EmmaLouise81
New Member
:cry:
Oh how devestated am I!? I feel like such a fool and have hit rock bottom.
Firstly I feel guilty typing this as I had a chance to have a consultation with a fabulous surgeon and I could not do it.
I had my first holiday in 15 years about 3 weeks ago, I thought the Easyjet plane was small but I managed (with the help of medication, natural remedies etc) to get on the plane and go. Feeling so big in Nice made me realise how much I wanted the operation and was so excited about my consultation.
I have M.E and anxiety issues, just going to a local shop is huge for me so why I thought i could go to Chichester is beyond me!
So yesterday my mum and I headed to the airport and I got through security etc without too many issues but then started crying, some of my family who love me very much had expressed worries about the operation but I had put it to the back of my mind and ignored it.
I was only going for a consultation I told them.
I had a bad cold all last week, still chesty and I suffer with insomnia and was wrecked so I was an emotional wreck anyway ...then started crying in departures, begging my mum to go home.
She knows I try and back out of things so tries to talk me through it and I did make it on to the plane but it was tiny! So tiny, and freaked me out. So I had all my family opinions spinning around in my head and my heart was racing with the small space.
I just had a complete emotional breakdown.
I ended up having to leave the plane and in effect leave my dream behind.
Devestated to say the least.
Just could not do it and was fighting with myself. I managed to get myself on the plane but once the air hostess saud 'once the door shuts there is nothing we can do' I was off...not probably the best thing to say when someone is already feeling trapped with the door open!
Had to get my mum to ring St/Richards to cancel and the lady was lovely, I am paying the £150 consultation fee as I feel so guilty.
Just can't believe I was so near yet so far. I just knew even if I made the flight I would not put myself through it again if I got the go-ahead for the op.
Nobody does it here in N.Ireland so I have not hope, not sure what to do now as I am basically back to square one. Feel hopeless and like 'what is the point anymore?'
I have so much respect for anyone who leaves children behind and goes to England or Belgium to have the Op , I can't even leave for the consultation.
In a pretty bad place now, the thought of having a gastric band/bypass has been keeping me going and now....there is nothing. Just feel I have wasted another year, another chance and I am so angry with myself.
Just needed to 'talk' with you guys. So Sorry!
Oh how devestated am I!? I feel like such a fool and have hit rock bottom.
Firstly I feel guilty typing this as I had a chance to have a consultation with a fabulous surgeon and I could not do it.
I had my first holiday in 15 years about 3 weeks ago, I thought the Easyjet plane was small but I managed (with the help of medication, natural remedies etc) to get on the plane and go. Feeling so big in Nice made me realise how much I wanted the operation and was so excited about my consultation.
I have M.E and anxiety issues, just going to a local shop is huge for me so why I thought i could go to Chichester is beyond me!
So yesterday my mum and I headed to the airport and I got through security etc without too many issues but then started crying, some of my family who love me very much had expressed worries about the operation but I had put it to the back of my mind and ignored it.
I was only going for a consultation I told them.
I had a bad cold all last week, still chesty and I suffer with insomnia and was wrecked so I was an emotional wreck anyway ...then started crying in departures, begging my mum to go home.
She knows I try and back out of things so tries to talk me through it and I did make it on to the plane but it was tiny! So tiny, and freaked me out. So I had all my family opinions spinning around in my head and my heart was racing with the small space.
I just had a complete emotional breakdown.
I ended up having to leave the plane and in effect leave my dream behind.
Devestated to say the least.
Just could not do it and was fighting with myself. I managed to get myself on the plane but once the air hostess saud 'once the door shuts there is nothing we can do' I was off...not probably the best thing to say when someone is already feeling trapped with the door open!
Had to get my mum to ring St/Richards to cancel and the lady was lovely, I am paying the £150 consultation fee as I feel so guilty.
Just can't believe I was so near yet so far. I just knew even if I made the flight I would not put myself through it again if I got the go-ahead for the op.
Nobody does it here in N.Ireland so I have not hope, not sure what to do now as I am basically back to square one. Feel hopeless and like 'what is the point anymore?'
I have so much respect for anyone who leaves children behind and goes to England or Belgium to have the Op , I can't even leave for the consultation.
In a pretty bad place now, the thought of having a gastric band/bypass has been keeping me going and now....there is nothing. Just feel I have wasted another year, another chance and I am so angry with myself.
Just needed to 'talk' with you guys. So Sorry!
. xxxx
