CANT BELEIVE IV WRITTEN THIS!

[sugga]

Hi all, i have woke up this morning as i do most mornings with thoughts of dread in my head not knowing what the day ahead holds for me.

This morning is worse though and thats why i am here typing this.

I want to cry and rest assured i will.

In my head i want to just go and eat for the comfort but i wont, and that makes me want to cry again because I have to fight it.

I want to have the energy to go shopping and browsing alone which i love doing once in a while, but dont have the confidence to do that today whilst im feeling like this.

I have that guttsy, empty, fast heart beaty, scared and low feeling in my heart today.

I will smile soon as my kids come down stair ready for school, and i will wish them a lovely day with a hug and a kiss.

When im alone i will let it all out :cry:this is typical of me and how i deal with this.

I suffer in silence and even my closest friends dont realise to what depth i fall below alone, before i slowly begin to surface.

This time in my life is becoming unbearable for me with wls, even though i know that for the first time in my life i am doing something about it that will be lasting and forever, its not something that happens quickly and i am still suffering, when infact i should be happyish.

I needed to let this out and cant believe i have written this for all to see, but thank you all of you for being here for me, you see when i feel like this i push my friends away and go it alone.

I will explain things to them when things look brighter. Thank you all xxxxx

 

[Bev]

Hi Andrea.. pour it out and get it off your chest love.. it's not easy... we understand and you know we are here.. sending a loving hug as always Angel... love you xxx

 

[slimmerkay]

Oh Andrea love - big hugs for you x

The limbo wont help - hopefully that lady will ring you back soon and she will have a date for you.

You say you don't share these feelings with anyone else, even your best friend, but you know you can on here and it goes no where else. We all understand and we are here to support you through this.

 

[lisa x]

hun...come on here and let it out....
I know how you feel hun...your not alone...

x x x

 

[deeby]

Sugga, we all have days like this and its so very hard when youre in one of those days and its hard to get any motivation to do anything that will make you feel better but just remember that tomorrow is another day.... a NEW day and things can always get better, take a deep breath , lift your head up high and think of all the good things in your life that always make you smile.
I hope youre feeling better soon and you know we are all here for you as you are for us xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ((((((hugs)))))))))

 

[dottychic]

Im exactly the same, when I feel down I isolate myself and dont talk it out with anyone. It really doesnt help and I hope it made you feel better writing about how you feel today. I hope you feel better soon but if not try and share it with someone, even if its us.....we might not be there to give you a cuddle but we can send you a virtual (HUG) XX

 

[cah-ching]

:hug99: :hug99:

 

[blueeyes]

Hi honey,
Sorry you're feeling low. I can totally relate and empathise with you. You're not along, and things will hopefully get better. Sometimes it helps to share your thoughts, and you can do so safely with us because we can relate and understand how you feel.

Sending you lots of hugs.

 

[Linski]

Hi all, i have woke up this morning as i do most mornings with thoughts of dread in my head not knowing what the day ahead holds for me.

This morning is worse though and thats why i am here typing this.

I want to cry and rest assured i will.

In my head i want to just go and eat for the comfort but i wont, and that makes me want to cry again because I have to fight it.

I want to have the energy to go shopping and browsing alone which i love doing once in a while, but dont have the confidence to do that today whilst im feeling like this.

I have that guttsy, empty, fast heart beaty, scared and low feeling in my heart today.

I will smile soon as my kids come down stair ready for school, and i will wish them a lovely day with a hug and a kiss.

When im alone i will let it all out :cry:this is typical of me and how i deal with this.

I suffer in silence and even my closest friends dont realise to what depth i fall below alone, before i slowly begin to surface.

This time in my life is becoming unbearable for me with wls, even though i know that for the first time in my life i am doing something about it that will be lasting and forever, its not something that happens quickly and i am still suffering, when infact i should be happyish.

I needed to let this out and cant believe i have written this for all to see, but thank you all of you for being here for me, you see when i feel like this i push my friends away and go it alone.

I will explain things to them when things look brighter. Thank you all xxxxx

OMG Andrea, I could have written this word for word! I know exactly how you are feeing my lovely. I have always suffered with depression and when I think back, I know I was severely depressed as long back as in my early teens. I had a traumatic childhood and it still haunts me now. I feel as though it has moulded me into who I am today and I dont like it.

Since starting this WLS journey I am finding it really difficult to cope with and it is in a totally different way than before I decided surgery was for me.

If you are like me then the WLS is going to change your life and I feel at peace and feel great knowing I am at long,long last doing something that will give me something I always wanted to be NORMAL. Thats not a lot to ask but at the same time its really sad.

It took me ages to realise I was almost withdrawing from those I love including dear friends, but for the life of me I cant help it. But you know what Andrea if they are true friends they will always be there and will have an instinct you are not yourself.

Pretending everything is ok to our kids and family,work colleagues when inside you are crumbling and just wanting to weep a river is something I have encountered for years. I too can not believe I am writing this. I feel as though reading your post was reading about me. It made me realise just how lonely this journey can be. If it was not for this sitedon't know what I would be like during this journey. I just feel I am amongst friends as we are all so simular.

Just keep posting chick and let it all out, we are all in this together.

I find this impending surgery is keeping me going and I hope you get your date real soon. This will be a start of something life changing and wonderful. Just hang onto that thought and just focus on the future.

Are you chasing them up regarding your op?
I am finding that keeping on top of them and reading everything I can to prepare myself for my new life is helping.


I have become a hermit and HATE going out at my current weight. I hate the hairdressers as I look like a giant sitting in the plush, trendy salon. I hate getting on an aeroplane, trying clothes on, litterally anything which invloves moving outside of my comfort zone that is my home.

I feel embarassed about my weight even to my children and hubby who accept me for who I am but I feel positively ill with my weight now in so many ways.

So Sugga, I guess what I am trying to say is this:
Thank you for posting and sharing this with your WLS friends. It made me realise and acknowledge just how isolated I have become. It gave me the courage to share this with you and everyone else on here.
I could write a book as I suspect many on here could as the reasons for our weight are usually deep routed and buried. They raise their heads week in week out and the ripples are felt by us and our life is passing by while they control us. I know surgery will not bury my past but you know what, I am going to have a damn good try!!!!! I have been unhappy for too long and I am doing this for me and me only.

I sincerley hope your day picks you up and carries you onto a rainbow heading for your surgery and happy days.

I am sue you are a lovely, special person and I sincerely hope your days are brighter. If ever you want a chat PM me and I will call you.

Take care.

Linski xxxxxxx

 

[Zionaka]

Sugga (((hugz))),

The waiting is awful. I felt like I was existing in limbo for 14 months whilst I waited for a date.

The worst part was at my lowest I often felt like "the system" was dileberately"dragging it's feet" it the hope that I would drop dead under my weight and save them the cost of the operation.

So I'd get up and paint the smile on for the children, work, friends and family, sounds like exactly what you are doing. It's a vicious cycle because comforting as eating is, chances are it will leave you feeling like c*ap.

A walk would be great, like you say, but to actually get up and out is such hard task when lugging an extra person on your back.

All I can say is hang in there, your time IS COMING, and whilst WLS is not the answer to all that may pain us... I can honestly say I have not felt this good in years. Focus on the thought of that feeling.

 

[cazbandy]

MASSIVE WARM HEART FELT HUGE CUDDLY HUGS!!!
atback::heartpump::gen126:

 

[gaelic girl]

Hunny if writing it down helps you then please feel free to write a very long essay as i'm sure i speak for lots of us when i say we will be happy to read it! I so believe that a problem shared is a problem halved which i find easy to do but you don't so whichever way helps please keep using it. You are not alone and you never have to put on a brave face here like you do at home, having a virtual family is a big bonus! Take things one day at a time hun today is not a good one but hopefully tomorrow will be better. Sending you a big hug full of love x

 

[Grace]

I wish I could say something sufficient Andrea, for you and for Linski. I can't because know the pain you're going through and there isn't anything sufficient. But Know that I get it, I empathise, and I'm with you both, all the way.
And you know, all though the waiting is horrendous, once you have the surgery and your weight begins to come of, suddenly there IS light at the end of that tunnel.
In the meantime, what about writing a diary? I have found writing down my thoughts, even painful memories, extremely cathartic.
Much love to you both, Andrea and Linski. xxxxxx

 

[Karen19745]

Hi Sugga, I feel just like you stuck in limbo, I think you have done the right thing posting your feelings, because when I am feeling at my lowest I come on this site and sometimes I just read some posts or sometimes I post my own but it always gives me the inspiration I need to keep going and believe that this is happening and it will be soon and one day it will be me posting before and after pictures and so will you too, sending you big hugs, Karen xxx

 

[sugga]

THANK YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH! each and everyone one of you.

I am gob smacked, speechless, and honoured to know you all.
Im in a bit of a state so please bear with me if this is sounding all jumbled.

I have been feeling really low in spirit since i had my pre op in September but i have done really well fighting it.
Like everything in life its builds up and suddenly it hits you with a big bang, and thats exactly what has happened to me.

This is nothing new to me but there is only so much inner strengh that a human being has, and then you are forced to let go.

This isnt just about the wls and not having a date, as that alone wouldnt warrant me to feel like this, its everything and more that builds up and its soul distroying.

I dont do a lot of posting on here, but i love replying and with the hope of helping others on here gives me a purpose.

This morning as i was making the kids breakfast i could not focus, my eyes were filling and i kept blinking back the tears.
Time to let it all out i thought, i am a very emotional person and i cry very easily.

I logged to here and before i knew where i was i had written a new thread, and i could not believe it.

The kids then went off to school totally unaware of the sadness i was going through. Im proud of being given the gift of not putting my children through my misery.

I tryed to busy myself with house work but it was to much, i had tissues in one hand and a duster in the other, so i gave in. I cryed me a lake, a river, a hole sea full came out.

I did go out earlier because i forgot that i promised my eldest daughter that i would take her to pick up my granddaughters new bike for her birthday, which is tomorrow. Im glad really because it gave me a reason to stop crying and get out of the house.

Im feeling a bit better this afternoon but iv still got the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach which tells me that iv still got a way to go before ill be smiling again.

On a positive note i have not broke my diet and i will write my menu for today on Bevs post on here later, so that one good thing, Thank God.

I dont know what to say to you all except i just so wish that we were all best friends in reality.
You are amazing and im sending so much love to each one of you. Thank you xxxxx

 

[dottychic]

You are amazing too Andrea, we are all here for support and advice and you give as much as you get. It inspires me every day when I come on here and read everyones stories, even when they are having bad days, as that lets you know you are not alone when you have a bad day.... hope you start to feel a bit better soon ((HUGS)) XX

 

[Grace]

Andrea sweety, we're not so far away from each other When I'm well enough, let's meet up. It will probably be after Christmas now, but it could be fun?
We could go to the big shopping centre just outside of Sheffield....Meadowhall is it?
Would you be up for that?

 

[sugga]

Thanks Jaqui you are so kind xxxx

 

[sugga]

Oh Charis, you all just get better, that would be great and the fact that you have even offered has set me off again crying.
I hopefully will be having my op in December but when im feeling up to it i would love to meet up with you. Thankyou so much. Aww bless yer xxxx

 

[Grace]

Oh Charis, you all just get better, that would be great and the fact that you have even offered has set me off again crying.
I hopefully will be having my op in December but when im feeling up to it i would love to meet up with you. Thankyou so much. Aww bless yer xxxx

Brill! We have a New Year's date! I'll look forward to it! You know, one of the wonderful thing's about WLS and this site, is the fantastic new friends I've made! And I've felt for some time that you're one of them. it's just a shame it took you admitting how low you were before I got off my bum and arranged a meet, coz I've been thinking of it for AGES!
Hugs and cuddles friend. xxxxx