Miserable Life At Your Largest?

[Snowcrystal]

Hi Guys

I am sitting here dreading another day of the same old, same old.

My life right now consists of sitting in the same place every day doing virtually nothing.....(I'm ashamed to admit this, but I have to).

It's not that I want to be so sedentary, I hate it. But I am in pain when I try to do the most menial of tasks these days...My back kills when I walk too much, it hurts when I sit too much and it hurts when I lean over....needless to say this does not stop me from going to the fridge.

Some days I have more energy than others, but when I do and use this time to catch up with my chores I end up suffering for it.

I used to be extremely house-proud where nooks and crannies that you couldn't see where guaranteed to be as clean as the the bits you could see.

I used to love cooking for my family and got a huge sense of pride from just looking after them...I am the one being looked after now and I hate it...I'm grateful but I hate it...I have a wonderful husband who is so understanding, so supportive and so loving...I hardly lift a finger now and this upsets me so much...He does so much.

I do get depressed about all this and have had some family issues that rocked my world recently and this contributed towards this spiral downwards...(I think if it hadn't been for my husband and my son I would have cracked up completely)...My mood is like my diets these days, it's yoyo style...It doesn't help that I know I will lose my job at some point soon due to the time off I am having.

Can I ask you guys, both pre and post oppers if your life was so sedentary at your largest?...How your weight affected your mood, your lifestyle, your activities and your energy?

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
​

 

[serenitylove]

my life if im honest was bad i was a few months of being unable to walk i had to ride a bike 5 mins down the road to get my girl from school because i was in so much pain and it had got to the point the bike wouldnt have held my weight much longer, i hid behind my weight it was a comfort after a 6yr relationship that was very violent the bigger i got the less it hurtand i think subconsitously i wanted him to run off with someone slimmer. i now a year on from op have my freedom back i can walk have even been known to run a few metres lol, although i still have to keep in my head the reality that being slimmer is not in itself going to make my life better its been easy for me to say if i was slim it would be different but the reality is its me that has to change , i still stayin all the time i went out last night for first time in a year but im facing up to that now. i think being long term obese messes with your head and im not sure yet weather it will ever go

 

[marky v]

Sorry to hear of your despair at not being able to do the ''normal'' things that you once had so much gusto for...we all know once we start shifting the pounds these things will once again become so much easier, you must hang on to the positive thoughts of what will be....luckily for me, altho i'm at my largest now, i'm still relatively fit and mobile, i still manage to get to the gym when i'm able, i do suffer from sciatica on occassion, and can hardly walk, but that's few and far between days, i still drive my cab in and around Leeds no problem, i can't do the things like walking too far, and by that i mean a couple of miles or so, cos it does hurt my back, i'm capable of doing it, just the back says no!! but bar that i'm quite a ''fit fat bloke'', just the outward shell is wrecked

 

[Barb]

I have just looked at your photo albums and TBH I don't recognize the lady you describe in your post. You are very attractive, yes you could lose some weight (couldn't we all!) but I think you actually wear it very well. Your husband looks as though he adores you and the grandchildren look they enjoy a very fun Nana.

So, is there more going on with your health/lifestyle than your weight? Is a large dollop of depression making you see things so badly?

I don't know you and perhaps it is wrong of me to make assumptions, but at 1 inch shorter than you and only 9lb lighter than you, I can't help but feel your life should not be that much harder than mine. Don't get me wrong, i am nowhere near as nimble and flexible as I would love to be, yes i hate reaching for the size 22/24 clothes, I don't always have the energy i would like...... but I am not in the desperatly unhappy state that you seem to be in. You are so much more than your weight. Your husband obviously thinks so and so does your son and your grandchildren. I think you need some help and it's time you had a very honest chat with your GP and perhaps even considered councelling.

Meanwhile, I send you hugs and really hope that life starts to look a little brighter for you very soon.

 

[Snowcrystal]

my life if im honest was bad i was a few months of being unable to walk i had to ride a bike 5 mins down the road to get my girl from school because i was in so much pain and it had got to the point the bike wouldnt have held my weight much longer, i hid behind my weight it was a comfort after a 6yr relationship that was very violent the bigger i got the less it hurtand i think subconsitously i wanted him to run off with someone slimmer. i now a year on from op have my freedom back i can walk have even been known to run a few metres lol, although i still have to keep in my head the reality that being slimmer is not in itself going to make my life better its been easy for me to say if i was slim it would be different but the reality is its me that has to change , i still stayin all the time i went out last night for first time in a year but im facing up to that now. i think being long term obese messes with your head and im not sure yet weather it will ever go

Hi Serenity

Thank you for your reply

Yes I can understand the whole psychology of your past dilemma...being in an abusive relationship, be it physical or even psychological can push you down a dark hole that is hard to pull yourself up from.

I wonder how much WLS saves us emotionally and of course physically.

I think that when you have lived in your new skin for a a bit longer that will become the norm for you....

Well done on your achievements so far.

(((hugs)))

 

[Snowcrystal]

Sorry to hear of your despair at not being able to do the ''normal'' things that you once had so much gusto for...we all know once we start shifting the pounds these things will once again become so much easier, you must hang on to the positive thoughts of what will be....luckily for me, altho i'm at my largest now, i'm still relatively fit and mobile, i still manage to get to the gym when i'm able, i do suffer from sciatica on occassion, and can hardly walk, but that's few and far between days, i still drive my cab in and around Leeds no problem, i can't do the things like walking too far, and by that i mean a couple of miles or so, cos it does hurt my back, i'm capable of doing it, just the back says no!! but bar that i'm quite a ''fit fat bloke'', just the outward shell is wrecked

Hi Mark and thank you for your reply.

You are lucky that you are fit, and I wonder if this is a male thing because I have known men that are overweight and still managed to be quite fit...Maybe men are fitter generally speaking?

You will know the pain of sciatica, and some days for me too, it is worse than others...I am a bit of a minx though as I won't take the pain relief for it..but that's another story.

You haven't got long to go now...you must be getting excited now.

(((hugs)))

 

[iinklii]

I love what Barb said too. I have a wonder drug from a company called Mind 1st(.com) ~Pura EPA, it's a cod liver oil, evening primrose type thing and I know for a fact it helps me enormously.

I'm also lucky enuf to have a friend who drags me off for a walk everyday, just round the block ~literally~ to begin with, but it got longer and I'm very very proud of my achievements, which was an incredibly uplifting place to be, even without the endorphins this releases.

Also prozac ssri s etc. marvelous stuff. If you think of it like a vitamin deficiency, you have a shock, you jump, if you've just seen a terrible car accident and you have a shock, you can be in pieces. Stress is cummulative and needs adressing. Depression can pin you to the sofa far more effectively than weight.

Take a big hug from me, I really like and value you, and don't want to see you dwindle

Much love and very very very many hugs

Wish I could just make it better xxx

 

[Snowcrystal]

I have just looked at your photo albums and TBH I don't recognize the lady you describe in your post. You are very attractive, yes you could lose some weight (couldn't we all!) but I think you actually wear it very well. Your husband looks as though he adores you and the grandchildren look they enjoy a very fun Nana.

So, is there more going on with your health/lifestyle than your weight? Is a large dollop of depression making you see things so badly?

I don't know you and perhaps it is wrong of me to make assumptions, but at 1 inch shorter than you and only 9lb lighter than you, I can't help but feel your life should not be that much harder than mine. Don't get me wrong, i am nowhere near as nimble and flexible as I would love to be, yes i hate reaching for the size 22/24 clothes, I don't always have the energy i would like...... but I am not in the desperatly unhappy state that you seem to be in. You are so much more than your weight. Your husband obviously thinks so and so does your son and your grandchildren. I think you need some help and it's time you had a very honest chat with your GP and perhaps even considered councelling.

Meanwhile, I send you hugs and really hope that life starts to look a little brighter for you very soon.

Hi Barb

Thank you for your reply and your very kind comments.

I'm sorry if I made my post seem so desperate...I am really unhappy with the way things have panned out for me health wise and have discussed what I call the blues with my wonderful GP...I could take some ante-depressants but I don't think it warrants that...and he is happy that I take this view.

I think what I am trying to ask everyone is if they had this horrible chicken or the egg situation and how low they felt before they lost their weight and if it changed their health, their mood and their lifestyle in general...You know, the perpetual vicious cycle!

I get down that I am not as active as I was and perhaps I don't try hard enough...and I blame that on knock backs as well as pain.

I do have the support of my husband and my son but that does not stop me feeling so guilty about not taking the care of them in the way that I used to...Sadly I don't have contact with my grand daughters any more and that is contributing towards the blues that I am experiencing.

I think that when we are fitter and lighter we deal with things differently.

Thank you once again for your kind post...And good luck with your weight loss journey.

(((hugs)))

 

[Snowcrystal]

I love what Barb said too. I have a wonder drug from a company called Mind 1st(.com) ~Pura EPA, it's a cod liver oil, evening primrose type thing and I know for a fact it helps me enormously.

I'm also lucky enuf to have a friend who drags me off for a walk everyday, just round the block ~literally~ to begin with, but it got longer and I'm very very proud of my achievements, which was an incredibly uplifting place to be, even without the endorphins this releases.

Also prozac ssri s etc. marvelous stuff. If you think of it like a vitamin deficiency, you have a shock, you jump, if you've just seen a terrible car accident and you have a shock, you can be in pieces. Stress is cummulative and needs adressing. Depression can pin you to the sofa far more effectively than weight.

Take a big hug from me, I really like and value you, and don't want to see you dwindle

Much love and very very very many hugs

Wish I could just make it better xxx

Thank you so much for your very sweet post.

I think you just inspired me.

You are so right about stress and I am riddled with it...I worry about worrying...But to be fair I have always been like that.

I'm just trying to work out a time line of how I got here; I know a couple of illness' started this major weight gain for me. But I wondered if other (I use it, but hate the word obese) overweight people started in a similar way.

BTW...I really like and respect you too....You are a very compassionate person.

(((hugs)))

 

[Barb]

Hi SnowCrystal (love that name!)

you didn't sound desperate - just terribly sad. Now that you say that about your dear little grand-daughters, I can understand your feelings better. I have one little grand-daughter, who I absolutely adore and I know that if could not see her a light would go out of my life.

So, I think all I really want to say now is that I think you are right. We do feel better, lighter and fitter, so perhaps you could come up with a cunning plan that you can stick with that makes you feel better in the long run but not too pressured in the short term.

After 3 years of visiting this fab site I have essentially stayed the same - yes, I know, could be worse, but could be much better. If I had been satisfied with just cutting down a bit and gently losing a lb or 2 every week or so I would be at goal! GRRRRRRR!

So i am doing a food diary - every morsel, every day, written down. I am only on my 1st week (weigh in tomorrow) but I can honestly say it has been easy and straight forward. For me writing down that I have eaten 1 biscuit or a small ice lolly is fine, but i don't want the guilt that goes with writing down 6 biscuits or a magnum ice cream.

I wonder if this softly softly approach would work for you? Worth a try maybe.

Love and hugs

 

[marky v]

is there anyway that your doc could prescribe some decent painkillers so that you could become more mobile without feeling so lousy?? i can manage with over the counter stuff but if your pain warrants something stronger, maybe that's a route to explore??

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Hi Snow,you are where I was recently,housebound,anti social,scared,stressed,in pain and in denial...big time.Thought I knew best could soldier on,my family couldnt cope without me,me last always.It has to stop.I went to see my gp and got a locum,oh sxxt says I he wont understand.How wrong was I!!We talked for ages and he referred me to weightloss clinic last year.The doc there put me on Prozac to help with depression/stress and to aid my weightloss journey.I also had a thing about pain relief,but did as I was told and started a regular pattern of pain relief.Once the pain was under control and the Prozac kicked in I felt loads better,went back to s.world lost 3 stone bags of energy head in a better place.Now looking forward to bypass.Please trust me I know exactly what you are going through,I even contemplated topping myself at one time I was so dispondant and low.Depression etc should all be discussed with your surgeon too,it all adds to your fight for surgery.Always here for a chat.(((hugs))) Marion

 

[gaelic girl]

Hi Snowcrystal
I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling really bad about things just now. I'm one of the fortunate ones like Markyv who can still get about but no where near the way i used to since i'm at my heaviest. You sound as if you have a wonderful supportive hubby and son. Sometimes during the most stressful times adrenilyn keeps us going and it is only when we have too much time on our hands that we think too much and depression and that feeling of being a complete loser kicks in. I'm on one antidepressant a day but have been on lots more in the past and they do def help. The biggest support apart from my oh and kids came from my two best friends they were invaluable at my lowest points. Snowcrystal you have given me so much support and advice since i joined the "family" you are a great person and with some help from both your GP(to review your medication)your family and your minis family we will all be here for you anytime in anyway you need us. Huge big hugs to you and remember you are special to a lot of people xx

 

[candie]

Hi hun , hang on in there it does get betterAt only 3 weeks post op I feel fab and more motivated to do stuff I have been avoiding for years.Hence the mahoosive delutter I am doing at the mo
Prior to this I was soooo tired and unmotivated and depressed
Maybe some anti d's will be a good stop gap before the op, they were for me

 

[leedsjeff]

hi Snowcrystal sorry to here your probs im disabled and i was in a wheelchair for a couple of years so know how your feelingnow im up an down like you what i do to keep myself moving is i do jobs around house when adverts come on tv an if i dont finish in advert time i just have a rest tillnext adverts then finish what i was doing it's amasing how much you get done and how easy it gets and keeps body moving
jeff

 

[katstofat]

i know were you are coming from snow , the same place that imat,the least thing i do im in agony ,i cant walk anywere now without my back giving me so much pain i just want to lie down wereever i am and stay there.wen i go to the precinct im lucky that a little bus stops a few yards from my house and drops me of there, but sometimes those few yards can feel like miles infact i can barly make it to the gate somedays. wen im out i have to keep sitting down edless to sy i only go out now wen i really need to. i no longer socialise, i used to go to bingo . wen ive been out i can barley move of couch for rest of day. housold jobs are not done as they should and i feel totaly usless.i know the op wont cur my arthuritus , ive got it in my hands feet his knees and shoulers, but without the weight im hoping it will make me more active, its very hard as even though ive always been big i was always so active and walked every were. wen my familly kept sayin, but you could die, wen i told them i was having it done i pointed out that without it i would probably die soon anyway and this way i was at least getting a chance not just to live longer but to have some quality to my life. if i thought that the way i am now was it for rest of my life death could not come soon enough.its not depresion as such but desparation.......kath......... i blame noone for me being like this but myself i can loose the weight but i just cant keep it off ......kath

 

[Roch]

Hi Guys

I am sitting here dreading another day of the same old, same old.

My life right now consists of sitting in the same place every day doing virtually nothing.....(I'm ashamed to admit this, but I have to).

It's not that I want to be so sedentary, I hate it. But I am in pain when I try to do the most menial of tasks these days...My back kills when I walk too much, it hurts when I sit too much and it hurts when I lean over....needless to say this does not stop me from going to the fridge.

Some days I have more energy than others, but when I do and use this time to catch up with my chores I end up suffering for it.

I used to be extremely house-proud where nooks and crannies that you couldn't see where guaranteed to be as clean as the the bits you could see.

I used to love cooking for my family and got a huge sense of pride from just looking after them...I am the one being looked after now and I hate it...I'm grateful but I hate it...I have a wonderful husband who is so understanding, so supportive and so loving...I hardly lift a finger now and this upsets me so much...He does so much.

I do get depressed about all this and have had some family issues that rocked my world recently and this contributed towards this spiral downwards...(I think if it hadn't been for my husband and my son I would have cracked up completely)...My mood is like my diets these days, it's yoyo style...It doesn't help that I know I will lose my job at some point soon due to the time off I am having.

Can I ask you guys, both pre and post oppers if your life was so sedentary at your largest?...How your weight affected your mood, your lifestyle, your activities and your energy?

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
​

Hi hun i wanted to thank your for your honesty i know its not easy to write a post like that and i know how hard it is to write a post like this.
I can relate to how you are feeling so much, if it was not for my son then i can honestly say i dont know if i would be here to write this today.
My weight spiralled out of control about 8 yrs ago and then my obesity related health probs appeared and as well as my self esteem and self confidence that his hit the floor.
I started 9 weeks ago at 27.1 and managed to drag myself out of a deep depression and some how get back on track and lost 31lbs and was on a buzz, i am a very house proud person and have a 17 yr old son and 2 dogs and do alot of house work but once i had lost the 31 lbs i was able to do so much more and even ran up the stairs then bout 5 days ago my depression kicked in again in after a bad bout of sciatica and crippling back pain and also after collapsing in tesco`s and with palpitations in my throat.
Now my pain is so bad i could not even sweep the floor today or change my sheets have been crying in pain and even after 5 co codamol and 3 tramadol and a voltarol the pain is making me cry.
Just sitting here at the pc is so painfull its jsut getting 2 much for me to handle as the pain is all the way from my spine down my right leg and up to my right shoulder blade and tbh i just have had enough now 2.
I am off to see the doc tomorrow 2 see if my meds can be changed as i cant take this no more.

Apart from housework my life is sedentary and b4 the little weight i lost i took me bout 4 hrs just to do a few things as i had to sit down every 5 mins and now its back to that again, it has affected me so much possibly even more than it was b4 i lost this little weight.
I have no idea if and when i will get surgery my group info is thursday and i am so desperate to get funding and lose weight get a job and re gain my life again.

Sending you(((( a big hug )))) hun and hope things get better for you soon take care luv Roch xxxx

 

[Bonita]

I know what you mean about breaking the cycle, I don't know how many times I went crying to my doctors to help me break this vicious cycle I was in. Couldn't exercise because I was in too much pain. In pain because I was too fat, Couldn't lose weight because I couldn't exercise and on and on it went.

But I have to say hand on heart it wasn't all down to that. I try my best to be positive and come across as ougoing but that really takes some inner strength if being honest, most of the time I just want to stay at home where its safe.

Its a shame that they can't rewire our heads at the same time as our stomachs because the habits that we got into before our surgery will still be there afterwards. If we found it difficult to go out before, we will still find it difficult afterwards and really have to make the effort to change that learned behaviour. In fact for a lot of us its going to be a whole new lifestyle and we really do need to start looking at not just ourselves but our whole lifestyle in another way.

Another thing, I don't know about anyone else but two months post op I have suddenly come to earth with a bump. I don't know whether its because all the excitment and drama surrounding the surgery has worn off and now the realisation is setting in that its all down to me now, or its just the weather, but this past couple of weeks I've been sitting here thinking that apart from being a little smaller and having a nasty scar on my stomach nothing else much has really changed. I don't really know what I expected to change though, does that make sense?

Guess now the surgeons have done their bit, now I have to do mine, and force myself out there.

 

[wannabeanewme]

Dearest Snow.. and everyone else who has replied so far..reading all of your posts made me realise one thing.. I am NOT alone.. (read my last blog post to understand that comment but will elaborate a little here)

At my heaviest in december 2005, I was 25stone 10lb.. now with me only being 5ft tall, it was a lot of strain on my joints, I had developed osteoarthritis at 16stone way back in 1998 and had struggled for a long time beforehand.. my days consisted of getting up, seeing to my children, dropping off at school, returning home - struggling to walk the half mile there and back home. Running after a toddler when you have limited mobility is a nightmare. I'd get in, slowly do the things I was able to, then sit for hours doing nothing but watching my daughter play and make lunch for us both then sit some more until I knew I had to go out to collect from school. Had children and parents sniggering at me as I passed them, which made me feel even worse about myself but held my head up and walked on by. My dad died in 1999 and that sent me into a spiral of depression which had battled for many years and unfortunatley for me - meant I got to the point where I couldnt care for my children adn they were taken from me.. no support offered from anyone and I sunk even further. The pain medication given to me from gp stopped working quicker and quicker as my body became immune to them so the pain and depression got worse. I lived for the hours I got to spend each week with my girls.. living alone after having a house full of laughter was crippling. I used to be active - not running or anything high impact like that but threw myself into housework and ignored the pain - which I now realise damaged my joitns further due to the weight creeping up.. used to enjoy going out twice a month with friends and as my weight crept up, the nights out got less.. solitary lifestyle and depression = comfort eating. nobody was here to stop me, nobody seemed to care only my chldren who are my life. Then soon after my middle daughter returned home - I met my OH and as our relationship progressed - I ate as and when because I felt happy in my life - not necessarily in myself and depression still crept back into my life. I'd stay in bed because I could.. OH saw to daughter so why did I need to get out of bed. I dont do anti-depressants, The only pain relief I have for my osteo is Buprenorphine patches - Butrans which I got from my gp and they work wonders. Since the op, my energy has got better, my exercise ability is slowly improving and am able to see changes in myself physically but in my mind - am still fat, still feel a burden on my bad days.. but with the support from you guys and my OH and few close friends.. am getting there

we all need each other.. in some way.. to help us with advice as many of us have been there, done that - some are going through similar and its by supporting each and every one of us - we will get succeed..
:grouphugg:

 

[phatmomma]

Hi Snowcrystal... I'm sorry your feeling so blue. I understand you completely about the energy levels. Today i've prepared some veg for dinner, dropped my girls at the swimming pool, took another child to the park (sat and watched them play on swings etc) come home and feel really tired. OH mentioned putting the washing out so i blackmailed the kids with the ice cream to put it out (how sad is that) i wanna curl up on the sofa and have an hours kip! So i understand when you say your not as active as you once were. But i also know that 10 yrs ago when i lost 6 stone i was full of energy, so am hoping (and i guess you are too) that when we have our ops and drop some excess weight i'll be a whirling dervish of energy again.....

Maybe the GP can sort out something for the pain relief, while your sorting that ask him for some medicine that will stop you beating yourself up over this. Things can and will only get better for you, you have a wonderful husband and son who love and support you.

Take care of yourself, because you are a very special person who may struggle to get out of the house and keep on top of the chores, but you offer a hell of a lot of support to people on this site and who you have helped possibly without even realising it...

Best wishes xxxx