O/T feel so helpless

[Mazza]

Hello there..

I know not everyone will share my view , but I am going to give it all the same.

I do understand the school have rules and procedures to follow..............but OMG all the same, and to say to a parent, "he was just probably experimenting" I think thats a total disgrace, how would they feel if it was their child???????? I am sure they would not take the same view. And tbh I would not feel comfortable knowing my child have been violated in this way and yet the perpertrator is still being taught in the same school, whilst I appreciate the child needs help, having the child in the same school as the victim day in and day out, surely would only prolong her road to recovery !! I must admit I am not an expert in this field, but this is coming from my heart as a mother. I only hope this matter is resolved a.s.a.p for the mother of the child and more importantly the child herself...........my heart goes out to you both, may justice be done. Sorry if this offends anyone, but its how I feel.

All the best - MeJulie xx

Thanks me julie, I know what you mean, it was the social worker who said he was probably experimenting which I also thought was shocking - he is only 6!. Thankfully the school saw it for what it was and took the appropriate action.

Apparently there will be a meeting next week (a strap meeting???) between the school, police and social services to deceide on next steps. I was assured by the school and to some extent the social worker that my daughters safety is the most important concern. The school have not confirmed it but the social worker said he will not be expelled but will be referred to them - not sure what action they will take.

Thanks again, means a lot x x x

 

[Mazza]

Hi Maryann
When I read the title I thought you had eaten something you shouldnt of . I`m so sorry to hear about your little girl God luv her , I hope she will be all right . You would think school would be a safe place for the children . Take care .
Margaret xx

Thanks Margaret Im going to do my utmost to make sure she gets through this, everyones kind words and support on here are certainly helping me too x x x

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

Hi Maryann I am so sorry to hear what has happened to your little girl. Each school has somebody responsible for Child Protection Issues. If I were you I would make an appointment to see them, you can then ask them if there is councelling available for your little girl. You may need some yourself if you were abused as a child too because it will be bringing back horrible memories for you too. When there is a child protection issue social services and the police get involved and they have regular meetings. The child in my opinion should be removed from the classroom where your daughter is and either kept in a room with an adult away from all other children or should be excluded until all issues have been dealt with. This child can not be allowed to get away with this but on the other side of it what is this child going through as well, so obviously needs some sort of councelling too. I am sends loads of hugs your way. Sadly there are alot of children out there that see and have to go through terrible things in life fortunately for your little girl she has got the support of a loving mum who can protect her. Hope that doesn't come across as being a bit insensitive it is not meant in that way, it's just that I work with children and it seems so unfair that alot of them don't have a normal childhood. Take care and big hugs.

 

[Mazza]

Thanks Sharron

You are right it has brought some horrible memories back for me. I really appreciate your advice too, and Jenni's, as you both obviously know a lot about the system regarding this type of thing.

I will have a word with the teacher on Monday but the scoial worker led me to believe that all further action would be agreed at the 'strap' meeting (dont know what that is though!) but it wouldnt hurt for me to feed into that via the teacher - or at least voice my concerns.

Thanks again x x x

 

[Stupid]

sorry for always saying the wrong things. guess i was so horrified that i had to reply. can't really say anything that has not been said already. i do hope with the right help and support your daugher won't be affected/ traumatised longterm. i do agree your daugher has being incredibly mature for her age in how she dealt with the situation

don't know what to say. your daugher and you are in my thoughts

 

[halve me]

hi, so sorry that this is happening to you and your daughter. sending you really big hugs and hope you can enjoy your birthday tomorrow as much as you can. sorry dont know what to say as you have already been given great advice. look after yourselves xxxxx

 

[sewingbelle56]

i am speaking with some extended family experience , of being on the receiving end of unwanted child on child touching, the strangers child s 10 years touched my relatives son x and it turned out the other child s was in a bad way being abused and was copying on our younger x 4years old
social services were sorry and x couldnt recall in the videoed interview before the tape ran out but that night but he did that night to my cousin without any prompting she was nearly sick
social sevices were more interseted in protecting s than our x
if your daughter is uncomfortable with school because of this child the 6 weeks holiday is coming up
dependant on what he did and was it just the once or more
if serious i would Write to the head asking for the child to be removed as he is a risk to your child
or if it is a big school with lots of classes per year at least moved into another class

stick up for your child social services will be looking out for the boy

if it was a minor thing then the 6 weeks holiday is going to put distance between it and she might forget it in the break


i hope it was minor for you both

as for the bullying and any other problems at school the trick is to put your complaints into writing to the head or governors, if you are in a face to face meeting they dont have to record on record the full problems , but once you put it into writing they will jump to rectify your problem as it will show when they are ofsteded, and if you dont like there soloution to your letter put it in writting again.

 

[Mazza]

i am speaking with some extended family experience , of being on the receiving end of unwanted child on child touching, the strangers child s 10 years touched my relatives son x and it turned out the other child s was in a bad way being abused and was copying on our younger x 4years old
social services were sorry and x couldnt recall in the videoed interview before the tape ran out but that night but he did that night to my cousin without any prompting she was nearly sick
social sevices were more interseted in protecting s than our x
if your daughter is uncomfortable with school because of this child the 6 weeks holiday is coming up
dependant on what he did and was it just the once or more
if serious i would Write to the head asking for the child to be removed as he is a risk to your child
or if it is a big school with lots of classes per year at least moved into another class

stick up for your child social services will be looking out for the boy

if it was a minor thing then the 6 weeks holiday is going to put distance between it and she might forget it in the break


i hope it was minor for you both

as for the bullying and any other problems at school the trick is to put your complaints into writing to the head or governors, if you are in a face to face meeting they dont have to record on record the full problems , but once you put it into writing they will jump to rectify your problem as it will show when they are ofsteded, and if you dont like there soloution to your letter put it in writting again.

Hi

What you have said seems to be happening with us too, social services have said a - the boy was experimenting b - but your daughter is ok, they havent spoken to her and she isnt. Im really concerned for him too because its not nice that he has either seen or been subjected to this.

Unfortunatly it wasnt a one off he had been doing it for a while, pretty much when ever he got the chance. So proud that my daughter spoke out so that the teacher saw it! Also it wasnt minor - wont go into details but the teacher was very shocked when she phoned.

The holidays re coming up and my daughter will not be in the same class as the girl who previoulsy bullied her but will be in the same class as the boy. The school only has 2 classes for each year.

Im going to speak to the teacher again on Monday - she is very good and I know she will take my concerns on board. She knows my daughter very well and Im sure when the meeting with police etc takes place she will stand her ground.

Thanks for your message x

 

[Mazza]

hi, so sorry that this is happening to you and your daughter. sending you really big hugs and hope you can enjoy your birthday tomorrow as much as you can. sorry dont know what to say as you have already been given great advice. look after yourselves xxxxx

Aw thanks x

 

[thinkbethin]

Maz I'm so sorry to hear this news. These days when this happens everyone gets involved. If this had happened years ago maybe us as parents would know what to do.Your daughter will get through this with the loving Mummy she's got to help her. Experimenting or not this has still upset your precious child and even though you said you feel sorry for this boy you also want to protect your daughter from it happening again. Children of this age don't always realise that what they're doing is wrong. As you have said you feel this boy may have witnessed this sort of behaviour before so maybe he thinks its alright and trying to be "all grown up". What he does'nt realise is the effect it is having on a child that has'nt witnessed this sort of behaviour. I think you're a very brave lady to feel sorry for him because alot of parents these days would have hated the poor child. Good luck and I really hope you all get through this with no long lasting emotional upset. Big hugs to you and your family at this difficult time.xx

 

[gaelic girl]

Hi Maz
So sorry to hear about this really difficult time for. I work with teenagers who have been sexually abused and like Jenni ( who gave spot on advice) i do child protection work. Firstly let me try to reassure you by saying your wee one will be well protected at school they have child protection policies which will be being followed as we speak. Six year olds will experiment but it's unusual to take place at school most likely at home with friends they know. You are right to be thinking of the boy too it probably is "learned behaviour". The police have family unit officers who are specially trained in child protection as will be the social workers that are dealing with this. They will interview the boy through a number of gentle approaches (trust is the key here)to try and establish how much knowledge he actually has and how he knows it. They will also interview his parents and you may find if they have concerns the boy could be subject to a child protection investigation himself. They will also gently talk to your daughter to get as much info as pos.I have previously worked with children as young as this who have been systematically abused( some by their parents) and have supported them through the healing process. Children are resilliant and do bounce back it's us adults that go to pieces on their behalf. The outcome to the investigation will depend on what they find it will centre on protecting both children. Your daughter is very much loved and you will take her through this by being as "normal" as possible i know it's not easy. Please pm if you want to talk some more. I'm off on hol tomorrow for 2 weeks but will come back online late tonight. Sending a huge hug to you xx

 

[debbiejane]

oh maz that is terrrible i have two daughters and i cant imagine how i would feel you really have my love .hope you have a good day on your birthday to give you all a bit of cheer .i hope you get it sorted soon and some counselling for your daughter so she can eventually move on .an yes i would want to wrap her in cotton wool to its only natural as a loving mum hugs to you all xxxxxxx:grouphugg::grouphugg:

 

[thinkbethin]

Hi Mazza, I've been thinking of you and your daughter today and really hope you're both feeling a little better.I know it just does'nt go away but with clearer heads some ease might combat the pain.

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

Hope you enjoyed your birthday as much as you could. You said you are going to speak to your daughters teacher again on Monday but please make sure you speak to the teacher in charge of child protection as well. In our school it is the head teacher but not sure if it is the same in all schools. Been thinking of you all weekend take care and sending you both hugs and praying that you get through this as best you can.

 

[mini-mummy]

I'm so sorry this has happened to your daughter. I work in a year 2 classroom and have never heard of behaviour like this, I'm so shocked. Will your daughter be staying in the same primary school for year 3, or does she make the change to a junior school?

 

[fairyringuk]

Great advice from Jen and the others Maz you must be devastated but Jen is right you must keep things as calm and 'normal' as possible
only other thing I would ask is to assure her that none of this is her fault.
Lots of hugs and prayers winging your way

Jay xx

 

[Mazza]

Hope you enjoyed your birthday as much as you could. You said you are going to speak to your daughters teacher again on Monday but please make sure you speak to the teacher in charge of child protection as well. In our school it is the head teacher but not sure if it is the same in all schools. Been thinking of you all weekend take care and sending you both hugs and praying that you get through this as best you can.

Hi Sharron, luckily her teacher is also the deputy head - so she is in charge regarding these things.

As I type this its 9.05pm and she doesnt want me or her step dad (my OH) to leave her - normally she is in bed at 7 and asleep by 7.30. She keeps coming down and asking for a hug and can she stay with us - its breaking my heart ........

 

[Mazza]

I'm so sorry this has happened to your daughter. I work in a year 2 classroom and have never heard of behaviour like this, I'm so shocked. Will your daughter be staying in the same primary school for year 3, or does she make the change to a junior school?

Hi, yes she will be staying at the same school. We only moved here just before xmas. The school have been very good, we really have no problems with them. We just want to make sure she is considered by the police and social services.

Thanks for your message x

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

With a lot of support from you and her step dad she will slowly get through this. Good luck today talking to the school will be thinking of you.

 

[Mazza]

Just got back from the school and it went really well. The teacher was really pleased we came to speak to her. We told her how she has been this weekend - sick on Saturday night beacuse she got so worked up, not wanting to be on her own for even a minute etc.

Its the school sports day today but the teacher said with our permission she would take my daughter to one side for 10 minutes and ask her how she is really feeling, she thinks that in the class she is putting on a brave face. We discussed that the police and social care seem to want to meet without considering how this has affected my daughter, she agreed with us that this shouldnt be the case and that she would put forward .

She is going to call me back later and tell me what my daughter said. She also agreed to speak to the headmaster about next years class allocation.

All in all it went very well, Im really pleased we went and the teacher was pleased we did too.