Advice for partners

[ditzeeblonde]

My husband & I had a real heart to heart last night about this op & the difference that it will make to our lives..

What was the main concern yr partner/family had about you having the op & what was the best advice that they were given to help them understand what life would be like afterwards??

My husband is just the best & SO supportive but its the realisation of what I'm going to put the people that I love thru that is starting to hit home!

I would appreciate any advice that you think would help.

Many thanks Linzi. xxx

 

[zns]

I think you need to compare it with what may happen toyou if you donthave to op, it would be worse for them if you dont really. You are doing the best thing for your health. You kind of have to be selfish for a bit for your own good.

 

[Neen]

Though obviously he was worried about me going for the op, Dean knew that it was because I wanted to be around longer for our kids and him..not only that but for the time I am around, to be more outgoing and be able to do more fun things together and have a better quality of life all round. I am happier therefore he is happier...and the kids too..If you have a really strong relationship from the getgo it can only get better as you get healthier and able to really get on and enjoy life with your partner and family. They will love seeing how you blossom and feel good about yourself as it has a knock on effect for everyone you have in your life.
Keep talking everything through and reassure him that it will mean a much happier version of youand a much brighter more positive future together. Good luck x

 

[Fat Again]

Other than the risks of the surgery, as with any surgery, in my eyes you are not putting anyone through anything except yourself.

Your OH will benefit from this as much as you, so will your children if any.

Your life will be different, as you will be more energetic, confident, and be able to do much much more. All these things are really positive.

As for negative things, there are not that many. You might need a little looking after briefly after your op, as with any op.

You may feel a little left out at meal times, but you must be used to that dieting etc.

You'll find the expense of buying new clothes constantly gets a bit of a pain, but that definately has a positive side.

Some people, even family can get a bit jealous when they see someone losing weight and turning their life around, so you may encounter a little of that, but thats easy to deal with, I just smile and feel really proud.

I have read some OH's can feel threatened after a partner loses weight and worry that you'll going to leave them because your now slim and experiencing more to life. If your rock solid with your partner and he's as much for this as you are, you'll have no worries.

Think positive and look forward to a more fulfilled and exiciting life.

 

[Sambucca]

My husband & I had a real heart to heart last night about this op & the difference that it will make to our lives..

What was the main concern yr partner/family had about you having the op & what was the best advice that they were given to help them understand what life would be like afterwards??

My husband is just the best & SO supportive but its the realisation of what I'm going to put the people that I love thru that is starting to hit home!

I would appreciate any advice that you think would help.

Many thanks Linzi. xxx

Great question Linzi.

I can only answer from my personal experience, and whilst my husband was fully supportive of my decision to have WLS (having tried everything else) I was left to attend all appointments and to make plans for myself. It isnt that he doesnt care, its just that he isnt the worrying type, and me being me, I prefer to deal with things on my own - only asking for help if it is really needed.

Hubbys only worry was whether I would make it off the operating table. He knew I had done loads of research and would never put myself in danger or leave my kids without a mum so he trusted me to do the right thing.

In terms of help I needed, I obviously needed taking to hospital and collecting. I needed him to take care of the kids whilst I was in hospital. I needed him to visit me and be at the end of a phone outside of visiting hours to listen to me moan! Once I was home he did all my fetching and carrying for the first couple of weeks and again, took care of the kids - their meals etc. I needed him to help me out of bed in the middle of the night for a wee! But once I was about a week post op, I could do all of that for myself and he went back to work.

Once the pain has subsided and you are on a "normal" diet of solid food, life should have returned to normal and you can do all the things you did post op, like going out for meals etc. You'll wonder why you didnt do it years ago.

Is your hubby the kind that wants to know everything, or is he more like mine with a "just go and get on with it - you know where I am if you need me" attitude?

If he wants to know all - get him to spend some time reading through threads on here. If he's like mine then just tell him what you expect of him on a "need to know" basis.

Ive really rambled on as usual, but hope Ive made some sense. x

 

[ditzeeblonde]

I think you need to compare it with what may happen toyou if you donthave to op, it would be worse for them if you dont really. You are doing the best thing for your health. You kind of have to be selfish for a bit for your own good.

Thank you.. I do feel incredibly selfish but yr right its for all of our benefits in the long run. x

Though obviously he was worried about me going for the op, Dean knew that it was because I wanted to be around longer for our kids and him..not only that but for the time I am around, to be more outgoing and be able to do more fun things together and have a better quality of life all round. I am happier therefore he is happier...and the kids too..If you have a really strong relationship from the getgo it can only get better as you get healthier and able to really get on and enjoy life with your partner and family. They will love seeing how you blossom and feel good about yourself as it has a knock on effect for everyone you have in your life.
Keep talking everything through and reassure him that it will mean a much happier version of youand a much brighter more positive future together. Good luck x

Thank you... Paul has seen me range from 12 to 21 stone & has loved me & made me feel beautiful at every stage... would be nice to look fab for him so he relly has someone to be proud of!

Other than the risks of the surgery, as with any surgery, in my eyes you are not putting anyone through anything except yourself.

Your OH will benefit from this as much as you, so will your children if any. Thanks I have 2 young ones & am worried at how I'll cope with them post op.

Your life will be different, as you will be more energetic, confident, and be able to do much much more. All these things are really positive. Looking forward to that part of things!

As for negative things, there are not that many. You might need a little looking after briefly after your op, as with any op. That is my main concern, he only has 1 days leave left.. not ideal!

You may feel a little left out at meal times, but you must be used to that dieting etc. Yes very used to that.....

You'll find the expense of buying new clothes constantly gets a bit of a pain, but that definately has a positive side. Looking forward to enjoying shopping again... husbands not so keen on that bit, think thats what worries him the most, me being let loose!!

Some people, even family can get a bit jealous when they see someone losing weight and turning their life around, so you may encounter a little of that, but thats easy to deal with, I just smile and feel really proud. I had that issue with a friend everytime I did well at losing weight before she continually tried to sabotage me... needless to say she's no longer a friend!

I have read some OH's can feel threatened after a partner loses weight and worry that you'll going to leave them because your now slim and experiencing more to life. If your rock solid with your partner and he's as much for this as you are, you'll have no worries. He knows I love him & would never leave him & I will do everything within my power to make sure he continues to feel that way!

Think positive and look forward to a more fulfilled and exiciting life.

Thank you so much... you've helped loads. xx

Great question Linzi.

I can only answer from my personal experience, and whilst my husband was fully supportive of my decision to have WLS (having tried everything else) I was left to attend all appointments and to make plans for myself. It isnt that he doesnt care, its just that he isnt the worrying type, and me being me, I prefer to deal with things on my own - only asking for help if it is really needed.

Hubbys only worry was whether I would make it off the operating table. He knew I had done loads of research and would never put myself in danger or leave my kids without a mum so he trusted me to do the right thing.

In terms of help I needed, I obviously needed taking to hospital and collecting. I needed him to take care of the kids whilst I was in hospital. I needed him to visit me and be at the end of a phone outside of visiting hours to listen to me moan! Once I was home he did all my fetching and carrying for the first couple of weeks and again, took care of the kids - their meals etc. I needed him to help me out of bed in the middle of the night for a wee! But once I was about a week post op, I could do all of that for myself and he went back to work.

Once the pain has subsided and you are on a "normal" diet of solid food, life should have returned to normal and you can do all the things you did post op, like going out for meals etc. You'll wonder why you didnt do it years ago.

Is your hubby the kind that wants to know everything, or is he more like mine with a "just go and get on with it - you know where I am if you need me" attitude?

If he wants to know all - get him to spend some time reading through threads on here. If he's like mine then just tell him what you expect of him on a "need to know" basis.

Ive really rambled on as usual, but hope Ive made some sense. x

We sound very similar Sam... I've been absolutely cool with researching & going to appointments by myself, Paul will ask questions that he wants to know more about but everything else he seems to trust my judgement with!

Thank you all so much... you've all helped heaps!! xxxxxxxx

 

[thinnerangela]

My hubby knew without the surgery I would die.

He worried about the risks - for a DS it was 1 in 100 of not making it

I worried how he'd feel about me when I lost the weight cos he likes curvy women - he says he prefers me alive.

He was very poorly when I had my op - and if it hadn't been for my mum-in-law we would have struggled till elder daughter came home from uni. He actually had an emergency hernia op 5 days after my surgery - then walked out a month after my op cos his cirrhosis+the anaesthetic addled his brain!! Mum-in-law to the rescue again!!

His illness and subsequent liver transplant have meant intimacy has been an issue - and I do feel un-needed sometimes - but poor love is waiting for another hernia op - so that could affect him -

Now I've rambled on - I think that after the ups and downs we've had - we separated for 7 years till he got too ill - we are probably more settled than we've been for years and I love him to bits

Angela xx

 

[Stellap]

My partner knew someone in his family who had the gastric bypass before he met me and she had all sorts of problems, kept losing weight and couldn't stop (eventually getting down to 6.5 stone) and was very very ill and hospitalised. All her hair fell out and she was constantly sick. He was worried that the same would happen to me (little did he know my body doesn't give up its fat that easily!) but then realised after a while that my bypass wasn't going to give me too many problems (I'm one of the lucky ones to have had hardly any problems).

 

[thinkbethin]

My hubby was very supportive of my decision but worried constantly in case there were to be any complications as we all do. With other serious health problems too he knew it was what I wanted to help ease these.I included him in every bit of research I did and he came to every appointment with me. He even spoke with the surgeon and asked questions I never thought to ask. Without him I don't know what I'd have done to be honest. He is my rock and always has been. He took great care of me post op and never complained once.

 

[ditzeeblonde]

My hubby knew without the surgery I would die.

He worried about the risks - for a DS it was 1 in 100 of not making it

I worried how he'd feel about me when I lost the weight cos he likes curvy women - he says he prefers me alive.

He was very poorly when I had my op - and if it hadn't been for my mum-in-law we would have struggled till elder daughter came home from uni. He actually had an emergency hernia op 5 days after my surgery - then walked out a month after my op cos his cirrhosis+the anaesthetic addled his brain!! Mum-in-law to the rescue again!!

His illness and subsequent liver transplant have meant intimacy has been an issue - and I do feel un-needed sometimes - but poor love is waiting for another hernia op - so that could affect him -

Now I've rambled on - I think that after the ups and downs we've had - we separated for 7 years till he got too ill - we are probably more settled than we've been for years and I love him to bits

Angela xx

OMG you've both been thru the mill, glad to hear that yr relationship has weathered the storm & you are both enjoying each other again. xxx

My partner knew someone in his family who had the gastric bypass before he met me and she had all sorts of problems, kept losing weight and couldn't stop (eventually getting down to 6.5 stone) and was very very ill and hospitalised. All her hair fell out and she was constantly sick. He was worried that the same would happen to me (little did he know my body doesn't give up its fat that easily!) but then realised after a while that my bypass wasn't going to give me too many problems (I'm one of the lucky ones to have had hardly any problems).

I think for all of the bad stories there must be plenty of good ones that have had no trouble... I'm aware of the risks post-op but am hoping that with all the research it'll help me be one of the lucky ones too.... I also think my body won't give up my fat too easily, its become very accustomed to it over the years! Thank you. x

My hubby was very supportive of my decision but worried constantly in case there were to be any complications as we all do. With other serious health problems too he knew it was what I wanted to help ease these.I included him in every bit of research I did and he came to every appointment with me. He even spoke with the surgeon and asked questions I never thought to ask. Without him I don't know what I'd have done to be honest. He is my rock and always has been. He took great care of me post op and never complained once.

My main driving force is that fact that my diabetes could be in remission after the op, I'm only 6 months into diagnosis & the surgeon reckons that b'coz I'll have my op so close to diagnosis I could get rid of it! I think its easy to forget serious health issues when yr worried about going under the knife & actually its exactly what we need to do.

Your husband sounds fab & I know thats exactly how mine will be too. Thank you. xxx