Help Is anyone fostering their grandchildren?

[lamornamiss]

Hi I really need some advice.
My daughter is 24 weeks pregnant and we have just found out her partner is a heroin addict who is also taking methadone. As far as we are aware she has only smoked weed and isn't on anything worse (as if that isn't bad enough)

To cut a very long story short..Social service have been in touch with me and asked if I would consider taking the baby if she doesn't change her life style.

I would really like to know if anyone has been in the same position as us?

We have got a meeting with social services next week and don't know what to expect?

 

[hlow86]

They will ask if you will take guardianship however they will work with your daughter to take parental classes and show she is 'clean' this will be same for father I dare say that she will be allowed supervised contact while she is proving herself and a final decision is made. Least the child will remain with family while this is happening. Hope this helps a little. X

 

[Yvessa]

I have no advice hon, but just wanted to send kind thoughts your way - what a difficult situation to be in.

 

[lamornamiss]

Thanks hlow86 and Yve

 

[Lincs Lass]

I used to work for a fostering agency and while we didn't have anyone on your circumstance our paths did cross with people who were.

The best advice I can give is keep in regular contact with social services and keep them on their toes. They are run off their feet and need to be reminded of your case - even if its just a call. Take advantage of anything they offer support wise.

I hope things all get sorted out and your daughter gets back on track xx

 

[Jaywill]

A friend of mine went through a similar situation.....she took custody of her cousins child and still have custody....her cousin has been given the opportunity to get clean and then social services will review the case when she is at the end of her course (trying to get clean) to see if she is capable of having the baby back...

All the best with your situation.

 

[Beegee]

sound advice from all.. good luck hope it all works out well xx

 

[moomoo1]

sit your daughter down and ask her point blank if she is prepared to loose her child in favour of the man because that's what it will boil down to if she is not prepared to do so then you must decide if you want to takew on the baby, you may also find once it born the bond will be too strong for her and she will kick him too the curb, my ex was a violent alchy who took most drugs going this is the choice I had to make and I made it and getting rid of him was best thing I ever did, trouble when your pregnant you don't know how it feels once the baby is in your arms and how much she could miss, totally feel for you hope she sorts herself out and the problem resoves

 

[WitchInWorthing]

the social services should have some sort of family liasion person that you could speak to and let you know what would be involved. It sounds at the moment like they want to have you as a backup so the baby stays with a relative rather than a stranger. Is your daughter married to her partner or are they just together? Depending on birth certificates and things like that he may not have many rights and your daughter might just surprise you by proving herself when the time comes. Social services should keep a close eye on the baby, possibly putting into place some child protection, maybe a court oder and normally don't remove a child unless they are at serious risk. Maybe speak to the NSPCC and see if they have any advice for you? I know it is a tough situation .... lots of best wishes for you and the new bubby.... xx

 

[lamornamiss]

I forgot to mention the bloke she is with has 7 other kids all mostly in care of social services. His sister has had 3 kids all now placed in care and another baby on the way in a few weeks time which also has got a care order on it.
We are hoping that when she has the baby she will kick him to the curb. But at the moment she has told a friend that she has no intention of giving him up.

Off the record I have been told that there is no way she will be able to keep the baby if she stays with him and social service will be placing a care order on the baby.

He has her benefit money off her as soon as it is paid and she has got nothing at all for the baby...We have bought everything that the baby will need but it is all staying at my house until she has the baby because he will sell the lot.

He ripped out the boiler, radiators and piping to sell for his drugs there is no running water (not even a working toilet) or anywhere to cook even if she had money to buy food (her fantastic neighbour has been feeding her and letting her have a bath)the land lord isn't going to be impressed when he gets the keys. The council have condemned the house due to the damage he has done.

 

[WitchInWorthing]

to be honest, in that situation I would say the baby might be better off with you than in a home like that....x

 

[lamornamiss]

They have just moved into a newly refurbished flat and hopefully she will start seeing him for what he is and decide that she wants the baby more than she wants him.

I have got to work out whether to go for fostering the baby or go for a residency order??? but am not sure what rights they give us over the child

 

[Yvessa]

My gosh I just want to give you a big hug Wendy. I have a colleague whose son is in a similar situation but they were able to keep the kids, because there wasn't drugs involved. My colleague is forever doing everything for them and the kids are suffering for it - the 2 year old has been excluded already! I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you, but you're doing hhte right thing.

 

[TwinkleTwinkle]

Gawd Wendy :wave_cry: I have only just seen this & my heart is breaking for you. :cry: At the end of the day, she is YOUR baby & that is a bond no scumbag should be able to break. I have no advice for you, but it seems that others do, so chin up, my darling ... lets hope that when the baby is placed in her arms, the rose tinted glasses will shatter. I would say congratulations on becoming a Nana but guess you have a lot of conflicting emotions, especially so close to losing your Dad :sigh: & I thought I was having a bad year :wave_cry:. Thinking of you, sweetie xxx

 

[lamornamiss]

Gawd Wendy :wave_cry: I have only just seen this & my heart is breaking for you. :cry: At the end of the day, she is YOUR baby & that is a bond no scumbag should be able to break. I have no advice for you, but it seems that others do, so chin up, my darling ... lets hope that when the baby is placed in her arms, the rose tinted glasses will shatter. I would say congratulations on becoming a Nana but guess you have a lot of conflicting emotions, especially so close to losing your Dad :sigh: & I thought I was having a bad year :wave_cry:. Thinking of you, sweetie xxx

Thanks Twink
I have had enough of this year and can't wait to see the back of it.
For those that don't know me.
My mom was hospitalised the beginning March for a week with the nova-virus bug, during that week we realised my dad was struggling with his memory which started a chain of Dr's and hospital visits only to be told the end of April he had got primary lung cancer and secondary brain cancer and was given 3-6 months to live. He died 8 weeks and 2 days after the diagnosis on fathers day.
So my life has revolved around my parents since March. Now I have to deal with my daughter's life choices.

I had this op to get my life back, but everyone else's lives have got different plans for me :sigh:

 

[WitchInWorthing]

aw hunni I wish there was something I could say to help make it better ... it is amazing how much we are able to cope with when we need to and I do believe that the universe only gives us that which we are strong enough to deal with. Let us know what happens with the baby and your daughter .... sometimes these things can bring families together in the end... xxx

 

[lamornamiss]

Oh well! child protection order in place and more meeting to go to :sigh:

 

[Vonzorelli]

Oh well! child protection order in place and more meeting to go to :sigh:

I've been on this same merry-go round for the past 16 years. My eldest Granddaughter has just been returned to me after 5 years in a children's home (and i'm picking up the pieces!). The fostering process is a red tape nightmare, with plenty of Social Services boxes to tick, full medical and even a CRB check.......you couldn't make it up!
Personally, I would ask for a residency order, this keeps Social Services at arms length.
The bottom line is, if you don't take the baby, your Grandchild will end up in foster care, or worse still - adopted, and you will never see it again.
I do hope that everything turns out ok, both for you and this wee mite who isn't even born yet.
(((((((hugs)))))))
Yvonne x
ps. seek out a solicitor who is on the "children's panel", most will give you half an hour of free advice.

 

[lamornamiss]

I've been on this same merry-go round for the past 16 years. My eldest Granddaughter has just been returned to me after 5 years in a children's home (and i'm picking up the pieces!). The fostering process is a red tape nightmare, with plenty of Social Services boxes to tick, full medical and even a CRB check.......you couldn't make it up!
Personally, I would ask for a residency order, this keeps Social Services at arms length.
The bottom line is, if you don't take the baby, your Grandchild will end up in foster care, or worse still - adopted, and you will never see it again.
I do hope that everything turns out ok, both for you and this wee mite who isn't even born yet.
(((((((hugs)))))))
Yvonne x
ps. seek out a solicitor who is on the "children's panel", most will give you half an hour of free advice.

I have got to admit Social services are being great at the moment.
They asked me if we would be willing to take the baby and we have said "of course no problem" I have been buying things for the new baby for months so we have nearly everything we need for the first few months.
We have got to be assessed first But I can't see any problems at the moment with us having the baby.
I don't think my medical checks will be a problem now as I weigh 10 stone 4 instead of 21 stone and have no other medical problems at all thank god for the bypass

 

[Vonzorelli]

I take my hat off to you....starting all over again, and I do hope that everything is plain sailing.
Maybe i'm more than a weeny bit cynical as far as Social Services are concerned (but with good reason).
A small example: I am taking my Granddaughter to Holland for a few days next week and I have to have a letter of consent from the Local Authority...ready for when her "care order" flags up at immigration.
I can see it now on the six o'clock news.....middle aged Granny throws a hissy-fit and causes chaos during check-in! pmsl

A care order means that Social Services will always be in "control", they say jump, and you have to ask how high?........a residency order means that YOU will call the shots. A half decent judge would put a restraining order on the low-life boyfriend at the same time too.

(((hugs)))

Yvonne x