Sad and a bit angry

[robina]

i find the judging of others hard to take. when people see my daughter they presume shes underfed and people assuming its because i eat her food. then if shes having a "good" day and she eats a big portion or has seconds and dessert they think shes over eating and that i must be setting a bad example because of my weight problems. if folks bothered to ask the reasn why i would happily tell them that she burns alot of cals due to her cerebral palsy and her health conditions and that she was fed via a gastrostomy for 7 years and if she didnt eat well now we would have to go back to tube feeds. i also had people who would comment on me not giving her child friendly meals as once she learnt to eat at age 3 i fed her what we eat so shes grown up with african foods so plaintain, cassava and rice dishes with spicy sauces. when i asked what kids food was i was told fish fingers, sausages, chips etc .without knowing every individuals story we cant possibly comment on a childs eating and to call it child abuse is appaling.

 

[robina]

as a young child i was underweight and as my sister had a growth problem i was seen for monitoring regularly where my mother was lectured to feed me more. i hit puberty and balloned then they would get on her case about my weight basically blaming my parents as they were both weighty. i danced 5 day a week and i swam, she cut down portions but i still got bigger. i remember her crying and begging me to lose weight and the doctors would accuse me of sneaking food so i thought you know what if im going to be accused i might as well eat the chocolates im being accused of buying. i was diagnosed with a condition at 18 and 2 years later so was my sister with the growth problem who was also big. my mother was tested and found to have it but suprise suprise my size 8 sister wasnt. daft thing is she was the fussy kid who grew up on junk food as was treated to lots of sweets cos she was the baby.

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

I remember frequently coming home from school in tears having been bullied for being fat and my mum 'soothing' me with a kit kat and a packet of crisps ... I think that says everything.

This may sound naive, but I never realised so many other people had issues from their mum the same as me, this thread has been an eye opener for me, so thank you for sharing...

My mum was 42 when she had me (her only child). The birth was touch and go for both of us. I was very underweight and poorly, and she didn't get to see me or hold me for over a week due to her recovery. The then equivalent of a health visitor told her to feed me well to make me strong and healthy. I was very precious and mum did as she was told. My parents' marriage was turbulent and home chaotic. My stomach had been stretched from being overfed as a new-born. I was comforted with large portions of hearty homecooked food and would frequently overeat until I was sick, especially at stressful family mealtimes - not in secret I should add. A washing-up bowl was kept under the table. I was probably about nine when this stopped. Not one of the adults involved (mother, father or gran who lived with us) seemed concerned enough to seek a solution. In adulthood I came to realise that I was a victim of abuse - it comes in many forms. 'Society' may view a fat human as self-abusing which can be true, but when food is involved it can be subtle and complex in childhood.

 

[Louie lou]

Hi I was not fat as a child and no one in my family is even slightly over weight so I can't blame genes. My mum gave me nutritious lunches and cooked a meat and 2 veg dinner every night and we always had a pudding. But the portions were small in comparison to the portions of today.

Up until I got married I was 10st 7lbs then because my husband did shifts he would cook dinner on his early or night shifts and he was deprived of food as a child.

His mother did 3 pieces of toast in a morning but if his brother or sister got down stairs first they took the lot so maybe one day out of 3 if he was lucky he would get breakfast. He had free school meals but was to embaressed to go to the school canteen because the free school meal were served in a separate area and the other kids taunted the kids who were having the free meals. He was very badly bullied at school and home life was just as bad.
At night he might or might not get food so he was a skinny kid and even at 16 when he left school he was undernourished and skinny.

When I met him at 23 he had grown but was very slim and didn't know the differance between chicken, lamb, beef had never has most veg all but cabbage boiled for an hour ( yuk).

So when we met and he started to eat at my house he couldn't belive food could taste so good, he tried everything and wanted to know how to cook it, when we got married he made up for it but went a bit over board, the portions were massive and we had pudding every night, he wanted to learn to bake so I showed him how.

So in the first 2 years of married life I had put in 2 stone then I had my son (who is now 25 and nice and slim) and kept putting it on plus a few yoyo diets in between.

My husband can't go to tesco and buy one tin or packet of anything it's always a tray of beans 2 or 3 boxes of this or that, it's a throw back to looking in the kitchen cupboard and only having one tin of peas in the whole cupboard.

In my way of thinking over feeding a child is more likely out of ignorance not intentional. My husband situation not being fed, being left to fend for himself along with his brother ( the sister was better cared for, slightly) and being beaten with a broom handled or the buckle on a belt is abuse.

 

[JoJoTGirl]

I'm sad and a bit angry too.............at having been overfed (and probably more importantly never limited) as a child myself but I've been an adult for a lot of years and haven't got back control even though I knew I was overeating. I'm also sad that people see fit to brand this child abuse! Get a grip. It's not great but abuse is when sick, twisted individuals hurt or neglect children.

Being a parent isn't all that easy actually and being a fat parent who's determined not to have a fat child but who is also desperate not to give that kid a complex or make them judgemental towards other fat people is even harder.

Remember where you came from and the problems you've had along the way. I'm not a drinker or a smoker but I see people drinking and smoking around their kids all the time and no one says that's child abuse.......expecially not if they like a drink or a smoke themselves!

It's not ideal that she should be allowing her kids to eat so much and perpetuate her weight issues but it's wrong to accuse neglect in my humble opinion.

 

[WitchInWorthing]

it is such a mine field trying to raise kids ... we talk a lot in our house about healthy food choices and exctivity, but I also have bloody fussy children who will live on nuggets and chips happily for weeks and just a bit of fruit and veg now and then. I have tried a lot of techniques,ignoring, punishing, rewarding, re-serving food for several days etc and all I ended up with was almighty battles, stress, tears and food becoming the dominating issues in the house.

my kids are ok weight wise, I am determined they will not be fat and bullied for it (they have enough to worry about being from a wiccan household!). I would rather let them eat some processed crap and be cool about a normal sized portion, an occasional treat and lots of activities than have the daily battles I was engaging in where healthy food had become the enemy.

I am sure some people will agree with me (yay) and some people will shake their head at me (not a problem - everyone is entitled to their opinion) ... I just want them to have a healthy relationship with food, not an emotional one...

But i will admit, almost every day I question myself whether I am doing the right thing or the wrong thing by my kids....

xxxx

 

[Yvessa]

it is such a mine field trying to raise kids ... we talk a lot in our house about healthy food choices and exctivity, but I also have bloody fussy children who will live on nuggets and chips happily for weeks and just a bit of fruit and veg now and then. I have tried a lot of techniques,ignoring, punishing, rewarding, re-serving food for several days etc and all I ended up with was almighty battles, stress, tears and food becoming the dominating issues in the house.

my kids are ok weight wise, I am determined they will not be fat and bullied for it (they have enough to worry about being from a wiccan household!). I would rather let them eat some processed crap and be cool about a normal sized portion, an occasional treat and lots of activities than have the daily battles I was engaging in where healthy food had become the enemy.

I am sure some people will agree with me (yay) and some people will shake their head at me (not a problem - everyone is entitled to their opinion) ... I just want them to have a healthy relationship with food, not an emotional one...

But i will admit, almost every day I question myself whether I am doing the right thing or the wrong thing by my kids....

xxxx

I think you are. Ultimately each child is different. And needs different things. Keep a rotation and maybe they'll get used to the healthier stuff. I'm also a big fan of fakesways - homemade 'KFC' goes down a treat especially since I do it in the actifry.

 

[Yvessa]

Raising an obese child isn't child abuse - and blaming the parents won't solve the problem - Comment - Voices - The Independent

 

[shelleymarie]

My mum was 42 when she had me (her only child). The birth was touch and go for both of us. I was very underweight and poorly, and she didn't get to see me or hold me for over a week due to her recovery. The then equivalent of a health visitor told her to feed me well to make me strong and healthy. I was very precious and mum did as she was told. My parents' marriage was turbulent and home chaotic. My stomach had been stretched from being overfed as a new-born. I was comforted with large portions of hearty homecooked food and would frequently overeat until I was sick, especially at stressful family mealtimes - not in secret I should add. A washing-up bowl was kept under the table. I was probably about nine when this stopped. Not one of the adults involved (mother, father or gran who lived with us) seemed concerned enough to seek a solution. In adulthood I came to realise that I was a victim of abuse - it comes in many forms. 'Society' may view a fat human as self-abusing which can be true, but when food is involved it can be subtle and complex in childhood.

I had a lot of problems as a child and with my parents but I think what you've been through is especially difficult and maybe why seeing this child eating a big ice cream brings back bad memories. I'm sorry you went through that, but more importantly I hope you can move on from that now and use your surgery to win the battle! I'm sure you will x

 

[Purple Owl]

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[los in it]

hello,i really understand what your saying here since I decided to have the band done I really notice "bigger" people and more so the younger bunch.it breaks my heart thinking that they don't realise what may lie ahead for them and we know already what that is like.i want to say "don't become like me !" but I realise its like trying to push water uphill.The feeling is worse when its someone you know.

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

There's a kind of 'mini me' thing as well. I may sound one crazy woman but I also wonder if their some sort of stigma amongst some parents about asking for the children's menu when you are out with a group of friends and their children. It breaks my heart as the child is such an innocent 'victim' - and so needless. I know how this family struggles with their weight issues.

Maxi - I totally agree with you, I also spot obese people much more now and just wish I could wave a wand for them

 

[los in it]

I remember when going to school other than the local chippie there was no real "fast food" as such and even if there was I had no money to buy it !buying chip shop chips was a treat back then now with all the chicken shops selling chicken and chips for as little as £2 and every other shop is a chicken shop or ......there is no or (!) and family not learning how to cook (why when you can buy a £1 dinner from Iceland)all this adds up to some people ending up been overweight I sometimes now think that chicken and chips and other such meals should cost £10 a portion and fruit and veg £1 !

 

[Lilacglittergirl]

I also have an 'issue' with food being packaged into a dictated portion. When I was a child mum used to buy bacon by the rasher, individual sausages, etc. Snacks were not readily available, fast food (apart from fish and chips) was not available, sweets came from a sweet shop and were sold by weight, eating out was a greasy spoon (v much a male 'builder' environment) or highly priced posh restaurants. Food was cooked at home from fresh ingredients. And still I've been vastly overweight since a toddler despite constant exercise all the way through until about 13 yrs ago (am 50 now). Not exercising made no difference to my weight TBH, but did to my health, not that any conditions set-in.

God help the next generation with the diet and lifestyle they are subjected to by parents, society and suppliers.