Support

[Paula1975]

Has anyone lost support from family for going through WLS? I think my mum thought it was just a fad when i mentioned and now i have my date through she's changing topic of conversation. I had to ask her yesterday if she wanted to be there when i have the op. shes waiting to see that i'm ok then will be leaving. whether its because i am doing something about my weight where she isn't, but i feel i haven't got her support. the few people that do know are behind me. as its something that will better my life.

 

[alisoomy71]

Has anyone lost support from family for going through WLS? I think my mum thought it was just a fad when i mentioned and now i have my date through she's changing topic of conversation. I had to ask her yesterday if she wanted to be there when i have the op. shes waiting to see that i'm ok then will be leaving. whether its because i am doing something about my weight where she isn't, but i feel i haven't got her support. the few people that do know are behind me. as its something that will better my life.

I think your right about it being about you doing something and your mum didn't. My mum is the same one minute she seems excited but then the next she changes the subject. She says things like if it had been 10years ago i would have thought about it. But when I mention to her some of the ages of people on here and the fact that she could still ask about getting it done she's all no it's too dangerous!
She also didn't like the fact that I packed up smoking too, (3weeks nearly) very happy about that, but she's not. I think a lot if it is the green eyed monster, and she keeps telling me "make sure you don't change". But I know I will change as I will gain confidence something I have never had!
But good luck with your journey their are lots of people on here to support you.
Xx Alison xX

 

[chrisa]

I think its also got something to do with the fact they are our mams and they worry bout us it is a big op and a life changing one that we have chosen todo not told to do by the hospital, is our choice and they worry , think thats a big part of it wether they tell you that or not my mam and dad have told people how proud they are of me on lots of occasions they have told me on some occasions but tell other people frequently. xx

 

[Yvessa]

My mum was like that. I don't know about yours but the thing my mum does best is to worry. She's not happy if she hasn't got something to worry about. She would change the subject cos she was terrified.

 

[jessoliver2012]

recently had this convo with my mum too. told her she my mother she should support me even if she doesnt agree with it. but nope shes not interested. she changes the subject and makes little digs about exercise. i just ignore her.
but i live 4 hours away from them so easier for me in a way. i hope they will come round eventually. when we are skinny and healthy they will see it was right thing too do.
Good luck xxx

 

[chrisa]

If they won't support you I will be your surrogate mammy, i am always looking after some one, and do enjoy it, one thing in life i would love to be is a birthing partner wether its my daughter or not time will tell, the offer is there ladies xx

 

[jessoliver2012]

you can be mine chrisa xx

 

[WobblyW]

Good lord I've not even contemplated telling my mother, you would not imagine the problems that would cause. Fortunately she lives in Greece, so as long as I ring her I'm ok. But there are often things hidden in other people's attitudes to weight loss, or other major life changes like stopping smoking, maybe a sabbator lurks.

 

[fjsinc]

My mum flits from being supportive, to then panicking and making feel bad. The only people I told after my funding was applied for was my husband and my best friend. Its such a difficult subject, people have such strong views surrounding weight (and weight loss).

 

[Yvessa]

To be honest, my mum is still not supportive, but she has never been. And I have had to learn the hard way not to let that hurt me. She is one of my biggest food triggers. She treats me like an idiot and often questions my lifestyle and choices. But I didn't do this for her and I didn't need her. I have honest support from my partner and my daughter and the rest of my friends and family. In the long run she will miss out on being a proper part of my life.

 

[Evenstarr]

I'm lucky that everyone I've told has been supportive and encouraging and excited on my behalf.
Anyone who says anything negative to me will get very short shrift, it's not an easy option and I most certainly haven't gone into this with my eyes shut!
I'm proud to be making the very big decision to start my life over (in a manner of speaking) and im not going to hide it from anyone.
All you post oppers should be proud too, you've provided us with so much support and inspiration.
Em xxxx

 

[kangaroo77]

Wow.....and I thought it was just my mum!!

 

[jenny17]

Wow.....and I thought it was just my mum!!

I haven't even told my mum.

 

[Devon]

I haven't told my mother or sister. My mother has always been inappropriately competitive with me and is great at 'caring' sabotage and I just didn't need the aggravation. I've got my dh and my grown-up (ish, 16, 19, 24) kids who know and besides my medical carers, they're the only ones who know.
My dad died of lung cancer after a lifetime of smoking, quitting for a bit then smoking again, etc. I can't imagine any reason for anyone to be less than thrilled to see their child extend their life by giving up cancersticks. That right there says to me 'too self-absorbed to be a support person' so I'd simply lean on the friends who did have my best interest at heart. Forget anyone who would prefer you stay fat and unhealthy just to make themselves feel better.

 

[twinkle toes]

I haven't even got to funding stage yet but I've told my mum, dad, partner my bruv my cousins (some) and my best mate, there ALL supportive but the only person I won't tell is my grandfather, not because be wont be supportive as he'll be there 150% but it's his age n I'm worried that him worrying through reading all 'horror' stories in paper will cause him an heart attack so I'm keeping my trap shut when I'm round him x

 

[WobblyW]

It all depends on your relationship with people, my mother is and always has been unnaturally competitive, negative, and until recently able to get right inside my head in the wrong way. So she will not be told. My partner, my daughter, some work colleagues and good friends will be. Then when people start asking questions, depending on who they are and why they are asking o may tell them. To me a simple equation can and will they support me... Then they will be told

 

[mimi42]

i wont tell my mum or my sister any thing they are both slim and fit they go swimming and running and i no they will make my life hell by saying i`m cheating and why cant i do it like them just diet and exercise thats the way they are.

 

[lolalou]

I only told my mum, dad, partner and two of my closest friends who I knew wouldn't tell anyone. My mum was very wary but she has always been large too, she was worried something could go wrong after reading many magazines with scary stories in, but when I pointed out to her that if she was offered the op for free would she go for it and she agreed yes she would, she understood why I was doing it.
I'm not wanting to tell anyone as I hate people talking about me and worry they will be constantly watching me saying ooh she hasn't lost much now etc etc. my mum and dad were both worried from a health point of view in case anything went wrong and also a financial point of view as I am paying myself. But I'm thinking all the money I will save on take always and food shopping will help towards it! My friends agreed it was the right thing to do and have been a great support and are as excited as me, they are both slim yet understand how I have struggled over the years. It's helped them knowing.
I hate that people say we are taking the easy way out as I am on the pre op milk diet now and there is nothing easy about this!

 

[chrisa]

There is n othing easy at all about WLS it is 1 of the biggest decisions we have to or have made in our lives, for some of us it is life threatening, and to some just a case of can't live with carrying the excess weight around or looking like we do. For most of us we have probably spent years dreaming of what it would be like to be slim and not looking like a freak people like to poke fun at. I always said I would like a gastric band until the surgeon told me bypass would suit me better, he knew better than me so I went with it, it is never easy now will it be, we are always going to have to be aware of what and how much we put into our mouths but at least now we have some deterrants i.e. dumping and pain. Everyone has different forms of support, I told only the people who needed to know and now that people comment on the difference I tell them how I lost it cos they want to know how some are really amazed at what i'v had done some say very little which usually means they dont aggree with it, my family were all concerned about my op especially my kids n hubby, but I have had nothing but positive support from the operation day, think 1 or 2 workmates think its cheating but i don't care they have never been as big as I was so thye have no idea what its like, and have no right to comment about what they have never experienced. Had my operation had to be funded by me I would still be waiting and saving I could never have afforded the surgery, am so pleased I was able to have it done on the NHS. One of my sisters said the other day a slightly negative comment, she said when she gave me a lift eh you looking skinnier but eh lok at the lines around your mouth, i said they were laughter lines but have noticed them more myself now could have done without it, bit sour grapes cos since she had her gall bladder removed she has put on weight and I am lighter than her now. Other than that my life is alot better than it used to be.

 

[lolalou]

Exactly, those who have never struggled with their weight will never realise how hard it is, not only physically but mentally, this is no quick win and the hard work is done by us. Not sure if it's a hang up from being big but I hate the thought of people talking about me and that's why I've kept it to close family/best friends, if I was more confident I would have told anyone that asked.
Ignore the negative comments, I bet you feel a million times better! And better to have later lines than frown lines!