Sam's Musings

[SAM55]

Well very surprised I haven't gained this week given what has gone in my mouth! Maybe it is all that nervous energy that I have been expending!!

I now have a working kitchen again so am looking forward to having something hot to eat this evening. Had to throw a lot of food away in fridge/freezer as it ended up being unplugged for 2 days due to the electrician not coming when they should.

Still being messed around by tradespeople - decorator was due to come at 10am this morning to look at the job that is starting Wed. 9.30am I get a text saying can she come at 12 as she was 'behind'! I said I was waiting to go out so could she come at 11am? Yes she said. 15 minutes later and I get a phone call. Could they come tomorrow or Monday? ? No, I am busy and also want a break from being messed around by tradespeople this week. So I have had to agree to 12 today.

Saw my GP last night and she is writing a letter to DWP about my report not being filled in by a GP who knows me, and the lack of missing and wrong info and it is going to be faxed on Wednesday after i have looked at it on Tuesday. Hoping it will be sufficient for them to decide that I shouldn't have the assessment a week on Tuesday. The worry certainly isn't doing my mental health any good or my comfort eating

I have NHS Complaints Advocacy in the wings ready for when I have the energy to complain about the surgeries system of getting named GP's who you are registered with (and you may have never seen, as you go onto whoever has space, but you may want to see someone of a different gender or who has been recommended to you). Discussed with the Practice Manager this week after the GP I saw raised it at a practice meeting, but she doesn't see what the problem is!!!!!!!!!!! I have however been moved to the list of the GP I am seeing, so at least letters should go to her.

Had two walks planned this week as well that got cancelled. One with my walking buddy that I had to cancel (for the second time as the last one has to be cancelled due to a hospital appointment) so I could be here for when an electrician finally could come and get me reconnected. The other was with a friend who had to take her partner for a medical check up he had forgotten to tell her about so a bit down on the exercise front, although actually managed to get to two hydro sessions without other things getting in the way and have walked around the town!

Desperate to get away for a few hours to the beach at some point over the weekend, given the weather is supposed to be lovely, although it hasn't made it to where I am yet!

 

[SAM55]

Had my 'birthday' medical MOT today. Blood pressure very good, feet very good, weight gain since last visit - just under 2lbs. Await blood sugar results in two weeks but not expecting there to be any issues.

Chaos still reigns indoors with electrician still not finished and decorator coming tomorrow, so kitchen still a bit of a no go area until next week at least. Will be so glad when flat is back to normal and food routines can resume.

Tried beef jerky today as something different for a snack.

 

[SAM55]

Another 2lb gain

Life is feeling very out of control still. Workmen still in so cannot use kitchen and am having to spend a lot of time out and about in my car. Hopefully should finish today and then i have the fun (!) of putting everything back.

My plan to get back on track is to wait until WCA has been done on Tuesday, I have been away for 4 days at the end of the week, and then start with a new slate a week on Monday being realistic. Havealso flagged it up as a topic for therapy on Tuesday week.

Have also noticed i am getting very little restriction.

Any suggestions please?

 

[FeeBee]

There's an a slot going on and all or not stressful by the sounds of it.
My snacking was feeling a bit out of control so I've gone back to planning my food for the day and that's helping me feel more in control. Is that worth a go? You've just reminded me I have some jerky to try too
If you're having to spend time in your car can you go anywhere to take a walk? Even if it's a short one just so you feel a bit more in control?

 

[SAM55]

There's an a slot going on and all or not stressful by the sounds of it.
My snacking was feeling a bit out of control so I've gone back to planning my food for the day and that's helping me feel more in control. Is that worth a go? You've just reminded me I have some jerky to try too
If you're having to spend time in your car can you go anywhere to take a walk? Even if it's a short one just so you feel a bit more in control?

I did two walks around IKEA yesterday, does that count?
Just need some time at home alone without workmen and access to my kitchen. Will burn some calories off later moving furniture back and building flatpacks. I am wondering whether some of the increase in weight is muscle as my trousers are getting looser. I have some items in my wardrobe that were tight and will give them a try tomorrow to see if they make a difference.

 

[TiaLi]

Redoing the kitchen etc and having workmen in is super stressful. Add to that everything else that is going on for you at the moment, and it's no wonder that the diet suffers a bit. Don't beat yourself up, just start on a new, clean slate. Like Fee, I always find it easier to plan out my meals for the day in advance. I know I'm still in the honeymoon phase (which makes it easier), but that was certainly the case prior to surgery as well. If I don't have a strict plan I snack a lot more etc. Once your kitchen is done it'll be a lot easier to stay on top of things!

I'm only 3 months out so I haven't really experienced not having restriction yet, but one thing I used to do before I had my surgery that helped with shrinking my stomach, was to only have liquids for a couple of days. So I'd just have soup and home made protein shakes (I make them with frozen berries and frozen banana so they're rather thick, so more like puree/thick milkshake consistency than liquid). Maybe that could help?

Then again, the feeling of not having restriction could perhaps also be down to the stress. Hope your kitchen is sorted!

 

[FeeBee]

Walking around IKEA definitely counts and going by your clothes not the scales is a good idea. My shape is still changing a lot even with the scales staying the same x

 

[SAM55]

Thanks for the support @FeeBee and @TiaLi . I am not sure if I am beating myself up, just concerned and anxious it doesn't get out of control. I know why it is happening which I suppose is half the battle, just struggling to control it at present. From past experience when reaching the point I was wanting to lose weight, not something I had wanted to do before for many psychological reasons, I know my mind needs to get back to wanting that, and I need to work out why it doesn't at the moment. I think some of it is down to my goal being the weight to get my knee op, and they have thrown me by saying yes at a stone heavier than they had wanted me to so have lost the motivation. I would still like to reach that goal at some point, but the urgency has gone and know that once my knee is done and I have recovered, I can contemplate any strenuous exercise, such as aqua aerobics on top of the hydrotherapy, as that helps. Possibly even the gym?

I am also going to book myself some massage in the next couple of weeks once the finances have recovered from the decorating etc. I used to have this regularly as I worked for someone on an exchange basis and know I am feeling touch deprived at the moment given no family or partner. Definitely a trigger for comfort eating. My back could also do with it as it is really letting me know 'what for' today after the physical stuff I have been doing. I usually avoid lifting and reaching to keep pain levels under control. At least it will help with Tuesday's assessment as it certainly won't be one of my good days!

I had thought about going back to liquid diet for a few days once I have been away and don't need to go anywhere. Still have a couple of tins of Slimfast from post op that need to be used up.

 

[Penelope]

Thanks for the support @FeeBee and @TiaLi . I am not sure if I am beating myself up, just concerned and anxious it doesn't get out of control. I know why it is happening which I suppose is half the battle, just struggling to control it at present.

Knowing why it is happening but still making the same mistakes is very hard. I know I struggle with this, and it makes me feel so stupid sometimes. If it makes you feel any better - last time I had serious kitchen work done I put on a stone (and then some). It is very disruptive to planned eating.

 

[Penelope]

Thank you for all your support. It means a lot to me.

 

[SAM55]

Knowing why it is happening but still making the same mistakes is very hard. I know I struggle with this, and it makes me feel so stupid sometimes. If it makes you feel any better - last time I had serious kitchen work done I put on a stone (and then some). It is very disruptive to planned eating.

It does help Penny thanks.

Food planning for me has been an issue for a number of years - following a major breakdown. I can plan anything else to the nth degree, but food???

 

[SAM55]

Well, it is over and the results look promising but was told it could be 6-8 weeks before I get a letter, so not over until the fat lady sings, as the saying goes... The support worker was useless though and turned up late. Was also in a hurry to get off so no proper debrief or cup of coffee as promised. My stress levels were through the roof and I ended up with chocolate instead.

Now on the Baileys

 

[Penelope]

Well, it is over and the results look promising but was told it could be 6-8 weeks before I get a letter, so not over until the fat lady sings, as the saying goes... The support worker was useless though and turned up late. Was also in a hurry to get off so no proper debrief or cup of coffee as promised. My stress levels were through the roof and I ended up with chocolate instead.

Now on the Baileys

Everything crossed for you

 

[FeeBee]

Not very supportive at all then!
Fingers crossed the letter comes soon
Take some deep breathes, today is a new day. Is it worth not having stuff in that you are unhappy about eating?

 

[Lottiewishes]

HOpe the letter comes soon hun xxx

 

[SAM55]

Not very supportive at all then!
Fingers crossed the letter comes soon
Take some deep breathes, today is a new day. Is it worth not having stuff in that you are unhappy about eating?

I don't keep chocolate in the house and only reach for it in desperation. Otherwise I pig on other things and then still want the chocolate! Getting the Baileys in the week before last was a better option than some other things I could think of... Once it has gone, it has gone.

There have also been too many protein bars in the house which are too easy to grab, as I wasn't able to use the kitchen. It is a very long time since I have been in this awful place of feeling out of control due to the system in its many forms, plus the workmen, not helped by their inability to manage their time so make four visits instead of one. Slowly starting to make order out of chaos although they still keep coming... Going away for a few days tomorrow so hopefully will get an energy shift. Once I get my privacy back and I know where things are my head should settle down.

I put in a complaint today about yesterday's support worker which was well received, so have got that off my chest. They admitted there were some training issues, particularly around time management and communication!

 

[Lottiewishes]

I think I should folloew your rules-But my 5 year old loves choc and jelly sweets. LOVE Baileys hunny

Hope things settle down for you soon-GOOD for you for making a complaint-I am not very good unless I write it down. Sent a moaning letter about my CPN once ato pals and never saw her again so that was a bonus

Have a lovely time away hunny. xxxx

 

[SAM55]

Well a very unexpected 2lb loss this week given the binging!!

A good couple of days away with friends and some time away from the ongoing saga of the workmen. I was able to reflect on what the emotional thing was that was causing the binging, if I was on my own I needed to eat although not any real reason why it had happened.

Last night I was able to plan what I was going to eat in the next few days and have portioned some foods up into very small portions. I had been increasing the size of portions without really noticing. They were still small though compared to the size of meals my friends were having!

There is also no longer any snacks in the car. I had got into the habit of leaving food in the car whilst the kitchen was being done so I could at least access something during the day, and also there was food in there for going away. I found it all too easy to reach across when driving to have another protein bar. I have become fixated on naked cashew and date bars. Being a bit of a dried food addict anyway, who has had problems before, I had missed this time that the reason for binging on it. It is normally currants and I have found that is because they contain many essential minerals and my brain isn't functioning properly. Dates are similar, but whereas it says currants are good for losing weight, dates are good for gaining weight. Maybe my mineral levels are not high enough? There has been so much stress I am guessing my levels have been depleted very quickly. I take extra magnesium but I remember my dietitian being concerned that I took enough copper when we were discussing in the early days my problems with Forceval. I have cured brain fog before with diahorylite to replace salts, so going to give that a go again. I am also going to take Slimfast at lunchtime so I don't have to think about what to eat if I am out, and also it will increase my vits and mins.

More workmen again this week, but hopefully less disrupting as they will be working in the bedroom so kitchen is clear.

Any of you guys out there Cyclithymic or into chakras and colours?

 

[FeeBee]

You sound very prepared and in control

 

[SAM55]

You sound very prepared and in control

Long may it last