Self Esteem

[charliegirl]

Have you finished the menopause yet,the sweats used to get me down too!No sooner showered and sweaty again.HRT really helped though.Dont live in the past,you cant change it.Today and tomorrow are all that matter.If you give out negative vibes you will get them back,try yoga it really helps to relax your body and mind.Perhaps your GP thinks you wont be able to tackle your weight issues until you learn to like yourself more,overeating is form of self punishment for some.Keep positive.

Hi not menopausal yet, sweats is due to being overweight and high blood pressure both which the consultant states will pratically vanish if I have the surgery. I actually do like myself, I think I am a very kind and caring person and will help anyone, I eat because I am bored and I am bored because when I started to put the weight on I felt uncomfortable in my clothes plus with the sweats it was too much effort so staying in I ate as a treat. I have good days and bad days like everyone else, but I do think I have every right to have the surgery if it cures my medical conditions, along with sleep apnea and the horrible headaches I get. Its hard to smile and be happy when your sweating your b****cks off and want to rip your bra off in work because it feels so uncomfortable and your head is splitting.....Linda x

 

[charliegirl]

You go girl only you know what will make you feel better about you. You can retrain your mind to fit in with your new body and by making steps towards who you want to be can only raise your self self esteem xx

Thanks Tammy hun.....I will continue with my quest, get slim and get back my social life watch this space....Linda x

 

[charliegirl]

id say confidence isomething i have loads of being able to do what i want when i want and feeling comfortable doing it mentally make friends easily do well in most situations self esteem on the other hand i know i lack which is how i deep down few myself although it not always a consious thing it comes out in many ways obviously in my lack of control with food , acepting for many yrs an abusive partner because i didnt think i was worth anything better. i dont think im ugly im not to bad looking but the outside is just that a shell , im confident enough tho to not let anyone else know how i feel about myself mostly i think confidence is a facade when mixed with low self esteem

From what I am reading on here there are a lot of people with low self esteem it is more common than I thought....Linda x

 

[shelbell]

Linda there is a great book you should get, its called 'feel the fear and do it anyway' and it's by Susan Jeffers. I've bought about 6 copies of it now cos I keep giving mine to people!

It's worth the money.

 

[charliegirl]

Thanks Shell how you feeling? My neck still hurts lol....just watching celeb come dine with me, yum just love food....Linda x

 

[Cowgirl]

Hi Charliegirl

I've got loads of confidence, I could get up in a room and speak on everyone's behalf, I have sang at the Royal festival Hall, I can get the ball rolling in most situations!

But.... I have no self confidence!
I can't go into a fish and chip shop without thinking everyones looking thinking Oh look at the fat girl going in for more pies, I always think I'm labbled the fat one when out with my friends, the fat one who lives down the road, the fat one at the pub who gets up to sing, the one who's nice to sit and talk to and have a laugh with but I wouldn't want to take her home to meet my mum cos shes a big girl!
Everything in my self contained world is preoccupied with the size of me. Why would I even look at the maniquins in the shop window of top-shop, they dont cater for my size, she's going into Evans, ah, must be the only shop she can get anything to fit her. She's on our plane, bet she asks for a Belt extention how embarrassing for her.
She's eating a salad, she must be on a diet. Shall I go on?!!!!

I'm the life and soul of any party, I'll make people laugh, but I also take the mickey out of myself before someone else says something about fat people. It doesn't hurt as much as someone else saying it.

All my insecurities in life have stemed from my weight. I can't wait to be rid of it and feel accepted, self accepted & gorgeous.

Please always say to me, You've got such a pretty face. Im never pretty. Just a pretty face. That has bothered me secretly for years, no one ever generalises as I'm pretty as a whole, just the face!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I can't wait to be pretty, full stop!xxxx

 

[charliegirl]

Hi cowgirl thanks for sharing, you actually sound very like me.....weight has a lot to answer to.....hope both you and I soon get our wish.....Linda x

 

[Cowgirl]

Hi cowgirl thanks for sharing, you actually sound very like me.....weight has a lot to answer to.....hope both you and I soon get our wish.....Linda x

Hi Linda

Well even having the date for the op to look forward to is the first step on my journey and has made me so happy already!

Hope yours comes soon babe!xxxx

 

[charliegirl]

Thanks cowgirl, I am a long way off yet got to persuade those lovely people who hold the purse strings....Linda x

 

[Cowgirl]

Thanks cowgirl, I am a long way off yet got to persuade those lovely people who hold the purse strings....Linda x

You'll get there Doll!
I know how determined you are about it, you deserve it!xxxx

 

[ditzyangeluk]

...To me confidence stems from going out there and doig things. Self Esteem is much more of an inward thing.

For example - A lot of people think I am very confident because I am outspoken. I have very low self esteem...

I agree ... confidence is how you are to the outside world & self esteem is how you FEEL about yourself.

Ditto, I am outspoken so people think I am confident but it doesn't stop how one feels inside

 

[Thaialina]

Hi,
I know exactly how you feel. I hated loking at myself in the mirror and losing weight does help. Also if the people around you reinforce what you think of yourself it amkes it worse. Affirmations do help, like saying "I am beautiful" to yourself in the mirror and to yourself when you feel like you're not. It may not work immediately, but it will change the way you think about yourself long term. Once you change the way you think it will change people's perceptions of you because you will radiate what you think and change your external reality. Once you get that positive feedback from others, your endorphins, the happy cells in your brain will multiply and you will believe that you are what you've been telling yourself more and more. This stuff really works! Try it over and over and let us know how you get on. Don't give up.

 

[shelbell]

Theres a theory on self esteem do to with buckets. The theory states that everyone is born with a bucket full to the brim with self esteem. Every time someone puts you down or you fail at anything a hole appears in the bucket, and you self esteem starts to trickle out. Every time someone compliments you or you succeed at anything you get a little top up in your bucket

now thats well and good, and top ups are essential, but unless you fix the holes its just going to leak out again.

Shel
(gone all deep and philosophical like).

 

[Cowgirl]

Theres a theory on self esteem do to with buckets. The theory states that everyone is born with a bucket full to the brim with self esteem. Every time someone puts you down or you fail at anything a hole appears in the bucket, and you self esteem starts to trickle out. Every time someone compliments you or you succeed at anything you get a little top up in your bucket

now thats well and good, and top ups are essential, but unless you fix the holes its just going to leak out again.

Shel
(gone all deep and philosophical like).

That's bang on Shel,

We're all born equal, no fear, no worries, a bucket load of self esteem, we know how to get our needs met as babies, we cry and let the grown ups work out whats wrong, we're totally selfish as babies! We cry to get fed, cry when we want a cuddle etc! If we fall down or feel sad as a yong child, we all run to mummy or daddy and they kiss or rub it better. The competition doesn't start until you go to school, so many different people who have different looks and different situations.

I'll never forget being at my friends house and a little girl from over the road came to play with her kids and as she walked into the frontroom where I was, she had a shocked look on her face, came over, touched me and said "Why is your body big?"!!!! She was about 3 1/2, she'd obviously never seen a fat person before and wondered why I was different to everyone else, she was totally innocent, she wasn't being nasty, just inquizative!
My point is kids dont hold back, so the comments you get as a small child make a big impact on the rest of your life.

 

[Charisma]

it just shows people can feel so bad about themselves inside and can make no1 even notice it.

 

[Cowgirl]

Totally Charisma!

Ive had people say, but yo never seemed bothered about your weight!
Its about putting a mask on!

 

[mandy-1975]

Totally Charisma!

Ive had people say, but yo never seemed bothered about your weight!
Its about putting a mask on!

That is so so true..... In my therapy session we worked out I have so many different masks!!!!!!!!! it is creepy though to think thats what we do to SURVIVE.....

 

[charliegirl]

I have to say the reason I am over weight is I love food. I love the feel of food in my mouth and love deciding what I am going to have for my next meal. It has nothing to do with hating myself I just love food. If I see a cookery programme and the food looks good (it does not always) I want to try it, feel the food and taste the differnt tastes. Yes I do have low self esteem but not to the point were I hate myself and some days I acutally really think I am a great person. For the answers to this post it appears that almost everyone has issues with their self esteem. Yes I agree things can happen to reduce the amount we have but other things happen to replace it. I am quite independant I dont believe I need a man to make me "whole" whether I want one for the sex is a different matter lol...I have a small circle of close friends and very little family (most of my family on my dads side live abroad). I dont like being overweight I dont think anyone does. I do feel totally uncomfortable, I cannot cross my legs (I know its bad for circulation) and I end up sitting with my legs gaping so my tummy hangs down. I dont sleep well at night and I dont want to make an effort with how I look not because I am depressed but because I sweat and feel clammy in no time at all and it all becomes too much of an effort. I wake up nearly every morning with a headache due possibly to sleep apnea (doing the test tonight). It makes you stand out a bit when all your colleaques are planning a works night out to which you are invited but you dont know if you will wake up that morning with a stinky headache or not. Anyone who has never suffered the headaches and migraines that I suffer from does not have any idea how bliddy painful they are. You certainly dont want to go to a noisey pub somewhere and try to have fun when your wincing with pain. All these things does not mean I dont like myself, I know why and where my low self esteem came from and I learn to live with it. Yes I can make more changes and it will make living with it easier but please dont mix my desire for wanting to be slim with having low self esteem because I had that more when I was 8st 10lb than I have now because I have matured and seen things differently.....Linda x