Soooo Upset and Annoyed!

[cassiecat]

Well where do I start!

I dont have many 'close' friends and the one I thought was more like a sister to me has really upset me last night

We have been friends for the last 21 years.

Our lives have taken us down different paths and I understand this totally, she is now married with a beautiful little girl and now has another on the way. Me , am on my own and have been for the last 14 years and brought up two wonderful children now 21 and 14 xx

My friend is my childrens godmother - and they love her to bits .

Since having her daughter she has kept us at arms length - we used to get together at least twice a month and kept intouch by phone / text all the time.
As I am not working at the moment - I even offered to have her little un a couple of days to help with Childcare but this was flatly refused!

I have text her a few times lately (as now she never answers my phonecalls) saying that I miss her and would love to meet up - And to my astonishment got a reply last night that she had been out with 'her girly friends' and had such a fab time and if I liked we could meet up when I'm available!!!

This really hurt me infact if truth be told I started crying, I feel like she is meeting me out of some form of 'duty' rather than that she wants too - is that me being paranoid?
All her friends now have money - and I feel that as we don't have much to offer we are now surplus to requirements!

She even knows the problems were having as a family (with my dads pending surgery) and do you know she hasnt even asked how he is

 

[lyndajoan]

you say this is one of your closest frienda, she may have been once but sounds to me like she just take it for granted you will always be there no matter what she says or does, and keeping her little girl at arms length thats strange also, if it was me and i couldnt tell her face to face i would text her or wright a letter asking how she feels your friendship has gone lately and tell her how you feel and that she doesnt have to meet you out of duty and if that is the case dont bother. wait untill you here her side befor doing anything hunny. dont forget you have brought those two children up alone you are stronger than you think and you are never alone you have all us on this forum as vertual best friends.xxxxxx

 

[Raynebubble]

Oh hun dont let this upset you... maybe wrte her a leter explaining how she has upset you... dont let his go unsaid.
But remember you have done a fantastic job in bringng up your chidren on your own.. she will soon realise that yoru friendship means more than these Girls who flash there cash all the time.
You have been a good friend and offered your help of childcare..but she has refused...she again will soon realise that she as been stupid as these girls are not gonna want to babysit!!
Chin up hun, i know how you feel as been in a similar boat. you can always pm me anytime and always available to chat via phone or on here... just ask and i will give you my number xx

 

[genevive57]

oh my darlin louise, what can i say?
i agree with lynda joan in that there could be some underlying 'thing' goin on that you not aware of?
but, unfortunately some people do change. their personal/financial circumstances improve and they start to move in 'different' circles.
i understand totally how you feel 'used' and 'taken for granted' louise - your so called friend has treat you appallingly.
maybe she feels threatened by your ie., you losing weight and looking gorgeous, you have successfully parented your two children into adulthood and maybe thinks her daughter may become 'too attached/too close' to you?
i really dont know louise and your pain is very real and raw and i am sending you the biggest jannywanny hug that i have my love.
chin up, you are a worthy friend to have and - i'm sure your so called friend will find out to her cost in the future.
please feel free to offload to me anytime at all.
loadsa love n' stuff xx

 

[BlueDiamond]

Hello there

Unfortunately some people tend to move in different circles and change their "groups" of friends. To be honest if she is making u feel this way I wouldnt even bother with her ( but thats me) dont waste your love and friendship on someone who clearly doesnt want it . xxx

 

[Ruthiep]

I feel she might be devastated if she knew how she has upset you. Sometimes it's not deliberate, it's just that she is busy or preoccupied with things that don't come into your radar and she's been very thoughtless. Thoughtless is not nice but it's not the same as malicious. She might be shocked and upset to know how you have perceived your treatment by her. I always think it's better to "have it out" rather than to stew. Things left to stew tend to take on a life of their own and gain momentum they never had originally. Put it all in a letter or email but read it several times and delete everything that isn't relevant to how you are feeling now. Try to use sentences that begin with "I feel" rather than "You haven't" or "you always" or "you never".

Example: "I feel a little abandoned by you recently. I feel like you have moved on with your life to one that doesn't include me in it" is better and easier for her to cope with than "you never include me in your social life." etc. That will put her straight on the defensive and make her prickly.

 

[mayamoo]

I agree with ruthie speak to her face to face over a coffee, be honest but also remember to ask her how she is and what's going on in her life - it could be any number of things so have a good chat, xxx

 

[cassiecat]

Thanks All , for your kind words xx

This has been going on for some time now and funnily enough started when I was made redundant about three years ago? Not sure if that is coincidence or not?
I only met her friends on her hen - night - and they made it obvious they didn't like me but on the other hand I didn't like them either!! Not my type of people , very superficial and false!!
I just feel very hurt by the the way she has treated me lately and as I don't like conflict of any sort have shied away from telling her how I feel x
I know her faults and she mine - I would love to be part of her little girls life as she has been a big part of my children's life but I suppose some things just come to a natural end!
I have racked my brains thinking if I've said or done something that may of inadvertently upset or offended her, and I cant think of anything?!
I did ask her this a while ago too (on one of my braver moments)- and she told me not to be stupid - but didn't say why she was being the way she was.
Maybe I will write to her when I'm not feeling so hurt and explain how I am feeling - but I am sure I will get the same answer - not to be stupid and I am taking things too personally!
Maybe I am - just don't know anymore??

 

[millyrhys]

Oh this is awful but I really know how u feel I have two friends both very different one I've had for many years has helped me with lots of things and me her too we are like sisters she has even bed bathed me when I was very I'll and attended to personal care beyond what is ever expected of a friend , he like yours is my kids godmother and has had a very active role in their lives well she met her soon to be husband a 18month ago and has been very distant since I understand she now has a life with him but I have also noticed he has been extra distant since I got my date for my operation! I too am unsure if I'm paranoid that it's just me but it still feels awful ! Another friend has lived locally all her life and all my friends knew her but no body really bothered with her I brought her into our circle of friends and now she seems to have gone on and I'm the one on the outside . While writing this I'm thinking how stupid I actually sound but what I think I'm trying I say is..... If it makes us feel unhappy then. It's worth asking why ? Maybe your friend feels guilty to ask u to go out with her friends knowing it is money u don't have ! For many years relationship it's worth asking even if it is in a letter like u say . Hope it's all sorte for u soon x

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[cassiecat]

Oh this is awful but I really know how u feel I have two friends both very different one I've had for many years has helped me with lots of things and me her too we are like sisters she has even bed bathed me when I was very I'll and attended to personal care beyond what is ever expected of a friend , he like yours is my kids godmother and has had a very active role in their lives well she met her soon to be husband a 18month ago and has been very distant since I understand she now has a life with him but I have also noticed he has been extra distant since I got my date for my operation! I too am unsure if I'm paranoid that it's just me but it still feels awful ! Another friend has lived locally all her life and all my friends knew her but no body really bothered with her I brought her into our circle of friends and now she seems to have gone on and I'm the one on the outside . While writing this I'm thinking how stupid I actually sound but what I think I'm trying I say is..... If it makes us feel unhappy then. It's worth asking why ? Maybe your friend feels guilty to ask u to go out with her friends knowing it is money u don't have ! For many years relationship it's worth asking even if it is in a letter like u say . Hope it's all sorte for u soon x

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

Hi Milly - thanks hun xx
you dont sound silly to me xx
I have even though to myself ' for gods sake woman get a life and stop thinking bout it' maybe this is what I need to do
But as many times as I say it - I think about it more xxxx

 

[TwinkleTwinkle]

True friends are as rare as hens teeth, Cassie ... only you know if she is worth fighting for, honey ... if you think she is, especially as she has played such a big part in your children's lives, you will need to have a face to face meeting when neither of you has to rush away for any reason, in a place where you cannot be overheard ie; one of your homes. Explain exactly how you feel & don't be fobbed off with the "don't be stupid" line. If she still can't tell you what you need to know (she may not even be aware she is treating you badly) & is still keeping you at arms length, it may be time to let her go :sigh: maybe not forever but until she realises that she misses you too, or her new friends do not turn out to be what she thinks they are. Try to make new friends, chick ... we all need friends so get out there & find some who relate to you & your world ... they will be lucky to have you as their friend xxx

 

[Fuffs]

Maybe her life is not as happy as it appears. As a close friend you would pick up on it. Maybe that scares her.

Maybe she sees what an awesome mom you are and is not as confident as a mom and doesn't want you to see it.

Sometimes we think it's about us. But it can be our friends who are going through a strange head time and can't cope with anyone around them who knows them too well and will went to talk. Talking acknowledges the troubles. Then action is required.

I have lost a couple of very close friends over the years. I get upset at first. But the. It's always made it a clear path for me to do new things and meet new people. So it can end up a good thing.

Good luck with this situation xxx

 

[cassiecat]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice

Am going to take my true little friend 'Hamish' my Westie for a good long walk in the park to blow away the cob webs and stop myself brooding over this :sigh:

I know he loves me regardless of , looks or money and gives me so much love back in return

What would I do without all your help and support , I am truly grateful xx

 

[NOMOREyoyo]

((((hugs))))

I know what its like to be over-looked - I try to think of other things instead as I end up feeling quite desserted. Like you my finances are tight I am a full time single mum to 2 teenagers and get no help from benefits or ex! So money is a huge issue to me - well lack of it xxx

I also know what its like to push people away and wondering if she's also doing some of that....

Until you pluck up the courage to have a chat about it you wont know so best to pop it into a box until then, wrap it, tie it and pop it to the back of your mind until you are ready to deal with it chick!

You know that you can come here in your dressing gown and slipper or done up to the nines and you will get exactly the same support so draw strength from that and dont be harsh on yourself. xxxx

 

[Caren]

maybe its just me, but id just leave her to it. When she comes to you, and she will, be busy xxx

 

[Mrs Quiggle]

She's not a web designer called Alison, living in Wales is she!:8855:

 

[cassiecat]

She's not a web designer called Alison, living in Wales is she!:8855:

Nope she's not!! lol xx