Cannot wait for the day when ....

[frodoald]

So. It is my youngest's 11th birthday today and also our 22nd wedding anniversary and we decide to go out for a meal with my parents.

But I suddenly realised tonight how stressed I get over a simple meal out which to most people is just totally incomprehensible. So, this is how my evening went;-

1. It is a popular local pub so we cannot go too late as it will get too crowded & I won't be able to get my bulk in and out through the tables so I arrange for us all to meet at 6.30pm.
2. My heart sinks as we get there because I have failed to realise that young families will still be there on the "early shift". My parents have beaten us to it and have got the only available table which is right slap bang in the middle of the room. I have to move a table sideways in order to get through to our table.
3. Several people leave so I then spend the entire meal with my eye on the 2 "exits" trying to plan how I can time it so I don't get totally blocked in. I am eating my dinner but not enjoying it as the stress of possibly getting "boxed in" is my overriding thought.
4. Desserts come and I have opted for the chocolate fudge cake which even my standards is HUGE. Even though others on our table and also other tables have these humongous desserts in my head everyone is just looking at me and wondering why on earth someone of my size is ordering it. I feel embarrassed and compelled to leave at least half of it just to "prove" I am not a human dustbin.
5. As we finish our meal I see a family coming in to sit at the table which up until now had been empty and given me a clear path out. I panic and make my excuses that I am hot and need some fresh air and just about make it out before they reach the table and sit down. I leave the pub and go and sit in the car.

I have spent the whole evening scheming and stressing about how to survive a meal out without dying of embarrassment.

I cannot wait for the day when....... I can just go out without the worry of whether I can get through a room, fit in a cinema/theatre seat, accept a lift in a friend's car because I know I can get the seatbelt on or just that I can walk far enough to get wherever we are going!

I do not normally voice these inner thoughts as I know that people who have not been there just wouldn't understand. It is so nice to be able to vent these feelings and at least know that a few of you may understand.

So...What things are some of you most looking forward to?

 

[suepat10]

Yes, yes, yes. I know exactly what you mean!

We are taking my brother and his wife out for a meal on Sunday so I've booked a table at a restaurant I know spaces their tables a long way apart.

I'm looking forward to sitting in plastic chairs outside seaside cares without waiting for an ominous crack (I usually try and sit on a wall!!)

 

[Tinkerbellx]

I know just how u feel now as I felt it too... My life has changed so much... But now I still worry wen i go out for a meal.... The waitress always ask was the meal ok as I leave most of it... Enjoy ur meal and don't worry what people think as u can Neva please them either way...

 

[penguina]

I know how you feel EXACTLY. Last night 5 of us went out for a pub meal but I pre booked the table. When booking I asked for a easy access table for two fatties + others.

Actually it was quite funny, a cute little black and white cat kept coming in when the pub door was opened which was fine until the very young waitress carried him out the first time and said "he is riddled" (with fleas). I spent more time worrying about the cat which must have come in 6 or 7 times infesting us that what people thought of the fat lady eating a mound of food !!

 

[Ali_B]

Can relate to the comments....

Think of the future. I'm most looking forward to not having to worry about stairs, walking to far.

One Day soon i will be able to slip into a room. Not feel that i have to have a quiet voice so not to draw attention.

Want to shop!!

Just think we are now taking a positive step to change. We just need to be thankful that we are about to change.

 

[frodoald]

Thank you It is SO nice to be able to say these things out loud (?!) and have someone understand what you mean!

 

[suepat10]

I've just had coffee with a friend and on the way back to collect thd kids she wanted to pop in to Next.

In their favour the staff were just as friendly to me as my friend. I saw an item I liked and a staff member asked if I wanted to try it on. I felt really dreadful explaining that they didn't stock my size. Bless her heart, she looked very embarrassed as she said 'you don't look like our stuff won't fit you', and then looked worried she'd offended me.

It will be nice to wander round shops knowing I can wear their clothes!

 

[DukeAmirOften]

Gosh it is so good to know i wasn't (isn't), the only one with all these feelings. I felt like a bloody alien not being able to do normal things like shop/eat/have fun...'normally' I avoid doing so much AND I DONT WANT TO ANYMORE!!! Great thread...thank you xxx

 

[Clare*]

Oh my goodness ... i can echo everything that has been said ... i think its so sad , for years ive been saying "im happy the way i am !" ands its all been lies ... i wonder how many other larger ladies know that they are lying to themselves ?i dont think i have met a large person who doesnt want to be smaller ? i may have opened a can of worms here .... eek ?

 

[penelope1008]

I am looking forward to meeting the class I had to deal with in a narrow corridor who had decided to stand on both sides of the corridor. Blocking both the entrance to their classroom and the Maths office I was trying to get into. I asked them to stand on one side rather than block the corridor, for somr little voice to say loud enough to be heard saying it's not us blocking the corridor it's you miss.
I'd also love for my youngest not to have to put up with his friends and classmates calling me names and making comments about my size. Poor lad was in trouble for hitting out at a classmate who thought it was funny to do that and keep laughing when he was asked not to say those things by my son. I'm a crap enough mum at the best of times without him having to live with their taunting.

 

[frodoald]

Penelope1008 - I totally know what you mean. I decided to tell my boys individually that I had asked my doctor for an operation to help me lose some weight and that hopefully in the not too distant future time mum will be able to do more things with them. I hadn't realised to the full extent how my youngest had been teased and he ended up in tears. I felt dreadful but at the same time so relieved that I had eventually faced up to things and asked for help.

So another look forward to is walking into a parents meeting without my kids feeling like they have to pretend that they are not with me. (Neither of them do this, bless them, but I can imagine that it must be hard not to)

 

[lotsabeefy]

Mate you are echoing what every single one of us has been through. Its soul destroying! but on a positive note that maybe the last time you feel this way. Keep strong and keep your head held high xx

 

[Miss hungry]

So. It is my youngest's 11th birthday today and also our 22nd wedding anniversary and we decide to go out for a meal with my parents.

But I suddenly realised tonight how stressed I get over a simple meal out which to most people is just totally incomprehensible. So, this is how my evening went;-

1. It is a popular local pub so we cannot go too late as it will get too crowded & I won't be able to get my bulk in and out through the tables so I arrange for us all to meet at 6.30pm.
2. My heart sinks as we get there because I have failed to realise that young families will still be there on the "early shift". My parents have beaten us to it and have got the only available table which is right slap bang in the middle of the room. I have to move a table sideways in order to get through to our table.
3. Several people leave so I then spend the entire meal with my eye on the 2 "exits" trying to plan how I can time it so I don't get totally blocked in. I am eating my dinner but not enjoying it as the stress of possibly getting "boxed in" is my overriding thought.
4. Desserts come and I have opted for the chocolate fudge cake which even my standards is HUGE. Even though others on our table and also other tables have these humongous desserts in my head everyone is just looking at me and wondering why on earth someone of my size is ordering it. I feel embarrassed and compelled to leave at least half of it just to "prove" I am not a human dustbin.
5. As we finish our meal I see a family coming in to sit at the table which up until now had been empty and given me a clear path out. I panic and make my excuses that I am hot and need some fresh air and just about make it out before they reach the table and sit down. I leave the pub and go and sit in the car.

I have spent the whole evening scheming and stressing about how to survive a meal out without dying of embarrassment.

I cannot wait for the day when....... I can just go out without the worry of whether I can get through a room, fit in a cinema/theatre seat, accept a lift in a friend's car because I know I can get the seatbelt on or just that I can walk far enough to get wherever we are going!

I do not normally voice these inner thoughts as I know that people who have not been there just wouldn't understand. It is so nice to be able to vent these feelings and at least know that a few of you may understand.

So...What things are some of you most looking forward to?

Slim people have no idea of the things that we have to consider in everyday life.
I had to sit on a plastic chair the other day and I was so scared it was going to break!
The last time I went to the cinema, I was really uncomfortable in my chair but never said a word.
I always avoid chairs with arms on in cafe's if I can.
Iam always mentally figuring out whether I can fit through something etc.
I look forward to those days being a thing of the past.
xxx

 

[phatmomma]

I wonder if i'll ever lose that 'fat' head. I'm in a size 18 comfortably now, am over 5 stone down from what i weighed this time last year and feel like people don't check out what i'm eating any longer. But i did feel exactly like you and tbh although i know i don't need to worry so much about 'exit routes' anymore i still do. Today for instance we were sat on a row of chairs in a tent down the local folk festival, i was sat in the middle of the row, somewhere i never aim for but didn't have much choice.. We left before others and i carefully weighed up both ends of the row before deciding which way out we were going....

You do it for so long i don't think you ever will stop it xx

 

[Lilyscent]

Its nice to find somewhere that people really understand what we have to go through before we go anywhere. I refuse to sit on any chair that isnt solid and doesnt have arms. I always think people are staring when I go out.
If I get a new car or new to me, I get hubby to try the seatbelt and judge whether it will fasten or not, if not then I dont get the car I carry on looking.. incidently Renaults all appear to have good seatbelts that I never have a problem with.. I cant wait for surgery so I can at least get some kind of life back too xx

 

[lotsabeefy]

Its nice to find somewhere that people really understand what we have to go through before we go anywhere. I refuse to sit on any chair that isnt solid and doesnt have arms. I always think people are staring when I go out.
If I get a new car or new to me, I get hubby to try the seatbelt and judge whether it will fasten or not, if not then I dont get the car I carry on looking.. incidently Renaults all appear to have good seatbelts that I never have a problem with.. I cant wait for surgery so I can at least get some kind of life back too xx

Youre right about renaults Lily I had a Scienic before my op because the seatbelt fitted xx

 

[frodoald]

I know - cars are a nightmare! I have a Zafira and have no problems with the seatbelts front or back. We used to have a Citroen Picasso and again the seatbelts were fine but I got in a friends Citroen C8 at Christmas and to my embarrassment couldn't do the belt up so the car beeped all the way home!!!!