Friends

[Beth68]

Got my band in 2009 and told everyone but it hasn't worked so I am thinking of having the bypass. Got to talk to Mr Ammori this Thursday. I don't have any support from friends as they keep telling me I'm stupid and will die a lot yonger and that I will NEVER be able to go out for a meal again. Why don't people who say they are friends keep there little minds to them selves. I want to be open but I can't handle the negative comments. Sorry rant over.

? Beth ?

 

[samp24]

Hi beth, I am about seven weeks post bypass, and have chosen to tell very few people. A couple of girls at work know, but I had to politely remind one of them that it isn't public knowledge, as she was making comments in front of people who didn't know but then asked her what she meant and then she was explaining to them what I had had done,.I was not best pleased and have made it clear to her that she needs to mind her own business, as it's not anyones business. No doubt she has told more people than I know about and wish I had not confided in her as I know that at some point someone will say something negative. I think some of it is jealousy,.as she struggles with her weight too, but I don't think has the balls to do anything about it. I should have chosen who I told more carefully, but too late for that now! As far as friends go I have told one close friend who is really supportive and ofcourse my partner and family, plus the online support I get here, to be honest that is all the support I need. if they are that negative and can't understand that you are doing it to prolong yr life do you want them ad friends anyway? Goodluck with yr journey beth,.I'm sure you will get plenty of support here x

 

[Beth68]

Thank you so much for your reply. I have only told my husband and one close friend. I don't think I will be telling the so called friends about my journey they really wouldn't understand. X

Beth xx

 

[samp24]

It's difficult when you are excited about something not to share and tell people, but I am glad I told so few, I shouldn't have to justify the decisions I make for myself in my life to anyone, and with people being jealous or negative about wls being cheating/easy way out, I don't have the time or energy for them. I got better things to do x

 

[Butterfly_lady]

The thing is 90% of the "stories" in the papers are about failed operations as scandal doom & gloom sells so folks read these stories and have a one sided view, I didn't tell anyone but thats because I'm a private person and it was so much easier

 

[Mrs Z]

I think it's absolutely up to you who does and doesn't know.

I have told very few people. I worry about things and panic that it might not actually happen and the have to explain why in 'still fat'.

Each to their own. Some people find comfort in talking about it to everyone and anyone. Some keep it totally secret.

 

[Chrisyd]

Blabbing Friend

I decided to tell very few people -especially as I have lost a good friend over it. I'm due to have my op on Thursday and a friend blabbed it to the entire team last week She was mortified - I was embarrassed - but the result was in expected. Everyone was supportive and understanding no judgements despite the bad press recently. So you never can tell.

cd

 

[Beth68]

Thanks everyone for your messages I think I will be keeping it to a select few

 

[GeMzY]

Good luck with your journey!! most negative comments & attitudes are down to jealousy or sheer ignorance.

I also chose to tell only a select few beforehand but as people are noticing weight loss now if they ask directly I don't lie, I just choose not to go out of my way to tell those it doesn't concern xx

 

[Chrisyd]

Good luck with your journey!! most negative comments & attitudes are down to jealousy or sheer ignorance.

I also chose to tell only a select few beforehand but as people are noticing weight loss now if they ask directly I don't lie, I just choose not to go out of my way to tell those it doesn't concern xx

That's good advice.

cd

 

[Andie1962]

I have only told my immediate family and 3 close friends . my friends are very supportive but family members especially my sisters are completely against me having the operation . I have found that their negativity really draining and not having their support really matters to me I guess you can't force people to understand why we would have wls especially as they are not in our shoes .

 

[Chrisyd]

I have only told my immediate family and 3 close friends . my friends are very supportive but family members especially my sisters are completely against me having the operation . I have found that their negativity really draining and not having their support really matters to me I guess you can't force people to understand why we would have wls especially as they are not in our shoes .

Oh goodness -sorry to hear this - it is hard enough without having to deal with negativity x

 

[Andie1962]

Oh goodness -sorry to hear this - it is hard enough without having to deal with negativity x

Thank you for your kind comment I guess they are just worried. love them to bits but you feel quite alone when our nearest and dearest don't even try and understand the reasons why we would put ourselves through this journey xx

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

It is hard with family. When I had my first op my parents especially my dad fretted the whole time. They live abroad which made it even harder. The one memory that will stay with me the rest of my life is after my failed op sitting in the bed at the hospital and getting a call from my dad. My siblings had told him what had happened but as soon as he heard my voice he broke down and started crying. It makes me cry every time I recall it. I have told them I am having the band removed and they are relieved about that. There is no way I am telling them about the sleeve - neither am I telling my siblings. They have all been through enough. I was in two minds about telling Mr TB but fessed up a few weeks ago - and wished I hadn't because now he is worrying which is not good for his condition and I feel terribly guilty about that. Only one other person knows and he is a friend I can trust and he needed to know for reasons I do not want to go into. I hope I can keep it that way.

TB x

 

[Andie1962]

It is hard with family. When I had my first op my parents especially my dad fretted the whole time. They live abroad which made it even harder. The one memory that will stay with me the rest of my life is after my failed op sitting in the bed at the hospital and getting a call from my dad. My siblings had told him what had happened but as soon as he heard my voice he broke down and started crying. It makes me cry every time I recall it. I have told them I am having the band removed and they are relieved about that. There is no way I am telling them about the sleeve - neither am I telling my siblings. They have all been through enough. I was in two minds about telling Mr TB but fessed up a few weeks ago - and wished I hadn't because now he is worrying which is not good for his condition and I feel terribly guilty about that. Only one other person knows and he is a friend I can trust and he needed to know for reasons I do not want to go into. I hope I can keep it that way. TB x

I hope that it all goes well for you in fact I'm sure it will .our families are worried about us I guess it's only natural xx

 

[Lincs Lass]

I opted to tell everyone but I am hopeless at keeping secrets and would have tripped myself up. But I do understand why some people choose to not tell others.

I have been lucky in that I have had support every step of the way from everybody except my sisters. My older one has no interest in anything where she isn't the centre of attention and the younger one prefers to drag others down than try to improve herself.

I am seeing her for the first time since my op on Sunday so am mentally prepared for the 'digs', especially when she sees me 8.5 stone down, wearing nice clothes and able to eat a proper (albeit small) carvery. Am I bocce red? Nope!!

 

[terrilou]

I'm the same as you Lincs Lass, I was so excited that my mouth got carried away. I changed my job in November, in my old job, only a couple of people knew, but in my new job, everyone is so nice, but once I told one person, she told everyone and everyone has been really supportive about it, always asking me how I'm feeling.

Only down side is that everyone keeps telling me how much weight I've lost, which is great, but would they have noticed so much if they didn't know about the surgery? I also worry that when I get nearer my goal and I'm not losing so much, will I be upset when people don't tell me anymore? I know thats daft, but you can get used to people telling you how great you look. I've actually asked one lady not to tell me as every time I walk past her at work, she mentions it. I know she's proud of me, she's a lovely lady, but it can get a bit much. (She's the one that told everyone else!).

My family and friends have been great, I haven't had any negative comments at all, I have loads of support from them, this forum and the Derby Hospital support group, both at the group and on our Facebook page. If I hadn't told anyone, I would still have had a lot of support this way, I just couldn't control myself.

Sorry to waffle on.

 

[Lincs Lass]

My family and friends have been great, I haven't had any negative comments at all, I have loads of support from them, this forum and the Derby Hospital support group, both at the group and on our Facebook page. If I hadn't told anyone, I would still have had a lot of support this way, I just couldn't control myself.

I wish I lived nearer to Derby as having been done by Mr Ahmed it would have been nice to get to the support group but I'm just that bit too far away.

 

[terrilou]

That is a shame, they're such a lovely group of people, but it's bad enough for me having to travel an hour to get there. There are 3 of us that live close together, so we take turns driving.