3 people, and I doubt they know they are doing it.
But maybe when giving advice or responding to comments - remember who you were and how you felt before you lost your 4, 6 or 10 stone.

And to anyone else feeling like they can't interact for fear of snide comments or being judged - **** that.

I don't know anyone on here personally, maybe I never will, but we are brought together by a common struggle.

Be nice.

This was a public service message on behalf of me.

 

[jamie1984]

Well done frankly, needed to be said.

 

[Dandelions]

frankly franky

 

[happy days]

That's quite sad to hear anyone feels that way. I know there has been a few occasions where all hell breaks loose when people talk about alcohol after op and takeaways etc.
but to be honest I think the only time I could say people are clicky is generally just people who have been on a long time and interact more. I don't think it's intended as clickiness but I can see how it would look that way.
Personally I try and help anyone I can if I know the answer I will say.

 

[Butterfly_lady]

That's quite sad to hear anyone feels that way. I know there has been a few occasions where all hell breaks loose when people talk about alcohol after op and takeaways etc.
but to be honest I think the only time I could say people are clicky is generally just people who have been on a long time and interact more. I don't think it's intended as clickiness but I can see how it would look that way.
Personally I try and help anyone I can if I know the answer I will say.

I agree, plus if someone asks for advice or an opinion do they not realise that other folks may have a different view and a different way of expressing that view?

 

[frankyboysh7]

Queen Bea knows who she is.

 

[Yvessa]

While I agree to a small extent with what you're saying some of the well meaning advice on here terrifies me. You say we've maybe forgotten where we came from - not at all. I know how hard I have worked for this. I can remember my whole journey and how hard each step was and I did it. I did the milk diet for a total of six weeks and I found it so hard sitting and drinking while my family ate but I did it.

And I cannot in all conscience say that it was okay to cheat. Someone else will come along, read that and try it themselves and then wonder what went wrong and why they have woken up with five holes and no op. and in the most awful cases the liver will bleed and they may die. All because of a pizza.

Equally the minute we sign on the dotted line we agree to a new lifestyle for decades. The most successful do make a complete lifestyle choice. And it's not easy, particularly as you get further out. And if you couldn't do it for two weeks how will you cope for decades? And if you don't get it right post op you can do yourself some serious harm.

So call me mean, call me snide and cliquey if you wish. I won't change what I'm saying because the pat on the back and the you'll be just fine fills me with dread. And I was a baby whale with awful eating habits. If I can do it anyone can.

 

[happy days]

If I've cheated I come on here to get a good kick up the bum. Sometimes that's what I need and yve is totally right. We sign up to change not to go back to old bad habits.

 

[shelleymarie]

I believe that sometimes you have to point out that something isn't right. If everyone says don't worry you will be fine then it doesn't help any one. The truth is you might not get your surgery if you don't follow the guidelines. That is just the truth. You don't have to be horrible about it - I don't think I was and unless there has been another thread I'm assuming this is about the thread with me pointing out it is not ok to eat things like pizza on the pre op diet. Although I'm sure the person in thread knew that but they asked if they might not get the surgery and the truth is they might not. I've never had any interaction with you but if you had you would see I support everyone the best I can and I've had bucket loads of support in return. I've also messed up lots since my surgery and I've been told when and that has helped me. I do remember where I've come from. I'm humbled by that and I do believe most people who make comments on this site do it with the best intentions and when you've got experience it's only fair to share it. I'm glad that some of the long term members here have helped me.

I will say things like this makes you scared to say anything unless it's "you will be fine" and you can't always say that or you are lying, so you end up thinking what's the point and that is just sad

 

[Purple Sparkle]

I am sorry to read this post - I still class myself as a 'newbie' having joined the forum in May, but I have only ever found support in responses to my posts and questions. And this has been from longer term members and new members.

Justine

 

[Yvessa]

I believe that sometimes you have to point out that something isn't right. If everyone says don't worry you will be fine then it doesn't help any one. The truth is you might not get your surgery if you don't follow the guidelines. That is just the truth. You don't have to be horrible about it - I don't think I was and unless there has been another thread I'm assuming this is about the thread with me pointing out it is not ok to eat things like pizza on the pre op diet. Although I'm sure the person in thread knew that but they asked if they might not get the surgery and the truth is they might not. I've never had any interaction with you but if you had you would see I support everyone the best I can and I've had bucket loads of support in return. I've also messed up lots since my surgery and I've been told when and that has helped me. I do remember where I've come from. I'm humbled by that and I do believe most people who make comments on this site do it with the best intentions and when you've got experience it's only fair to share it. I'm glad that some of the long term members here have helped me.

I will say things like this makes you scared to say anything unless it's "you will be fine" and you can't always say that or you are lying, so you end up thinking what's the point and that is just sad

I think it was me he was objecting to babe

 

[frankyboysh7]

Listen, I'm not trying to stage a mutiny here.
But I know what I've read.
There has been three people that I think - IN MY OPINION - have made comments or remarks that I think aren't helpful.
I'm not asking people to join my gang, and I for one haven't taken offence because it's not been me they've been speaking to.
But when I get a message saying that someone is leaving this forum because it's oppressive - I felt compelled to say something.
Since I have posted this thread I have had multiple messages from people saying they agree and that they're glad someone said something.

I'm not pointing fingers or naming names, and I'm new here myself - luckily I don't feel the need to be on the inside, but when you post your comments, maybe take a step back, lose some of the vitriol and remember that no matter what stage of the journey you're on, you are still on the same journey.

But I will actually go one tiny step further and say that one of you, just one of you, I've looked back at your posts and your comments - and ****, I just don't like you.
I'm sure we are all grown up enough to realise that sometimes there will be people that we just don't like.

Have a good day y'all.

 

[fjsinc]

This old chestnut eh. I really don't think anyone has forgotten where they came from. I remember being pre-op, and thinking how judgemental people were at times. Now many months post-op I dont see it as judgemental or harsh at all. Its experience. So what I want to say that being post op changes your perception on everything, it will surprise you. I dont really have the energy to get into this argument once again.

 

[los in it]

well said young man ,I get soo much from this site anyone on here is here for the same reason to change and be a different person to what they are now its not easy trying to change and hooking up here backs you feel not so alone.i like the idea that no question is stupid at that at some point some one has thought the same thing but had no one to ask and I so far feel safe and able to ask those "is this stupid?" questions. I hope in time I can answer some questions and remain supportive of all those who use this site because like you said we are all here for the same reason,to better ourselves and to support each other

 

[Banderbird]

I just typed out a huge reply then decided in fact I can't be bothered to get involved in an argument!

I'm very grateful for the support I've had so far.

 

[Madcatwoman]

I would just like to say that I made a mistake on my pre op diet, I knew it was stupid, and l was cross with myself. However, I went ahead with the surgery and now four months later I am 5 stone lighter. Occasionally I have 'bad' food now ie a couple of squares of chocolate, a bag of quavers, half a dozen chippy chips. We all have to live, and while I don't condone cheating, I think that it doesn't necessarily mean that you will fail. I don't believe in pats on the back and a 'there, there' attitude, but neither do I believe all is ruined when people make mistakes. I think we need to find a middle ground here, and to be honest if I'd waited til my head was totally sorted I think they'd be putting me in a super sized coffin. As the weight has come off my head has slowly started to adjust and I would like to think the surgery is successful. To people who make mistakes particularly on the liver shrink I would say just pick yourself up and carry on because you can't undo it but don't do it again! The alternative is to cancel the op , but for most people this would be awful after all they've been through. Hope no one takes offence, just my thoughts for what they're worth .

 

[Val]

I am also a newbie and so far so good with support etc

The only thing I would add is no matter what site you go to be it a forum, or Facebook, or eBay, any site really, whether you are just a member or the forum leader, no matter what topic there will always be
Leaders/Followers
Know'it'alls/Submissives
happygo luckys/Moaners
you name it you will find them..

Live and let live I say
Try not to be mean give constructive advice when needed
and rememeber
what Bambie said in the Disney film..lol
"If you cant say nothing nice , say nothing at all"

 

[frankyboysh7]

I don't think Bambi said it.
It was Thumpers Mum

 

[flutterby1966]

This thread has run its course. Don't think we are really adding any value on this thread continuing to argue amongst one another. We are a forum to support others, and that support can be achieved/given in many different ways.