I am having the wobbles...

[tranquil_butterfly]

I have my surgery on 17 November and I am starting the pre op diet tomorrow. I am not doing the milk version as I have not been able to tolerate milk in great quantities since I was a child.

Over the last few days I have been feeling very uncertain about the surgery. I do not know why. I cannot lose weight and keep it off through dieting. More importantly my kidney functioning is deteriorating because of the combination of the meds I am taking for my high blood pressure and the whole purpose of having the surgery is the hope it will lead to my blood pressure dropping sufficiently to get me off the meds.

It has been such a fight to get this procedure. I did not have the usual problems most people go through. My GP agreed to the referral without any argument having referred a number of patients for the procedure. My PCT at the time funded automatically. However once I got into the Walsall Manor system that is where the problems started.

If I am honest, trying to keep going being so overweight, working full time and being the carer for my partner and then having to do battle with my provider has left me totally exhausted. I am trying to fight off a chest infection at the moment as well and I am terrified I will not get rid of it before I have my op. I had to take two days off work last week as I literally ran out of energy. I feel under pressure as they are cutting posts at my level where I work and I am wondering if I am going to have a job when I get back to work.

I suppose today I am reflecting on my life and how I came to end up this way. I have some deep rooted issues that have led to this unhealthy relationship with food and I have been working hard to work those out so that I have the right mind set to face what is to come. Having such a delay from referral to op has meant I have had time to learn as much about what is going to be involved and I am so glad I stumbled across this site because I would have been clueless about so many things.
I will be glad to be getting on with the pre op. I have not had loads of last suppers – just few of my favourite things. Mr TB and I are having a last meal of our favourite West Indian dish today as I know it is going to be a long time before I will be able to have it. I am not going to say I will never be able to eat the things I like again. I do not want to go into this process mourning the loss of food.

I hope I can just get through the next few weeks in one piece!

tranquil

 

[thinnerangela]

I have my surgery on 17 November and I am starting the pre op diet tomorrow. I am not doing the milk version as I have not been able to tolerate milk in great quantities since I was a child.

Over the last few days I have been feeling very uncertain about the surgery. I do not know why. I cannot lose weight and keep it off through dieting. More importantly my kidney functioning is deteriorating because of the combination of the meds I am taking for my high blood pressure and the whole purpose of having the surgery is the hope it will lead to my blood pressure dropping sufficiently to get me off the meds.

It has been such a fight to get this procedure. I did not have the usual problems most people go through. My GP agreed to the referral without any argument having referred a number of patients for the procedure. My PCT at the time funded automatically. However once I got into the Walsall Manor system that is where the problems started.

If I am honest, trying to keep going being so overweight, working full time and being the carer for my partner and then having to do battle with my provider has left me totally exhausted. I am trying to fight off a chest infection at the moment as well and I am terrified I will not get rid of it before I have my op. I had to take two days off work last week as I literally ran out of energy. I feel under pressure as they are cutting posts at my level where I work and I am wondering if I am going to have a job when I get back to work.

I suppose today I am reflecting on my life and how I came to end up this way. I have some deep rooted issues that have led to this unhealthy relationship with food and I have been working hard to work those out so that I have the right mind set to face what is to come. Having such a delay from referral to op has meant I have had time to learn as much about what is going to be involved and I am so glad I stumbled across this site because I would have been clueless about so many things.
I will be glad to be getting on with the pre op. I have not had loads of last suppers – just few of my favourite things. Mr TB and I are having a last meal of our favourite West Indian dish today as I know it is going to be a long time before I will be able to have it. I am not going to say I will never be able to eat the things I like again. I do not want to go into this process mourning the loss of food.

I hope I can just get through the next few weeks in one piece!

tranquil

Having doubts is normal. It is a very big step to take having surgery. Try to focus on the positive - the health you will gain. The pre-op diet does tend to make it real somehow.

You will be fine

Loadsa luck

Xxx

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

Having doubts is normal. It is a very big step to take having surgery. Try to focus on the positive - the health you will gain. The pre-op diet does tend to make it real somehow.

You will be fine

Loadsa luck


Xxx

Thank you. I know it is the usual pre op jitters and I really want to keep them under control so I can look to the future. I know the op is the right thing for me.

tranquil

 

[Grace]

Big hugs and love to you Tranquil. You've been so supportive of everyone else, and at long last it's your turn. Hurrah.
Like Angela says, I don't think there are many of us who didn't get the collywobbles at this stage. It's normal, because you're facing the unknown, no matter how much you've researched and think you know. Every one's journey is unique. But I believe you're going to do very well indeed. Hang on in there petal, get on your pre-op diet and time will begin to fly. Before you know it, you'll be in that Losers' Bench and on the way to the new, healthier you. xxx

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

Big hugs and love to you Tranquil. You've been so supportive of everyone else, and at long last it's your turn. Hurrah.
Like Angela says, I don't think there are many of us who didn't get the collywobbles at this stage. It's normal, because you're facing the unknown, no matter how much you've researched and think you know. Every one's journey is unique. But I believe you're going to do very well indeed. Hang on in there petal, get on your pre-op diet and time will begin to fly. Before you know it, you'll be in that Losers' Bench and on the way to the new, healthier you. xxx

Thanks. I am not sure how much good I did everyone going into battle with Walsall the way I did. It does not appear to have led to any changes that I can see. The time is flying by - one of the reasons for the mild panic that is setting in!

tranquil

 

[Grace]

Thanks. I am not sure how much good I did everyone going into battle with Walsall the way I did. It does not appear to have led to any changes that I can see. The time is flying by - one of the reasons for the mild panic that is setting in!

tranquil

But you tried! You're a hero whether you like it or not! I'm here whenever you need a chat or a hug. xxxxxxxx

 

[dottychic]

I agree with Charis, you are a hero. You took up the challenge and went as far as you could go with it Well done! Last minute doubts are as normal as rain in Manchester Sometimes a good thing too as they make you go over the reasons you want surgery in the first place, none of us would choose this option if we felt there was another so have your wobble and then look forward to the future with a new healthier slimmer you XXX

 

[Bev]

Tranquil... Angel... thinking of you...

I have had the same inner thoughts and have so much in common with you, it's quite unbelieveable....

The main reason why I am having to go through this surgery is for my long term health.... it's not about vanity for me, but for survival...

Like you, I have a lot of medication which is harming my kidney function and the prospect longer term is not good.... I have never smoked, but being diabetic I have a chest infection I cannot clear... are you diabetic?

The doc may need to know about your chesty problem if the surgery is in 17 days.... it's so close... I am sending my mobile number to you and will you keep in touch when you go into hospital if you can please Angel, just reply via personal message.... but I want you to know that you are very much in thought.

I have seen you help so many over their respective journeys and now it's our time to support you....

This surgery will improve our weight, since we can't do it alone... get some quality rest and hoping that you are getting lots of support at home with your hubby....

It's going to be worth it, but I have been wobbling too and I know it's so normal... then I say to myself.... my health needs to be better and I need the surgery in order for this to happen.

Love you so much and enjoy your West Indian meal... Loving hugs as always xxx

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

Tranquil... Angel... thinking of you...

I have had the same inner thoughts and have so much in common with you, it's quite unbelieveable....

The main reason why I am having to go through this surgery is for my long term health.... it's not about vanity for me, but for survival...

Like you, I have a lot of medication which is harming my kidney function and the prospect longer term is not good.... I have never smoked, but being diabetic I have a chest infection I cannot clear... are you diabetic?

The doc may need to know about your chesty problem if the surgery is in 17 days.... it's so close... I am sending my mobile number to you and will you keep in touch when you go into hospital if you can please Angel, just reply via personal message.... but I want you to know that you are very much in thought.

I have seen you help so many over their respective journeys and now it's our time to support you....

This surgery will improve our weight, since we can't do it alone... get some quality rest and hoping that you are getting lots of support at home with your hubby....

It's going to be worth it, but I have been wobbling too and I know it's so normal... then I say to myself.... my health needs to be better and I need the surgery in order for this to happen.

Love you so much and enjoy your West Indian meal... Loving hugs as always xxx

Thanks Bev. I am amazed to have escaped diabetes as it is rife in the paternal side of my family - as is kidney disease. Without the op it would have been a matter of time before things became more serious.

I guess I am just very tired. I am taking most of the week before the op off as holiday (my boss permitting - thought it was all sorted but she seems to have other ideas!) and if I can get some rest hopefully I will be as fit as I can be for the op.

Thank you all for your kind words - they are very much appreciated.

tranquil

 

[Bev]

Take it steady Tranquil and flag that chesty problem with your doc a.s.a.p. you will need to be clear and it needs sorting so please let me know how you get on with that.

Diabetes is the curse of my life... I can never get free of infections... I don't drink or smoke but have so many problems now coming up to retirement... I would advise anyone to have the surgery in order to avoid this terrible disease... mine has gone so far that they don't think it will go after the surgery.... but then I'm older.

With you all the way Angel, will be in touch via a pm and you always know I am at your side... Love you very much precious xxx

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

I agree with Charis, you are a hero. You took up the challenge and went as far as you could go with it Well done! Last minute doubts are as normal as rain in Manchester Sometimes a good thing too as they make you go over the reasons you want surgery in the first place, none of us would choose this option if we felt there was another so have your wobble and then look forward to the future with a new healthier slimmer you XXX

It is kind of you to say but I am not a hero. I was and still am appalled by the system operating at Walsall. I know that demand has increased but they knew it was happening and could not cope but did nothing to resolve the situation but kept taking on referrals. Between them and the PCT's who commission the service from them, they all buried their heads in the sand. I feel sorry for those still caught up waiting for appointments and ops. I would still be waiting if I had not gone through the formal complaints route.

Still, I have to look forward now and concentrate on the future. It has been good to express how I am feeling.

tranquil

 

[CCPM]

TB...its normal to have the jitters before the event and I'm not going to lie I had them afterwards too. It took a lot of getting through those first few weeks. Many others have been worse than I was with worrying they had done the right thing. 18 months on I still wobble but I know I could not have gone as I was. It hasn't cleared all my health problems but it has made me more able to deal with them and stopped me getting others. I'm fresh back from the Indian buffet at lunchtime where I managed a resonable lunch and really enoyed myself. I was dropped off right outside just because it was pouring down with rain not because I couldn't stagger any further as was the case pre-op. Its a different life post op and one still often full of challenges. You can benefit from so many things afterwards as long as you seize the moment and understand it may not be plain sailing all the way. Just follow Charis' example and get ready for battle however it presents. I really hope you do go ahead and get the most out of it. It can be hard work or stressful but I do so believe its worth it

Good luck we're here with support whenever

M

 

[Linski]

Good luck with th pre-op diet Tranquil. Your day is finally here and I wish you all the very best. You deserve this operation and I can imagine feeling jittery but the sooner you are done the better. You simply must be exhausted with working full time and everything else. If you are like me you know that this op will make an enourmous difference, being heavy is draining in every way. I know I put the food in my mouth and I could always lose weight but always regained put it all back on and more. Now its just too much to even contenplate as I think we just get to a certain weight and thats it, life becomes unbearable. Today I have so much pain in my legs, feet, buttocks, elbows and hands, I can barely walk. Work is a pressure as I really don't want to go off sick but feel so poorly today I know I should do. Some days I just feel like giving up work but I likemy independance and my job is important to me. Guess what I am trying to say Tranquil is your time for change is fast approaching and I pray your health improves from day 1. I have only met you once and I can see you are a lovely kind person who needs this operation and deserves it. Your fight will be worth it. Now rock this pre-op and roll on the 17th.
Love Linski xxxx

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

Thank you M.

tranquil

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

Thank you so much for your kind words Linski. I hope that with your forthcoming appointment things get moving for you.

tranquil

 

[phatmomma]

My lovely friend Tranquil, thank you for confirming you are normal! You have fought so hard for your operation and tried to champion the cause for others following behind you that i am not surprised your knackered! Like me, you know in your heart of hearts that weight loss and long term maintenance will not happen without this life saving surgery, but you will master it and live a very long and happy life with the lovely Mr TB

I'm at the end of a phone if you want to talk and i'll send you my work email if you feel you have the need for it during my working hours! I will always respond as quickly as i can. You have always been such a source of support to me and others, i cannot wait to return this favour to you! It's gonna be rock n roll all the way for you now and you will be enjoying some good home cooking again really soon...

Lots of love n hugs xx

 

[tesmaralda]

TB it is normal to have jitters and now you have your date you really have time to focus on the op and evrything it means to you as well as the momentous journey you've been on to get this op.

Work through the wobbles as they will only grow and grow, most of us have had them and completely understand what the feelings. It will soon be here and you'll be on the other side and thinking what an earth was all the fuss about.

You are so within touching distance of this and a decent quality of life for you and Mr TB, take care and good luck in the coming weeks and sending you massive hugs x x x x

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

My lovely friend Tranquil, thank you for confirming you are normal! You have fought so hard for your operation and tried to champion the cause for others following behind you that i am not surprised your knackered! Like me, you know in your heart of hearts that weight loss and long term maintenance will not happen without this life saving surgery, but you will master it and live a very long and happy life with the lovely Mr TB

I'm at the end of a phone if you want to talk and i'll send you my work email if you feel you have the need for it during my working hours! I will always respond as quickly as i can. You have always been such a source of support to me and others, i cannot wait to return this favour to you! It's gonna be rock n roll all the way for you now and you will be enjoying some good home cooking again really soon...

Lots of love n hugs xx

Bless you my friend:hug99:. You have always been there. I feel a bit better. Just needed to get it out. I think I am as ready as I am going to be to get this thing started!

tranquil

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

TB it is normal to have jitters and now you have your date you really have time to focus on the op and evrything it means to you as well as the momentous journey you've been on to get this op.

Work through the wobbles as they will only grow and grow, most of us have had them and completely understand what the feelings. It will soon be here and you'll be on the other side and thinking what an earth was all the fuss about.

You are so within touching distance of this and a decent quality of life for you and Mr TB, take care and good luck in the coming weeks and sending you massive hugs x x x x

Thank you Terri x

tranquil

 

[Zionaka]

Tranquil, you are nearly there! The pre op diet is really hard, but keep your eyes on the prize.

11 days out I am energised, I can't believe it. I wake up no aches and pains in my legs / body as I get up. I bet you will feel the same.

This op really is life changing and it;s your time now!