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hurtful comments

jessinoz

New Member
I know how horrible it feels for people to make hurtful comments about your size. Sometimes, I wonder if they really understand that, to them, it may have been a joke but to the one struggling it is a dagger to the heart. I think it hurts most from those you love because they are supposed to be your support and have your back when times are tough...from them it is more unexpected and so much more painful and leaves you feeling betrayed and rejected.
I am very glad to read (though also sad) that this negativity hasn't only been in my life but has been in so many of your lives as well. /hug
 

Lincs Lass

New Member
I'm lucky in that my family don't make comments about my size (though to be honest they can't really talk themselves. They may not be the size I am but they shoo ain't no lodging house cats themselves!) but they are not supportive of me having this op at all.

My younger sister (Tweedledum to my Tweedledee) will make comments in my hearing that she's 'losing weight properly and not taking the easy way out' - but then she appears to be on the putting weight on diet. But then she has an issue with everything I do in a ''let's put her down' type of way eg snide comments about what's the point of iPhones when she saw mine etc.

I think spiteful comments are a sign of insecurity on other people's parts, hurtful ones are just thoughtlessness. People close to you have seen you in one way and how you usually laugh things off without relasing that laughter is a defensive wall you hide behind because of your size. As your size reduces you mentally start to drop that wall so that sort of comment gets through. I hope that makes some sort of sense!!
 

Samsara

New Member
Those nasty commenters just don't understand. They may be alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers, control freaks (there are a few very mean ones on this very site!), you name it - but because they 'look normal' they escape censure. Overeaters literally SHOW their addiction - and this leaves them open to criticism and insults. It's not fair! But it happens and we suffer accordingly.

Excellent point and a conversation I regularly have with others regarding how we are constantly subjected to criticism and insults due to the very visual nature of our condition that we cannot hide from others ;)
 

Paula Garner

Well-Known Member
I'm lucky in that my family don't make comments about my size (though to be honest they can't really talk themselves. They may not be the size I am but they shoo ain't no lodging house cats themselves!) but they are not supportive of me having this op at all.

My younger sister (Tweedledum to my Tweedledee) will make comments in my hearing that she's 'losing weight properly and not taking the easy way out' - but then she appears to be on the putting weight on diet. But then she has an issue with everything I do in a ''let's put her down' type of way eg snide comments about what's the point of iPhones when she saw mine etc.

I think spiteful comments are a sign of insecurity on other people's parts, hurtful ones are just thoughtlessness. People close to you have seen you in one way and how you usually laugh things off without relasing that laughter is a defensive wall you hide behind because of your size. As your size reduces you mentally start to drop that wall so that sort of comment gets through. I hope that makes some sort of sense!!

Lets hope your sister never decides to have wls. She certainly won't think it's the easy way out then. I've had terrible problems with my sister for the same reasons. She has harassed and bullied me so much on Facebook and twitter, I've blocked her and reported her to the police. Your right though, it's their insecurities no ours. Some people just don't see the positive side and long term health benefits of wls.
 

femfrankie

Shrinking For Sophie
Most hurtful thing said to me was from my step dad after h caught me taking an extra biscuit ... I was 11 at the time.. One day we will find Frances plastered over the wall because she burst:cry:... Another one was when he commented on how beautiful my half sisters where and that they will have lines of men at the door wanting to go out with them while i will never get anyone because i was fat. I had the last laugh at that one as I married my Prince Charming aged 19 .. We are still together 33years later and still as much in love with 3 children and 1 granddaughtr . My youngest sister only got married last year aged 42 my other sister is still sitting on the shelf aged 47 :p
 

daisylou

New Member
I lost about 6 stones 9 years ago but due to not losing it properly and my emotions I started putting it back on. My sister and I were visiting my dad one day and for some reason he told me I looked horrible now that I was fair putting the weight back on. I walked out his house in tears and didn't speak to him for weeks. I've had several boyfriends who have finished with me due to my weight. I don't mind people not being attracted to me in the beginning, but it's very difficult to accept months into a relationship that its only then they've seen my size and decided they don't want to be with someone that size.
 

femfrankie

Shrinking For Sophie
I lost about 6 stones 9 years ago but due to not losing it properly and my emotions I started putting it back on. My sister and I were visiting my dad one day and for some reason he told me I looked horrible now that I was fair putting the weight back on. I walked out his house in tears and didn't speak to him for weeks. I've had several boyfriends who have finished with me due to my weight. I don't mind people not being attracted to me in the beginning, but it's very difficult to accept months into a relationship that its only then they've seen my size and decided they don't want to be with someone that size.

I love my step dad to bits but he opens his mouth and let's the words tumble out without thinking ... I'm not the only one who has been left reeling by his lack of tact. For that reason alone I learnt to forgive his unkind words .. I can change my shape albeit with a little help but he will always be a tactless fool!
As for the boyfriends who have left you because of your size daisy that's their loss hun. You deserve better:grouphugg:
 

Samsara

New Member
Why do men do that? :mad: I went out with someone who had cerebral palsy - it was a blind date and he was totally into me after our first date and me not so into him (I didn't fancy him, facially). He only decided to tell me he had a disability the day before we met up for coffee but I had my own insecurities in relation to my weight and was far from perfect so who was I to judge anyone? Anyway, we dated for a few months (I didn't want him to feel I was rejecting him due to his disability when the truth was I actually didn't fancy him!) and then he finally decides to tell me after those 2 to 3 months he couldn't love me because of my weight?? :confused::cry: Even though he wasn't the love of my life I found those comments very hurtful indeed...
 

kirstyjade

Member
Iv had one this afternoon while at tesco... A bunch of lads together and one points and says in a loud voice " look at the f***ing size of that" I wanted to curl up and die... And that is why I NEVER leave the house this was the first time in over 2 months... People can be so mean!! Even if I was the thinnest prettiest girl I would never say such hurtful things to other people and its people like that who make me want to just end my life, but I don't because I will bounce back and I will lose this weight and show everyone who's ever put me down that iam real person behind all this fat but I just don't think people see that all they see it a very large ugly person and its hurts when people point out the one thing I'm most conscious about
 

shelleymarie

New Member
I know it doesn't make any difference hun to how you feel but guys like that are repulsive excuses for human beings. You worth so much more than scummy low lives like that because you feel, care and would never do that to someone else. Even if it was someone you didn't understand. Take comfort in knowing that getting hurt by mindless idiots means at least you have a heart, and I know i would rather feel that than be angry and spiteful all the time. This year you will achieve what you want to do. Time for a fresh start, put morons in the past and keep staying strong :) x
 

mywishes

New Member
its true what they say. you can choose your friends but not your relatives. perhaps thats why they say what they do. but i feel they have something wrong in their lives but dont share this with us just the hurt they put upon us like the hurt they feel but not brave enough to share it and thus not letting go of their failings like we will let go of ours in this weightloss journey we all take. wow that was deep on new years day. i.m feeling ready for my journey and wish everyone a good and prosperous new year.


angela x
 

mummykcb

New Member
I have given up with family in regards to my weight loss and health as apparently having arthritis is all in my head PMSL. and after losing over 2st so far i was told it didnt notice even when all my previous clothes were literally hanging off me as my jeans were at the point where you could pull them down without undoing them. Its so true that you can choose your friends but not your family.
 

girlygirl1

New Member
I have severe arthritis aggravated by years of morbid obesity and it is most certainly not in my head! My knees, in particular, are shot, and they give me serious, daily pain.

I do truly understand and sympathise x
 

femfrankie

Shrinking For Sophie
I have severe arthritis aggravated by years of morbid obesity and it is most certainly not in my head! My knees, in particular, are shot, and they give me serious, daily pain.

I do truly understand and sympathise x

I can sympathise also. My knees and other joints are shot too with a combination of my weight aided and abetted with too much prednisilone taken over my lifetime:mad:. I am not holding out for miracles in that department once the weight comes off but it would be nice. Fortunately I am lucky as my family and friends are understanding to a greater degree. They still do forget sometimes that that my disabilities and pain levels do not allow me to do lots of things that they take for granted and I find myself sounding like a moany old women when I say to them "no..I can't do that" etc etc. Then I feel guilty and a failure for appearing weak :sigh2: Thankfully that doesn't happen to often. When I first started using a stick 10 years ago my brother in law made a comment that too many people use sticks now a days and that it was a cop out :mad: hubby pointed out that it had taken me a quite few years to pluck up the courage to use it in the first place. Said bro in law now has back issues ... Wonder how long it will take him to join the stick brigade
 

mummykcb

New Member
It took me til this year and a great friend to tell me if i need stick, scooter etc to use them to help me get out and about and still have independence. I have had mainly my mum telling me its all in my head and when i haven't turned up to occasions because i have been too ill that its been a cop out and i'm making the occasion all about me. I have learned to take the support from friends and now ignore people who tell me its in my head.
 

julesburns

New Member
Iv had one this afternoon while at tesco... A bunch of lads together and one points and says in a loud voice " look at the f***ing size of that" I wanted to curl up and die... And that is why I NEVER leave the house this was the first time in over 2 months... People can be so mean!! Even if I was the thinnest prettiest girl I would never say such hurtful things to other people and its people like that who make me want to just end my life, but I don't because I will bounce back and I will lose this weight and show everyone who's ever put me down that iam real person behind all this fat but I just don't think people see that all they see it a very large ugly person and its hurts when people point out the one thing I'm most conscious about

Kirsty jade. I was so annoyed for you when I read your post. What cheeky sh*tes!!! How dare a stranger make you feel bad about yourself!!!
I have a solution to this problem. If someone says something rude about me, wether it be in a bar, a shoping centre, wherever!! I approach them and say extremely loudly "what did you just say about me???" They are usually so mortified at being found out - and infront of others too! that they apologise and run off. A guy once told me that he thought it was best to be honest! So I replied to his comment by telling him he was also fat, AND bald, smelt of BO and was an ugly old git with 20 odd years on me. He soon changed his tune!!
Don't let people intimidate you Hun. They have insecurities the same as you, and will point out yours to draw the attention away from themselves. They are idiots and not worth your tears or feelings!!!! Xxx
 

Cicca

New Member
Iv had one this afternoon while at tesco... A bunch of lads together and one points and says in a loud voice " look at the f***ing size of that" I wanted to curl up and die... And that is why I NEVER leave the house this was the first time in over 2 months... People can be so mean!! Even if I was the thinnest prettiest girl I would never say such hurtful things to other people and its people like that who make me want to just end my life, but I don't because I will bounce back and I will lose this weight and show everyone who's ever put me down that iam real person behind all this fat but I just don't think people see that all they see it a very large ugly person and its hurts when people point out the one thing I'm most conscious about

Awful and sad but there is karma! I'm a true believer in one day these kind of people will recall their behaviour - those memories don't fade and it will come back when they least expect it!

You however are strong and will continue on this journey coming out stronger, by these very incidents. One day when things that phase most people, you will take in your stride because its not any easy life that makes someone strong and wise but a hard life where one has persevered!

xx. Anna xx.

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery
 

BlueDiamond

New Member
Hello there the only comment I ever received was off a customer in a pub I used to work in. He had been drinking in the pub for years and had always been polite to me in the past but this particular day the pub was buzzing with customers and as I was serving one of his friends he turned and said to me who ate all the pies, his friends didnt know where to hang their heads through shame, most ppl that know me know I wont take a poop lying down, I couldnt repeat what I replied as I would get banned from this site, but I gave him a few choice words from the pubs microphone for all to hear and he ended up wearing his pint and left the pub extremely red faced. I wasnt ashamed or embarrassed I damn frigging livid and he felt the wrath of MeJulie lol .
 

Lincs Lass

New Member
Why do men do that? :mad: I went out with someone who had cerebral palsy - it was a blind date and he was totally into me after our first date and me not so into him (I didn't fancy him, facially). He only decided to tell me he had a disability the day before we met up for coffee but I had my own insecurities in relation to my weight and was far from perfect so who was I to judge anyone? Anyway, we dated for a few months (I didn't want him to feel I was rejecting him due to his disability when the truth was I actually didn't fancy him!) and then he finally decides to tell me after those 2 to 3 months he couldn't love me because of my weight?? :confused::cry: Even though he wasn't the love of my life I found those comments very hurtful indeed...

Flaming heck! That happened to me virtually 'word for word'! Wonder if it was the same guy!
 
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