Long time no update... been struggling!

[Alice]

Hi everyone,

It's been ages since I was actively posting on here - I still come on most days and lurk but I've not been posting much - mainly because I feel a bit of a failure and feel ashamed about my lack of progress with the weight loss.

For those that don't know me, I had my band back in July last year. All went well initially, but problems started when I went for my first fill and for various reasons, it wasn't possible to do the fill. I was initially very badly managed and totally unsupported when I was trying to learn how to use the band (I was with WGA), and soon spiralled into being sick multiple times every day. This caused so much swelling that by the time I got taken under the lovely, capable wing of Wendy at WLS group, I ended up having a total de-fill and being on liquids for weeks while the swelling went away.

Just before Christmas last year, we decided to very gradually start filling the band again - just 0.5ml at a time as we weren't sure whether I would react badly and swell up again. The fills have gone well and today, I had another 0.75ml which brings me to 4.75ml. I'm still not at good restriction yet but I'm definitely starting to feel some restriction so I hope I'm nearly there.

I'm just struggling so much. I've had a few other non-band related health problems - I've been operated on twice so far this year and I'm going back for another op in a couple of weeks. I've been really down emotionally with all the health problems... and how do I deal with my low emotions? Well, I eat of course! I've learnt all the foods that I can eat with ease and 'cheat' the band, and I have been self sabotaging a lot recently - eating lots of crisps, biscuits, etc. While I eat them, I feel really p*ssed off with myself and beat myself up about it which of course makes me even lower and then I keep eating. I've put on 7lbs in the last couple of months... in fact, I am the same weight now that I was back in october.

When I had the band, I really thought that I was starting on the road to slimsville - and most importantly, motherhood: the crucial reason I went for WLS. I just can't believe I am still failing to get any closer almost 10 months later.

I think I'll go see my GP this week and have a chat with him about counselling and possibly anti-depressants too. When I had my fill today, Wendy (my nurse) was saying that she can keep filling the band, but until I get my head into gear, I will never get there... and I know she's right but it's so hard.

Sorry to drone on - but it helps!

Alice xx

 

[julieann]

Hi alice its lovely to hear from you again and sorry to hear that you are struggling with things at the moment, im sure that things will start to improve soon. I too am struggling with the weightloss at the moment and also saw wendy yesterday and then went on to the support group which i found really helpful and it seems to have given me the kick start that i needed as i had become a little complacent about it all. Have you thought about attending one of the support groups? julie

 

[phatgirl]

Hi Alice! I remember when I first joined you were posting all the time. I am sorry to hear that you have struggled so. I really hope that you non-wls related health improves as that will help you be more motivated to use your band effectively. I think as members fall away for the forums it is usually for one of two reasons, one that they don't feel they need as much ongoing support or just don't have time. The other reason is where you find yourself, feeling bad because you have fallen off the path. I am so glad you came back and posted because now we can offer you the support you need. Your band is a weight loss tool so now that you are working to get your head in gear, you can make great use of your tool. I think that the head is where most of us forget to focus. We as a group tend to focus on the physical reactions and processes and forget that we have to do our own mental surgery. We have to prune back those mental pitfalls that make us binge, feel guilty & generally ignore our own good sense for the joy of eating something.

Good for you that you have set out to get your head straight, it is the very most important thing you can do for yourself.

Best of luck and keep talking, everyone here can relate to how you feel.

Nic

 

[Mazza]

Hi Alice

So sorry you have been feeling so low, I think you are right about going to see the doctor, also with what Wendy said.

Sincerely hope you manage to beat the cycle and stop punishing yourself in this way.

Take care and keep posting, we are all here for you when you feel down.

Hugs, Mazza x

 

[Alice]

Hi alice its lovely to hear from you again and sorry to hear that you are struggling with things at the moment, im sure that things will start to improve soon. I too am struggling with the weightloss at the moment and also saw wendy yesterday and then went on to the support group which i found really helpful and it seems to have given me the kick start that i needed as i had become a little complacent about it all. Have you thought about attending one of the support groups? julie

Hi Julie,

I'm glad Wendy helped you get that kick start you needed. This gastric band business is harder than it looks! I did go to the support group a few times. I found it quite good. I might make effort to go next time - esp if you and Wanda are regulars... it will be nice to meet you both. I don't live in London so it's easy to find an excuse not to make the journey in but maybe I will next month! I think it does help to chat with like-minded people!

 

[Alice]

Hi Alice! I remember when I first joined you were posting all the time. I am sorry to hear that you have struggled so. I really hope that you non-wls related health improves as that will help you be more motivated to use your band effectively. I think as members fall away for the forums it is usually for one of two reasons, one that they don't feel they need as much ongoing support or just don't have time. The other reason is where you find yourself, feeling bad because you have fallen off the path. I am so glad you came back and posted because now we can offer you the support you need. Your band is a weight loss tool so now that you are working to get your head in gear, you can make great use of your tool. I think that the head is where most of us forget to focus. We as a group tend to focus on the physical reactions and processes and forget that we have to do our own mental surgery. We have to prune back those mental pitfalls that make us binge, feel guilty & generally ignore our own good sense for the joy of eating something.

Good for you that you have set out to get your head straight, it is the very most important thing you can do for yourself.

Best of luck and keep talking, everyone here can relate to how you feel.

Nic

Hi Nic,

Thanks for that - you have such a way with words. Although I don't write much on here these days, I do always read your posts and find them to be full of wisdom and compassion. You are right - I think people do stop posting when they are doing badly (I am one of them). It's such a shame because that is exactly when they (we) need support.

By the way - well done on your journey! A BMI of <30 is fantastic. One day, I'll get there and know how it feels. You've done brilliantly. xx

 

[Alice]

Hi Alice

So sorry you have been feeling so low, I think you are right about going to see the doctor, also with what Wendy said.

Sincerely hope you manage to beat the cycle and stop punishing yourself in this way.

Take care and keep posting, we are all here for you when you feel down.

Hugs, Mazza x

Thanks Mazza - everyone's support means such a lot. I'm silly for stopping posting because the support really does help. I am determined to make this work - I just have to break the cycle. xx

 

[Mazza]

Thanks Mazza - everyone's support means such a lot. I'm silly for stopping posting because the support really does help. I am determined to make this work - I just have to break the cycle. xx

Good for you Alice, you know where we are when you need us! x

 

[julieann]

Hi Julie,

I'm glad Wendy helped you get that kick start you needed. This gastric band business is harder than it looks! I did go to the support group a few times. I found it quite good. I might make effort to go next time - esp if you and Wanda are regulars... it will be nice to meet you both. I don't live in London so it's easy to find an excuse not to make the journey in but maybe I will next month! I think it does help to chat with like-minded people!

I dont live in london either alice, but as long as i'm not working on the day of the next meeting i will probably go again and it would be lovely to meet you too.

 

[thinkbethin]

You're so right Alice, chatting to as you put it like minded helps lift the burden of the guilt you're putting on yourself. I'm really sorry you're going through this at the moment but you need to get things out and not bottle them up. We,re all here for you and as I've said before we may not always have the answers but we all have big hearts and broad shoulders to help each other along this hard journey.Keep posting so we can support you and maybe this will take your mind off the food. TAKE CARE xxGaynorxx

 

[cazbandy]

So sorry to hear your journey has been a tough one, I have to agree, some days it's not easy.

I believe this will be part of the turning point for you, coming here and talking about it. Sometimes that old addage a problem shared is a problem halved is so true.

We are here for you ok

 

[charliegirl]

Hi Alice sorry you are struggling but your doing the right things to try and rectify whats going on. We are always here for you....((hugs))...xx

 

[Mynewlife]

Hiya Alice

I was just wondering about you yesterday. You and I had our bands done within 6 days of eachother, and I think you had yours at Dolan Park too, like me :wave_cry:.
I remember you had to have the band de-filled, but then never heard anymore from you. I am so glad that you posted today, it is great to hear from you. I think you have done really well, considering all the setbacks you have had, and you still have the 33 pound weight loss, which has helped.
I am so glad that you are trying to get this sorted out, and I think the support you can get from the group will really help. Take care and hope you continue to post on a regular basis now you are back and keep us up on your progress.

MNL

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

hi alice and welcome back to the forum, support is part of the key to success after banding and i have also had my fair share of the ups and downs banding can bring, i hope you keep posting as we are all here to help.

best wishes

liz xxx

 

[quetiapina]

Hi Alice, Im really sorry you have had a rough time over the past few months. If you are having a bad head time it really is helpful to get counselling and possibly anti-depressants. If you don't want to go rooting around in childhood too much Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is the best - this helps modify destructive thought patterns and the behaviours this spawns.
Good luck to you.

 

[Sambucca]

welcome back to the forum Alice. Can't offer any advice I'm afraid, but talking to others who understand what you are going through is a great source of support. xx

 

[shelbell]

Alice :hug99: so sorry to hear you've had a tough time! You are a lovely kind strong person and you know that you will get as much love and support as you need here, you only have to ask.

I agree that CBT would be a great way to go for you. Counselling of any kind can help, but if you can get CBT go for it. Research other options as well as through your GP, a lot of voluntary agencies offer different types of counselling as well free of charge. If you can't find any, and paying for it is an option, there is a registered counsellors website online where you can find private counselling in your area.

In the meantime, use us here. Please!

If you want my details please just shout, I'd be happy to support you in any way I could x

 

[Mrs_CakeyBun]

Would be lovely to meet up with you at the support group...Jog my memory Julie whens the next one?

I found it really helpfull and very supportive yesterday...be warned its on the 4th Floor!!!!!!!

 

[Alice]

Thanks guys - you are all lovely. It's like an extended family on here!

I tried CBT twice before. The first time was private and a total disaster because I couldn't stand the woman! She drove me mad and was extremely unhelpful. It was a total personality clash! The second time was through my GP. I got a student counsellor who spoke very poor English and although I stuck it out through the whole course, I don't think it helped at all.

Someone joked about delving into your childhood: I actually think this is the way to go for me as lots of my issues relate back to then... I think I'll seek some good old-fashioned psychotherapy!

Thanks again lovely people xxx

 

[tendersage]

Hi Alice, i have only been around since november, sharing your concerns with others definately helps, hearing their views and considering them in light of your own experiences and circumstances will help yu come to terms mentally with the struggles your going through. Extra surgery on top of the banding is extremely tough, but perservere and you will get there