Yve's Photo Diary - 4 years on

[Lilacglittergirl]

Oh Yve. Please don't moan ... You are a major character on here, and a massive inspiration to us all ... Oooops! "Massive" not a good word to use in the circumstances ;-). You know what I mean. You are focussed and determined ... You just sound a bit down tonight. You'll get there. Chin-up and virtual hugs hunni xxxx

 

[Yvessa]

I'm not down as such. I am just...determined for lack of a better word. I'm not unhappy with what I've achieved so far - not at all. But equally I'm not able to sit back an relax.

 

[femfrankie]

I think thats it to be honest . There will always be a struggle with food and "keeping control" of what we put in our mouth so in my opinion I really don't think we will ever really get to relax even if/when we make our targets.. I think it's more about striving to get to that target in an effort to create as large a buffer zone between our acceptable & unacceptable weight as we can.. With a ten stone loss I feel so much better in myself and in normal circumstances I would have been quite happy with that loss before all of this .. But we aren't in normal circumstances are we. I'm expected to get to my target of 12st ... 5 & 1/2st to go yet so I'm nearly two thirds of the way there but in my mind it still seems very un-reachable even though I'm fortunate to be in the early phases of being a bypasser. I have been made well aware that my weight loss will more than likely slow down soon because of the vast amount i have lost already which doesn't enthral me at all. Even at twelve stone though I will still be classed as obese.
Yve you have achieved so much. I'm in no doubt whatsoever that you will go on to inspire by getting to your target. We just have to keep plodding away as you say. It's always the last few miles that are the longest and hardest..... I'm right behind you hun screaming "are we there yet?" X

 

[fjsinc]

RANT ALERT!

I have had enough of blooming scales, 7 months out today and I feel like I want to throw the towel in! Of course I wont, I've had my guts sliced and diced, and I wont let myself give in (Im determined too). But I'm fed up!! Bought a new bra, dont understand why it feels so lovely and comfy - its a 36E. I'm still over 16 stone, it just doesn't compute. Tell my best friend that I'm not getting on the scales because I cant cope any more with all the daily fluctuations, she says oh you look like you've lost weight, you might get a nice surprise. Stupid me, why listen to it, 2 lb gain agggggghhhhhh.

Sorry for hijacking your thread Yve, but was in keeping with the recent theme, lol.

 

[danni776]

RANT ALERT! I have had enough of blooming scales, 7 months out today and I feel like I want to throw the towel in! Of course I wont, I've had my guts sliced and diced, and I wont let myself give in (Im determined too). But I'm fed up!! Bought a new bra, dont understand why it feels so lovely and comfy - its a 36E. I'm still over 16 stone, it just doesn't compute. Tell my best friend that I'm not getting on the scales because I cant cope any more with all the daily fluctuations, she says oh you look like you've lost weight, you might get a nice surprise. Stupid me, why listen to it, 2 lb gain agggggghhhhhh. Sorry for hijacking your thread Yve, but was in keeping with the recent theme, lol.

You may be loosing inches. And putting on abit cause of toning up. You will soon start loosing it off the scales soon. You will get there in the end x

 

[danni776]

And yve. You look brilliant well done!! X

 

[fjsinc]

You may be loosing inches. And putting on abit cause of toning up. You will soon start loosing it off the scales soon. You will get there in the end x

Lol, kind of you to say. But actually I've not (and have never) stalled, its the daily fluctuations and the temptation to keep stepping on the scales that are doing my head in. I'm learning that the game changes the further out you get, the scales move much less dependably than they do in the early days. As for muscle gain, well I'm afraid its a bit of a myth. I have much less muscle now, because I need much less just to move.

 

[Yvessa]

Don't weigh daily!! It's bad enough with a weekly fluctuation! But yes, it is frustrating. In a way we have to move away from the scales and from our own anxieties and focus on feeding our bodies the right stuff. But it's hard because you are taught by the media and the slimming clubs that if you don't see a loss on the scales it's because you're a bad fat person who is lazy and couldn't be bothered to stick to a diet. And we carry that in our psyches and we're even nastier than people on the street when it comes to ourselves. Set a day and stick to that one day. And focus on nourishing your body.

 

[Yvessa]

And yve. You look brilliant well done!! X

Thank you

 

[fjsinc]

Don't weigh daily!! It's bad enough with a weekly fluctuation! But yes, it is frustrating. In a way we have to move away from the scales and from our own anxieties and focus on feeding our bodies the right stuff. But it's hard because you are taught by the media and the slimming clubs that if you don't see a loss on the scales it's because you're a bad fat person who is lazy and couldn't be bothered to stick to a diet. And we carry that in our psyches and we're even nastier than people on the street when it comes to ourselves. Set a day and stick to that one day. And focus on nourishing your body.

LOL! Weighing myself less is part of my new mission to relax about everything. I have never weighed daily though, I cant be bothered on the days I work, lol. Annoyed with myself for listening to someone else. I'm also trying to guesstermate my food quantities, its a bid to begin to trust myself with food a bit more.

 

[Yvessa]

This is where slimming world really helped me - I was driving myself mad counting and weighing etc.

 

[Yvessa]

My stomach used to press against the steering wheel. Let alone see my legs. And I would overspill the seat. I don't even really know what to say. But a part of me feels so sad for the person I was.

 

[Butterfly_lady]

My stomach used to press against the steering wheel. Let alone see my legs. And I would overspill the seat. I don't even really know what to say. But a part of me feels so sad for the person I was.

Amazing, I only have a teeny tiny car and my belly touches the wheel plus when I open the door I have to hold onto it to stop it flinging open as my overspill presses against the door

 

[wannabeyummi]

My stomach used to press against the steering wheel. Let alone see my legs. And I would overspill the seat. I don't even really know what to say. But a part of me feels so sad for the person I was.

Oh my!!!! Look at that gap! Well done u. I understand what your saying...but its past tense...it was the woman u were and u recognised she needed help and did something about it. Be proud of yourself x

 

[Yvessa]

Amazing, I only have a teeny tiny car and my belly touches the wheel plus when I open the door I have to hold onto it to stop it flinging open as my overspill presses against the door

Mine is a big car for what it is - its the Mazda three. Bought specifically as it was bigger and I could fit in.

 

[femfrankie]

Well done Yve
It's amazing isn't it. It took me a while to fathom out why my elbows were hurting so much after a few long drives. Because my seat was so far back anyway as well as me having lost a lot padding off my rear and back which made me lower and further back in the seat so my arms were now at full stretch and uncomfortably straight. Steering wheel had to be lowered too lol

 

[Yvessa]

I don't really think I can get my head around it to be honest. And a part of me is ashamed and sad and angry that I waited so long and that I couldn't lose weight. And a part if me is forever grateful to the nhs and my surgeon. And lastly part of me is proud because it is an achievement and I'm working bloody hard for it. So very mixed feelings.

 

[femfrankie]

I don't really think I can get my head around it to be honest. And a part of me is ashamed and sad and angry that I waited so long and that I couldn't lose weight. And a part if me is forever grateful to the nhs and my surgeon. And lastly part of me is proud because it is an achievement and I'm working bloody hard for it. So very mixed feelings.

At 52 I sometimes feel like this too ... Why did I let myself get that way? Why did I leave it so long to sort myself out? Why was everyone around me (including medics) so accepting of my size almost condoning it? I'm so proud of myself even at this early stage for being so strong through it all but I'm so annoyed at myself for not being strong seventeen years ago which was the last time I lost a lot of weight... Why did I just not keep working at it?
They are all why and ifs hun and life is too short for that now. I have too much catching up to do and loving every minute of it. Told hubby that because I have been denied fashionable clothes all my life I'm still going to be wearing the height of fashion in my eighties hehe

 

[Yvessa]

At 52 I sometimes feel like this too ... Why did I let myself get that way? Why did I leave it so long to sort myself out? Why was everyone around me (including medics) so accepting of my size almost condoning it? I'm so proud of myself even at this early stage for being so strong through it all but I'm so annoyed at myself for not being strong seventeen years ago which was the last time I lost a lot of weight... Why did I just not keep working at it?
They are all why and ifs hun and life is too short for that now. I have too much catching up to do and loving every minute of it. Told hubby that because I have been denied fashionable clothes all my life I'm still going to be wearing the height of fashion in my eighties hehe

I know they are what ifs My family was never accepting of my weight and I've had medical intervention for it since birth because I was a 9 lb baby and my mother was told I was a fat baby and had to be put on soya. So I've always been told I'm fat and realistically it didn't help. Your family sound like they were just trying to be kind.

Ultimately I know I made the right choice and I couldn't have lost the weight without the op. It just stopped at a stone and a half every time.

 

[femfrankie]

I know they are what ifs My family was never accepting of my weight and I've had medical intervention for it since birth because I was a 9 lb baby and my mother was told I was a fat baby and had to be put on soya. So I've always been told I'm fat and realistically it didn't help. Your family sound like they were just trying to be kind.

Ultimately I know I made the right choice and I couldn't have lost the weight without the op. It just stopped at a stone and a half every time.

Oh yes I lost weight hun but I was still 'fat' and my family didnt condone it when I was a child and would openly tell me so. I think because they couldn't explain why I was. At 14 I went from one extreme to the other when I reduced my weight from 17st to 11st by not eating at all surviving on an apple a day and a pint of marvel milk! My family never picked up on what I was doing to myself. If they did they never commented. Maybe they thought I would grow out of it? Who knows. When after nearly 2 years of putting my body through hell my immunity system started to cave in and after a six month stint in hospital suffering various things that a healthy body would have fought off within days I struggled with septicaemia and pneumonia that left my lungs badly scarred requiring high doses of steroids off and on for the rest of my life. The weight piled on and it was out with my control now but my family never mentioned my weight again ..like it was a taboo subject now there was a viable explanation
Funnily enough my dad who was the harshest critic of all was over the moon about my surgery saying that at last the medical world are finally fixing what they caused with their steroids?? Nothing mentioned about how he used to taunt me incessantly as a young girl for example ... One day we are are going to wake up and find Frances splattered all over the wall because she finally burst!.... Thanks for that dad and the other comments. Just what a nine year old needs to hear
So hun I didn't have it that easy growing up a fatty and I may have had thinner moments but they weren't enjoyable nor long lasting. I can gain weight at an astonishing rate. A course of steroids would see me gain a stone within a fortnight . I don't blame steroids for my largeness though. That was solely down to me .. There is no written message on the pill box that says you must sate your desire to eat with anything and everything that is edible! I could have eaten healthier choices. So maybe I did a bit of hiding behind the steroids too . X