BandedHun
New Member
Well finally I'm getting this diary started after yesterday's attempt died... After I took a phone call and didn't save what I'd written and it logged me out! Grrrrrr
Anyway, I thought I'd start with my story, my background as there might be others out there who have the same problems, issues etc ... So I was born at 9lb 3oz and big baby but not over weight. Throughout my childhood I was active bigger than other kids but not overweight in any way.
I remember being 9-10 years old and being at the swimming pools for school lessons and a group of lads were asking the girls ( I was lucky there were around 7 girls in my class who were tall, larger framed than most girls) anyway, the lads were asking our weights and I distinctively remember then laughing at me when I said my weight, I think. I said 7st based on what the others were saying. I felt humiliated .
That being my first experience of weight issues.
I went to a wealthy school but my parents were just working class average earners. My weight ballooned. No idea what I weighed in my teenage years I just knew I got bullied for being big. Well my legs, they used to call me Roy, I swam and had muscles legs. I felt humiliated.
I hated my school years.
My outside clubs were full of skinny people, I was a laugh to be around, but inside I was not worth the friendships because I was fat. My swimming coach pulled me out the water at 13 in forint of others and said " instead if a milkshake at McDonald's, have a diet coke!" And ever since I had diet cokes only ( not that I'd always have had a milkshake anyway. ) I felt humiliated.
During these years I watched my mum struggle with her weight. I heard my dad make comments about others weight. I lived with an extremely skinny and popular sister. I felt because I was overweight, I wasn't loveable. I wasn't enough. I was second best.
I got together with my ex husband in my teens after landing a job at the gym. I was popular there, for some reason everyone knew me, liked me, but all I saw was the fattest girl in the gym. I met my ex husband there - I used to secretly eat. Get home and scoff toast and peanut butter pretending I'd not already had a jacket potato for tea. I sought all my problems in food.
Then I landed a job in a fashion head quarters, I needed to loose weight, so I started slim fast. Some days I would literally eat an apple and two rice cakes followed by cereal for dinner until my ex had got home so I could leave the bowl on the side and tell him I'd already eaten. I lost weight got to 11st . He proposed we brought a house, I went to weight watchers. The weight went on and off - I got pregnant, the weight went on. After my daughter was born I decided I needed to loose weight and weight watchers it I was , again I got to 11st, we got married and divorced in three months. I was so unhappy. With a 9 month old daughter and a divorce and no home I went on the slippery depression slope. I was a victim of this circle of weight gain and weight loss. The stress maintained my weight around 12st so just in my BMI.
I met the guy I'd been with now for 7 years but the need to be perfect for him overwhelmed me and my diets got more drastic and the need to be thin did. Dukun, Atkins, Cambridge, slim fast, slimming world, starving, diet speed based pills all became my way of life. I could maintain the hungry feeling for six months max then I needed food. Everything morsel I could not control the amounts of. Not just one Jaffa cake, two boxes. Not just a mouthful of egg fried rice, a carton full. I had no control. That leaves me to where I am today. Miserable. depressed. Constantly not looking after myself , hiding in baggy jumpers and stretchy leggings. I can't bare to feel my fat squeeze into jeans. So I live in stretchy clothes.
Anyway, so I've decided to put an end to the cycles. Whether or not for me this will be the tight thing, its a decision I've finally come to in myself. I don't want to be like my mum, constantly on a diet unable to keep the weight off. She's battled all her life. I feel inside this is the best option for me going into my 30s. My 20s were miserable. So that's my story.
I'm currently a BMI of 33.1
Weighed 102kg at the consultation on 23/03 ( clothed with converse on)
That's 224lbs or 16st!!! ((Ashamed))
My surgeon is MR El-Hasani
I'm going with the hospital group
Surgery at Dolan park
After care at Weymouth St London
I've paid £5215 including transport from Essex to Birmingham and back.
6 months surgery cover
2 years aftercare programme and unlimited fills.
I'm nervous as hell. Feel sick thinking about the surgery and I'm up and down like a yoyo ... again ... Lol ... But I need to give myself the chance. I want to change my life.... FOR GOOD :-D
Anyway, I thought I'd start with my story, my background as there might be others out there who have the same problems, issues etc ... So I was born at 9lb 3oz and big baby but not over weight. Throughout my childhood I was active bigger than other kids but not overweight in any way.I remember being 9-10 years old and being at the swimming pools for school lessons and a group of lads were asking the girls ( I was lucky there were around 7 girls in my class who were tall, larger framed than most girls) anyway, the lads were asking our weights and I distinctively remember then laughing at me when I said my weight, I think. I said 7st based on what the others were saying. I felt humiliated .
That being my first experience of weight issues.
I went to a wealthy school but my parents were just working class average earners. My weight ballooned. No idea what I weighed in my teenage years I just knew I got bullied for being big. Well my legs, they used to call me Roy, I swam and had muscles legs. I felt humiliated.
I hated my school years.
My outside clubs were full of skinny people, I was a laugh to be around, but inside I was not worth the friendships because I was fat. My swimming coach pulled me out the water at 13 in forint of others and said " instead if a milkshake at McDonald's, have a diet coke!" And ever since I had diet cokes only ( not that I'd always have had a milkshake anyway. ) I felt humiliated.
During these years I watched my mum struggle with her weight. I heard my dad make comments about others weight. I lived with an extremely skinny and popular sister. I felt because I was overweight, I wasn't loveable. I wasn't enough. I was second best.
I got together with my ex husband in my teens after landing a job at the gym. I was popular there, for some reason everyone knew me, liked me, but all I saw was the fattest girl in the gym. I met my ex husband there - I used to secretly eat. Get home and scoff toast and peanut butter pretending I'd not already had a jacket potato for tea. I sought all my problems in food.
Then I landed a job in a fashion head quarters, I needed to loose weight, so I started slim fast. Some days I would literally eat an apple and two rice cakes followed by cereal for dinner until my ex had got home so I could leave the bowl on the side and tell him I'd already eaten. I lost weight got to 11st . He proposed we brought a house, I went to weight watchers. The weight went on and off - I got pregnant, the weight went on. After my daughter was born I decided I needed to loose weight and weight watchers it I was , again I got to 11st, we got married and divorced in three months. I was so unhappy. With a 9 month old daughter and a divorce and no home I went on the slippery depression slope. I was a victim of this circle of weight gain and weight loss. The stress maintained my weight around 12st so just in my BMI.
I met the guy I'd been with now for 7 years but the need to be perfect for him overwhelmed me and my diets got more drastic and the need to be thin did. Dukun, Atkins, Cambridge, slim fast, slimming world, starving, diet speed based pills all became my way of life. I could maintain the hungry feeling for six months max then I needed food. Everything morsel I could not control the amounts of. Not just one Jaffa cake, two boxes. Not just a mouthful of egg fried rice, a carton full. I had no control. That leaves me to where I am today. Miserable. depressed. Constantly not looking after myself , hiding in baggy jumpers and stretchy leggings. I can't bare to feel my fat squeeze into jeans. So I live in stretchy clothes.
Anyway, so I've decided to put an end to the cycles. Whether or not for me this will be the tight thing, its a decision I've finally come to in myself. I don't want to be like my mum, constantly on a diet unable to keep the weight off. She's battled all her life. I feel inside this is the best option for me going into my 30s. My 20s were miserable. So that's my story.
I'm currently a BMI of 33.1
Weighed 102kg at the consultation on 23/03 ( clothed with converse on)
That's 224lbs or 16st!!! ((Ashamed))
My surgeon is MR El-Hasani
I'm going with the hospital group
Surgery at Dolan park
After care at Weymouth St London
I've paid £5215 including transport from Essex to Birmingham and back.
6 months surgery cover
2 years aftercare programme and unlimited fills.
I'm nervous as hell. Feel sick thinking about the surgery and I'm up and down like a yoyo ... again ... Lol ... But I need to give myself the chance. I want to change my life.... FOR GOOD :-D
