Don't know what to tell my DD, I feel helpless

[Karma67]

Hi all,

Well it ended up that I had to tell her at home as she wouldn't go to the cpn meeting without knowing what it was all about.
She's putting on a brave face at the moment, and obviously in shock...as we all are...saying she hardly knew him and that shealways new he was a****, and feels awful about the girlfriend (and angry)

We did go to the meeting and she wouldnt open up at all but I got to explain to her why I hadnt told her straight away and had wanted to do it with cpn present, aswell as how im there for her etc.

I'm expecting delayed reaction to this news to be honest, which is perfectly normal, but at least the first hurdle is over and i have told her.

Thanks once again for all your kind thoughts and advice x

 

[Twiggie]

I'm so sorry to hear this hun, as everyone else I'm very shocked at reading the last paragraph!!!

Can I just say though, as I'm sure you want to keep this as confidential as possible, that you might want to remove the details surrounding the murder hun as they're easily found.

BIG, BIG hugs to you, can't possibly imagine what you're going through right now x

 

[vanilla-cupcake]

I'm so sorry to hear this hun, as everyone else I'm very shocked at reading the last paragraph!!!

Can I just say though, as I'm sure you want to keep this as confidential as possible, that you might want to remove the details surrounding the murder hun as they're easily found.

BIG, BIG hugs to you, can't possibly imagine what you're going through right now x

I was going to say the same thing, i remembered reading about it last month and was able to find it again on google

 

[Fashionably Late]

I am so terribly sorry. I honestly don't know what to say. Your poor daughter.

 

[gaelic girl]

Karma
Firstly apologies i've just opened this post and was so shocked when i read your story. I can't even begin to imagine what you and your daughter must feel there is definatly a what if scenario there thank goodness you found the strength to leave him. That poor girl and her family too my heart goes out to them all. Years back in a previous childrens home i worked in i was looking after a 15 year old who had contact with both her mother and father( who had new partners years before) and her father violently murdered her mother. I had to tell this child and i still remember it vividly. Your daughter will react as you rightly say later she will go through every emotion there is to have and i'm sure she will have lots of questions through time too possibly including the need to know every detail. Anger will be inevitable so like every one else has said use CPN and any other help you can get for her even if it is weeks\months down the line. All kids are different she may find it easier to talk to you or she may chose someone less close to her but in my experience she will talk to someone through time. All you can do is be the fantastic support you obviously are and take each day for what it is. I really hope that you too get support because you need to be able to talk about your feelings in order to help your daughter. Please keep posting on here so we can support you and anything we can do to help please just ask xx

 

[Snowcrystal]

Hi all,

Well it ended up that I had to tell her at home as she wouldn't go to the cpn meeting without knowing what it was all about.
She's putting on a brave face at the moment, and obviously in shock...as we all are...saying she hardly knew him and that shealways new he was a****, and feels awful about the girlfriend (and angry)

We did go to the meeting and she wouldnt open up at all but I got to explain to her why I hadnt told her straight away and had wanted to do it with cpn present, aswell as how im there for her etc.

I'm expecting delayed reaction to this news to be honest, which is perfectly normal, but at least the first hurdle is over and i have told her.

Thanks once again for all your kind thoughts and advice x

Hi Karma

Well I had a feeling that it would end up this way as it happens...expect lots of mixed emotions...she will still need help along the way...

She is right that she don't really know him or even the girlfriend for that matter but deep down there will be a "why did my father do this"...it's the family connection that hurts...and the fact that a woman she felt a connection with is now dead.

It's good she has you, a very supportive mother who understands from her perspective...Just let her vent when she needs to...she might bury it, she might not...let her pace it out herself.

That said, don't forget yourself...you are in the middle of all this and you need your vent too.

if you need someone to hear you out..don't hesitate to give me shout.

(((hugs)))

 

[Karma67]

Thanks all yet again!

Feeling rather drained at the moment, but really appreiate all ur comments and advice x

Twiggie and wanna-be, i've taken on board what u said and have amended my post....I was in shock when i first posted and had not thought of the ramifications of my post re:details x I wouldn't want to hurt or upset anyone's feelings about this especally if they were involved x

 

[Isis]

Thinking of you both xx :hug99::hug99::hug99:

 

[Bonita]

This is so sad and I'm sorry to hear it. My stepdaughters mother was murdered by her stepfather (hope that makes sense), and I'm sure she would chat to you about how she felt and coped if you feel you need it. PM me if you do and I'll pass on her details.

Stay Strong.
xxx