My story

[Heidi C]

Hello fellow slim Jims'
I have decided to write a little history down, mostly for myself, I think.
I was a super fit, very happy and healthy child. I was a horse rider, gymnast, swimmer, diver and synchronised swimmer. I loved my sport, until I discovered boys.....at 16 that seem so much more important. School work started to drop and the weight started to pile on and on and on.
Not very cool when you have two sister - one who was a ramp model and the other an international model who could eat whatever they wanted and never put in weight.
After school, I left South Africa and travelled the USA. 26 states in 3 yrs and I think I drove through each and every drive through. Landed back in SA and got married weighing 94kgs. Over the next 8yrs I had two kids and my weight after giving birth to my second son in 2002 was 86kg. Had postnal depression and dropped to 72kg. I looked fab, a million dollars, I just happened to be miserable. Weight climbed back up the happier I became. On the 29 Dec 2015 we flew back to the uk from a Christmas holiday at home and I was so uncomfortable on the plane, I thought my jeans were going to split. As soon as we arrived home I stood in the scale and weighed in at 107.4kg. My heaviest weight ever. I just cried and cried. My family had no idea why I was crying, I said I was just super tired and was very sad to leave my family behind in SA. BOLLOCKS! This was it, I was going to change my ways, enough was enough. Overnight I became a gluten free vegan! God it was a shock. Everyone around me thought I had lost the plot. I mean, what good South African gives up meat. A couple of months in I felt amazing, I was sleeping better, my skin was glowing, I was a happier person and the weight was coming off. Yip! All the way down to 93kgs and then who the hell knows what happened. It stopped, plain and simple, it just stopped. Then, surprise surprise it started creeping back up. 100% fat vegan here. I went to 3 doctors and 2 said I should try antidepressants because one of the side effects was weight loss. The 3rd doctor said I should try slimming world. No one was prepared to tell me what I already knew and that was I shoved too much food in my gob! Plain and simple. I'm a lover of food. I love planning menus, I love to page through cookbooks, I love to buy the food and I love to cook the food. I love to serve the food and I love to eat the food. I love the warm family feel it creates and the comforts it brings. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I'm busy and I eat when I'm bored and I just never feel full.
SO.........boy, do I know that I have a massive mental journey ahead of me. I have the immediate worries of going abroad alone to have the surgery, the worry of will everyone survive while I'm down, the martyr! The worry of will they remove another organ while I'm out and sell it on the black market (watch way too much crap) but my biggest worry is the mental mind. I know it's going to be so hard and I know my husband and friends and family are all going to think WTF. I'm not telling everyone either. My husband, my three closest friends and you all know I'm having the gastric sleeve. My kids are teens and not too bothered as to what's going on other than the usual "what's for dinner, can my girlfriend come over, did you find my muddy rugby shorts under my bed....."
So it's me, finally doing something to help me! I feel guilty about spending my hard earned money on me, just me! I know it's the right thing and I know it's to create a better version of me. Not only will I be healthier, not only will I be able to do more for my family but there's a saying I do like:
If you look good, you feel good
If you feel good, you do good.
So here's to me, setting sail in 2 weeks to start a new adventure. Can't wait to see where it takes me
Thanx all and happy days to all

 

[Hannah2]

Hi Heidi, thanks for introducing yourself and writing down your story.

Given your issues with food and your love of food I highly recommend that you have counselling in place - it is too short notice now to do this before your op to try and resolve your behaviours/or at least address and understand them, but trust me even if you didn't have such a love of food before the op, not being able to eat and losing the enjoyment of eating are big things to overcome. I no longer want to cook as I don't get the enjoyment from eating, I hate leaving food on my plate even though there are only a few spoons full on the plate to begin with. You will need to find things to replace food for comfort/celebration/support - be aware of addiction transfer.

This is hard to do without some sort of psychological or counselling support, especially if you are aware of such a strong link/attachment to food. The last thing you want to do after spending all this money and putting yourself through this is to risk the success of the operation. WLS is a tool, you will have seen that written a lot! What that means is that those of us that have had the operation are fighting every day to keep control and work with our WLS to get the best outcome we can. The operation is on our stomachs and not our heads and in a lot of cases those cravings for foods and the wish to eat (for whatever comfort you crave) is still there and it is the mental battle that is often the hardest.

 

[Heidi C]

Hi Heidi, thanks for introducing yourself and writing down your story.

Given your issues with food and your love of food I highly recommend that you have counselling in place - it is too short notice now to do this before your op to try and resolve your behaviours/or at least address and understand them, but trust me even if you didn't have such a love of food before the op, not being able to eat and losing the enjoyment of eating are big things to overcome. I no longer want to cook as I don't get the enjoyment from eating, I hate leaving food on my plate even though there are only a few spoons full on the plate to begin with. You will need to find things to replace food for comfort/celebration/support - be aware of addiction transfer.

This is hard to do without some sort of psychological or counselling support, especially if you are aware of such a strong link/attachment to food. The last thing you want to do after spending all this money and putting yourself through this is to risk the success of the operation. WLS is a tool, you will have seen that written a lot! What that means is that those of us that have had the operation are fighting every day to keep control and work with our WLS to get the best outcome we can. The operation is on our stomachs and not our heads and in a lot of cases those cravings for foods and the wish to eat (for whatever comfort you crave) is still there and it is the mental battle that is often the hardest.

Hi Hannah
Thanx for the message.i have had counselling in the past and will have again. I think I am just a bit more honest than most and quite happy to admit my short comings. I'm well aware of the journey in front of me and stated that in my post. Thank you for your concern though.

 

[FeeBee]

You might find when you can read diaries a lot of us have been very open about the issues we have had with food Heidi. Personally I've talked about the part food played in an abusive childhood for example and others have been equally as frank. I think in part that's where Hannah's coming from.