O/T SO ANGRY!!!

[Big an Bouncy]

I agree a sit down with your other half and have a written budget.Show him in black and white where the money comes from and goes.He MUST make a contribution to the home he gets 64 pounds on jobseekers,I think 25 pounds is ok for his bit towards food.If he wants to treat his girl thats his responsibility not yours.Maccies are always taking on,bar work,postal,pizza places etc.As has been said,and you know yourself,he wont last 5 minutes out there on his own if you dont make him face up to the realities of life now.After all he is old enough to vote and fight in a war.He is a man now.I have 3 sons in their 30s,so been there!!!

 

[quetiapina]

Thanks everyone for your help and advice. I really appreciate it.

Well, I sat down to have a proper talk with him.

1). I explained about the fan and how it would not be going back into his room.
2). I explained that our lec bill is over £100 per quarter more than usual and that he'd have to pay this off.
3). I pointed out that he has basically had to contribute nothing and I pointed out the times when he could have helped around the house and he has refused or just not done it.
4). I said to him that I was worried that he wouldn't stick to college as he can be so lazy.

He said:

1) Sorry about fan
2) I will pay £100 off with student grant
3) He is only lazy because me and OH are sometimes negative about aspects of his plans (he has a lot of crazy plans).
4) He said why should he do anything around the house when no-one else does...
5). Oh and he is late with the money we lent him because he was late signing on because he "doesn't like signing on".

I knew he did not understand my illness. What makes it worse is that I do manage to do basic tasks on most days. He also managed to twist a lot of what I said and has been thoroughly unpleasant.

I've told him he has to move out in 4 weeks as he needs a big dollop of reality and much as I love him, he is not helping me to control my illness.

Am totally peed off. How can you love someone so much and they can be so horrible - I expected it during teens but not now! x

 

[Big an Bouncy]

You have done the right thing Jen,he will thank you in the long run i know it wont feel like that now.Have you been totally honest on how your illness afects you to him?Or have you sheilded him from some of the truth?Time he knew exactly how much help you do need around the home.I know we try to do everything and be everything to everyone but there comes a time that is yours to be cared for.Does he put his own washing on and strip/change his bed/my son does.His room is the cleanest in the house.does his own bathroom and mops the floor too.If i ask he cleans the windows etc for me as he knows it is too hard for me and his dad.If you dont ask they wont bother doing anything!

 

[Karlos]

Some good advice here honey and I am glad it seems to have worked itself out for you.

I've been in line management for nearly twenty years, but my daughter is harder to manage than any of my staff ever were

One thing that my lovely lady and I agreed early on is that we would always sing from the same hymn sheet. We would always back each other up and always give a consistent message in our dealings with our little one.

Kaylian was taught a work ethic from an early age. From 11 years of age if she wanted money she worked for it. Each week she would clean my car inside for her pocket money.

If I needed any help at work with mail shots etc, she would be paid to stuff envelopes in her holidays. She was also employed by me to draw computer schematics of water systems for my company where she was paid for each one she did.

When she left school and went to college she got a part time job at weekends, and now has a good job and at 21 she bought a brand new Seat car and has more money than me in her savings account.

Parenthood is chuffin difficult, and I am not criticizing anyone here for the way they have brought up their kids, what business is that of mine? and I have no desire to offend. However comments such as "well there are all like that these days" is untrue. My little one was taught that she needs to contribute and pay her way from day one.

Kate you are a tough cookie I love your stuff girl.

 

[rybens]

glad all seems to be sorted now jenni x