Friend or foe ?

[flowerofshona]

My friend came round last night and started on me about the op.
Normal questions, "why can't you do it without the op" You have lost weight before why not stick to it!!
And the best one " do you realise it will change your life forever" noooo you don't say !
I have been having massive wobbles about the op but keeping going with the weight loss i was asked to try to lose.
I now feel very low and not sure i will go forward as i was already scared of another op and worried sick i would run out of the op room she has made that so mch worse for me now, im ok about after and i understand the eating and drinking, the pain ect but she knows im scared and i just did not need that yesterday :cry:

 

[Ric]

Sounds like a concerned friend to me.

It's normal to be scared, but if you want it.. You have to do it!

All the best on your journey!

 

[Peterborough Guy]

On the flip of a coin, what life will you have to enjoy if you dont have it?

 

[Yvessa]

Hi Dawn,

I am pre op so can only imagine how worried you're feeling. We all make this decision as a last resort, not because we can't be bothered to try other ways. Your friend needs to be there for you and support your decision; don't let her negativity drag you down.

Remember all those diets and how down you felt when the scales inevitably started to creep back up - none of us want to go back to that. We want to be free of the monster in our minds and we have come to the point where this is the only way.

So give yourself a big hug from us and trust your instincts and look forward to a brand new you.

 

[SARAH S]

Keep the faith honey, you know this is really what you want to do...

Sometimes even those that are closest to us make off the cuff comments without realising the harm they cause:sigh:

If you're like the majority of us on here then.....Yes you can lose weight by yourself, yes you have been successful in the past etc etc....unfortunately its so much harder for us to maintain lower weights after being obese for so long....and we all know when the weight returns it finds a few friends to bring along with it

What you are feeling is quite normal, you are embarking on a life changing time of your life, apprehension is to be expected

When your friend sees you smiling and slim she will realise that you have done whats best for you x

 

[TwinkleTwinkle]

This is why I didn't tell anyone but my immediate family about my op ... not sure why people think they have the right to an opinion about such a personal thing but they do & I just did not want to have to keep defending my choice. Ric is probably right though, Dawn .. her intentions are probably good but unfortunately the outcome is the same ... makes you feel bad. Chin up, sweetie keep your focus & we will support you forever. xxx

 

[lyndajoan]

hiya love i have decided not to tell any one now because the few people i told, and the ones my mum told cos she carnt hold her own pee god love her.
all they have said and i mean all of them ohh are you haveing that opp and tell me all the horror storys they have read about, not taking in my feelings acting as if they are really concerned. maybee your friend is worried but there is no need to frighten you half to death.

you will be fine when you go in for your opp i havent had mine yet and i will not lie to you i am scared but its only natural to be scared of the un known,

and all the people who have has their surgery on this forum are getting on great so something is right in having the surgery for a better life ahead.xxx

 

[Mrs Quiggle]

There's always one isn't there. I don't think any one of us goes into this without going through panic and fear of the unknown. I know I didn't. I worried right up until the night before when divine intervention took over (sorry if I offend anyone with my love affair with God lol) You are going to absolutely fine my lovely, this is for you and you alone. Let her have her struggles with her problems but don't continue yours. You belong to you and no one else and where as it's lovely to have the support of friends and family, you are taking charge of your future and it will be a wonderful one if you follow your heart.

With love
Kate x

 

[pandora]

I have a very dear friend who I told because I knew she would support me whatever , she has been through things with me that only her & I know about , BUT , she is very blunt & at times that is what I love about her . Some of the things she has said have made me think , but then I also think that's just her way & she will be there for me & my girls no matter what .
What I am saying is , maybe she is vocalist her fears just because that is how she is , she is probably thinking she is being supportive , but as you are low you are taking it more to heart than she expects .
You know where I am if you need me xxx

 

[FuturePerfect]

Agree wholeheartedly. Go and speak to someone you know will support you all the way and balance the books.

Don't listen to the detractors. You've already decided surgery is the way for you. Only a valid medical objection should stop you now.

Do this for you, no-one else.
x

 

[Caren]

i used to tell everyone i met!! but im fed up with the rolling eyes and shake of the head, i just laugh at them now, they dont, and will never understand what its like for us, thats why this place is so wonderful, we all know exactly what each other are going through, just remember the reasons that you wanted this in the first place, do you really want to go down the road of losing weight, feeling great, and then putting it all back on plus more? I know i dont. I'm terrified, but am gonna force myself into the operating theatre lol I want a new life, good luck honey, you know whats right for you xxx god know what ive pressed on my keyboard but ive gone funny lol

 

[witchingmoon]

I think its hard for people who don't have weight problems to understand how hard it is to keep weight off. They think the op is drastic and we could do it if we just exercised more and ate less. If only it were that simple. I do think your friend is just worried about you having the op but in the end its you who has to live your life. I am sooo excited but also bricking it which i think is totally normal. As a friend said to me if you were not scared I would be worried your going in to it with your eyes closed.
Good luck hun and remember your strong if you weren't you wouldn't be trying to change your situation x

 

[flowerofshona]

Sorry all for the moan its was just said in a nasty way and hubby had to bite his lip! The truth is she does not want me getting fitter than her i realised that today whilst talking to hubby.She brought chocolate round knowing how hard im finding it to lose the weight this time
Wobble over, onwards and downwards, thanks all i needs a shoulder that would put things back into perspective for me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Karlos]

Sorry all for the moan its was just said in a nasty way and hubby had to bite his lip! The truth is she does not want me getting fitter than her i realised that today whilst talking to hubby.She brought chocolate round knowing how hard im finding it to lose the weight this time
Wobble over, onwards and downwards, thanks all i needs a shoulder that would put things back into perspective for me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When I read your first post here I suspected that it might be envy of the potential new you that was driving her to say these things. Now I've read your post above, I'm sure. She is just scared that you are going to be successful and she'll end up the fat friend.

You can either accept her comments for what they are in the knowledge that you're going to look and feel fantastic a few months from now, scrape her off and do what's right for you. Or you can let her influence the life you have left by dropping out of the program. I reckon I know what you'll do xxx

 

[FuturePerfect]

I want a new life, good luck honey, you know whats right for you xxx god know what ive pressed on my keyboard but ive gone funny lol

Control + I, Caren

 

[Caren]

Control + I, Caren

Hahaha thanks mate, it was doing me head in lol x

from me phone

 

[fizzwoods]

Hi Hun,

My best friend is a little the same. She has been with me on this rollercoaster of weight loss, when I have lost 5 stone and 'thin' and putting it all back on. She herself is large, but not as much as me.:sigh:

She says things like, my life won't be the same and do I know what I am doing? Also she has heard a few scare stories.:cry:

I don't think that for one minute she is doing this cuz she is 'jel', I do genuinley think its cuz she cares, as like I said she has been with me when I have lost weight and was thinner. She fully supports me in my choice and I know she will 'stick' by me no matter......

Your 'friend' sounds a little different. You don't need people like this, use this operation as a new start and 'cleanse' everything... including your 'friends' list.

Take care

 

[Tatiana]

Just how many of us have to have someone in our lives who behaves in this way towards us because we've taken control of our lives and made the decision to do something to get us off the see saw that is dieting and weight gaining?

You know why you are having this operation, it's not an easy option nor is it something we go into lightly - and our surgical teams wouldn't allow us to use it as an easy way out. You want to get your life back, have a long and healthy future and be around for your family for many years to come without being a burden on them!!

If this woman can't accept this then she needs to look at herself and ask why she's not being supportive of you. So many of my friends who know what I'm having done and why have not only supported me but, those who I'm in email contact with rather than seeing due to distance, all say they can't wait to see the new me!!

Spend time with those people who do understand and support you and give the detractors a wide berth (pardon the pun). Just watch and see who is there to visit you and offer help with the practical things - I bet she will be at the back of the queue!!

Chin up and don't let the bu&&ers get you down,

Tatiana

 

[Sharonimo]

Normal questions, "why can't you do it without the op" You have lost weight before why not stick to it!

This is why I have armed myself up by reading as much scientific research about why bariatric surgery works, and "normal" dieting so often fails. (I previously posted about this in the WLS general area: SCIENCE: why diet + exercise fails and bariatric surgery works - WLSurgery.com - Weight Loss Surgery Support)

Also, my answer to people who say "You have lost weight before, why can't you do it again?"

is: "Yes I have lost 4 stones on 'normal' diets and I put it all back on again -- how many times do you want me to repeat the loop?"

"I am super morbidly obese and need to lose at least 150 lbs to reach a "normal" weight. Have you ever lost 150 pounds through moderate diet and exercise and managed to keep it off for 20 years?"

Also sometimes add the fact that with a BMI above 50 (plus Type 2 diabetes and osteo-arthritis) this has been chosen by my GP and surgeon as the *most suitable* option for me.

If I was only 3 or 4 stone overweight my GP would be telling me to join Weight Watchers. If I was between 5 and 7 stone overweight, my GP might prescribe Ali, Xenical or Reductil .... but would not even discuss bypass surgery unless my weight was in the "super morbidly obese" category !!!

I've got loads of answers up my sleeves for potential detractors (which I am expecting a few more of during the Xmas break).

 

[Louanne79]

Only my immediate family know about my op, but even so, since losing over 100lbs, one of my best friends has stopped talking to me completely!
She's overweight herself, but nowhere near as big as I was at my heaviest, and like Karlos mentioned in an earlier post, seems threatened by no longer having a much fatter friend. Even recently I've seen her actually role her eyes when people have come up to tell me how good I look or to congratulate me on my weight loss.
We would all like our friends to be supportive and honest, but I genuinely feel that if they can't be, they were never a true friend in the first place. I'd sooner know and move on, however much it may hurt.
xXx