Miserable Life At Your Largest?

[topsy]

Hi Snow - looked at your pictures too and i have to say if i looked like you i wouldn't have had the op!!!! You are absolutely stunning and when you do get your op i think you are going to be one hell of a hot lady on this forum!!!!!

You are lucky (like myself and a lot of others) that we have the love and support of our husband's and family not forgetting our friends. Since 2000, i have become increasingly less mobile and due to painful joints/ligaments etc (connected to fibromyalgia) i was unable to nothing more than go to work and go to bed that was my life (and not really a good quality of life). Housework!!! what was housework??? my husband did (and still does) do everything in the house and i couldn't manage life without him.

I am now 6 weeks post-op and i am slowly, slowly getting there. I do not have vast amount of energy (but i'm hoping it will come one day) and some days are better than others. Some days are really good but the nights can be rubbish and visa versa - but i have noticed that there is some improvement and i hope to build on this grain of hope. The whole reason for me having this op was not totally based on my weight, it was my last chance to hopefully get a healthier lifestyle at long last. I'm sure Snow once you do get your op you will also see small seeds of hope that you too will be able to build on until you have the life you want to share with your husband and family.

Our minds can play funny things and we can start to believe them - but once we see small signs of hope then our minds lean towards this and over days/weeks and months we can build the positiveness so it fills our minds and hearts until what we had before our op's are a distant memory (one we will never forget).

Your aches and pains will ease and you will gain more mobility - but most importantly of all you will free yourself. Housework??? oh yeah when you have energy to do it will you bother when you can go out and enjoy life and your family!!!!!

Remember to smile Snow it is very important to keep a smile there always and you will come through. Sending hugs with lots of fairy dust to brighten you up and make you sparkle xx

 

[Big an Bouncy]

No one ever stood at someones grave and said Gee she was a great housekeeper,they will remember you for being a good person who was loved by her family.

 

[Spikeyjaycee]

Hi Snowcrystal. Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I've been in a similar place to you. When I was probably at my heaviest back in March, I felt like I was walking on legs made of wood, walking a few yards made me breathless and hot and sweaty, I felt depressed and sucidal, felt disgusted with myself everytime I'd eat something I shouldn't, couldn't bear to have hubby near me (after all if I didn't like me let alone love me, how could I expect him to?) and several times I felt like it would be so easy to go to sleep and never wake up. If hubby dragged me for a walk (I never went willingly) I would be planning it around seats and opportunities to sit down. I felt like an 40 year old woman in a 80 year old body! Luckily, my doctor was really supportive and allowed me to go back on to Reductil short term to lose a bit of weight (21 pounds in fact!) and it made SUCH a difference. However, it has now caused high blood pressure so he has taken me off them and I am very aware that I am slipping back into bad habits again. I'm trying to control these habits because I do not want to go back to how I was. Of course, some of the side effects of the BP tablets are swollen ankles and feet, tiredness, anxiety and depression, pins and needles and an internal heating theromostat that I can't control!! Its like having the menopause (I still have that to come oh joy!). Still enough of my problems!!! Just remember we have all been there so when you're feeling down, come on here and let off steam. We are all here for each other and that can only be a good thing. Big hug to you.

 

[hopelesscase]

Snow didnt want to read and run. I guess after reading all the threads that i have been very fortunate, dont know if that is because i have been big all my life and never knew any different or because my health has never really suffered either physically or emotionally. Apart from dislocating my shoulder that sprang me into action for the very last time) But me heart goes out to you all, I hope that once you have all had ypur surgery and got to where i am that you all have healthier happier lives.
carole

 

[Spring]

Hello Snowcrystal,

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

I have never had a weight loss operation, but have had to loose a few stones before (actually after every child) and now I'm still trying.

I have had terrible back ache due to being overweight were I could only crawl and it was agony!

Thank God for painkillers and answered prayers!

Weight loss as you know is a lifestyle change and it's really a step at a time, a meal at a time.

Keep junk out of the house, not even for the children! Stop eating once you're no longer hungry; drink lots of water before your meal and 30 minutes after; if you have internet access checkout improveweightloss.com which offers a free report and great tips for weight loss and confidence building;
try excercising in 5-10 minutes slots be it a walk, aerobics, some dancing or cleaning or whatever; then build up the length of time.

You see, just sitting down bored will make you eat, but if you are distracted, focusing on other things, you'll cope much better!

Hope the situation you mentioned has improved, just know you can't change or control people, only yourself. Thank God for a supportive husband.

Regarding your job, join unison quickly or get some insurance in place, whichever's best, just in case, hopefully your job is safe.

Remember, life is about many other things, weight is just a small part.

All the best and take care!

 

[xxsarahxx]

Hi Guys

I am sitting here dreading another day of the same old, same old.

My life right now consists of sitting in the same place every day doing virtually nothing.....(I'm ashamed to admit this, but I have to).

It's not that I want to be so sedentary, I hate it. But I am in pain when I try to do the most menial of tasks these days...My back kills when I walk too much, it hurts when I sit too much and it hurts when I lean over....needless to say this does not stop me from going to the fridge.

Some days I have more energy than others, but when I do and use this time to catch up with my chores I end up suffering for it.

I used to be extremely house-proud where nooks and crannies that you couldn't see where guaranteed to be as clean as the the bits you could see.

I used to love cooking for my family and got a huge sense of pride from just looking after them...I am the one being looked after now and I hate it...I'm grateful but I hate it...I have a wonderful husband who is so understanding, so supportive and so loving...I hardly lift a finger now and this upsets me so much...He does so much.

I do get depressed about all this and have had some family issues that rocked my world recently and this contributed towards this spiral downwards...(I think if it hadn't been for my husband and my son I would have cracked up completely)...My mood is like my diets these days, it's yoyo style...It doesn't help that I know I will lose my job at some point soon due to the time off I am having.

Can I ask you guys, both pre and post oppers if your life was so sedentary at your largest?...How your weight affected your mood, your lifestyle, your activities and your energy?

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))​

I understand where you are coming from snowcrystal, i'm aged 32 and weigh near to 32 stone. Life is one long struggle. I have a wonderful husband who puts up with me asking for this and that every few minutes, i feel he's like my carer most of the time. I also can't walk very well and have to spend far too much money on taxis to and from work, which by the way is a 5 minute walk away. It just gets so exhausting and tiring. Lets hope we all get the break we deserve xxxx

 

[vanilla-cupcake]

Thats really sad to read, its not nice to hear someone being so down on themselves :sigh: hopefully when you get your op things will start to go right for you x x

My mother in-law has said quite a few times how much happier I seem to be now that I have lost some weight, I must have been a right miserable cow!!

I do feel happier and just cannot wait to be back to my size 12, I will be the happiest person on the planet, I will want to go out more, at the minute I wouldn't dream of going out at the weekend and bumping into people who havn't seen me in a few years they would have a heart attack at the weight I have put on.

I cant wait to be able to walk into the likes of River Island and pick something of the rack that I know will fit me and look good on me.......I so miss that feeling

I suffer a bit from post natal depression after having children but I honestly do believe my weight played a part in it and im hoping when the weight goes the depression goes with it, I dont see why it wont as I have nothing else to be depressed about.....I have the most perfect husband and 3 beautiful children.....what more could I ask for!!

 

[bridiegeorge]

i started reading your story and my 17 year old son was looking over my shoulder. and he said "did you write that mum" i realised your story is my story and propably lots of others. i cant offer any help as i to am looking for a way through this, maybe we will be able to help each other. i hadnt realised that all my aches and pains were linked to my weight!!! i have always been BIG but the last few years have been unable to work due to ill health and the pounds/stones have piled on. my doc says i have fibromyalgia and cervical spondylosis. and like you i cant do much and on the days that i can i overdo it and my husband nags me to rest. palpitations panic attacks and breathing problems are my latest things.... how weird am i that i didnt realise it could and probably is the fat that has caused it all. we are better than this and we will get better. i wish you all the luck in the world. keep posting as this site will help you so much. Bridie X

 

[lamornamiss]

Please, please, please consider antidepressents. I have been on and off them for years. At first they don't seem to work but the do make a difference after a while.
Go to your GP and ask for some antidepressants and a sick note for a month,until you are feeling a bit better,also ask about counselling.
When you have your surgery you may take longer to recovery without help.

Get your O/H to take a walk with you of an evening just 5 mins will make all the difference, if you have a garden walk around it a couple of times twice a day, even just sit out there and have a cuppa the fresh air and change of scenery will work wonders. I have been in the dark place as well, in fact on my bad days i take my son to school and go to sleep until it is time to fetch him again that can be every day on some occasions
Good luck

 

[cazbandy]

Hi Snow,

Have you tried Cognitive Behavourial Therapy before?

It gives you tools to cope with everyday life in the here and now and doesn't allow you to look too deeply into the past. Basically it works on the principle you are here in the moment, live that moment and do not worry about what has gone before or what comes next.

It teaches you to look at your feelings, acknowledge them and then find a different way to look at the situation if you need to.

I have been doing it for 6 weeks and it's really helping me move forward, rather than feel stuck. Ask your GP and he can refer you, it may take time but it's so worth it when you get the help.

Also, addressing the mobility issues, any activity burns calories, even light dusting or clapping. I heard that one disabled obese patient in America, sat and clapped and this helped, alongside a healthy diet for him to loose 100lbs, so anything is possible.

You are low right now, you need to address this, sometimes making that first brave step can be the start of an incredible journey.

I hope you can lift yourself up and fight...big hugs to you.

 

[quetiapina]

Hi Snow, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down and stuck in this low and frustrating state. Physical problems impact so very heavily on a person's state of mind as there is nothing you can do to destract yourself from feelings of hopelessness, and as you say, another day of same old same old.

Others have suggested a course of anti-depressants and I guess this could help but you know what the problem is, and once your op date is confirmed and the wheels of your journey to WLS start turning, you will then have something to work on.

When we are depressed or very low, it is natural to concentrate on all the "can'ts" in life. Are there any things that you can do? This could be anything from reading, needlecraft, playing scrabble on a DS or something, researching yr family tree, creative writing, I guess the list goes on. Is it possible for you to set minor targets with housework or not?

Antidepressants might help you be able to focus on some positive activities but it sounds like you need someone to talk to lovely. Counselling referrals often take ages but maybe it would be worth getting a referral.

These are all just a few suggestions Snow but I really hope you start to find something to fill the time (for the time-being) while you are incapacitated. And try NOT to be so hard on yourself, it is very frustrating and upsetting but it is not your fault.

Sending you the kindest of wishes. Please feel free to PM me.

Lv Jen x

 

[Snowcrystal]

is there anyway that your doc could prescribe some decent painkillers so that you could become more mobile without feeling so lousy?? i can manage with over the counter stuff but if your pain warrants something stronger, maybe that's a route to explore??

Hi Marky

Thank you

Yes I have Tramadol and Tramset (tramadol/paracetamol) but they are pretty powerful and I end up in bed with them...I can't touch Codein at all.

(((hugs)))

 

[Snowcrystal]

i know were you are coming from snow , the same place that imat,the least thing i do im in agony ,i cant walk anywere now without my back giving me so much pain i just want to lie down wereever i am and stay there.wen i go to the precinct im lucky that a little bus stops a few yards from my house and drops me of there, but sometimes those few yards can feel like miles infact i can barly make it to the gate somedays. wen im out i have to keep sitting down edless to sy i only go out now wen i really need to. i no longer socialise, i used to go to bingo . wen ive been out i can barley move of couch for rest of day. housold jobs are not done as they should and i feel totaly usless.i know the op wont cur my arthuritus , ive got it in my hands feet his knees and shoulers, but without the weight im hoping it will make me more active, its very hard as even though ive always been big i was always so active and walked every were. wen my familly kept sayin, but you could die, wen i told them i was having it done i pointed out that without it i would probably die soon anyway and this way i was at least getting a chance not just to live longer but to have some quality to my life. if i thought that the way i am now was it for rest of my life death could not come soon enough.its not depresion as such but desparation.......kath......... i blame noone for me being like this but myself i can loose the weight but i just cant keep it off ......kath

Hi Kath and thank you.

We tend to pin a lot of our hopes on this operation, but we know that the choice we make to make that hope a reality is a big one....the decision to have WLS alone is not made without a fair bit of stress in itself.

My family too pointed out that I could die, and that is the chance we take....but at least we did try even though it is probably one on the most drastic things we can do.

I do hope you get what you want very soon and I hope that the pain you have eases after surgery.

(((hugs)))

 

[Snowcrystal]

Hi Snow, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down and stuck in this low and frustrating state. Physical problems impact so very heavily on a person's state of mind as there is nothing you can do to destract yourself from feelings of hopelessness, and as you say, another day of same old same old.

Others have suggested a course of anti-depressants and I guess this could help but you know what the problem is, and once your op date is confirmed and the wheels of your journey to WLS start turning, you will then have something to work on.

When we are depressed or very low, it is natural to concentrate on all the "can'ts" in life. Are there any things that you can do? This could be anything from reading, needlecraft, playing scrabble on a DS or something, researching yr family tree, creative writing, I guess the list goes on. Is it possible for you to set minor targets with housework or not?

Antidepressants might help you be able to focus on some positive activities but it sounds like you need someone to talk to lovely. Counselling referrals often take ages but maybe it would be worth getting a referral.

These are all just a few suggestions Snow but I really hope you start to find something to fill the time (for the time-being) while you are incapacitated. And try NOT to be so hard on yourself, it is very frustrating and upsetting but it is not your fault.

Sending you the kindest of wishes. Please feel free to PM me.

Lv Jen x

Thank you Sweetheart

Don't laugh but I was a counsellor, (didn't qualify due to bereavement), but when it comes to me, myself I'm useless...lol.

I really am ok. I just have a little pile on top of me right now...I do worry about the surgery if I get it, and of course I worry that I won't get it...

I did get out today and met my husband for dinner after he finished work...I was telling about you guys (as I tend to quite a lot,,lol) and he reckons that I have really good friends here...I reckon he is right.

I asked him if he felt I was in a bit of denial about being a bit more than 'blue'. He said that he thinks I am. He said the stuff that is going on in my life is heavy to cope with and that I should try take the burden off my own shoulders for a change. I just don't want to depend on them...But I talk to my doctor again.

I love scrabble and play on line just so my brain don't seize up too...lol..I'm already getting oldtimers..lol

Although I would not wish my stuff on anyone, it is comforting to know we have or we are going through very similar problems.

Thank you so much for replying to this..

(((hugs)))

 

[Snowcrystal]

Hi hun i wanted to thank your for your honesty i know its not easy to write a post like that and i know how hard it is to write a post like this.
I can relate to how you are feeling so much, if it was not for my son then i can honestly say i dont know if i would be here to write this today.
My weight spiralled out of control about 8 yrs ago and then my obesity related health probs appeared and as well as my self esteem and self confidence that his hit the floor.
I started 9 weeks ago at 27.1 and managed to drag myself out of a deep depression and some how get back on track and lost 31lbs and was on a buzz, i am a very house proud person and have a 17 yr old son and 2 dogs and do alot of house work but once i had lost the 31 lbs i was able to do so much more and even ran up the stairs then bout 5 days ago my depression kicked in again in after a bad bout of sciatica and crippling back pain and also after collapsing in tesco`s and with palpitations in my throat.
Now my pain is so bad i could not even sweep the floor today or change my sheets have been crying in pain and even after 5 co codamol and 3 tramadol and a voltarol the pain is making me cry.
Just sitting here at the pc is so painfull its jsut getting 2 much for me to handle as the pain is all the way from my spine down my right leg and up to my right shoulder blade and tbh i just have had enough now 2.
I am off to see the doc tomorrow 2 see if my meds can be changed as i cant take this no more.

Apart from housework my life is sedentary and b4 the little weight i lost i took me bout 4 hrs just to do a few things as i had to sit down every 5 mins and now its back to that again, it has affected me so much possibly even more than it was b4 i lost this little weight.
I have no idea if and when i will get surgery my group info is thursday and i am so desperate to get funding and lose weight get a job and re gain my life again.

Sending you(((( a big hug )))) hun and hope things get better for you soon take care luv Roch xxxx

Thank you Roch

It does take guts to admit to what we see as failure...failure to live up to our own expectations...We are all really hard on ourselves when you think about it.

We are all making the ultimate decision to help our selves to a better quality of life and that takes guts too.

I am so sorry to hear that you too are having it so bad with pain. I think I have a strong threshold of pain, but when it's almost constant it drives you mad.

As you can see Roch, we are not alone here, we are in good company at Mini's.

That sciatica is unpredictable at best and worse it's intensity and it sounds like you have it really bad... Tramadol is a powerful drug so I hope they can sort you out soon.

I hope all goes well for you at your group meeting on Thursday...don't forget to ask lots of questions, no matter how trivial you think it might be.

Good luck on your journey.

(((hugs)))

 

[thinkbethin]

Aww Snowcrystal I'm really sorry you are feeling like this.I too know where your coming from as after I had my 1st stroke I was in bed for months. This then escalated into depression so I stayed upstairs most of the day to avoid everyone.I just did'nt want to face the world. After gaining even more excess weight than I already had the depression got deeper and I could'nt be bothered to cook/clean or do anything for the rest of the family.
After staying out of everything I suddenly realised one day that my life was passing me by and there was only me that could slow it down.
I went to my gp and asked for help and was given an anti-depressant called sertraline. Once they kicked in I decided to face everything head on and asked for weight loss surgery. This gave me something else to think about. My next goal was for me to spend lots of time with the family and not stay upstairs.My life seems to have a purpose now and I intend to make the most of it.
Snowcrystal I really want to give you a big hug and tell you that everything will be ok but I can't. Only you can make yourself believe that it will. If you're in so much pain then you must ask your gp for different meds. Maybe he could prescribe something like oramorph.
Take care sweetheart and hopefully your surgery will be soon.
You're such a lovely person and just need a big boost to help you on your way. xxxx

 

[Snowcrystal]

I wanted to reply to each one of you individually but I run the risk of repeating myself.

Thank you all so very very much...You are all fantastic people, and I wish we all lived in the same road, or at least in the same area.

I am absolutely honoured to share my story with you all as you have with me...I am a strong beleiver in giving something back if I ask something of someone else.

I am so moved by what some of you have shared today...Some of you have been through hell but you are all very brave and very strong...I'm stronger by association with all you.

This morning as my husband left for work I thought oh no not again...usually I would have had my girls (my grand daughters) with me, keeping me on my toes so to speak. Well they kept me occupied...But I can't see them any more and that's killing me right now.

I don't know if I mentioned it before but about 4.5 years ago I had a terrible colitis flare up, I got diagnosed with hypothyroidsm and became peri-menopausal for my sins...the pain form the colitis/proctitis is horrendous and I ended spending the best part of 18 months in bed, mainly because of the strong drugs that I had to keep in my system...That's why I try not to hit the pain meds too much if I can help it. We've also had a lot to cope with over the last 7-8 months, my husband lost his job, and then this family disaster and my weight piled on after doing so well last year...that gets you down on it's own and I dread keep returning to the same place over and over...you know what I mean...10 stone, 12 stone, 10 stone, 15 stone, 12 stone 17 stone....that's my pattern.

With this last weight gain came pain that has grown along side it...

Thank you everyone once again...I wish every one of you the very best...And although I'm having a bit of a hiccup emotionally right now...if any of you ever need an ear or a shoulder to lean on please don't hesitate.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

 

[margaretmc]

Hi Guys

I am sitting here dreading another day of the same old, same old.

My life right now consists of sitting in the same place every day doing virtually nothing.....(I'm ashamed to admit this, but I have to).

It's not that I want to be so sedentary, I hate it. But I am in pain when I try to do the most menial of tasks these days...My back kills when I walk too much, it hurts when I sit too much and it hurts when I lean over....needless to say this does not stop me from going to the fridge.

Some days I have more energy than others, but when I do and use this time to catch up with my chores I end up suffering for it.

I used to be extremely house-proud where nooks and crannies that you couldn't see where guaranteed to be as clean as the the bits you could see.

I used to love cooking for my family and got a huge sense of pride from just looking after them...I am the one being looked after now and I hate it...I'm grateful but I hate it...I have a wonderful husband who is so understanding, so supportive and so loving...I hardly lift a finger now and this upsets me so much...He does so much.

I do get depressed about all this and have had some family issues that rocked my world recently and this contributed towards this spiral downwards...(I think if it hadn't been for my husband and my son I would have cracked up completely)...My mood is like my diets these days, it's yoyo style...It doesn't help that I know I will lose my job at some point soon due to the time off I am having.

Can I ask you guys, both pre and post oppers if your life was so sedentary at your largest?...How your weight affected your mood, your lifestyle, your activities and your energy?

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
​

Hi Snow
I`m sorry to hear your feeling low hun . I`m the same I use to have the bungalow nice and tidy hoovering and cleaning every day but now I get up and sit on my big fat backside all day long . I haven't got an ounce of energy to do anything . For lifestyle I haven't go one I hate going out . I use to love meeting people and talking to people but now I`m like a recluse stuck in the house 24/7 . I just hope to God when I get this surgery that my life changes for the good . Take care hun .
Margaret xx

 

[thinkbethin]

Snow you are so down at the moment and you're still offering a shoulder for anyone who needs it. What a wonderful woman you are. The only good thing I can say about you being this down is that when you hit rock bottom the only other way is UP and I really hope its not long before you are on your way upxxxx

 

[Snowcrystal]

Snow you are so down at the moment and you're still offering a shoulder for anyone who needs it. What a wonderful woman you are. The only good thing I can say about you being this down is that when you hit rock bottom the only other way is UP and I really hope its not long before you are on your way upxxxx

Thank you Gaynor

You are so right...up is the only way to go...

BTW I think your wonderful too.

Bless you
(((hugs)))