No sex please - very personal

[jinkles]

Hi, My hubby constantly mithers me for sex too, he sends me several texts a day, jokingly refers to sex/sexual things when we are together in fact never gives me five minutes without mentioning sex at all.
It's not as if he goes long without it (I am a 2-3 times a week girl) which I think is normal for a couple who have been together 13 yrs, married for 8yrs and have 2 children 5 and 2yrs!!! We do have a kind and loving relationship and there isn't much I would change about him, but his need for more sex is getting me down (being woke up several times some nights) is getting a bit too much!!!!
He has also started getting a little insecure I think, as since I've started losing weight and going out with friends a bit more he has got worse. We do go out together as well.
I feel that his desire for sex is going to cause problems for us, as you said 'fatbutnotforever', the more he keeps on the less I feel in the mood!!!
What to do eh???
x x x

 

[biglittlesis]

The problem becomes the more you don't make love the easier it is not to make love ? anyone else like this?

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

Jinkles OMG, he wakes you up, god that has not happened here for a good 10 years.
we have also been together 13, married 8 this November and have 3 kids 7,5 and 2 next month.
gosh 2-3 times a week I dont think i could ever match maybe once is an idea for me!!
that must be really hard for you.
I had not really thought about it from a mans point of view (that sounds harsh) men are so emotionless that I although I knew it was winding my hubby up I didnt think he was thinking of it more than just getting his end a way if you know what i mean. He jokes all teh time about sex and sexual acts !!! Blokes hey !!! and goes on that he is the only man in teh world that has to wait months. I spoke to a friend yesterday (who has 4 kids) and she says she is teh same and will only have sex wen she is drunk ! which is a little like me, dont know if its a dont care attitude or the relaxing part.
My hubby said I think joking but not sure, when you lose weight you wont leave me will you, another one was you wont start goign out with your single friends for night out thoughts of this had never crossed my mind, I cant wait to enjoy each other more and be confident, walking around teh trafford centre with him I cant wait for xx
It is so hard to get your relationship 100% all the time, anyone who said marriage was easy needs shooting but in the end the hard work makes it stronger.
xx

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

big little sis, you hit the nail on the head.
I just got used to not that not was normal, i dreaded bedtime and would run to bed leaving him to let dog for a wee turn light soff lock doors etc... and i would fall asleep !!!

 

[Silversurfer]

I've read with interest, and dont mean to sound nasty or negative but there's not really any subtle way of saying this, i'll give you an opinion from the other side of the fence !

Men stray from relationships for many reasons and one of those is lack of or not getting any sex !

WLS changes many things and some of those are not always for the best or positive !

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

I dont mean to sound rude at all, but the reason that men stray from relationships is their inability to open their mouths and explain how they feel. oh wife doesnt fancy a **** oh nevermind next door might or the woman from the pub !!!
Any relationship has ups and downs and working at it is what matters not how many times a week you lie on your back !!
sex does not make a marriage, love does.

I am unsure in what way wls can be negative other than that the other person feeling threatened by the person having wls changing, but its their appearance that changes not their mind or heart.

x

 

[phatmomma]

I've read with interest, and dont mean to sound nasty or negative but there's not really any subtle way of saying this, i'll give you an opinion from the other side of the fence !

Men stray from relationships for many reasons and one of those is lack of or not getting any sex !

WLS changes many things and some of those are not always for the best or positive !

I agree with SS on that point, apart from the lack of sex, everyone NEEDS to feel loved....

And take it from one woman who's husband left her for another woman. There are women out there who would love a good man and don't care if they break up a happy home.

BUT this doesn't mean you should 'put out', but a cuddle and a kiss is not such a hard thing to make him feel loved xx

 

[Silversurfer]

I dont mean to sound rude at all, but the reason that men stray from relationships is their inability to open their mouths and explain how they feel. oh wife doesnt fancy a **** oh nevermind next door might or the woman from the pub !!!
Any relationship has ups and downs and working at it is what matters not how many times a week you lie on your back !!
sex does not make a marriage, love does.

I am unsure in what way wls can be negative other than that the other person feeling threatened by the person having wls changing, but its their appearance that changes not their mind or heart.

x

Your obvious hostility to my response tells me that you really do not understand men at all !
Fundermentally the difference between men and women, - men think with there second brain, and are visually stimulated rather than emotionally, sorry i know its not pleasant but its the facts.

Your absolutely right, any marriage takes working at.

Weight loss surgery is a very positive life changing thing and can (and in most cases bring happiness) though there are negatives that rarely get talked about, relationship issues, new found confidence, insecurity, mindset, self image etc etc !

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Mynewlife]

The problem becomes the more you don't make love the easier it is not to make love ? anyone else like this?

This is so true, with me I think a type of laziness has taken over me and its "too much effort to go through the motions", as my husband doesnt confront me very often, it is easy for me to get away with it. The longer I go without the easier it is and the easier it is to go without for longer. I have no doubt my husband loves me, and he has no doubt I love him. He has gone through his phases of going off of sex, and I think he just believes this is a phase I am going through and he is prepared not to push the issue because he knows I could do the same to him, should he hit a drought.

mynewlife

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Dont believe all the pap written about sex!Most people say they do when they dont,a lot say they will but they wont, and a few say "Keep your axxe still Im trying to read me book!!!LOL Maz x

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

haha x

Thats it everyone goes through phases, bloody hell you get together and dont see daylight for days !!!

then you have kids and sleepless night etc.. take their toll and you find that you get in bed put your head on teh pillow and thats it till the baby wakes !

I do know that men leave their wives but it has to be down to more than just sex or lack of it ! their must be something wrong with the relationship to start the ship rocking !
SS I know where you are coming from and think that maybe some men would have an affair just through lack of sex but to betray your wife / partner etc.. in that way then they cant love them 100 %

Me not know men - possibly at 33 with just a few relationships only 2 very serious then maybe thats it but hey I know my husband better than he does just as any wife most probably does.

i hope that i am just going through a drought and it all picks up and we can get back to our normal life.
Hope anyone else having similar problems does too xxx
Hope I have not upset or offended anyone putting this delicate thread on. x

 

[Silversurfer]

haha x

Thats it everyone goes through phases, bloody hell you get together and dont see daylight for days !!!

then you have kids and sleepless night etc.. take their toll and you find that you get in bed put your head on teh pillow and thats it till the baby wakes !

I do know that men leave their wives but it has to be down to more than just sex or lack of it ! their must be something wrong with the relationship to start the ship rocking !
SS I know where you are coming from and think that maybe some men would have an affair just through lack of sex but to betray your wife / partner etc.. in that way then they cant love them 100 %

Me not know men - possibly at 33 with just a few relationships only 2 very serious then maybe thats it but hey I know my husband better than he does just as any wife most probably does.

i hope that i am just going through a drought and it all picks up and we can get back to our normal life.
Hope anyone else having similar problems does too xxx
Hope I have not upset or offended anyone putting this delicate thread on. x

trust me weight loss will bring about many changes to the way you feel, you'll fill better about your bod, have more stamina and things tend to fit together better (if you know what i mean )

..................if not then there's always Anne Summers ! lol

 

[quetiapina]

trust me weight loss will bring about many changes to the way you feel, you'll fill better about your bod, have more stamina and things tend to fit together better (if you know what i mean )

..................if not then there's always Anne Summers ! lol

Anne Summers is quite expensive, the local Private shop maybe seedier but a lot cheaper. Or online - v discrete....oh, I might have said a bit much. Um, oh well.

Also, what SS said previously about men being turned on visually as well as tactile and emotionally - he is v right - a lot of studies have shown that men have a far bigger bit of their brain which generates visual/spatial qualities. Women have a bigger part for communication and emotions.

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Just a little suggestion,Make a date with him!Ok, pick a place neither of you have been to,pretend its a night out on the town looking for no strings sex.Get glammed up,go there seperately.Dont say what time you will get there,go to the bar order a drink and look to see if anyone takes your fancy.Lock eyes with him when you see him,look away, then back.Smile,walk past and slip your number in his pocket.Finish your drink and wait for his call.....Of course make sure you are in a safe place and enjoy!You might not make it home but thats up to you!Maz x

 

[phatmomma]

Well as long as the drought doesn't come up my end of the country all can be sorted with a good bit of communication....

Feel the love and get sorted, oh yes and it is cheaper online and nobody will ever know what is in the little silver/grey plastic parcel that comes.........not that i'd know anything about that at all, no way , no siree xxxxxx

ps, did i mention it is only 10 days till i get married? xxx

 

[quetiapina]

Well as long as the drought doesn't come up my end of the country all can be sorted with a good bit of communication....

Feel the love and get sorted, oh yes and it is cheaper online and nobody will ever know what is in the little silver/grey plastic parcel that comes.........not that i'd know anything about that at all, no way , no siree xxxxxx

ps, did i mention it is only 10 days till i get married? xxx

Wow, congratulations on wedding and the very best of luck for the day. Hope weather is nice for you x

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

Good luck with the wedding hope all goes well and you will be very happy together.

 

[Silversurfer]

Just a little suggestion,Make a date with him!Ok, pick a place neither of you have been to,pretend its a night out on the town looking for no strings sex.Get glammed up,go there seperately.Dont say what time you will get there,go to the bar order a drink and look to see if anyone takes your fancy.Lock eyes with him when you see him,look away, then back.Smile,walk past and slip your number in his pocket.Finish your drink and wait for his call.....Of course make sure you are in a safe place and enjoy!You might not make it home but thats up to you!Maz x

Thats a really great idea, though what happens if he pulls someone else !

 

[fatbutnot4eva]

with 3 kids in tow he wont be able to pull anyone LOL
Nice idea though x
shame we have three kids under 8 so unless someone lives near me and wants to babysit ?!?!?!?!?!??!
I am thinking maybe a nice bubble bath ran for him for when he gets home from work, kids to bed early, nice meal, bottle of wine, dvd.
xx
thanks for all your replies on this one xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx