Bitter friends!?

[JO28172]

Ok so I hit goal this week and my friend (we both used to be the same size) has let it pass without a well done, kiss my arse, nothing. An avid poster on facebook she's ignored my status and goal pics. It upsets me as a true friend would be pleased for me, wouldn't they? Certainly all my otter friends and work colleagues have been. is this jealousy as we were the same size before? Bizarre when she was the friend who took me to hospital for the op etc, came and took me out whilst recovering, but now nothing! I'd be so chuffed if a friend of mine turned their life around but seems she's not like me. if she can't text, post a well done or even hit the the like button...do I just hit the delete button and accept it?! Anyone else experienced this with a close friend??? I'm certainly not making any proactive contact...let's see if she contacts me for that next meet up/night out etc! Joys of...!

 

[SARAH S]

Jo, firstly congratulations on reaching your goal. In such a short period of time you must have shown true dedication to your new found lifestyle and you should be applauded by everyone

The fact that your friend took you to the hospital and looked out for you in your early days of recovery shows that shs does care about your welfare, however you have turned your life around and maybe she feels a little left behind. Not all of us can make these decisions, I know I certainly wouldn't have had this operation even 2 years ago....I wasn't ready. But I still knew I was being a fool shovelling in all that junk and drinking too much booze

What I'm trying to say is dont rush into throwing away your friendship with her, give her a little time and I'm sure she'll come to see that her friend is an absolute star and once again be proud to be counted as a friend of yours.

Maybe one day you'll be able to assist her on her journey if thats what she wants

Once again Congratulations and your looking absolutely fabulous darling

 

[JO28172]

Thanks Hun for taking the time to reply....guess my split brain was saying half ditch, and half wait n see so that helps listening to another persons view, as I can be quite a rash all or nothing kind of girl!!! I'll sit quietly in the background just to see but my fear will be I won't hear from her until she next wants a night out etc (she doesn't have too many friends) and then if that's the case I'll just feel used and prob flip at that point lol xx

 

[JO28172]

Congratulations on your acheivement. As she has been such a good friend in the past, perhaps a jokingly "right thats me sorted now its your turn and I am here to help" (if she wants it of course).
But you have done so well, I am green with envy.
Best wishes

thanks josie...green not the best of colours but if it spurs you on lol we've had the conversation but as a single divorced mum of 4, and ex husbands maintenance payment of 4k per month (yes per month) she can't afford it, best not get me started on that one grrr! Lol xx

 

[Muttley1900]

and ex husbands maintenance payment of 4k per month (yes per month)

Erm, can you ring him for me and tell him I'd happily let him divorce me for only £2k a month. Actually, for £4k a month I'd stay married to him and might even shave my beard off to make it easier for him.

Back to the main point though, yes this is probably a mixture of jealasouy, it's not fair and probably feeling left behind as you have moved onto other things that your friend does not have the time, energy etc etc to do. You are in a different world to your friend now. So if you want this friendship, then think about the stuff you have in common and are both interested in and work on those with her. If not, then perhaps the delete button is the best option.

 

[Yvessa]

One of my best friends since I was in high school was really supportive by text. She was pregnant and due to have her first child. After my op I was so obsessed with it that it was only after the Borg of her baby that I realised maybe she felt a little neglected. It is easy for us I get paranoid- why not just invite her out for a coffee?

 

[LucretiaUK]

Hi Jo, well done on hitting target so fast!
You have to remember that text messages and facebook statuses aren't the be all and end all of communications. Call your friend, even if it's just to leave a message. You can't beat a person to person chat for making feelings clear.
Just my 2 cents good luck!

 

[angeeb]

Have nothing to add about the friend but just wanted to say well done for reaching your goal..........you look lovely!

 

[zombielaurie]

Ok so I hit goal this week and my friend (we both used to be the same size) has let it pass without a well done, kiss my arse, nothing. An avid poster on facebook she's ignored my status and goal pics. It upsets me as a true friend would be pleased for me, wouldn't they? Certainly all my otter friends and work colleagues have been. is this jealousy as we were the same size before? Bizarre when she was the friend who took me to hospital for the op etc, came and took me out whilst recovering, but now nothing! I'd be so chuffed if a friend of mine turned their life around but seems she's not like me. if she can't text, post a well done or even hit the the like button...do I just hit the delete button and accept it?! Anyone else experienced this with a close friend??? I'm certainly not making any proactive contact...let's see if she contacts me for that next meet up/night out etc! Joys of...!

first off congratulations that is fantastic!! but you have just said it yourself a true friend would say something positive and shes not a true friends hun i would delete her and if she asks why id tell her the truth that she has hurt your feelings and you deserve more xxx

 

[Evenstarr]

Well done, you must feel amazing!
I hope you sort things out with your friend, perhaps the best thing would be to speak to her face to face and ask her outright.
I have a family member who started out as very supportive, but as my op has become of a reality she's become less and less supportive and now either yawns or feigns indifference if I mention my op.

 

[Fading Grace]

That reeks of jealously, and as you say a true friend would be truly delighted for you. You look amazing and your friend probably feels gutted that she doesn't look as good!
Things like this show you who you're true friends are. Personally I'd confront her and say why is it that you never comment on my progress... are you not proud that I've lost almost 100lbs?! Would be interesting to hear the reply!

 

[shelleymarie]

I would talk to her. Nothing confrontational but just a simple honest chat. Say that you noticed that she didn't seem to notice your recent massive achievement and ask if she is happy for you? I would also say is there something going on for you right now? I completely understand how you feel as I've had similar situations, especially on facebook where friendships sometimes get muddled but sometimes I forget that there might be something going on in their life too - even if it is pure jealousy, that stops someone from being there. Talking to her she might say I'm sorry but I'm so down about my weight and although I'm happy for you I'm finding see you hit your goal and look so good make me feel worst about myself. Yes a good friend should be supportive anyway but sometimes we all slip up on the right thing to do. Or it might be something else entirely but if you end up deleting her now you'll do it on assumptions. If she has turned into a bad friend she will soon let you know in the conversation and then you can cut her out of your life knowing you got your say too. Best of luck and congrats again on reaching your goal x

 

[Beyonce]

Jo you must understand how she feels.......... we have all been there x every single one of us and some of us still are. We all have that bad green eyed monster lurking inside us, Jealousy is an emotion just like the rest of them bloody emotions we hold. If you feel great, and im sure you have had alot of other lovely comments + well dones off ur other friends then big up that should be enough to make you feel on cloud 9 x x :-D x x just have a little empathy for your friend she is obviously over weight lacks confidence + self asteem like you once did !!!! she obviously cares about you to go the the trouble to support you and take you for your surgery x x it will just take a bit of time to digest to the new changes just like you are ?? maybe you can now support + help her get to her goal weight ??

WELL DONE with your hard work Jo but i wouldnt give up on your friend just yet we always need our friends hun x x x x x xx

 

[happy days]

Jo you look fab hun. But before you jump the gun, have you been in touch with your friend lately maybe she has problems or has alot on her plate at the minute. Personally I wud ring her and just say hi how's things just calling to make sure your ok etc etc
Sometimes with all the attention we receive it's easy to forgot others feelings weather they be weight related or not.
Don't make a harsh descion without speaking to her first. She maybe in need of a friend x

 

[stuckinafatsuit]

Jo, i have a friend whom i havent seen since Feb, she never picks up any more and i feel hurt by this. Its been so long now i dont even want to knock on her door, i think it would be awkward. She last saw me when i had lost 2 stone ish and now im on my way to losing my 7th stone. I never thought this would happen, i dont understand why?? Give her a bit more time to press "like" once shes thought about it hopefully she will congratulate you.

Kim

 

[JO28172]

I've listened to all of the advice here however the one thing I am certain of is I won't be the one to make the first move. we usually meet for coffee and so let's see if that's died of death too! it really does hurt because for all the lovely comments friends have made, she was one who was with me from the start...but I get that she prob feels left behind. Our lives are very different, I work, she doesn't, she devotes her life around her children, I pretty much have a single lifestyle as my kids are older, so we do live differently but....I won't make a rash decision but sit here quietly and just see!! Thx all xx

 

[JO28172]

Jo, i have a friend whom i havent seen since Feb, she never picks up any more and i feel hurt by this. Its been so long now i dont even want to knock on her door, i think it would be awkward. She last saw me when i had lost 2 stone ish and now im on my way to losing my 7th stone. I never thought this would happen, i dont understand why?? Give her a bit more time to press "like" once shes thought about it hopefully she will congratulate you.

Kim

Kim this is exactly my situation apart from I last saw her about 4 wk ago! I try hard not to talk diet etc around her and make convo as normal as possible, but then I just don't get why she wouldn't want to say well done jo you done great! I congratulate bloody strangers on things so to be a friend...you then start to question it... Thx Hun x