Relationships and food

[emergingbutterfly]

I was wondering if any of you guys have made a link to relationships and overeating.

I ask this as pre-op I always gained weight in relationships (there was reasons for this that I wont go into at this stage). However, after my op I put relationships on hold for a while to focus on me,my weight loss and recovery from surgery. When I was on my own I lost a serious amount of weight in the first seven/eight months. Then in August I got involved in a very intense emotional relationship and for the next four months I only lost one stone during that time. At the time I put this down to weight loss slowing down and not keeping a food diary for example.

However, I cant get it out of my head that being in a relationship slows down weight loss. Since the New Year our relationship has been put "on the back burner" for different reasons and this week when I havent being focusing on the relationship I lost 4lb.

So, my question is:-

Does being in a relationship (whether good or bad) take the focus from your weight loss and slow it down.

and

If so, would you walk away from the relationship to focus soley on your weight loss.

 

[phatmomma]

I personally think EB that when we're in a relationship not only are we content but we also spend a lot of time doing things (eating out/cinemas/nice coffees in nice coffee shops) that we wouldn't do alone so maybe this could contribute to the weight loss?

Also, now i don't know about you but i do.... Cooking? It's horrid cooking for one so you just wanna do it and get it out the way rather than enjoy cooking something delicious for the two of you.....

Congrats on the weight loss and i hope you are okay xxx

 

[daftmoo]

here here Julie i totally agree, and for me I'm giving Mark foods he's never had. His mum cooks the same things on each day every week, and they only have chips or roast potatoes and only peas as a veg. So I cooked different things all the time so improve his diet and tastes

 

[Grace]

I think there's something in this. My hubby put on 4 stones in the first year we were married! I'm a very good cook, where his mum isn't. We also loved to eat out and be adventurous with food. He discovered the joy of food through me.
I have also gained weight during our marriage, but not as much, proportionately. I think it's due to a mixture of contentment, bad habits, making food a focus (as a couple) and a love of eating out.
But now I've had my surgery, our focus has altered. We don't eat out nearly as much and of course we eat far more healthily. Hubby is now also losing weight! We still enjoy our food but our whole attention isn't on it any more.

And because his health isn't great, I've become a bit of an evangelist for weight loss and am actively encouraging him to eat less and make healthier choices.

So I would say that relationships can contribute to weight gain, but they don't need to. You can lose weight very successfully in a relationship if you're both focused on the same goal.

I'm truly blessed that my hubby is incredibly supportive of me. In the past he's loved my generously curvy shape, loved our almost obsession with food, and been reluctant to change for himself. But he's always supported me in my many and various attempts to lose weight!

Now choice has been removed to a large extent because of the surgery, he's engaged with the whole weight loss thing for both of us (not as obsessive as me though!)...and as a bonus, he's finding he's liking the new, still curvy but rather less generous size of me!

Long answer but I hope it's helpful!
Would I give up a relationship to focus on weight loss? No, not unless i could recognise that the relationship was actively and deliberately destructive in terms of the aim of weight loss.
I'd rather be pro-active in discussing the issues and coming up with a workable solution.
...because I'm losing weight to re-gain my life! What's the point in being slim if I lose everything else?
Slim and even skinny people are unhappy too!
My goal is to get the abundance of LIFE that I know I can have!
Grace xxx

 

[dottychic]

"Slim and skinny people are unhappy too!!"

Great quote Grace and so true! I think relationships can also change our eating habits, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad! It all depends on the relationship. My hubby can eat for England and can still fit in his school pants! If I eat the same way as him I put weight on, have done in the past! Contentment always plays a big part too I think but also a bad unhappy relationship can make you loose weight through stress or add weight through comfort eating! Its a double edged sword really lol....and as usual its down to us to watch everything we put into our mouths......life can be so hard lol XX

 

[kateyloo]

I totally hear what you're saying - I have always lost weight when I've been single (I lost 10 stone once!) but as soon as I meet someone else the weight starts piling back on again - I don't think it's the relationship but more about being focused on what you eat - you become more focused on pleasing your partner than pleasing yourself! I am in a relationship now and have been for almost 6 years - both of us lost weight before we met and we are slowly creeping back to that bad stage again - all because we are content so don't watch what we eat. But we have decided that it's time to start having babies so as well as my surgery my partner is also putting himself on a diet but he is limited by the fact that he won't a lot of fruit or veg or even eat at all unless I cook - which I am trying to avoid whilst I am on my pre-op diet - hopefully when he starts seeing my weightloss it will push him in the right direction..... we are already looking forward to games of tennis and squash together - which I think is key - rather than eating out or sitting in a cinema we are going to exercise together!

Anyway, I think as you get older your priorities change and you start to understand that you can only help yourself - using the information I have picked up over the years I will definitely make sure every meal in future is healthy and nutritional and it will be my partners choice if he eats it or chooses an unhealthier option - I hope he sticks to it!

Well done with your weight loss - I can't wait to start shifting some lbs xx

 

[emergingbutterfly]

Thanks guys. Very informative replies. I think for me it is not just about the cooking and eating but the fact that I need to constantly focus on my food plan and take the time to plan shopping, preparing meals etc and not just rush home in the evening to spend hours on the phone talking crap about crap things.

I am sure that now I have more time I will focus more on me and my weight loss will be better.

I agree that you can be skinny and happy...I just want to get there to find out

 

[ladylite]

I wonder have you been hurt in relationships. Perhaps you put on weight as a safety measure, the fat is there to protect you from being hurt again?

Just like to throw another suggestion in the pot.

 

[emergingbutterfly]

I wonder have you been hurt in relationships. Perhaps you put on weight as a safety measure, the fat is there to protect you from being hurt again?

Just like to throw another suggestion in the pot.

Interesting comment.... I haven't really been hurt in relationships...just disappointed. However, I have been in relationships where I feel pressure to loose weight and I think this relationship was one of them. Food for thought eh?.

BTW, did you mean a casserole pot?

 

[gaelic girl]

Interesting post! I have always put on weight in long term relationships I think in my case it was contentment and then the feeling of not necessarily having to impress a man! I know I can hear some of you shouting at me now lol, I have always needed a man to validate me! If I was out with the girls I flirted big time (thats all by the way) and if they flirted back i went home happy if not i went home in tears because i felt so unattractive.It was something I had to do. Now that I am "Skinny" and have been happily married for 18 years I still need to flirt but the big difference is its not about validation anymore its cause I want to.I'm in control and that makes me feel attractive in itself. I think I may have gone off topic there but I hope you get what I meant xxx