What would you do ?

[BandyEmm]

Hey all just wanting your views really if i can.

i have a sister whos a few yrs older then me and shes always bothered with me when she wants me to have her 9 year old daughter, When i had my op on the weds, she was ringing me to do her washing on the thursday as soon as i got home, I did it for her, on the friday she asked me to have her daughter, i said no. She asked a few more times to baby sit and i wasnt avaliable, Then come April this yr her and my bro teamed up to buy my mum a rally day thing for her 50th, and neither did they bother to ask me if i wanted to chip in with it, I made it clear i wasnt happy to be left out. Since then we havent spoke hardly,

Yesterday she had a hysterectomy op and ofcourse is in hosp still, shes rather poorly at the moment.
My mum said she has her phone on her and i could text her, But i guess what im asking is:

Do you think im out of order for not bothering with her, Cos she didnt with me when i went under the knife TWICE, for her to just "use" me.
She didnt even tell me she was having it done... We live 5 mins away from each other.

Whats your view

 

[deeby]

My view is that you are obviously troubled by this and obviously are a nicer person if i were you i would text her and show that you are a better person,, she has trreated you badly but she is your sister and maybe this is a good time to move on as life is too short and i think it will trouble you if you dont text her, you dont have to be over the top but at least you will be doing the right thing even if she doesnt.
But, if you really dont want to text her then dont !! you would be quite justified in my opinion.
XXX Dawn

 

[BandyEmm]

Thanks hun, i feel bad for not textign her as shes been thru the op, but then im thinking ive always helped her and the time in which i needed her most she wasnt there, In fact none of my family helped me after the ops, i was up hoovering within 24 hrs, cooking etc ...

xxx

 

[Grace]

My view is this: I would text and even visit her, because life's too short for grudges. I wouldn't be discussing how you feel with her because it sounds like she's not up to it.

BUT once she's better, I would have it out with her once and for all. She so obviously took terrible advantage of you when you needed her and has let you down badly since. It sounds like you need to clear the air, when you're both up to doing so. Depending on the outcome of that, you can decide whether you want her in your life.

I have a terrible relationship with 2 of my siblings, so I do know exactly how this feels. This is pretty much what I have done, and I have now cut my contact with one to non-existent, and with the other to minimal. It's so much easier now! I can do without that type of negativity in my life.
But if they changed their ways and wanted to have an equal relationship, I'd be willing to reconsider.
I hope that helps. Best wishes, whichever way you decide to play it. Families are tough!

 

[J-Mo]

I always had an uneasy relationship with my sister & have not spoken for about 5 years.

However, I think you should be the better person & text just to say your thinking of her.

I know how you feel about the babysitting etc. as my sister was same with me. I'm a single mam & she'd expect me to look after my nephews at the drop of a hat but would never do same for me. If her hubby was out she'd not have all the kids herself but would expect me to!!

That's families I'm afraid.

 

[Shopgirl1301]

Hiya, I would say text her just to say "hope you are ok" and leave it at that, you have then done your bit by enquirying after her so nobody can say you don't care, but not going over the top as it seems you have been badly treated in the past, families are a funny thing, I have had a similar situation in the past, but things have a habit of working themselves out in the end, just trust your instincts and remember the person you are and do what you heart tells you to do, try not to let it stress you out too much.
Wendyx

 

[Mixman]

If you're thinking of not texting because you're being an ass with her then that's wrong. Don't change the person you are just because you might be in a mood.

If you're not texting because you genuinely don't want to then fine.

 

[Linski]

Hi Emma, I feel for you as I am in a similar situation with my brother. Every situation is different and you know your sister best. As Dawny said it may be a good time to offer an olive branch and send a get well text. I agree this will show you are caring and mature and even if you don't get back on closer terms it shows you wish her well and bear no malice. I bet your mom would be pleased too!
Go on just send a simple text!

Good luck.

Linski xx

 

[Linski]

Thanks hun, i feel bad for not textign her as shes been thru the op, but then im thinking ive always helped her and the time in which i needed her most she wasnt there, In fact none of my family helped me after the ops, i was up hoovering within 24 hrs, cooking etc ...

xxx

Again Emm, I know exactly where you are coming from and it hurts doesn't it? Still text (or Visit) but refuse to be put on in any way from now on. You know it will hit home with her how she treated you when you needed her. I am a true believer in what goes around comes around and she is now getting a wake up call of what its like to need a bit of TLC. The penny will drop I am sure! You do what your heart tells you and the fact you have posted tells me you care.

Linski xx

 

[BandyEmm]

Thanks for the replies, Im not texting her because im in a mood, this rift really stems back from way back in 2005,
She had a tummy tuck on the NHS (this was entwined with another op and used the skin for other means) so i was there for her, despite being heavily pregnant, i was taking her to and from hopsital which is out of my town.. Christmas 05 i was at the hospital with her. leaving my own kids with their nanny. Not a thanks for nothin when she recovered despite being there.

I have texted her a few times over the last few mths and never got a reply. She couldnt even tell me that she was going in for the op this time.

I think i will stick to the principle of things, She once told me im going to be a bad mum and my kids were gonna grow to be right little shites!

Defo what goes around coems around x

 

[VeronicaT]

I am now of an age where my priorities in life have changed. When I was your age, I would say if you don't want to text her then don't.... Now I would say text her and try to make up. It isn't until you are older and start losing friends and family that you realize how important they are to you.. Family is everything.
xxx

 

[BandyEmm]

i understand what you mean But what happnes when one person has thrown so much dirt at another person and really i havent anything to be sorry for, as all ive done is helped her and her kids, x

 

[Linski]

Emm do what your heart tells you. you know best really. If you have ried to build bridges by texting and she chose to ignore you then I wouldn't text her either I am afraid, she made her choice.

Keep your chin up

Linski xx

 

[sugga]

Sorry to here about your problems with your sister. I come from a big family of 7 girls, no boys. I am the eldest child and all my life I have been used and hurt by them. I agree that as you get older family should mean more to you and all siblings should love and respect one another, but unfortunately it can go the other way as it has for me. I no longer have any of my sisters in my life and that wasnt a decision i made, it was a decision that was brought about by there cruel and horrible outlook to life.
You cant choose your family love but you can choose your friends and i am so honoured to have some amazing friends whom are like a family should be to me. I think it has to be your decision lovey whether you contact your sister or not and i hope the outcome is a good one for you. Good Luck xx

 

[J-Mo]

i understand what you mean But what happnes when one person has thrown so much dirt at another person and really i havent anything to be sorry for, as all ive done is helped her and her kids, x

I agree Emma, you have to do what you feel is right! There comes a time in our lives when we have to say NO MORE!!!!

That is what happened with my sister. The only downside is she will not let me see my nephews & because my dad would not side with her, he remained neutral, she stopped speaking to him. I can't forgive the hurt she has caused him. She now tells every one that I have made her an orphan!? As if I've killed my parents & buried them under my patio!! My dad drank herself to death & my dad is very much alive!!

We can't choose our family!! Be happy, life is too short

 

[BandyEmm]

I know as bad as it sounds but i am happy and less stressed without the cr@p i used to get, i used to get narky comments about my weight, if i had a problem it would be cos im over weight. blah blah bloody blah.

her kids are unruley so im not exactley losing out there, She didnt even bother getting my daughter a card for her birthday in may this year.....

Im worth more then just her doormat, she has always thought she was mrs upper class and i was miss no body,

xxx

 

[J-Mo]

It doesn't sound bad at all Emma. You are being honest. Sometimes we have to be "selfish" for peace of mind

 

[sugga]

Just read your post Jmo and it saddens me to here your plight. A similar one to mine. My mum has got Alzhiemers decease and not one of my sister have knocked on her door to see her, infact its been over 15 years since 4 of them saw mum. I have one sister who thinks she is the Queens daughter and thinks she is all so POSH who is trying to take over at the moment but without a doubt she is after mums money. It awful deary but its reality too. x

 

[phatmomma]

Emma if you don't 'FEEL' that you want to text her then don't do it! You've stated that although she is never there for you that you've still made an effort over the last few months only to be ignored... The shame is on your sister and not you!

Last year when i got married i had limited numbers who i could invite due to the size of the registry office room. I chose not to invite my eldest brother and his family because: Although i've had him live with me twice during my adult years when he's been in dire need for one thing or another and i've always put myself out to babysit for him etc when my first marriage went tits up he wasn't there for me! He had lovely chats with my cheating husband and remained on super friendly terms even though i ended up (through my ex's fault of not paying a secured loan HE had) having my home repossessed although i worked as hard as i could to pay the mortgage alone. He never once offered me the option of stopping with him on his sofa or whatever even though i had two children age 7 & 8. I chose to ask people who supported me and showed love for me, he just didn't cut it. Since then my mom has tried to tell me blood is thicker than water, forget it, bloods that thick i had to fetch him when my dad was dying as he hadn't visited for a year, even though he new my dad had lung cancer...

Keep your chin up hun and don't worry about it, you are a wonderful person! I'm a great believer in karma, what goes around comes around, looks like it's here for someone xx

 

[IlonaJ]

if you tex her she can answer/reply when she feels up to it but with a phone call you have to answer there n then, and if she doesnt reply to your text at least you have tried as they say the ball is in her court, its worth the effort, i dont no what id do if i didnt have my sister x