my dad....

[FEDup1981]

was told yesterday that he wont live to see 60. He's 53 almost. :cry:

He's always been a big man, not sure how much he weighs prob about 23-25st. He has type 2 diabetes, VERY high cholesterol. Neuropathy in his feet, which has got worse, high blood pressure and heart rate. He also had something wrong with his eyes caused by high BP and diabetes. The pressure in his eyes causes blood vessels to burst and leak at the back of his eyes, and this has happened again.

He was down for the bypass op, but cant afford to take 6 weeks off work. Hes a lorry driver, and they are already having financial troubles, because he was made redundant last yr, and now just works for an agency when needed. They wouldnt be able to pay the mortgage if he took time off work.
And should he die, my mam would be left with all the debt because no one will insure him with all his health problems.

I really wish i could help.

 

[BlueDiamond]

WHAT A SAD STORY, SENDING YOU FAIRY DUST AND A HUG X X JULIE

 

[teen]

That so sad and I feel for you I would hate to have had news like that. Have they asked the morgage people as some will do morgage holiday so they can have a couple of months of paying. If the op would defo pro long his life it would be worth looking in to

All the best

 

[eggbat]

dad

hi fed up sorry to hear about your dads predicament but first things first,and that shoud be his health its all well and good worrying about bills houses and jobs but thay are just that.there will always be bills problems with houses and jobs. your dad shoud seek some advice with regard to benefits etc maybe citizens advice or the local authority .and ask himself some soul searching questions like i cannot carry on like this .and shoud i be working or even driveing as poorley as i am ,i wish him luck but everything has an order in life and living must be at the top

 

[Stupid]

oh dear that is so sad..definately prolonging his life is more important than any money situation...

maybe they negotiate an interest free peroid ont their mortgage....and he may be able to get disability or something

there has to be something out there for him to be able to have the money and medical care he needs to prolong his life..stupid me

 

[swizzlestick]

Hi teen

I guess your dad has tried lots of other diets without success. If wls is out of the question for financial reasons maybe he needs to be looking seriously at more conventional methods of weight loss or even something like the cambridge diet or lighterlife.

It's hard I know but the truth of it is none of us know what the future holds, to say someone has 7 years left in them is probably a shock tactic by the docs to try and get your dad to take some positive action. You cannot spend the next seven years worrying that your dad is going to die hun. You need to focus on helping him in other ways, I know he has poor mobility from his illnesses but even a little excercise is better than nothing, maybe you should set time aside convenient for both of you to take regular slow strolls. or maybe go swimming together.

Is he on blood pressure tablets ot reduce his blood pressure? Does he include plant sterols in his daily diet to reduce the cholesterol? I know Asda and Tesco do their own cholesterol drinks which are cheaper than the branded ones.

All these little things might not seem like much Teen but they all add up to making your dad a little healthier.

Focus on positives and taking small but sure steps in helping him improve his quality of life Xx

 

[Stupid]

stupid

sorry for saying wrong thing earlier..i had neglected to note your father does agency work[so therefore maybe my suggestion of getting sick leave may not be possible]

but still there must be some sort of way he can get it sorted..like maybe the bank will give him an interest free peroid on mortgage...or maybe he can quilify for disability...

i certainly hope he can get his operation to prolong and improve his life

 

[topsy]

So sorry to hear about your dad's ill health - he really should put his health first and i know before anyone jumps down my throat the financial climate is not good. However i would much rather have my dad and i'm sure your mum would prefer to have her husband with her for as long as possible.

My own dad was a smoker and on one of the occasions he went into hospital with a chest infection the doctor told him quite plainly that if he didn't give up smoking there and then - then he would only have months to live. He did this and he had been a smoker for 60 yrs!! for the gift of his life that he gave me i will be eternally grateful to him that we had that extra time together.

Try and get your mum and dad to seek professional help on their finances and see if something can be done in order for him to have a bypass op and have a better quality of life all round and then you and your mum will have those extra years too.

Sending you hugs with fairy dust to lighten your heart and give you courage x

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

Oh god thats awful
I would gte him to call the CAB office and see what they suggest as eveyone has said life is far more important than money and bills but they will still need paying.
I would deffinately go for teh bypass if he has that many problems relating to being obese. this will in itself prolong his life and in teh meantime look at ways of sorting finances out.
Good luck xx

 

[Snowcrystal]

was told yesterday that he wont live to see 60. He's 53 almost. :cry:

He's always been a big man, not sure how much he weighs prob about 23-25st. He has type 2 diabetes, VERY high cholesterol. Neuropathy in his feet, which has got worse, high blood pressure and heart rate. He also had something wrong with his eyes caused by high BP and diabetes. The pressure in his eyes causes blood vessels to burst and leak at the back of his eyes, and this has happened again.

He was down for the bypass op, but cant afford to take 6 weeks off work. Hes a lorry driver, and they are already having financial troubles, because he was made redundant last yr, and now just works for an agency when needed. They wouldnt be able to pay the mortgage if he took time off work.
And should he die, my mam would be left with all the debt because no one will insure him with all his health problems.

I really wish i could help.

I'm so sorry to hear this really sad story...
Please forgive me for being blunt...but this is a no brainer...he has to get the op and he has to take the time off...otherwise he'll be taking time off on a more permanent basis...like forever.

The key words are 'He'll never live to see 60'...If you think about it that could be tomorrow, next week, next month or next year.

What would happen if, God forbid he got run over?

That said there has to be some financial help from somewhere.

Tell him to get the op...twist his arm.

Good luck and take care

~X~

 

[cazbandy]

Hi Fedup

Tough times for you and yours but there is always a solution somewhere.

Firstly, with the conditions your father has, there are no garantees to how long he would be able to work without this life saving surgery. And your Mum would be in the same boat anyway.

He needs this more than his job, his money everything. Is he able to get on NHS and in the meantime start a new healthy lifestyle, with your support and help?

He will be able to claim benefits for time signed off work and once he has lost weight he will be fitter and healthier and employers will be more willing to take him on.

I know if I was employing, I would have serious doubts about your father's ability to carry out tasks. I know that sounds harsh but it's the way the world works hun. I know that when I was at my heaviest, with problems, I was not getting a fair look in. I have decided I am more important than work right now and it my aim to get fit.

I think the big picture has to be looked at and I know that is hard when you are in the centre of a vry emotional situation.

We are here to help you and maybe we can help support your father too.

I hope things fall into place...for all of you. ((((((HUGS))))))

 

[teen]

Hi teen

I guess your dad has tried lots of other diets without success. If wls is out of the question for financial reasons maybe he needs to be looking seriously at more conventional methods of weight loss or even something like the cambridge diet or lighterlife.

It's hard I know but the truth of it is none of us know what the future holds, to say someone has 7 years left in them is probably a shock tactic by the docs to try and get your dad to take some positive action. You cannot spend the next seven years worrying that your dad is going to die hun. You need to focus on helping him in other ways, I know he has poor mobility from his illnesses but even a little excercise is better than nothing, maybe you should set time aside convenient for both of you to take regular slow strolls. or maybe go swimming together.

Is he on blood pressure tablets ot reduce his blood pressure? Does he include plant sterols in his daily diet to reduce the cholesterol? I know Asda and Tesco do their own cholesterol drinks which are cheaper than the branded ones.

All these little things might not seem like much Teen but they all add up to making your dad a little healthier.

Focus on positives and taking small but sure steps in helping him improve his quality of life Xx

Hi my dad is fine I think you have the posts mixed up

 

[swizzlestick]

Oh gosh so sorry Teen I did mean Fedup1981 Looks like I had a senior moment there! Xx

 

[FEDup1981]

Thanks all for replying.

I REALLY REALLY want him to have the op. But since he lost his permanent job last year, things have been really bad with money for them, and theyre basically robbing peter to pay paul. I think they are one month behind on the mortgage already, and other debts, so i think mortgage company are on their backs already.

I text him earlier saying my mam had told me what the nurse had said, and that he really needed to try to lose weight, and i wasnt ready for him to die, and i loved him to bits (i never say things like that to him, so hoping that was a shock too) and he txt back saying "lol - im not going anywhere", dunno if thats him not taking it seriously, tho he said to my mam it was a shock, or if its him trying to reassure me.

I even thought about fundraising for him, just to get the money for him to take 6 weeks off, but dunno where to start. Any ideas? Carboot etc, not sure?

He's heading for a major heart attack, or huge stroke, and if his veins are all ready blocked up causing the neuropathy, god knows what his heart is like.

I wish i could win the lottery

 

[FEDup1981]

LOL At stupid & Teen! I knew who u meant, think uve done that b4 too!! lol

 

[Pit Bull]

Dad

Fedup, sorry to hear that your Dad is not too good at the moment and that his worklife is affecting the operation decision.

Regarding the mortgage, if your Mom & Dad contact the mortgage company, explain the situation that your Dad is due surgery and therefore will be unable to work for 6 weeks, they may come to an arrangement to let them just pay the interest for that period. Its not a guarantee but a question worth asking.

I work for a Diabetologist and therefore if you require any advice or help let me know and I will find out what I can for you.

On the subject of the operation, a patient of my boss is now about 14 weeks post op and is doing really well, her diabetes is very well controlled now.

I don't have all the answers, I can offer suggestions and support.

Only your Dad can make the decision whether to go ahead or not but there is plenty of help and advice if you need it.

Good luck.

 

[Caroline101061]

Right, time for a meeting with his GP - explain the whole situation. Maybe he can write to the Building Society on compassionate grounds. There are also benefits he would be entitled to whilst off sick - even if its only statutory sick pay. Also if he is temping, he should get some form of sick pay from the agency he works for. His health is paramount. Could also try your MP - its a long shot but they might have some advice.

 

[FEDup1981]

Thanks everyone, for all the advice. Such good advice from everyone. My head is battered from thinking about ways to sort it out. Gonna ring him in a bit to see if i can get him to start ringing/writing to places asking for advice or whatever - sorry im mumbling!

Ill pop back later. x

 

[Brunetteandred]

I have a sneaky feeling he is trying to hold it all together and keep it all calm for you and your mother's sake. As a driver, he knows he will lose his license as soon as he becomes insulin dependent. That must be a heavy emotional burden to bear.

It is crucial that action is taken now to prevent further deterioration and you and your mother may need to take matters out of his hands.

My OH is Type 2 and also an Class 1 driver. Thankfully his condition is still tablet-controlled. I think only the fear of losing his Class 1 licence and ergo, his livelihood has kept him fairly disciplined. He is struggling with his weight (carries it mainly on his belly, so is in the most dangerous of places) but has managed to keep his bloods fairly stable with the tablets.

There has been some good advice above, but I feel the toughest thing will be getting your dad to release the controls of his health for a while.

I wish you all the very best and please, keep talking. xx

 

[FEDup1981]

Thanks everyone. Rang my dad, but he was sleeping cos he's been working nights. So rang my mam, and told her it was either £2k to keep them going for the 6weeks, or it was £2k to pay for his funeral (not quite as blunt as that, but close!) either way it will have to be found. Im one of four, but family arguements, mean that we arent speaking (another story) but i hope that they feel as desperate as me to find the money.
Im so upset, and DESPERATE, and i think to my mam i sounded way over the top. But im a nurse, and i know no other nurse would say that to a patient unless they are really worried about the patients health.
I said to my mam that it may take 6 months to get back on the NHS list etc, so we have 6 months to find it, but she didnt sound overly confident.
She confessed they were actually 3 months behind on the mortgage, and the mortgage company wont let them do anything until theyve cleared the debt, and payments have been on time for 6 continuous months.
This is a real mess, and i feel like i dunno where to start to help out now. I feel dreadful for saying it, but its another worry i dont really need at the moment.

Thanks for letting me moan away.