Booked surgery date & was on a high, but today... feeling very deflated

[Beebs]

I am generally quite a positive person and understand that the creeping doubts are completely normal, but I can't seem to shake this slightly despondent feeling that maybe I'm doing the wrong thing - let me explain.

To date I have told my mum, sisters and two friends that I have booked in for a band op on Jan 7th. So far the reactions have really surprised me - all were (understandably) taken aback, but ultimately very supportive, which I've been very grateful for. Today I told my closest friend from my ex-workplace... and the reaction was very different & it has touched a nerve.

Over the years we have shared many weight & food-related ups & downs, are aware of each other's struggles and feelings about our self images. So today I was passing her office, and managed to grab five minutes with her to tell her about the impending surgery. Her reaction was essentially denial and pleading me to re-think, e.g. 'You don't need to do this / it's so extreme / I've heard so many horror stories about it / please thinks of all the risks / we can do this together / let's focus on this and help each other in 2012 so that we can support each other / give it a year and then reassess' etc. She wants to see me between Christmas & new year to discuss it further (i.e. talk me out of it), which I am resistent to, if only because there are way too many temptations for me when out & about, and I don't want to risk breaking my pre-op diet, which starts Christmas eve.

Anyway the whole thing left me on a real downer, and now I really am beginning to doubt whether I'm doing the right thing. She is not one of those jealous friends (you know those who secretly don't want you to be happy or slim as it makes themselves feel better)... I am good enough friends with her & have faith in our friendship enough to know that her reaction and promise of support is completely born from a genuine desire to help and from her natural fears re: facing the risks of surgery.

I really want this & feel prepared (have definitely tried to find out as much information as I can about potential risks), however I am now wondering if she is right, and if WLS is perhaps too extreme an option, perhaps I should give it the year she suggested & see where I am. To be honest, if my mum had reacted in that way when I first sounded her out about WLS (after my research but prior to consultation / booking), then I would have taken it on board and perhaps not have proceeded (or approached it again later), out of respect for her wishes.

I spent my 20s unhappy with my weight and don't want my 30s to be the same, but have I really, truly tried every other option, given them my all?? I honestly don't know that I have. Really sorry to have rambled on but this is all so confusing.

 

[phatmomma]

Have you done every diet going, lost weight then regained it all when you stopped going?

Have you done the tablets that make orange poo run down your legs when you didn't even know you wanted to go?

Have you done the appetite suppressants that work initially but then your portions start getting bigger again?

More importantly has your friend read all the negative stories in Take a Break, That's Life & Chat that tell you all about those people that have disastrous surgeries and sometimes even go as far as dying?

Seriously now, if you have done all the diets and exercise and are still fat then i'd like to bet my 6 1/2 stone weight loss that this time next year you will weigh exactly what you do now if not more!

Wls is not an easy fix, but neither is it a doorway to doom n gloom and a life of eating boring food forever!

You have a lot to think about, and in all honesty one of my main thoughts would be this... If my friend were on this site and read all these stories and if she had the money spare would she be contemplating doing what i am doing? I'm thinking she'd be elbowing you out the way to the surgeon's table...

 

[Yvessa]

Is your friend a similar size? If so, it may be that, rather than being jealous, she's scared that if you go through with the surgery it will be her only option also. Particularly if she's on the same downward spiral most of us were on before we made this decision.

What I would say is that only you can decide if surgery is right for you. If a friend makes you hear your own nagging doubts, that's one thing, but if you know you've tried everything, and you've chosen the right thing for yourself then you've got to ignore everyone, positive or negative, and trust your own judgement.

 

[Beebs]

Phatmomma & Yvessa, thank you both so much for your kind responses in a time when I really needed some support.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching since writing this post, and eventually emailed my friend today to let her know how i was feeling - and to help her understand why I felt this surgery was right for me. Weirdly enough, in doing so it really helped to see my own reasoning - not justifications, but a thought out & rational conclusion - in plain black in white, and I still completely stand by it. I also wanted to reassure her that although I very much understood her reaction, I had reached my decision after much thought & research, even though this was the first I had vocalised it to her.

She sent a short reply (running out of the office - half day as let out early for Christmas hols!) to say thanks for the email and apologise if her reaction had worried me, but that she was ultimately fully behind my decision.

With the responses on this thread, alongside the fact I felt relieved having just contacted her to share my feelings, I already felt okay about proceeding with this decision I'd come to. But when her response came through, I have to admit to feeling relieved & much happier overall. Clearly I am feeling emotional about this for her reaction to have affected me so much, but I guess no-one said this was going to be easy...

Again, thank you for the responses, you have no idea how much I appreciated them xx

 

[flutterby1966]

Stay positive. Do what you feel is right for you. Everyone I spoke to about the potential band op was really positive about it, apart from my brother and sister in law - who are both paramedics. Their negative reaction meant I didnt tell them when I actually had my op in July. Anyway, five months down the line when I walked through their door last weekend for the first time since they saw me when I was 20st 8lb ... their reaction was great. They were really pleased to see the new me ... and to know I was safe following surgery. Any surgery comes with risks due to the procedure or the anaesthetic - but being overweight has risks too. Good luck next month xxx

 

[luckyla]

I think you should go for it and follow your gut instincts ;-)
I too wondered if I was making the right decision, but I went for it. I had a sleeve so for me there was no going back as it's non reversible.
Six months later it's the best decision I've ever made in my life!
Only you, and you alone can decide xxx