worried about sister/gastric bypass

[Floella]

My sis is on the waiting list (NHS) for bypass op and I'm so worried about her. She says she is fed up of dieting (she's 52) and has somehow managed to get funding for this despite having no health probs. She is about 17 stones and just over 5 ft tall.She has never had an op or been in hospital and I am frightened for her. I ask her questions about what's involved & she doesn't know much at all. She CAN lose weight because she's done it before but however much we try and help her she hates healthy food and loves all the junk in big helpings! She says "this diet doesn't work" but she hardly ever follows one properly. She told the Dr that no diet has worked for her and it's a waste of time and then she lists them all and some of them she's only done for a day!!:cry:I worry that she'll die on the op table or that she'll get some horrible infection and I can't even think how she'll function once she can't eat what she wants. She has loads of friends and a great social life most of which revolves around eating and drinking.
I don't mean to offend anyone on here but since she's looked into this op she keeps coming out with things like "I WILL die from a heart attack or diabetes anyway if I don't have the op." WHY will she? She has no health probs. All she needs to do is eat less and take more exercise.
Another thing that REALLY worries me is that she's put on loads more weight in the last few months since she's been going to hospital because someone told her if she does lose weight they probably won't do the op. I can't get my head around this at all and surely it's better if you weigh less before your op.:sigh:

 

[georgina]

hi floella, i had my bypass 1 year ago and to date have lost just ova 8 stone, ur sister has to realise that a bypass is not the easy option to lose weight its the hardest thing there is, if shes used to eating alot and drinking then im afraid she will be in for a massive shock unless shes absolutely determined to do it, a bypass is a massive shock to ur system, u end up with a pouch and if that pouch dont like a certain food then up it comes, some on here have had it rough and others easier, but its a lifelong commitment and irreversable unless she has a band which is reversable, there is an element of risk involved in the op but u have to see past that if its what u want, maybe u should take ur sister for some councilling for her to decide if its the right choice for her as u say some diets have only lasted a day lol, u can still have a social life after the bypass just in moderation hope this helps ok lv georgina xxx

 

[Floella]

Georgina, thank you so much . I see a lot of people have read this but I can't thank you enough for replying. You are a star!
My sis seems to have closed her ears to anything she doesn't like the sound of and also anything she sees in the papers/mags about people who have died following this op. There was a lady in the paper last week which we showed her and she just shrugged.:sigh:
She has a real addiction to chocolate and can eat easily 7 or 8 standard bars at work & PILES of sarnies. If she was lonely and friendless or had health probs I could understand but as I said she has a great social life and everyone loves her for who she is and I have never ever heard anyone say anything offensive to her about her size. She dresses real nice and looks much younger than she is.
I don't want a smaller but miserable sister and I think she will be because HOW is she going to go out for a meal with a crowd and hardly be able to eat or drink?I'm not being funny but she will only eat certain plain things and if we go anywhere with unusual food she won't even try it& she won't eat fruit or most veg. She gets real huffy if you serve up salad. Her fave foods are bread, chips, meat pies, sausage rolls, suet/pastry, chocs & so on. She has had YEARS to try and eat more healthy food so I can't see how she's suddenly going to because she's got a small stomach.
Thanks Georgina & you sound as if you gave it more thought than she has. Well done to you.

 

[georgina]

hi floella.well i didnt give it much thought to be honest with u cos i didnt even know about the op until 8 weeks b4 i had it done, i was a size 34 in clothes, i wasnt unhappy but for 20 years i had tried everything and failed so when i went into hospital with stomach pains the dr ask me if i had heard of a gastric band and it went from there, i was too big for a band so i had the bypass, even 1 year on i cant eat normally as u would say, i still have the occasional sickness if my pouch dont like it, u cant eat bread or meat the same as u could b4 the op and u have to take multivitamins and calcium for the rest of your life, sometimes an extra supplement if your hair starts falling out, but i cant stress enough the emotional rollercoaster your body has to go through, i was a proper chocaholic i loved the stuff i have it occasionally but not much because if u have alot of things like this u get whats known as dumping syndrome because your body cant handle the sudden sugar rush, but at the end of the day its your sisters decision to make but i do think she needs to do some research 1st about it or talk to someone whos had it done my e mail and msn is [email protected] feel free to mail or msn me anytime or if your sister wants to thats fine, hope this helps lv georgina xxx

 

[Barb]

I think you should get your sister to have a look on here! She will find lots of honest info which will help her to make the right decsion, whatever that is.

For me, yes she is very overweight, but it sounds like she is a going to struggle with limits on her life.

What a lovely sis you are to worry for her.

love

 

[Nic318]

Hi
As Georgina says I really do think that your sister needs to investigate this properly, its a big life changing decision and not something she should enter into lightly.

My consultant asked me what I knew about the different surgeries at my appointment and don't think he would of been impressed if I'd said "nothing".

 

[mandy-1975]

Hi,

I agree with everything georgina has said, she has been a tower of strength for me... and helped me so much, as she has said some peopel find it easier than others, i however have had a rough time of it, I will admit that the mental change is just as bad as the physical.... your sister needs to research this much more.....

get her to come on to this site and talk to others or like georgina hs given you her email get her to email one of us... mine is [email protected].... she has to go into this with her eyes wide open, this is by no means a quick fix, it is hard and life changing.....

Good Luck, and it is good to hear from someone who is caring..

xxx

 

[Floella]

Thank you all SO much for your advice and kind offers. We can't seem to get her to even discuss it now. She is a bit down at the mo and says "I have GOT to have it done" but she hasn't!! She has ASKED for it, nobody is making her have it done.

She's got it in her head that she will die of heart failure or diabetes or some other illness if she dosn't have the op but all her results (blood, BP, chol etc) are normal & like I say, she's hardly ever ill.

 

[shelbell]

I've stayed out of this thread until now but I really think someone needs to voice your sisters perspective.

Your sister is a grown woman, she is perfectly capable of making her own decisions in life. If she feels that she has to do this, then it is your role to respect that decision and support her through it.

What you see, the sociable, confident, popular woman, is what she wants you to see. We all wear masks, pretend to be confident when inside we're a mess of insecurities and low self esteem brought on by our weight issues.

You say you've never seen anyone make comments about her weight etc, but you're not with her 24/7. People are more likely to criticise and be mean when you're not around. My husbands never seen anyone do it to me but believe me it happens.

You say you don't know how she'll cope not being able to eat what she wants etc, show some respect to her inner strength! She won't have a choice, her bypass will limit her completely and if she over eats or eats the wrong thing she will feel awful and not want to do it again! For some of us, that is exactly what we need.

"all she needs to do is eat less and exercise more". If it was that simple we'd all be skinny wouldn't we?

You've admitted that you're scared something will happen to her, I think that you are projecting those fears on to her. She is probably very aware of the risks etc, and you reminding her every time you see her is not doing her any good!

If you want to help you sister, support her. Tell her you respect her decision and you'll be there for her every step of the way. You don't have to understand her reasons of agree with what she's doing. It's her body and her decision! If you think she's not educated as to what it involves (and here I think you are seriously under-estimating her) then say 'i support you, but i'd like to learn more about whats involved, can you tell me where i can get information etc'.

The thing is though, if she's secured NHS funding she will have already had to prove herself, she will get dietician support before and after. She probably knows a whole lot more than you realise.

If my sister were being so negative I would be devestated, and not wanting to talk about it either.

Please please try and put yourself in her shoes, and try to respect her as a mature capable woman.

 

[alliecat]

Well put Shell, my thoughts entirely!

 

[Floella]

Thank you Shelbell.I've read every single word. I HAVE supported her for years.I've been on diets with her, exercised with her, shopped with her and listened to her. I've sympathised with her, laughed & cried with her. I will also be the one who helps her physically while she is recovering!
I HOPE, hope, hope that the op is a success, I truly do and I only ever mention it if she does first. I for sure do not mention it every time I see her!:cry: I cannot lie to her though and when she first asked me what I thought I said it was her decision but I felt it was a very drastic one.
When she's come back from the hospital and told me stuff I've asked her questions and she doesn't know the answers! She is just focussed on having the op, being slim and she doesn't take on board what happens in between. She is blanking it out.

 

[Floella]

Shelbell - I meant to say, it's the "mental" stuff that bothers me about all this too. Someone mentioned this on another thread. The gastric bypass will make her stomach smaller - I get that part of it, but it won't help her brain will it? I really am trying to understand this. Food is such a comfort to her that she almost cries if something she wants is off the menu. She also knows that she will have to slow down on her eating when she has the op or she will get pain. She is a very fast eater indeed (she is finished before we are a quarter of the way through) and she was told years ago that she should chew each mouthfull properly but she has never managed that either. Is a bypass really going to sort that as well?

 

[Frosty]

Hi flo

I wont recap what everyone said but ill add this.

Having a Gastric Bypass give you a new feeling about food. You dont feel the hunger or the need to comfort eat.
Ive got a new habit now called life and its swamped the face feeding seesions.

No more sitting wtaching tv while phoning up the take away . no more chocolate scoffing sessions

After the operation you can eat but its diffrent a small amount of good stuff.
So instead of large amounts of crap you tastse a small amount of good food and your full and happy.

Thus your answer The bypass will change her brain but she will need to keep check on it . As the bypass will kick her ass if she tries to eat to start with but 2 years down the line things could come back.

In basic
Bypass helps you retrain to eat correctly

 

[Floella]

Thank you very much Frosty and I REALLY hope that what you're saying is correct and she will benefit from this op. Like I said, I have heard that it can still do your head in mentally but if you're saying not, then I'm listening!

She has had enough "head" stuff over the years & she says she's sick of thinking about what to eat and when, and how fattening it is and watching the clock until it's next mealtime.

It all sounds very honest ... what do you mean "2 years down the line things could come back"please?

 

[Frosty]

Hi again

What i mean by 2 years down the line is.

That if she decides to ignore what the doctor says and stuff food down, her stomach will stretch to normal size again.
But you really would have to try hard to do this.

over all the results for this operation are very very good, And you will find your sister will get a new lease of life she will still need advise and a nudge from sister to keep her ontrack, The recovery for this operation is very fast being up and about in a week full of beans.

I hope this helps a little please shout me if you need more explaining ill try my best to help


Mark

 

[Floella]

Thank you Frosty. She has been told she can not lift or do anything for 6 weeks and this was by someone who has had the bypass op. SO I find this all very confusing.

 

[Frosty]

Nothing confusing as with any operation you stay away from heavy lifting . she will be told what to when she goes for it.

And alot of it all is common sence

 

[Floella]

Frosty - THIS is exactly what I mean! You say "you're up and about and full of beans in a week" .... someone else says 6 weeks no lifting ANYTHING - you say "heavy things".

I think it's too late to be told all this "when she goes for it". :sigh: The people who will be looking after her following the op will need to make arrangements well in advance because of work commitments and she will surely need to tell her employers if she's likely to be off for 1 week or 6!

I have just been browsing through a mag & there's an article by Dr Chris Steele (MBE) (This Morning prog.) and he says "most patients given gastric surgery for weight problems are NOT successful at remaining slim, when seen 3 to 5 years later." Since he is Health Journalist of the Year I guess he knows what he's talking about.

 

[Frosty]

Hi Flo

I think you need to relax a little. When people are up and about it means they are doing well and eating/ drinking etc. it doesnt mean they are tap dancing. After 1 week i was well enough to go out shopping and look after myself . But i wasnt going mow the lawn that week

When you have a operation its common sence that tells you not lifting or strain your self.

But i think you should sit back relax and let your sister do it and her doctor advise her . as you seem to be getting your knickers in a twist.

Last year at a normal hospital 437 bypasses were done only 3 came back in with a small problem that was quickly solved.

 

[Floella]

Frosty I really appreciate that you are spending time discussing this with me. I am stressing (on here anyway!) because I LOVE my sister and I have this awful feeling that I can't shake off, that something is going to go wrong. I'm really sorry, but I can't say it any other way.:cry:

We are talking major surgery for someone who has never been ill in her life, or even in hospital. There is no turning back after this and whilst you can all tell me to calm down, "I" will be the one who will have to help her if things don't go to plan.

Obviously I am not sharing all my fears with my sis and I don't mention the subject unless she brings it up.

If somebody could point me in the direction of any info on the long term results of this op maybe that might reassure me.