Friends When to say and what to say

[fatbutnot4eva]

Hi
I as wondering when i shoudl tell my friends bout the wls.
I have been told it wil be done in approx 9 months but i hve had 3 months of weight management and have another 3 and then tests etc...
they know i am trying to lose eight but then they have pretty much alays knownthis,but they also know that i have the odd off day and i think to them it is just a case of being overweight so they see me going t the gym etc..
i just know what *****es women can be and kno what will be said behind my back.
woudl you wait till near the time which is what i ant to do but then i dont ant to have to lie either to them.
Thanks
Helen
xx

 

[tendersage]

why tell them? If they ask then let them in on it, if not then let them be amased when you suddenly start losing weight

 

[tesmaralda]

i have told close family and friends as my hubby might need help with the girls and things and then when he goes back to work I know i wiil have help getting my eldest to and from school. So it all depends on your circumstances and who if anyne you want to tell, if you feel comforatable doing it before hand or would you rather wait till people ask.

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

I told a friend over xmas but she was rather drunk so I dont know if she remebers or not. there is a group of around 6 of us so I dont know if she has remembered and told anyone or not.
I have only told my hubby and mum and i will tell my dad soon as he worries.
It is sch a big part of my life that it is on my mind day in day out and I walk to school and back with 2 friends and am pretty close to them but like I say they do all tak behind each others backs.
It s so hard knowing what to do.
xx

 

[Sambucca]

I have told my husband obviously, and my mum and two sisters. I wont tell anyone else until I have an op date as I cant deal with people trying to talk me out of it

 

[tesmaralda]

I worried about who to tell and not to tell family wise and decided to start off with those that I thought would object the most, and surprisingly they were the ones that listened asked questions and have supported the decission 100%. I have told 3 close friends, 1 is very jealous and is **** stirring a bit, even though she won't go to the gp about it. The other was and has been a fantastice support throught his and other issues, and the other is worried along with her husband because they think my relationship with food is one that I will never be able to give up and the op will make me miserable and change me, and I think there is a bit of jealousy on her behalf as I am the fat friend and her true feeling come out when we have been drinking together. Thats why I said you need to be fully comfortable with those you tell. I have told people now so tht when my op does come round I dont have to spend precious time arguing and putting their fears to rest whilst I could be spending quality time with my hubby and 2 girls. If they already ***** about people behind their backs then I honestly wuldnt tell them until they ask what i'm doing to lose weight.

 

[orchid]

well done with the weight loss so far.. i tkink you need to go with your gut instinct..on who you feel comfortable knowing, and as for the rest wait untill they ask..or mention how amazing your looking..orchid x

 

[phatgirl]

It's funny but this topic has come up many times in the few months I have been on this forum. And the answers range from tell everyone to tell nobody. It really is a personal choice and how much effort you want to go to explaining things. I waited until right before I was due to have surgery to tell most people, I told my dearest friends and family early on but swore them to secrecy which now I think was silly of me. I really have had lots of support and honest curiosity for everyone but I feared negativity. I really haven't found it.

However, some of the lovely people on here have had lots of negative feedback and from loved ones no less. I think the trick is to be really, really, really sure of your choice and be prepared with your reasons before you talk with people about it so that if they react badly it will just roll off of you.

Best of luck and don't worry. If they are really your friends they will know how you struggle and will come around to the idea even if they don't react well at first. If not you don't need them!

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

Thanks girls
My Hubby thinks dont tell them, but I dont want to have to lie,
one of teh friends has two of her children in my two childrens classes, one in nursery that so we go to schhol together at 9 then 11.30 then 3 so we see each other quite a bit through the day and sometimes when i am at my weight mangement course or dietician she asks where i have been if i am late or my mum picks my daughter up. she knows i have been on xenical for a long tim(does not know i am still on it) but knows i get weighed every 2 - 4weeks at the dr's but is not sure why !!!
she knows i go to the gym every day but I doubt she woudl even think I am on the wls conveyor belt.
I am a very sensitive person someone told me one (infact it ws a teacher) that fat people are so much kinder than thin people and have bigger hearts and much more sensitve.
I find words very hurtful and hate beng spoke about but then doesnt everyone. I woudl just hate for the words to be used, cheating, cant se just det, excercise more etc...etc... one of my friends weighes 7 stone and says to me when i say i would love to be thin, even when you are thin there are thngs you hate !!! she hates here eyelashes LOL !!! what can you say to that ?
I dont think any of them realise how being obese effects me, but then again they all think that I weigh 3 stone less than I do !!! dont know how i get away with that one !!!
Thanks again I will just have to wait and see how I go on and what happens aong the way.
At the moment I think what if I tell them then it all goes pear shaped so to speak and I end up not able to get it done. I am one of those that does not want to temp fate.
xxxx

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

pg spot on
thats it
its knowing what tosay to them when they start :
why what howcome,are you mad blah blah
I suppose forearmed is forewarned I will I think wait till a couple of days before and have my head roudn it all and know what to say.
Thank again
x

 

[naughtypuppy]

I am only going to tell my best friend and my family (well not all of them just close lol)

 

[jaynefrances]

I think most of us wrangle over this one. The first people i wanted to tell were those i loved and trusted most. Its those tricky "others" that seem to cause us the most bother - the ones we care about but can't trust not to be judgemental and the ones that we feel we have to tell just because we spend a lot of time with us and they will notice somethings changed.
I have identified my "potentially judgemental few" and decided to tell them via email just before i have the op - when they don't have the chance to contact me and bring me down with their negativity !
The others such as work colleagues and friends i dont see very often i will tell afterwards if they ask. I dont intend to keep it a secret but i dont want to broadcast it - still an element of shame / paranoia there !
Jayne

 

[weight loss hopeful]

Only my parents, partner and kids know. Im too paranoid that it might not work, to tell any1 else (diet syndrome has never left me). If they ask I won't lie tho. Hopefully I can keep it quiet for a while. Take care x

 

[candie]

I've only told Mum, best mate and Daughter, cos most other people wont understand, and I don't need any negative vibes right now

 

[Cat321]

I told a few 'close' friends just prior to leaving work for my op and when I got back everyone knew....I mean EVERYONE!!
I'm not ashamed of what I had done but I do worry about what people think, like that I took the 'easy way out'
I'm still friends with the people I told but I will never trust them with anything ever again. I feel a bit betrayed that the people who I regarded as my good friends, who I asked to please keep it to themselves, have blabbed!
If I was doing it again, I would tell no one! I'd make a really good tale as to an operation I was having and tell everyone that instead!

 

[grom]

I only told my brother beforehand and only then because I had to cancel his Christmas day visit. I just wanted to do it and not hear everyone's opinion about it! Since the op I have also told my sister (they are all v supportive) and two good friends (as they are also over weight). I have told NO ONE at work and altho this means telling fibs I would rather have it that way than everyone gossiping about me. I intended to tell my two closest girl friends last week (also overweight) but I bottled out! I'm not sure whybut my sis reckons that was probably a wise move!

 

[hopelesscase]

im with PG when i told people i just said its not about my size its about my health. eveyone and i mean everyone has been so supportive from turning up the night befor with soups for the freezer to giving me clothes to help along the way. I was at the rugby club yesturday and one of the fellas came over and said "i heard about your op can i say you look fantastic". I was walking on clouds after as although people had obviously been talking about me their comments have been positive.
you know you and how you feel about yourself so i think you just have to go with how you think you would cope.
hc