Self Esteem

[charliegirl]

Can someone explain the difference between self esteem and confidence? Also if you have low self esteem how can you change it? If you think your no get shakes in the looks department but good at other things does that mean you have low self esteem? Just a bit confused on this subject...Linda

 

[Perissa]

Can someone explain the difference between self esteem and confidence? Also if you have low self esteem how can you change it? If you think your no get shakes in the looks department but good at other things does that mean you have low self esteem? Just a bit confused on this subject...Linda

think your no get shakes - don't know what you mean by that?

To me confidence stems from going out there and doig things. Self Esteem is much more of an inward thing.

For example - A lot of people think I am very confident because I am outspoken. I have very low self esteem.

Confidence, yes I will speak up. Low esteem - I think that when I speak up I am not taken seriously.

Confidence, will give a presentation. Low esteem - think everyone is looking at my roles of fat.

Confidence, smile and chat with strangers. Low esteem - think they think how fat and ugly I am.

Am I making sense?

 

[charliegirl]

Hi thanks for answering yes I understand what your saying, I have confidence and get things done but think the same way you do. Do you know how to change that? If its something a person has had for as long as they can remember how can it be changed? Linda

 

[charliegirl]

Oh forgot, when I say No good shakes meaning I am not blessed with good looks just an average person looks wise...

 

[Perissa]

Hi thanks for answering yes I understand what your saying, I have confidence and get things done but think the same way you do. Do you know how to change that? If its something a person has had for as long as they can remember how can it be changed? Linda

I was told to change my inner voice. I was supposed to say a mantra to myself over and over again. I won't say what mine was but it can be something like 'I am a strong and valuable woman'.

So everytime you inner voice said 'you're fat and ugly' you say to yourself 'I am kind and generous'.

 

[charliegirl]

Did it work?

 

[e.green69]

hi linda
i would say what perissa said..
also i have alot of confidence usually but that can be brought down by feelings and events in life but i think the two are very simular hun..
when i had severe postnatal depression and was an outpatient at the hospital, i attented numerous amounts of courses and one was self esteem and building confidence.. they did both run into one another and it was how you perceived it that gave you the answer to your selfesteem/confidence..
hope that not too mind boggling hun
emmaxx

 

[Perissa]

Actually for a while it helped a lot BUT it coincided with 8 1/2 stone weight loss too - on LighterLife. When I felt a 'normal' weight I was on top of the world. It was great for confidence and self esteem.

Now I've put 7 stone of that back on my self esteem is very low.
I used to literally have whole conversations with myself like'

'I look great' - 'who am I kidding' - 'no, really I look great', - 'no I don't', 'yes I do'......

 

[Silversurfer]

I was told to change my inner voice. I was supposed to say a mantra to myself over and over again. I won't say what mine was but it can be something like 'I am a strong and valuable woman'.

So everytime you inner voice said 'you're fat and ugly' you say to yourself 'I am kind and generous'.

yep i've heard this too, my inner mantra is something along the lines of:

I'm a gorgous sexy beast and all those women want to rip my cloths off

and you know what it works........another technique i've learnt is if your in a difficult situation like giving a presentation or in a meeting, is to mentally undress every one there, then everyones equal in your mind, so for instance, the woman opposite at the meeting has massive boobs, shes probably very self concious about them, i wonder if she has to buy mail order bra's for them, or if she has to wear larger clothes to hide them, is she's thinking that everyone here is noticing them etc etc.
I know it sounds a bit pervy but it works and suddenly all those people sitting around you become less intimidating because you suddenly see that everyone, fat or thin has flaws !

 

[charliegirl]

Thanks everyone for the replies, I kind of do all that already and I have good days and bad days. I also feel that if I was not carrying as much extra weight around and felt comfortable in what I wore then I would feel good inside and out. The reason I ask this question is my consultant states in his letter his one concern is my low self esteem and he is unsure if losing weight would rid me of this. Whilst I know it would not rid it totally I will always have days were I doubt myself I am sure it will go a long way to improving how I feel. I for one dont enjoy pampering days any more, I sit in the bath and cant even get to shave my legs properly anymore etc. So I am quickly in and quickly out. I dont wash my hair as much as I used to do which was daily as I sweat so much whilst drying it it just ends up lank. Same with makeup if I go anywhere I sweat like mad and it wont stay on. When I was slimmer I would have ugly days and days when I looked in the mirror and thought "go get girl" but as my face has got fatter I tend not to want to look. I see my mother looking back at me and she had a really miserable life when she was older and really let herself go then she got cancer and died and I just think I want to have a healthy happy life for as long as I can....hope this does not sound too deep I am not having a bad day today lol...Linda x

 

[Charisma]

i wanted to go to some self esteem classes but didnt know how to go about it and was to embaressed to ask people

 

[charliegirl]

Most classes seem to centre on assertiveness and I can be assertive if I want something. I just wonder how people can look at someone and know they dont think highly of themselves? I dont tend to look at people and think anything along those lines....Linda x

 

[Charisma]

i guess you dont look at someone and see it cause they dont show it. i think i have really low self esteem but i dont show it. i think im very good at puttin on a smiley front.

 

[tammy]

Hi linda, i chair complex meetings and deliver training to rooms full of people. On the outside i come across as a stong and confident woman. On the inside i am cringing about myself and constantly worrying what people see and think of me. No one would believe that i doubt myself as i get on with my day to day job with what looks like no stress but they don't see the inner me.

To me thats the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have been know as the big bubbly one for years but it's all an act!!! xx

 

[Charisma]

Thanks everyone for the replies, I kind of do all that already and I have good days and bad days. I also feel that if I was not carrying as much extra weight around and felt comfortable in what I wore then I would feel good inside and out. The reason I ask this question is my consultant states in his letter his one concern is my low self esteem and he is unsure if losing weight would rid me of this. Whilst I know it would not rid it totally I will always have days were I doubt myself I am sure it will go a long way to improving how I feel. I for one dont enjoy pampering days any more, I sit in the bath and cant even get to shave my legs properly anymore etc. So I am quickly in and quickly out. I dont wash my hair as much as I used to do which was daily as I sweat so much whilst drying it it just ends up lank. Same with makeup if I go anywhere I sweat like mad and it wont stay on. When I was slimmer I would have ugly days and days when I looked in the mirror and thought "go get girl" but as my face has got fatter I tend not to want to look. I see my mother looking back at me and she had a really miserable life when she was older and really let herself go then she got cancer and died and I just think I want to have a healthy happy life for as long as I can....hope this does not sound too deep I am not having a bad day today lol...Linda x

how do you know when this kind of thing is low self esteem or slight depression??

 

[charliegirl]

how do you know when this kind of thing is low self esteem or slight depression??

Having suffered from depression on and off over the years I dont think it is the same thing. I know when I am starting to feel depressed and I seek help straight away before it takes hold. I think most people experience depression to some degree at some stage in their life. I am currently off work sick, started to feel out of sorts on monday of last week, just shrugged it off and got on with things, as the days went by I started to feel really ill and my head and neck were hurting. Upshot is I have infection in my sinuses which is very painful. Over the weekend before I saw the doc I was stuck in the house on my own and started to feel sorry for myself and thought I was starting with depression. However, a few days down the line with antibiotics I can know see it was not depression. I think people can have down days but others seem to think that that is depression. We all know what its like to have a crappy day at work or home and feel frustrated enough to want to cry. That to me is not depression, if you have a good cry and then get on with it which is what I tend to do I think its just a bad day. To think I am fat, ugly or not worth while is esteem. The point I am trying to make is would I feel better about myself if I was 6 stone lighter? The answer to me is yes. What does the consultant expect to happen to me if I have bypass or banding that I will still feel I am fat because that is not going to happen. Linda x

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Have you finished the menopause yet,the sweats used to get me down too!No sooner showered and sweaty again.HRT really helped though.Dont live in the past,you cant change it.Today and tomorrow are all that matter.If you give out negative vibes you will get them back,try yoga it really helps to relax your body and mind.Perhaps your GP thinks you wont be able to tackle your weight issues until you learn to like yourself more,overeating is form of self punishment for some.Keep positive.

 

[tammy]

Having suffered from depression on and off over the years I dont think it is the same thing. I know when I am starting to feel depressed and I seek help straight away before it takes hold. I think most people experience depression to some degree at some stage in their life. I am currently off work sick, started to feel out of sorts on monday of last week, just shrugged it off and got on with things, as the days went by I started to feel really ill and my head and neck were hurting. Upshot is I have infection in my sinuses which is very painful. Over the weekend before I saw the doc I was stuck in the house on my own and started to feel sorry for myself and thought I was starting with depression. However, a few days down the line with antibiotics I can know see it was not depression. I think people can have down days but others seem to think that that is depression. We all know what its like to have a crappy day at work or home and feel frustrated enough to want to cry. That to me is not depression, if you have a good cry and then get on with it which is what I tend to do I think its just a bad day. To think I am fat, ugly or not worth while is esteem. The point I am trying to make is would I feel better about myself if I was 6 stone lighter? The answer to me is yes. What does the consultant expect to happen to me if I have bypass or banding that I will still feel I am fat because that is not going to happen. Linda x

You go girl only you know what will make you feel better about you. You can retrain your mind to fit in with your new body and by making steps towards who you want to be can only raise your self self esteem xx

 

[charliegirl]

Hi linda, i chair complex meetings and deliver training to rooms full of people. On the outside i come across as a stong and confident woman. On the inside i am cringing about myself and constantly worrying what people see and think of me. No one would believe that i doubt myself as i get on with my day to day job with what looks like no stress but they don't see the inner me.

To me thats the difference between confidence and self esteem. I have been know as the big bubbly one for years but it's all an act!!! xx

Hi tammy I think a lot of my problems is the environment I work in. Its very stressful and we take a lot of c**p off members of the public (work in police control room). We cannot be nasty back so people tend to take it out on each other. There is a vast mix of ages and backgrounds in the room and some people think because of where we work they have power and they try and use it on anyone that will take it. The job is not for everyone. Its hard with different teams coming in throughout the day, everyone works differently and most like to have their say about how you do your job. I used to listen but now I do my own thing, I answer to my boss. I used to work as a long term office temp and was highly thought of in many large companies as I could go in and pick up the pieces and get things running smoothly. I believe that god gave us a talent each, someone may be a stunner, someone very clever in whatever field but I dont think you have it all...hope this makes sense....been housebound to long I think....better shut up and go watch tv lol..Lindax

 

[serenitylove]

Can someone explain the difference between self esteem and confidence? Also if you have low self esteem how can you change it? If you think your no get shakes in the looks department but good at other things does that mean you have low self esteem? Just a bit confused on this subject...Linda

id say confidence isomething i have loads of being able to do what i want when i want and feeling comfortable doing it mentally make friends easily do well in most situations self esteem on the other hand i know i lack which is how i deep down few myself although it not always a consious thing it comes out in many ways obviously in my lack of control with food , acepting for many yrs an abusive partner because i didnt think i was worth anything better. i dont think im ugly im not to bad looking but the outside is just that a shell , im confident enough tho to not let anyone else know how i feel about myself mostly i think confidence is a facade when mixed with low self esteem