Help

[madstaffyblonde1]

before I start I would just like to say that in no way am I boasting about my loss in fact I'm so unhappy with it now I don't no who to turn to

I had my bypass which I do not regret on 7th April this year weighing 18.10, size 24, today i am 11.12, size 8/10 yes it is a massive amount and I have lost it so quick but I am still not happy.

I used to look in the mirror and see a unhappy fat person that disgusted me now I see a unhappy skinny person. I look in the mirror and my hip bones stick out my spine is protruding and where my shoulders meet my arms look like something you see in a third world country and I hate it. All I ever dreamed of was being a size 14 and I have exceeded this by far but according to the NHS I am still overweight and having been accepted for a tummy tuck and breast lift on the condition I get my weight down. I really don't want to loose any more weight and am getting worried I'm going to end up looking like I'm anorexic. Also after the tummy tuck what size am I going to go down to then???

My work colleges have told me to stop loosing weight, telling me I look gaunt, my eyes look sunken, that I am abusing my body and that if I carry on I will be dead by next year, friends have told me I'm so skinny (jokingly but its starting to hurt) some friends have been funny with me due to the weight loss why I don't no maybe they don't like the fact I'm no longer the fat funny one at the back anymore or that there weight loss has been slower but I have never compared myself to anyone and neither should they and most recently I had some spiritual readers come to my house whom told me there is so much jealousy surrounding me but most of all was last night when me and my hubby was talking about what the hospital want me to do and he admitted he was getting worried about me to say that came as a shock was a understatement(he would never normally say anything) He told me I am disappearing and I'm like a bag of bones, but to make it worse I put on a pair of size 10 jeans this morning, looked in the mirror and thought I looked fat why??

I feel so unhappy and depressed about this I don't no what to do or who to turn to as it seems that every time I speak to anyone they think I'm rubbing there noses in it or all I want to talk about is my weight.

The hospital have told me to be a healthy weight/BMI I need to be between 8.7 and 11.5

 

[Gail-michelle]

Dont worry ime sure you look fabba dabba!!!! its cause your not use to looking thinna . to me you look realy coollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll xxx

 

[yorkiegal]

I would imagine that your true weight is probably a lot less than 11,12, because of the excess skin which you're going to get rid of. But you're probably also not quite adjusted in your head to seeing yourself as not fat too and it will take some getting used to.
Don't be too quick to take what friends say as gospel. There may be some jealousy there. See what your bariatric team think instead as they will be experienced in this and able to tell you if you are too skinny or not.

 

[cherry]

Hey sweets, sending ((hugs))..... weight is a funny old business hey, you cant win, no matter what you do.....people see it as there right to say when your to big, then there right to say your to thin!! urghhhh, thats like us turning round and saying, 'christ your ugly' you just wouldnt do it~! annoys me so much......

i think this is something we all we face on are wls journeys, when were reaching the all important target people will start flapping and be concerned saying were getting to thin and worry you wont know where to stop, on the losing..

i think maybe your head has not caught up with your body, 11,10 seems a healthy weight, this is the problem there is no quick fix mentally and something surgery cannot fix either! it seems this maybe is the case, that your wearing size ten and still see yourself as fat.... i would just address this now quietly and nip it in the bud before you start seeing yourself like that all time,and then there will be real problems.... id take a step back, let your head catch up with your amazing weightloss, come to terms you are no longer the larger woman you once were, and maybe once mentally your upto speed with the physical change you will actually look in the mirror, and those bones wont seem as prominet nor your spine and actually your ll notice your small waist, bum, slim toned arms and think, god you know what! im looking good!!

work on your mental attitude to your wl and also build up that self esteem, it seems low from your post, and then actually looking in the mirror you prob will see a very different woman to what you see now.....

another quick thing is, jealousy is a big problem we'll all have to deal with, im sure you dont look as bad as your friends are saying and maybe the hubba is taking that route as he ll be picking up on your worrys and low self esteem so he may be panicking, when in actual fact once you build it back up, your self esteem, and feel bloody fantastic about yourself and confident in clothes etc, he ll then feed off that energy and think you look amazing....

it will all work out ok, i wish you well with your plastics, and hope your start building back up your esteem and confidence to celebrate your weight loss and how amazing you ve done....

ps~ never think or feel bad for posting about loss's noone here will think your gloating! were all here to support and give advice and help each other along, as lets face it, every single one of us are all linked in a way with fighting the same battle.... we'd only celebrate here

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[dottychic]

Im really sorry you are struggling at the moment hun, I really think that sometimes the weight loss is too rapid for out brains to keep up with! I agree there is probably lots of jealousy about your weight loss and so called "friends" can sometimes be the worst culprits. Maybe a chat with the GP about getting some councelling might help? Im sure you dont look as bad as you think you do, you look absolutely lovely in your avatar! Your bariatric team might be able to help too. If you feel like you cant talk to your friends about it you can always come here for a chat, you will laways get advice and support here, from people who have been where you are now. Take care hun (((HUGS))) I hope you feel better soon. XXX

 

[sugga]

Iv been looking at your pics and you look amazing love.
It is hard and im sorry you are feeling like this just now.
Thinking of you and hoping that you start to feel better about your weight soon, you have lots of support on here and dont ever think you are alone.
You have been given so much really good advise too. Huggs xxx

 

[madstaffyblonde1]

Thank you ladies I no your all right and hopefully in time I will see me as I really am and not what my head thinks I am

 

[phatmomma]

Linda you do look fabulous, however i see where you're coming from! My boss is skinny and people have always called her names.....

I'm worrying that you are still losing quite easily especially as you are at goal, or virtually there. Knowing you can enjoy all kinds of food too....... I'd seriously speak to the Manor xx

 

[BlueDiamond]

 

[Sambucca]

Oh Linda, Hugs. I know exactly where you are coming from.

I dont think any of your WLS friends are jealous of you, but if they are, that is an issue for, them, not you.

As for your appearance I think you look absolutely amazing. I wouldnt say you look too skinny. Any loose skin will be sorted with the plastics. The bones are different and I think its something we will just have to get used to in time.

After saying all that though, I do totally know where you are coming from not being happy with your body, and I have been discussing this with the counsellor I am seeing for my depression. I cannot bear the bones in my chest, my hip bones, my bony knees....Its hard for anyone to understand why we have these irrational thoughts about the way we look, but we do, and it gets us down. In all honesty though, would you want to go back to pre-bypass?

My counsellor has suggested that I think about the positives/negatives of my life post bypass and pre bypass to help me see in black and white the positive changes we have made. It wont make the bad feelings disappear, but may help to put them into perspective.

Now lets get our skinny selves dolled up for a night on the town tomorrow!

 

[madstaffyblonde1]

Lol sam no problem hun it's just nice to no we ain't alone as sometimes I really think I'm going mad
Sends me a text about what's happening 2 morrow night and if you want a lift hubby will take us and pick us up as he hates me going in taxi's

 

[Grace]

Just want to send love and hugs. May be some counselling would help? Such huge changes so fast is a lot to get your head round. you're tall too (well compared to me you are! LOL) so a size 8/10 is very slim. It should be lovely but I can see how you might feel disturbed. I don't think you're gloating at all. I just want to hug you and say it'll be all right. xxx

 

[thinnerangela]

I know exactly what you mean.

I think I look OK till I get near a mirror and these hollows above my collar bones and my bony chest are there.

I think it is our brains having trouble adjusting form getting large over a relatively long time to getting thin over a relatively short time.

I've gone from over 24 st size 32/34 to 10 & half st and size 10/12

I would qualify for plastics if it were available - but they don't take the excess skin weight into consideration. I haven't maintained for long enough to be considered if I wanted it.

I wanted to cry today cos I bought a skirt in size 10 ( or as my daughter described it b**ch size!!).

You look great and have done really well

xxxx

 

[mells]

Hey you, you look fab.

I think it is that you have lost weight so fast, that the people around you havent had time to adjust to your new body shape.

As for how you see yourself I think the whole WLS thing messes with your head. I dont feel as though I look any different in a mirror even though I'm wearing smaller clothes.

I know you are still losing weight, but I remember being told at the hospital that your body does find its own level and then I think they said (my memory is rubbish) that the remaining intestine becomes more efficient at absorbing food also stopping the weight loss.

So as long as you are managing to eat I would have thought you will be fine. But for your peice of mind why dont you try and speak to Ana.

 

[nikster1975]

I am sorry to hear you aren't feeling too good at the mo,but it is a HUGE transformation that both you and your hubby are going through. I'm only a week post op and i'm already getting negativity from some people...... it's just another hurdle to clear and i'm sure you will find the strength to fight your way back to a more confident you xxxxxxxx