Breaking the News

[Silversurfer]

Hi all

I need some advice from the forum over a subject ongoing.

I've done my research, found the right consultant, surgeon and Hospital and made my decision to have a bypass, and i'm happy and content that i've made the right decision for me.
Now my problem is i cant bring myself to tell friends and some of my family that i'm having this done.
My wifes in full support and i've got the backing and support of my Mother, but i cant bring myself to tell any of my close friends about it.
At the moment the press seem to be having a field day with gastric operations (mainly due to the Fern Britton thing), its seen as cheating or an easy option, and i think deep down i'm afraid that people will think i'm cheating because i'm to weak to lose weight through conventional dieting.

So my question is - what and how do you guys out there tell people that matter to you about what your having done.

Thanks for your help

Richard

 

[Mini]

Hi Richard,

I've done my research, found the right consultant, surgeon and Hospital and made my decision to have a bypass, and i'm happy and content that i've made the right decision for me.

You have done your research and are not entering into this decision with your eyes closed.

You are an adult and as such you have made a decision that is best for you and you are taking responsibility for it.

You have the support of your wife and mother who I believe or would imagine know you better than anyone in this world.

What others think should not matter as they are not the ones who are living your life, you are.

The arguments and comments about Fern have more to do with keeping it a secret from her fans and leading them to believe she lost her weight exclusively by calorie counting and exercise which she has been doing as well...

As you are not in the public arena I don't think you would have to worry about this sort of backlash...

I would find in general most people are very supportive once you make a decision to do things that will improve your overall health and fitness.

How one does it is an individual choice and no one's business but your own.

Love Mini xxx

 

[shelbell]

Hi Richard,

I've only recently told anyone about the surgery, I waited till I had the date for the op. I told my mother once funding was secured, and obviously my hubby knew from the outset.

Alot of people I told by email (cop out lol) because that way I could say I'm having this, I've researched and considered all the options, and I'm happy with my decision without interruptions.

So far everyone has taken it well, I've not had any negative reactions. My brother said that's a bit drastic isn't it and I said no not really. End of conversation

I've told a couple of people face to face, and aimed to be very clear in what I'm saying with an attitude of this is not open for discussion! So far it's worked.

I'd say go for it, your friends are your friends for a reason, they're not going to be down on you or have a go. I think you'll be pleasantly suprised by the support you'll receive

 

[alliecat]

Hi Richard,
I can empathise with this one, I have found it hard to tell people as well.

So far I have only told my close family and a couple of people at college. They just got the basic facts about that I had opted to have a gastric band op in July, and that it was something that i had thought long and hard about and concluded was the right thing for me. My brother supports me, my step-dad is not saying anything about it, but my sister, her hubby, and her in laws all think I am bonkers and keep trying to find ways to put me off and all think that I am taking the easy way out and cheating despite me trying to convince them otherwise!

My best friend supports me, as do the two people I have told on my college course (which is my equivalent of work at the mo) so I go into this feeling like I have a mix of people in my close circle for and against me.

Regardless of their opinions and how they reacted to my news, I felt a whole lot better once it was out in the open and they all knew. It is now up to them as to if they want to ask questions about it all and we shall see if over time I can convince the doubters that it is the right thing for me.

Good luck to you with telling people, at the end of the day it is your decison as to how much and what you want them to know and you will find yourself telling different people different amounts depending on their reaction and natural curiosity levels. let us know how you get on!

 

[HelenG]

Why do you have to tell anyone?

 

[alison65]

hi there
i had my surgery 15 weeks ago. i work in a gp's surgery, and the patients are now commenting on my weight loss (lost 4 stone 2lb to date) i tell them exactly what i have done and the general consensus is well done good on you.
so don't worry.

 

[Mini]

hi there
i had my surgery 15 weeks ago. i work in a gp's surgery, and the patients are now commenting on my weight loss (lost 4 stone 2lb to date) i tell them exactly what i have done and the general consensus is well done good on you.
so don't worry.

Congratulations and well done Alison on your fantastic weight loss!!!:happy096:

Love Mini xxx

 

[shelbell]

Ughhh Ali this 'easy way out' thing really riles me. I've heard it in the past (not from people I've told) and it gets my back right up. Even if it were easy, which it's not, what would be so wrong about doing something the easy way? Why should we have to do something the hard way? Are we lesser people in society and therefore shouldn't be given any help? As for cheating, who are we cheating exactly? What are the rules for weight loss that we are breaking?

Next time anyone tells you you're doing it the easy way, just ask them if they really think that low of you that they think you should have to do things the hard way. That should shut them up! Ask them if when they have a headache, do they take paracetemol or do they just wait for it to go away? When they say paracetemol ask them if thats cheating and taking the easy way! When you have a medical problem you need a medical solution to fix it.

Shel (finished ranting)

 

[lovebug]

I chose never to tell!. I know how hard it all is to achieve my goal and i want to stay positive as best i can no one to prove but to myself...only my parents, sister and Best friend know and it will stay that way forever. Yeah people would support me i know they would but for once in my life i'm totally in charge and i feel great knowing no one knows ha ha ...My little secret and people can only comment on my success...not how i got there I'm not ashamed or worried by peoples reactions....i just don't want there reactions because this is for me and no one else. If i was Richard....Keep it zipped and get on with your healthy new life and when people comment say I'm on a diet, I am healthy eating and exercising...Your not lying or telling porkies ....YOU ARE doing that . They'll still support your diet !! xxxx

 

[Silversurfer]

Thanks guys for all your comments so far, i'm quite supprised by the mixed response though, some tell and some dont, i guess really it is up to the individual and suppose those that care wont mind and support you and those that mind or have a negative opinion dont really care anyway, so arn't worth bothering about.

 

[charliegirl]

I agree with Mini the backlash for Fern was because she said she ate healthy and cycled more and lost her weight not the fact she had the banding, any of us who have tried to lose weight know that its not easy. Banding is a last resort and something we will all have thought about seriously.....I dont think there is any need to tell anyone other than your wife and your mum, they are supporting you and I know all of us on here will be doing so.....grab the opportunity.....good luck

 

[georgina]

hi ss just wanted to say hi and welcome to minis, i had my bypass done 1 year ago and have lost just ova 8 stone, only my family knew i was having it done i went private, to tell u the truth i knew nothing about a bypass or band or anything as i didnt have the net then so i went into it blind, i was ashamed to tell anyone i had had it done until they started to notice the weight dropping off and i had to confess what i had done and to my amazement they were great, i was 25 stone to start off with but i didnt have any other problems health wise but no matter what i tried i couldnt lose weight i was a dieter for over 20 years lol, do i regret it? not on your life id do it all again i didnt realise how good it feels to be smaller and be able to do things much easier, my advice to you would be GO FOR IT, have it done then tell people when they notice u starting to lose weight, hope this helps u take care xxx

 

[snoopy]

ss
You have had a fantastic response to your question. Both sides of the argument. It comes down to personal choice.

I have got my op date through and now I can tell everyone what will be happening. I am neither ashamed or embarrassed about it. For me it is the only way.

You do just what you think is the right thing for you.
Good luck

 

[Bea]

Thanks guys for all your comments so far, i'm quite supprised by the mixed response though, some tell and some dont, i guess really it is up to the individual and suppose those that care wont mind and support you and those that mind or have a negative opinion dont really care anyway, so arn't worth bothering about.

Go with what your "gut" tells you....you have already decided to have op....so the best of luck.....