Feeling quite hurt

[wobbles]

I'm sorry this is not on topic, about wls, but you guys are the only friends i have right now.

Along with my mother who is ignoring my existence, i have 1 friend. She was very supportive leading up to the surgery, and even called a couple of times when i was in hospital. We had gotten fairly close.

After i got home from hospital, for various reasons we didn't see each other for a week, but kept in touch. Last Thursday, i had mentioned i was going to get in touch with her and see if she wanted to get together. She was happy about that.

So Thursday, i called, left a message, didn't hear from her by the pm, so i texted her asking if she was ok. We had a brief chat via text, and it turned out she was busy, and that she would try and catch up with my on saturday, as she was going to portsmouth today.

So yesterday i waited to hear from her, heard nothing. Looked on facebook to see her and another of her friends making it very public that they were going out together last night.

I've noticed her putting ads on looking for friends on a parenting website we both use, and she seems to collect friends, left right and centre. Not so long ago she apologised to me for not spending enough time with me when i needed her and that she would try harder. Since then, i've seen her once, despite my effort to get together.

She doesnt seem to want to know me. Either she has made too many other friends she likes more, or doesn't have time for me anymore, or maybe is sick of me. I don't know which, but i'm feeling very hurt. I don't make friends easily, and i thought i had made a genuine friend. I don't know anyone else here in England, so have no other friends, or family.

This is why i'm so lonely at the moment. Not even my own family want to know me.

I'm sorry for being so miserable, i just don't have anyone to talk to and needed to get it off my chest.

 

[wobbles]

Finding it particularly difficult at the moment, my usual coping machanism would be to comfort eat, and i can't do that.

 

[Chunka_Malunka]

hey chick, you are amongst friends here.
Dont dwell on the friend who clearly doesnt have time for you, set yourself time to make freinds on here who can really help and who willingly want to help. this forum is a lifeline full of poeple going through hell with dieting and dealing with it from the comfort of like minded people.
Make a fresh start from this post on and leave your friend to decide for herslef because you might set yoursef up for a fall if you are calling.texting her all the tme. let her come to you and that way you will know if your friendhsip is true.
chin up my darling.....you will be cheery and upbeat when those pounds shed away xx

 

[hopelesscase]

wobbles how does the saying go you can choose yr friends but not your family.

Family relationships can be such a precotiouse thing at times and unfortunatly you cant make some one do something they dont want to. was your mum already here or did you both come over from oz together.

I think you need to get to the manchester meet next week if you can i think it wil do you the world of good. Once you have made that step to meeting friends you will be well on the way to making more.
take care hun
HC

 

[e.green69]

hi
sos to hear your hurt and would just like to say people are very strange and when you have wls it feels like no one really cares.
hope things get sorted
emma

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Wobbles

You wont be lonely for long,as soon as those lbs shift and you gain more confidence you will be able to get out there and meet new people.Do you work/go to school/college?Where are you from originally?No one from back home to get in touch with?You will always have pals on here cos we are in it for the long haul!((hugs n kisses)):grouphugg:

 

[CCPM]

As Hopeless says the meet would open the possibility of new friendships with people who really understand wls. Take heart don't let this spoil your new life which is just beginning. I don't know how to do one of those hug things but if I did I'd be sending you loads of them

M

 

[ditzyangeluk]

...I'm sorry this is not on topic, about wls, but you guys are the only friends i have right now ... This is why i'm so lonely at the moment. Not even my own family want to know me ...

I would just like to say, I do think this is 'on topic' ... sae thing happened to me, except it was 2 days before my op!

My friend of almost 10 years turned her back on me, along with my sister, & we haven't spoken since!

I does seem to have something to do with the op in a roundabout I-don't-know-why kind of way!!

People are funny!

 

[shelbell]

Erin :hug99: So sorry to hear you're feeling so low.

Your 'friend' sounds like some of my old ones, more interested in seeming popular than making true deep friendships. I'm in a similar boat to you now, don't really have strong relationships with my family (through choice) and due to a few things that happened a couple of years ago don't have many true friends. I have two very good friends but both live about 300 miles away! Locally I don't really have friends who I meet up with for coffee etc or anything like that.

However, as I lose weight I am feeling more confident about making new friends. I am more willing to put myself out there and make an effort to get to know people instead of wanting to hide myself away all the time.

One of the hard parts with this surgery is getting over the urge to comfort eat. I find distraction helps, get out a book or a game, or have a long soak in a very bubbly bath. I tend to try to talk things through more now too, either with hubby or with a miniminer which does help. Please try not to give in to it, it will only make you feel worse.

My only other advice is to echo what others have said, do try to make it down to Manchester next Saturday! I know it's hard with childcare etc but if there is any way you can do it, even if just for a couple of hours, I honestly think it would do you the world of good.

You've got my number, please feel free to use it x

 

[Big an Bouncy]

fao mhredhill

when you send a reply click on (more)under smilies,lots to choose fromarty0011:

 

[serenitylove]

not nice hearing you so down wobbles, you mention your friend was going to portsmouth do you live down that way as well if yes let me know as im nearish to there and would happily meet up for a coffee and a chat xxx

 

[Frijj]

Sorry to hear you're so down.

You're among friends on here & we're always here to support & encourage you.

Try not to let your "friend's" attitude get to you. I'm sure you'll find some more good friends soon (probably from here). x


(Hey Serenitylove, you're right by me!)

 

[wobbles]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support.

As for the manchester meet up, i'm still not sure about it. Am lacking a lot of confidence and the thought of going makes me very anxious. It's nothing to do with you guys, but all about my own insecurities. I'm also worried about getting hurt again.

You've all been wonderful to me, and i've been slack, but i've come to realise how lucky i am to have you.

Shel, i think you're right, this friend seems to worry more about being popular rather than making deep friendships. I long for a best friend.

I'm australian, my mother and sister still live in australia. I now live in Leeds with my husband and 15 month old son. I've never felt so lonely in my life. I feel like it's my own fault, that i have nothing worthwhile to offer anyone. In general, my mood is quite good in comparison to pre op, it's just the loneliness that gets me.

I don't want a big group of friends to fall all over me to make me feel like the centre of attention. I just want a couple of close friends who understand me, are on the same wavelength, enjoy spending time with me etc and who i can give that back to.

Trying not to let it get to me, some days better than others.

Thank you again, and i'll think hard about the meet up.

 

[ditzyangeluk]

...I don't want a big group of friends to fall all over me to make me feel like the centre of attention. I just want a couple of close friends who understand me, are on the same wavelength, enjoy spending time with me etc and who i can give that back to...

I know what you mean! The 'friend' I lost I thought 'knew' me & we got along well (even if she did do my head in with 'poor me' syndrome, ha! ) However, I was obviously wrong about her & she wasn't the person I thought she was.

Now, I really have no-one in my life apart from my husband (bless him - a patient man ). And, along the way, I feel I have lost my social skills so it is hard to know where to start again!

Hey ho, such is life. I guess we come into the world alone & that's how we'll go out! :wave_cry:

 

[shelbell]

Erin, if there is anything I can do to make the meet up easier for you next week then just say I don't mind meeting you away from everyone else so you don't have to walk up alone, and if things get too much you can leave at any time.

No-ones going to hurt you at the meet, we're all in similar positions and understand how hard it is to be treated badly. I'm sure most people going will be feeling exactly the same as you are.

 

[hopelesscase]

Erin have you spoke to yr health visitor, do you go to mum and baby clinic, or a local toddler group. I was new to the area when i had my son 19yr ago and my health visitor was fantastic they had a baby clinic that had a mum and baby group and she ran it so introduced me to other new mums who also felt isolated. 19yr on im still friends with some of them. Dont get me wrong we dont see each other all the time but bunping into them shopping and having a coffee on spec whilst we catch up with each other. Also once yr little one starts nursery and starts to get the party invites etc you will soon meet new friends.
Is your husband from here or is ir just work that bought you here?
Like shel says we are all meeting for the first time none of us know each other so no one has an advantage or anything to prove. we all understand the insecurities we will all have but what better way to share them face to face.
take care
HC

 

[mandy-1975]

Hi Erin...

So sorry your having a hard time, I understand on both levels how you are feeling, we moved 4 years ago, I moved to get away from family and inmy mind it was goign to be great, but i like you found it made me worse, I was lonely, lost and really struggled, at times I could only see one way out of the darkness... as others have suggested try your health visitor.... she may be able to help...

I had an encouter with what I though was a great friend, but as soon as I had the op it changed just like yours, have to say it hurt like hell, and i felt like my heart had been ripped out, but six months on, have to say I am so pleased she is no longer in my life.......

I was only saying the other day how, I am changing mentally and my thoughts are changing so much it is real hard to explain, but it is so different....... I have relised that I don't need her, she actually needed me to make her feel good.....

I have huge huge issues as to wether or not I am liked and I constantly critise myself, I don't take compliments at all.... but the bypass has been the best thing in my life..... and i have to say as each day goes by i think it makes me stronger too.....

Your doing great..... keep smiling....... you can always contact me if you need too..xxxx

 

[Nic318]

Hi Erin

Sorry to hear that your hurt and upset about your friend. I think we can all relate to things like this and on my thread I felt let down by one of my best friends not long after my op but everyone on here helped me and I felt better. Hang in there hun and try your best to go and meet your lovely friends from here on Saturday, I'm sorry I can't be there but I go on holiday on Sat as you know but I'm absolutely 100% positive that if you find the courage to meet them you will never look back, and look at it as a major achievement (1st of many more to come).

Take care Nic xxx

 

[charliegirl]

I have to say people are very strange they can be either friends or family but they have the potential to be cold and uncaring towards us. As you know I sent my daughter a text, it was going to be a card but time went too quick, saying I was having major surgery and I knew it would go ok but wanted to let her know I loved her, that was on wednesday and she never replied. However, on saturday evening after my op I got a text from my eldest sister who I dont speak to saying she hoped everything went well!!!!!!....I am gobsmacked as to how she knew, my son has said that he has not told either my daughter or my sister that I was having an operation so either my daughter is in touch with my sister (which wont please me for reasons not disclosed on here)....its all very strange but I wont lose sleep over either of them, there will come a time when my daughter has to face up to me for now she can stew in her own juices a bit....I am on my way to a happier future....what I am trying to say is we are all your friends on here, I have made so many good ones in a short space of time but I know they are my friends...xx

 

[wobbles]

Thank you everyone, i'm overwhelmed and lost for words.

Saw my counsellor for the last time today, very sad but we chatted about my mum as ireceived an email from her finally this morning, telling me all about herself, not once asking how i am after the op.

I also found out i'm not invited to a hens night that i thought i was going to be included in. Hubby is going to the stag do, and thought that considering i was friends with the bride, and we have a mutual friend, that i would be included, but not so.

Hubby is in a mood, won't talk to me, won't tell me what it's about... and i'm wanting to comfort eat, but obviously can't.

Anyway, sorry for being such a miserable git, and thank you all so much.