Timing is crap, am I doing the right thing

[Lesley110]

Well it has been confirmed this afternoon that my husband does indeed have stomach cancer, a very advanced cancer, which thankfully has not spread anywhere else, so we are lucky there? He has to endure 9 weeks of chemotherapy, five weeks off, then have his whole stomach removed, and be replumbed, and he has a 35-45% chance of a cure.

I am questioning if I am doing the right thing by having my bypass, I am scheduled for the operation in 11 days time. My OH's consultant has made the point that it is going to be a very hard year for both of us, can I really cope with recovering from my surgery when he is going through chemo, is it going to be fair on him. My OH, bless him, has not even thought of this being an issue, we do not know how he is going to react to the chemo, he might sail thought it as he is resonably fit, although he can't afford to loose any weight.

I managed to have five minutes to myself yesterday and it hit me that I am going to allow someone to mutilate my body, so that I can loose some bloody weight, I really have had to question my sanity!

Sorry to go on so, but I now work from home so have no work based support anymore, so need a shoulder to cry on.

 

[cazbandy]

I am not sure whay you should do, you need to be there 100 percent for hubby...

I know that I would have to put my own feelings and things totally to one side, even if it meant giving up the dream for a while.

My husband means the world to me and I would have to make sure he was ok before undergoing a risky surgery myself.

When he gets through this, you can thinks about it then.

But men being men, he will probably say you should carry on regardless of him, but I think in this case you should be there. His situation takes a front seat for a while, yours could wait...

With love and luck to you both, I really hope all goes well for him, he must be very scared xxxx

 

[phatmomma]

I think you need to take a lot of things into account. As Caz says its your husbands health... but what we don't know is what sort of family support system you have in place? Is there someone who can drive him to hospital for his chemo?

Weigh up everything, make a list of all your hurdles and then how you would overcome them if you had your surgery too and then if you don't....

How is your own health? Are you fit and well enough at the weight you are now to give 100% care or will having the op make you a fitter person to look after your beloved husband...

Only you know your situation, i wish i could help xxx

 

[Poppy]

My heart goes out to you both. I have no pearls of wisdom, I can't imagine what you must be going through, just wanted to send you a hug
deb

 

[cah-ching]

I agee with Caz & Julie.

Poor you :hug99:. Thinking of you & hubby.

 

[Jackie redgirl]

Wow, what a dilemma, i think ultimately it has to be your chose, you need to consider what is best, what will you be capable of in relation to looking after your Hubby. Things like this really do put things into perspective.
Good Luck to both of you and i am sure you will make the right chose for yourselves. xx

 

[gaelic girl]

OMG what a situation to find yourselves in my heart too goes out to both of you. This is such a hard one and there are def no right or wrong answers to it. All i know is the obvious love you have for each other and the strength you muster between you will get you through this. The only advice i could suggest is talk to each other and go for whts right fo both of you, sending you both huge hugs filled with love and good luck wishes xx

 

[BIG KIM]

I'm so sorry to hear this, and I wish you both all the luck in the world. if it was me, and my wife had Cancer, I think I would put my bypass off, and concentrate on her. but that's me. if you have the bypass, you yourself will be very delicate for up to 4 weeks post surgery.

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

I can't comment on what you need to do because it has to be yours and hubbies decision. So sorry to hear your news though and will be praying for you both.

 

[ditzeeblonde]

Bless you... what a time of it!! And what decisons to be made, have to say I agree with what phatmomma said.. how do you cope with your weight at the moment? Even losing a small amount has made a huge difference in my energy levels.

My heart goes out to you & you'll do whatevers right for you & your husband. xx

 

[Dawn36]

What an awful situation you find yourself in, and what a dilemma. I think the only thing I can say is to talk it through with your husband and both of you come to an agreement. Only you two know what will work for you. I wish you both all the luck in the world. And, if you need shoulders to cry, this is the place to be.

 

[Sambucca]

Oh blimey, what a dilemma. Big hugs to you and your husband.

When is your husband due to start his treatment? What support network do you have in place? If you go ahead with your surgery right now is there someone that can take care of both you and your husband as you will both be feeling very delicate - you for approx 3 - 4 weeks post op, and your husband for at least the next 9 weeks whilst he is undergoing Chemo, and then his recovery period from any operation. What is the prognosis for your husband? (sorry) What do you want to do? What does your husband want you to do?

If it were me, I would need to know all of these things to make a more informed decision, however under the circumstances I am confident that your WLS could be put on hold for a couple of months if you explain to your bariatric team what has happened. You could then re-join the queue in a couple of months when the worst of hubbys treatment is over.

 

[cindy1]

Sending all my thoughts, and best wishes for both you and your hubbys futures.

I can only agree with all that has already been said that it has to be both your decisions, but I know if it was my hubby he would say go ahead just because he wouldnt want me to put off something I had wanted for so long, he would then sit and suffer in silence so that I didnt feel guilty in any way. With something as serious as Cancer I feel you should put him first, as Sambucca said I am sure your team would put your app. back a few months until you were clearer of things and you knew your hubby was pulling through. Take care x

 

[rybens]

So sorry to hear about your husband it must a terrible time for you, my heart goes out to both of you at this time , im sure you will come to a desicion that works for you all x

 

[thinnerangela]

I really feel for you and hubby - it must be an awful time for you.

I can only tell you about my experience - because only YOU can decide what's right for your circumstances.

My hubby had cirrhosis and was waiting for a liver transplant when I had my WLS - we both relied on our daughter for care - him because he was so ill and me because I couldn't get round to help him.

I had my op in Dec 08 - he had his transplant in April 09 - because I had lsot so much weight I was much better able to look after him when he needed the extra care.

I was lucky and recovered well from my WLS but I know if I was in your situation I would still have gone ahead with my WLS - I would have struggled so much physically looking after a sick man at 24 stone.

Whatever your decision - I hope hubby's treatment is successful

Best wishes Angela

 

[Red 42]

can't offer advice re op as not had bypass and not sure how long it would take you to feel well afterwards, but sending you and Hubby lots of love to get you through this tough time atback: xxx

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

Oh Lesley im sorry to hear that this is happening right now why not give Kim a ring and explain whats happened and see what she suggests im sure our team will be very understanding of the situation your in right now and if you want to delay the bypass for a while im sure they would allow that, give them a ring and find out what the would be best for you and Trev and if its possible to delay if thats what you need to do.

big huggs from Liz x

 

[Fashionably Late]

I am so very sorry. My MIL had advanced stomach cancer so I have an idea of what you and your hubby will be going through. You both will remain in our thoughts and prayers.

The decision is a tough one. If it were me and I had a strong support network, I would probably go ahead with the bypass simply because you will feel a bit rough for a few weeks afterwards but then you will be getting stronger and healthier in order to better care for your husband after his operation.

 

[Ellie65]

Good Luck with whatever you decide (((Hugs)))

 

[cherrydrop]

I'm so sorry to hear about your awful dilemma. I've got to agree with F'Late, I'd go ahead with the operation (assuming you've got someone to care for you for at least the first week or so afterwards). You'll be in a much better position to care for your hubby if you can be as fit as possible.
Sandra x