I need to get this off my chest....

[cherry]

So for the last couple of days increasingly its becoming that on this site, if a PRE OPPER is giving advice to a post opper then there being slammed for doing this!!!!! and being told 'what could you know yadda yadda yadda,' as you havent had surgery, so you couldnt possibly understand!... how rude, ungracious is that?!?.... everyones input to this site is worth its weight in gold everyone has something to give!!!!!, like i said on another thread, if your pre,post, etc.....and quiet frankly if your gonna be rude to a pre opper giving advice then clearly label in your post in red so people can see that you dont want a pre opper giving you advice to stop this rude,patronising response of 'well what the hell do you know' a few people have suprised me on here......ive had peole say to me to, that 'maybe im annoying people by giving advice to a post opper because im pre' pppffffttttt..... how disgraceful is THAT!!!!

do you know what im furious!!! and im not sure if its lack of sleep because hubbi is in hospital, and ive read that thread, or what.... but my god my blood is boiling......

and another thing is, yes we've all been there with being uncontrolable with food as we all wouldnt be here waiting for wls, and we come here to get support and basically a good shove in the right direction, but dont then become furious with people giving advice because you dont like what your hearing!

its simples really, CUT OUT THE RUBBISH and eat better!!!...........

i wont be doing any dramatic hi's and byes... but yes ive taken a step back because quiet frankly i dont like how some things are on here, and this is the first time voicing this, but thats why i did what i did QUIETLY!!!!

but i felt this needed to be said as there s alot of newbies that quiet frankly will be thinking, yikes!! look what happens if i was to give advice, a sad state of affairs if you ask me especially when were all fighting the same battle...

so basically you dont want a pre's advice then clearly state!! dont patronise them by shouting to all and sundry that there still 'pre'

right im off to calm down.

 

[Stellap]

I know the thread you are talking about kelly and i personally think the poster's attitude stinks and is what gives wls a bad name. Everyone' opinion is valid post or pre op - most people research this very deeply before the op and are very well informed and post opers get it wrong sometimes.

 

[cherry]

i know hun, im seething and i really shouldnt be! just ungracious! x

 

[MrsSAFC]

I feel sometimes people can come across as "bossy" but also think why take it personal there's no emotion in text/typing. Plus if i just don't read them further if it gets on me wick!
I have used this forum to ask questions & twist if I need to lol but let's be honest im fortunate that I have my family and friendsfor real life support and maybe some people on here don't ? I dunno xx

 

[dawny]

hi kelly, sorry your so upset huni, and i can understand why. i personally havent seen any of them posts, but can see why it would would upset you. a lot of pre oppers, yourself included, have done an awful lot of research into different options, and the rights and wrongs of what to do post op, and that qualifies you to answer, ive had answers of pre oppers, and have taken it on board, we all have something to give on here, an no one has the right to put anyone else down.
but, please dont let a few ignorant ppl upset you and get you down, theyre not worth it babes. we all love you and value what you have to say. well, most of us do anyway.
great big hugs n snugs, hope you got some sleep last night. xxxxx

 

[Bev]

I am so sorry to hear all of this & I'm worried about J how is he? xxx

Awww Kelly what a terrible shock.

How is J and what sort of injuries has he sustained.

It really upset me to read this since my hubby has always worked with working dogs too and I know how close and bonded they are, we have always had our dog at home over the years too... but I know what they can be like since hubby uses his to control football match crowds and rowdy situations... I'm gutted.

Please let me know. I'm here if you need me.

Regarding the secondary matter of trying to do your best, there is only so much that anyone can do to help others and you have been there on the forum for as long as me and you have given no end of love, support and encouragement from the heart.

Please always remember that you and everyone else brings something very special to this forum and it's all appreciated... this forum would not be the same without your spirit and concern for others.

But right now, I'm concerned about J and how things are over there with you.

I'm always here.

Thinking of you xxx

 

[tesmaralda]

Hi folks if there are posts that upset you or you think is wrong please report it using the report button. It will be looked at and soemthing can be done about it. It may take some time as there might not be a mod on line or we have to discuss it. It is a shame if people stop using minis because with out I and loads of others would be lost with out the support we have had over the years on here.

 

[Bev]

Thank you Terri.

I can honestly say if it hadn't been for the level of support from Kelly, and everyone on here, I'd never have been anywhere near prepared for my surgery.

The discussions, the considerations of issues and mutual support has been the very best preparation I could have had in terms of getting abreast of the practicalities of surgery, but most importantly the huge issue of getting my head around surgery.

Thanks to Kelly's humour and always being around, speaking from the heart, it's really helped to prepare my path for my journey and I agree Terri... Mini's is an integral part of the wls journey regardless of where an individual may be at on that journey, everyone has some amazing and valued contributions... which are so appreciated.

Love and hugs xxx

 

[DaisyMaesy]

That is fine tesmaralda but when does moderation become censorship? It is a very close line. I for one having read the posts cannot see why that person cannot post what they have just the same as Cherry was free to post what she has. These are opinions and that is what fora are about. We may disagree with things people say but they do have a right to say them. Cherry is angry and so to was the OP of the offending thread.
Please do not start censoring the forum as that would make for a very biased one and not the balance that it is right now.

 

[Mixman]

Being a member of a few forums, I'm always aware of the way that certain things typed can be read differently depending on what mood you are in.

I also think that there are many people that become 'experts' on certain things without actually experiencing them. A little information is always dangerous.

Now I always read posts on forums with the thought that 'The person who is typing this believes what they are saying is true' I never read something and think, 'They're wrong' or 'They shouldn't be saying that'. I always take heed of what people are saying but never take it as religiously right but go off and research this further.

This rings true when people are discussing pre-op diets on here. How many are there??? I wasn't allowed half the stuff of others on here, but I knew this at the time and always tell people that, if in doubt, refer back to their team.

Please don't take this at getting at anyone at all but I've also seen my fair share of keyboard warriors. Met people that have been the most confrontaional on-line but in person wouldn't say boo to a goose.

I hope that you've got things off your chest Kelly, but try and not get yourself worked up xx

 

[Bev]

Exactly Daisy, everyone's opinion is of equal value whether pre op, post op or in between... it's a unique journey for each and everyone.

Love and hugs xxx

 

[DaisyMaesy]

Thanks Bev

 

[tesmaralda]

That is fine tesmaralda but when does moderation become censorship? It is a very close line. I for one having read the posts cannot see why that person cannot post what they have just the same as Cherry was free to post what she has. These are opinions and that is what fora are about. We may disagree with things people say but they do have a right to say them. Cherry is angry and so to was the OP of the offending thread.
Please do not start censoring the forum as that would make for a very biased one and not the balance that it is right now.

No one is on about censorship, what I am on about is if a post has made someone that upset or angry then it should be reported because it can take days for us as mods to read all the new posts especially when there are 500+ new posts a day. Just because a post has been reported doesn't mean it is deleted or action taken, it is a way of people to say they don't think something is right or fair just like people are free to post things people are free to say they don't like something.

 

[Jane]

I think this forum is great, and any help I have had from pre or post oppers has always been listened to. At the end of the day we are a band of people with different thoughts and experiences, but we all have the right to voice our opinions, especially if we think we can help someone else who is struggling.

I think that as has already been said, things can be typed quickly and maybe not read in the way they were meant. The original poster was angry at her situation and expressed it.

It's a real shame that it got so heated, if someone does not like advice they are given - it's simple ignore it.

Kelly anything I have read from you has always been helpful, and as Bev says from the heart so please don't step backwards and please carry on posting. I hope your hubby is ok.

Also regarding moderation, don't forget that tesmeralda has not read the thread yet, so she's just trying to help, I am quite sure there will be no deleting of anything, after all it was all just opinions and feelings that were expressed - surely one of the points of a great forum like this.

 

[Stellap]

Wls.is a very emotive subject so people are passionate about their experiences. I think just reiterating that we all need to treat each other and their opinions with respect no matter whether pre or post op and think about the effect of your words before hitting "send". As Jerry springer says "be kind to yourself and each other"

 

[Sambucca]

That is fine tesmaralda but when does moderation become censorship? It is a very close line. I for one having read the posts cannot see why that person cannot post what they have just the same as Cherry was free to post what she has. These are opinions and that is what fora are about. We may disagree with things people say but they do have a right to say them. Cherry is angry and so to was the OP of the offending thread.
Please do not start censoring the forum as that would make for a very biased one and not the balance that it is right now.

Terri has already commented on this post as a moderator, but I felt I too should comment from a moderators perspective.

Censoring posts is not what moderators do. It is extremely rare for a post or thread to be deleted. This would only happen if after discussion the mods felt the post was offensive, overly sexual or similar. This has been discussed to death in the past and I dont feel it is worth raising that old argument again.

As moderators we are here to ensure the smooth running of the forum. You guys reporting posts makes our job so much easier because as Terri says often when we log on there are 500+ new posts to read. Mazza and I work full time, and Tesmaralda is at Uni. We also all have children and other commitments. We give our time here voluntarily and put in as much time as we can to ensure that spam is removed, arguments or disgreements are swiftly dealt with, and that reported posts are investigated. These matters are always dealt with off the forum so it protects privacy of those who have reported the posts.

The reason that the previous thread was locked was not to say that mods agree with one view or another, but purely to "stamp on" the disagreement to prevent any unpleasantness which might have occurred if the thread was allowed to run its course.

Also, for what its worth as a WLS patient rather than a moderator, when I was pre op I often posted about how people just needed to follow the rules and everything will be OK. Post op, its clear to me that following the rules is not as easy as it sounds. THe old demons are there and I give in to them more often than I care to admit.

Thats not to say that pre oppers shouldnt have an opinion. Of course they should and they provide a massive source of comfort and support to those going through this journey. They are just as entitled to their opinion as the next person.

 

[Mixman]

Like in all walks of life, you're going to find people who are at either ends of the scales, if you pardon the pun. You're always going to get people that are dissapointed. What I try and do in my presentations I do in Sheffield is to try and get the message across to the people that they need to make efforts, big efforts too.

Part of being a good achiever AFTER weight loss surgery is being mentally ready BEFORE. You kind of get an idea of the people who are going to be doing well and those that might struggle. People try and look for all sorts of excuses not to have surgery as eating has become a very very big part of their lives.

These are my opinions too and I don't mind if you disagree. Being male too, I know my priorities and importances might be different to females.

Because there are so many success stories in the news at the moment, it's very very hard for people to be brought back down to earth and be told that they might not lose any weight if they don't make ANY lifelong changes. One of these is eating and drinking at the same time. I've been told that's a big no no, and so I don't. This stretches the pouch. I've also been told that eating sweet/fatty things, as well as not being good for me, might make me 'dump'. So I don't eat them. I've been told that doughy bread is bad for me, so I don't have it, I have a bit of toast instead. I was told not to drink alcohol for 12 months. So I didn't.

Now this may seem extreme to some people, but it was what I was advised, so it's what I did/do. And I think it's a big part of me achieving so much and doing so well.

Now when I read that people 'can eat so much' and that 'they had chocolate', now I can't understand it and I tend not to reply to these threads as I feel that I wouldn't help the situation. I feel like shouting

'FOR GODS SAKE, GET A GRIP. YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN A CHANCE, DON'T BLOW IT. THE REASON THAT YOU'RE NOT DOING SO WELL IS BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT EATING THE RIGHT THINGS AND NOT FOLLOWING THE 'RULES'

But I don't want to upset people. There are other reasons for people eating, emotional etc, and I know that just because I and others have, it doesn't mean it's that easy for everybody.

I also think that the support of the loved ones round me has also helped. They wouldn't let me eat anything that's 'bad' for me. Do other post op peoples loved ones turned a blind eye when they are eating the wrong things? I know mine don't. Even my 7 year old step-son is on my side. He knows I'm not allowed sweets/buns. We have jokes about it, when I try and grab his sweets he knows I shouldn't be having them. He'll tell me that my doctor says I can't have them.

It's not just a quick fix. It is a tool you have to work with. If you don't work with it, it will fail. If I put petrol in my diesel car, I know it will break down. Our bodies are the same. Treat them well and they will look after you for years. Treat them wrong and, in the vast majority of the cases, you only have yourself to blame.

Getting at others and blaming others often means that there are physcological issues around. These need to be sorted too, that's why in Sheffield we have access to a psychiatrist.

Get your friends and family involved now. We ALL can help each other and we all CAN do it!

 

[DeeKaulfers]

I know what post you are talking about and personally I have to say the person who posted it just seems bitter. Nothing that was said to them was taken as advice but all judgement. I personally don't care who's giving the advice. Pre, post, thinkning about. Because there are ALOT of things I'm still learning and if someone pre op comes along and knows what I'm asking about and gives me sound advice I think that's great because I know I don't know everything. I also know I make mistakes. I love this forum, and I value all the people and good advice on it. Don't let one bitter person get you down. I'm 6 weeks post op and trust me I would take your advice any day because just because I've been under the knife doesn't mean I know everything that is to come.

Hugs Dee xoxoxo. Sent from my iPad using WLSurgery

 

[dottychic]

Wooww! I go to Asda and it all kicks off!
Firstly Kelly, I didnt know hubs was in hospital or whats happened to him but I am so sorry to hear he is and I hope he is better soon (((HUGS))) to you both!! XX
Secondly, I think I know which post it is thats got you all hot and bothered and I agree it was a bit condescending to pre-oppers but honestly dont think it was much better about post oppers lol. I have never come across a post offering advice by pre or post oppers that I have ever seen to be anything but a true offer of help. Maybe there are thinks people who are awaiting surgery dont understand about being post-op but by the same rule post-oppers dont know everything either I just take all posts in the way I think they are written and that is in good faith
When I read a post I find a bit "off" I just dont respond to be honest and go onto the next one......its already been said but I wouldnt have known where to turn after surgery if it wasnt for you lovely lot! We are here to help one another and that means all of us......one big (or not so big) weightloss family XX
Kelly, please let me know if theres anything I can do for you or hubbs XX

 

[keeley86]

thanks for raising the issue kel - it needed to be said!

one thing i will say tho, i am a pre opper and know very little compared to post oppers as i havent experienced it yet - if i offer advice and i am wrong or could be wrong - feel free to put me in my place. i dont mind you saying... keeley your pre op you dont know that! you cant give advice on what you dont know about - but the post kel is talking about (which i have reported by the way and i will put my hands up and admit it) the person actually agreed that the advice given was correct "even tho she was a pre opper" so why comment wether pre op or post op? the advice given was correct and lots of people agreed so why coment on wether that person or pre op or not? that comment must have come as a right slap in the face to the person she said it to!

you should never pull somebody down like that - its ignorant, cocky and disrespectfull!
you dont know it all yourself and your advice is not more superior to ever1 elses - we are all equals on this site!!!`