overwhelming anxiety

[tkdlass]

My mind is made up i'm going to start the process of trying to convice people i need to have wls. The hard part for now will be picking up the phone to make appointment to see GP My GP isn't behide wls but he is happy to put me forward for weight loss management in Glasgow where they will do what they need to go.

If i get an appointment with them i plan on getting my medical records copied from hospital and GP's surgery to take with me they go as far back as age 9.

I have spend enough time and enough tears on failings and disappointments and disappointing the people around me. They say their not disappontmented but i can see it. This is for me and im sure for all of you the last hope and some kind of recovering from my past.

No offense to none of you , but you dont know me but what i will say is , profound damage has been done to me emonionally and mentally , and i plan on telling whomever makes the choice to fund me or not because my life is lititilty in their hands.

Right now i have nothing , right now i am trying to find a me they have failed me my whole life and i fully expect them to do the same again but i will let them my story i plan on writing a letter to be placed on my file for them to see , no not a sob story just the truth the bare faced truth.

I have come to the end of my line of what i can handle.

it wont take the damage away but i will help me recover from it. I Hope.

 

[Bev]

Hello Angel,

I am wanting to wish you every bit of good luck I can send with your journey... I feel as though we have got to know each other... through our mutual love of our pets and discussions and your love and light shines right through.

We all have to start somewhere and it's not easy when we are doing something for us... but it's necessary and you are worthy of it... so go and do your very best and on the back of that I am reaching out and sending the hand of friendship to you to hang on to me and others here to steer you over the rough seas to calmer waters.

It's normal to feel totally fed up and don't think you are alone... all of our journeys start with similar stories and we have a collective strength and a mutual understanding so please go forth with some confidence and do what you can for you.

At your side and sending a loving hug to help you on your steps to a better life.

Hoping beyond hope for change and we persevere together... it's not always a straight run to the end, but we do what we can to all get from A to Z together... take care precious.

Love and hugs, Bev xxx

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Hi End it,life can indeed seem very bleak at times,not to trivialise anything you have gone through in your past but it seems many of us on this forum have trod the same road to end here waiting for surgery.I will openly admit my weight problems started when I was abused as a child.Low self esteem set in,To others I was big and bubbly,in reality I was dying,thought it was written all over my face what had happened.You are doing the right thing by getting stuck in and fighting.Good luck for the future because you do have one, believe me.Maz x

 

[tkdlass]

Hello Angel,

I am wanting to wish you every bit of good luck I can send with your journey... I feel as though we have got to know each other... through our mutual love of our pets and discussions and your love and light shines right through.

We all have to start somewhere and it's not easy when we are doing something for us... but it's necessary and you are worthy of it... so go and do your very best and on the back of that I am reaching out and sending the hand of friendship to you to hang on to me and others here to steer you over the rough seas to calmer waters.

It's normal to feel totally fed up and don't think you are alone... all of our journeys start with similar stories and we have a collective strength and a mutual understanding so please go forth with some confidence and do what you can for you.

At your side and sending a loving hug to help you on your steps to a better life.

Hoping beyond hope for change and we persevere together... it's not always a straight run to the end, but we do what we can to all get from A to Z together... take care precious.

Love and hugs, Bev xxx

I can tell from talking to you that your a very nice and caring person. your one of a few people that say to me that they see light and love in me , maybe i wanna i see too what tohers see in me instead of what i see now.

I have tried my best since i was 13 years old to loss weight it wasnt till i was 17 i knew why i wasnt losing weight like others and the food i was eatting wasnt doing for me what it was other people crabs are bad for me i went on the atkins deit i lost weight yes but i couldnt stay away even on vit B12 i slept ALL the time i felt ill all the time so i stopped.

I havent set my heart on anything but again another failure. I cant help it.

i fully expect there to be a fight for me there always is but this is one fight one i will not lay down easy.

Thank you so much for your kind words
*takes hand of friendship*
i need friends who understand.
thank you for giving me that Bev.

 

[Bev]

You are welcome precious and never feel alone.

We have all gone through hell and high water to get where we are today... either pre or post surgery, so it's hard to know this unless you have gone through it.... when you have arrived you'll be helping people along too and I most certainly have felt your love and light, through your beautiful Charlie with white paws! Animals cant be fooled and they know exactly who is who!

We have all had doors closed in our faces, we've been sent home with diets and advice... it's part of the journey... expect anything, but never ever give up!

I wondered if you may have a few contacts in your area and perhaps you could join a local group... Allie was from your area, she has moved to the Isle of Lewis, but will be back online this week, I can get her to advise you as to what's on offer in your area if that would help?

Love and hugs, you are precious! xxx

 

[tkdlass]

Hi End it,life can indeed seem very bleak at times,not to trivialise anything you have gone through in your past but it seems many of us on this forum have trod the same road to end here waiting for surgery.I will openly admit my weight problems started when I was abused as a child.Low self esteem set in,To others I was big and bubbly,in reality I was dying,thought it was written all over my face what had happened.You are doing the right thing by getting stuck in and fighting.Good luck for the future because you do have one, believe me.Maz x

I was abused at both home and school for 12 years
i wont go into detail , but like you said low self esteem , low everything , then to a edge of whats the point? ive been over and over and over and over and over it all , analyzed backwards and forewards sideways , up and down. still to a dead end.

i cant aceppt myself as i am because i cant accept hate.

I live with my masks everyday i laugh outside in the house i cry on the computer on the internet i wear a mask because in reality no bodt really wants to know. no offense to you hun.

anyway im sure you know to some point what i am babbling on about!

 

[tkdlass]

You are welcome precious and never feel alone.

We have all gone through hell and high water to get where we are today... either pre or post surgery, so it's hard to know this unless you have gone through it.... when you have arrived you'll be helping people along too and I most certainly have felt your love and light, through your beautiful Charlie with white paws! Animals cant be fooled and they know exactly who is who!

We have all had doors closed in our faces, we've been sent home with diets and advice... it's part of the journey... expect anything, but never ever give up!

I wondered if you may have a few contacts in your area and perhaps you could join a local group... Allie was from your area, she has moved to the Isle of Lewis, but will be back online this week, I can get her to advise you as to what's on offer in your area if that would help?

Love and hugs, you are precious! xxx

Charlie is my best friend i talk to him and he doesnt judge , laugh , bring me down , or tell me im stupid , fat , uglyy , its my fault. hes my best mate. me is me to him. thats true love.

I hope that if i can take this journey that i can help others and support them through thiers because there is nothing worse than going through something feeling so alone or being alone because some people just cant be depended on themselves they need others.

I have profound anxity levels I.E. everything panics and cause me anxiety incudling joining groups infact i hide alot in the house , i take charlie a walk but i do it certains times and only at certain places out of the way places places i know i wont meet anyone i wear my Ipod so i block noises out around me if i wear and i see someone their less lightly to come over to me and talk.

This is why i like the net groups like this so much.

 

[Bev]

I can understand why you like to be within your comfort space... that is another thing that many of us have experienced too...

but your Charlie will be pulling you along... as do my four legged babes... they need us and they want us more than anything... just imagine what you will be able to do in the longer term...

I would start by taking a positive visit to your GP and outline your situation... there will be notes on threads on here for you to use for help and support... and get yourself going... I am a similar weight to you precious and know how it feels... so don't ever feel as though you are alone or isolated.

Another lovely thing about having Charlie is the snuggles and love... I have a little rescue Yorkie, Meerkat and he shares his love with me and we are great friends... he's my shadow...

As I said before the border collie keeps my mind busy as does your Charlie and they are all my babies....

They bring your love and light to the fore and life is worth living when you have such love around you...

Love and hugs Angel xxx

 

[sugga]

Hello end it, im glad to hear that you are going to take the plunge and go visit your doctor. Bless you love, you wont regret it.
You sound a lovely person and i just want you to know that you will come through this. With lots of determination on your part and the support and encouragement from the people on this site, you will get there.
Hang on in there love and do this one step at a time.
You will succeed. Huggs xxx

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Hi again,could you make a very big leap forward and change your name?or let us know your first name?Having a negative lable on yourself wont help.You have put a photo on of yourself,more than I could do,and you look great to me.Dont let the negative things that happened in your past, keep you in your past.You cant change what has gone, but you can influence what is to be.Please join Secret Santa.Only a bit of fun,one of your new pals Maz x

 

[tkdlass]

I can understand why you like to be within your comfort space... that is another thing that many of us have experienced too...

but your Charlie will be pulling you along... as do my four legged babes... they need us and they want us more than anything... just imagine what you will be able to do in the longer term...

I would start by taking a positive visit to your GP and outline your situation... there will be notes on threads on here for you to use for help and support... and get yourself going... I am a similar weight to you precious and know how it feels... so don't ever feel as though you are alone or isolated.

Another lovely thing about having Charlie is the snuggles and love... I have a little rescue Yorkie, Meerkat and he shares his love with me and we are great friends... he's my shadow...

As I said before the border collie keeps my mind busy as does your Charlie and they are all my babies....

They bring your love and light to the fore and life is worth living when you have such love around you...

Love and hugs Angel xxx

My confort zone has been mine for many years now i'll be hard to brake but its impossible now. Charlie just rolls with the punches with me.

My doctor i have now has been my doctor for years hes seen the battles and my failures but still doesnt think wls is for me but in the end he respects me enough to support it and help me out. again I hope.

i've been something like 25 -26 stone at my highest weight and im 17 and half now so i dont think committment will be a problem for me.

 

[phatmomma]

End it, you have a very sad story but you are not the only one, a lot of us share similar stories... Abused by people who really should have been our protectors.......

Your wls is not your big challenge although it will be a fight for you. Your first big challenge is to see in yourself what we see when we read your post.

You are a strong person and a fighter. You don't need to let these dark events from the past stop letting you shine. I've said this to so many people and i say it now to you... So you're overweight, that doesn't make you any less of a beautiful person! You are worthy of having your wls and this will change your outside appearance. Just remember the inside of your good self is beautiful too xxx

 

[tkdlass]

Hello end it, im glad to hear that you are going to take the plunge and go visit your doctor. Bless you love, you wont regret it.
You sound a lovely person and i just want you to know that you will come through this. With lots of determination on your part and the support and encouragement from the people on this site, you will get there.
Hang on in there love and do this one step at a time.
You will succeed. Huggs xxx

Thanks so much sugga
So help me god but i have tried SO hard on my own and you know what , words cant express how hard i've tried or how much i have suffered.

i keep being told will power is my strongest asset im told well more than ever its about to be out to the test along with everything else i have in me.

i am glad i have found this site and i joined i dont regret joining here and im sure if it all goes to plan i wont regret the surgery.

 

[Bev]

Hello love... you have certainly demonstrated a commitment to lose weight... we are at a similar weight now and you have done brilliantly to do that... the problem of course is keeping it off...

If you have a good relationship with your GP then discuss the options and take the lead with how you feel and what you want... are you aware of the criteria for your particular PCT.

In any event... I think you are amazing and how anyone who can move around over 7 stones is never a failure in my eyes... I think that is an amazing tribute and you deserve a fanfare... it gets harder... but you are half way there....

Good luck and hoping you can get through to your GP and get the ball rolling precious! xxx

In the meantime, keep snuggled with your wee Charlie... he's something very special and just from his photo... it shows!

Love and hugs and you have done brilliantly so far, so proud to hear of your achievements. xxxx

 

[tkdlass]

Hi again,could you make a very big leap forward and change your name?or let us know your first name?Having a negative lable on yourself wont help.You have put a photo on of yourself,more than I could do,and you look great to me.Dont let the negative things that happened in your past, keep you in your past.You cant change what has gone, but you can influence what is to be.Please join Secret Santa.Only a bit of fun,one of your new pals Maz x

My first name's Claire , and if i was to change my username it would to 'tkd'
Well its a very small photo i'll put a better one up.

i've never played secret santa! thanks for asking me to join in im made up!

 

[Bev]

Aww Claire, the Secret Santa is a lovely way of belonging and sharing a little warmth over the festivities... I'll try and find the link now and send it higher up for you to see Angel...

Love and hugs xxx

 

[tkdlass]

End it, you have a very sad story but you are not the only one, a lot of us share similar stories... Abused by people who really should have been our protectors.......

Your wls is not your big challenge although it will be a fight for you. Your first big challenge is to see in yourself what we see when we read your post.

You are a strong person and a fighter. You don't need to let these dark events from the past stop letting you shine. I've said this to so many people and i say it now to you... So you're overweight, that doesn't make you any less of a beautiful person! You are worthy of having your wls and this will change your outside appearance. Just remember the inside of your good self is beautiful too xxx

Aye i know i'm no tthe only one i have met many people on the internet one of whom i became really close with we spoke night and day via email and everyday said goodmoring and said we'd 'see each other in the morning and we did.

she said the same things as you are saying to me now you remind me of her.

If i havent read a old email or something from my best mate in a awhile i read my own words and they dont sound like me and then before i realize it im thinking thats real nie to say to someone!

 

[tkdlass]

Hello love... you have certainly demonstrated a commitment to lose weight... we are at a similar weight now and you have done brilliantly to do that... the problem of course is keeping it off...

If you have a good relationship with your GP then discuss the options and take the lead with how you feel and what you want... are you aware of the criteria for your particular PCT.

In any event... I think you are amazing and how anyone who can move around over 7 stones is never a failure in my eyes... I think that is an amazing tribute and you deserve a fanfare... it gets harder... but you are half way there....

Good luck and hoping you can get through to your GP and get the ball rolling precious! xxx

In the meantime, keep snuggled with your wee Charlie... he's something very special and just from his photo... it shows!

Love and hugs and you have done brilliantly so far, so proud to hear of your achievements. xxxx

Keeping it off is the just that a problem! because of my PCOS my weight just creeps right back up there!!! so very frustrating!!

I think im under greater glasgow PCT i have there criteria page bookmarked! thanks for much again for your words. then again their maybe no funding so...i'd be buggered either way!

 

[Bev]

Hi Claire, the reality is that funding is an issue for many areas.... but you have to ask and explore plus I'm really hoping that you will get more involved with us and start to work your way forward with us... Charlie will be also helping you for sure!

Go for it, try and keep trying plus in the meantime do all possible to help yourself along too... we also do a daily food diary and a weekly weigh in on a Saturday if you want to join us for that... I'll send you the link...

Love and hugs xxx

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Thanks Claire, a pretty name for a pretty girl,thanks for sharing!When you find the Secret Santa link add your name or Myself or Bev will.£5 max something fun or frivolous!You email the name below yours and send them the prezzie.Lots of love and welcome to our family.Maz x