What do i tell my children

[pinklady130868]

IM just waiting for a surgery date now at spire regency.
I have 2 lovely children a girl 19 years and a boy 14 years. Its a long story but unfortunately they live with their dad 350 miles away, which as you can imagine is very difficult but I do get to see them all of the school holidays. They are both staying with me at the moment.
The thing is what to tell them both. My daughter knows of my op and seems quite supportive of it. I haven't gone into too much detail with her, but she is intelligent enough to look on the Internet if she was concerned. My boy does not know I'm having an operation unless my daughter has told him. He is quite sensitive.
But I have these feelings that I'm quite compelled to tell them both the risks involved and what should happen if I don't make it through the op. I've found myself hunting the deeds for the house and making sure my will is at hand.
Is this a normal thought process or should I be worried?

 

[Miss Tickle]

Perfectly normal I think. I wrote letters to my boys in case the worse happened as well. I have only told them, their dad and my brother. None of my friends know and neither does my sister or rest of the family. I just wanted to keep it quiet and to stay 'normal'. My instinct was not to tell them either as I didn't want them to worry. My instinct was wrong !!
I have to say that even though both away at Uni most of the time they would have thought something was terribly wrong with me if I hadn't told them, now they are home. Eating and drinking separately, in such tiny amounts and the drastic wl would have freaked them out. I discussed it with them and got their opinions. They were both supported me, understood the risks of surgery (and of not having surgery) and have been 100% brilliant about the whole thing.

 

[Miss Tickle]

p.s. Also made sure my affairs were in order and wrote out the hymns and readings I wanted at my funeral if I didn't make it. I wasn't afraid, and wasn't being morbid, I just wanted everything straight, just in case.

 

[yummymummytobe]

I can relate to what u are saying as when i went for my very appointment with the surgeon on the way home my oldest son who was 12 asked me if i was seriously ill ....no was my answer i told him the truth as he also knew of my desire to have this operation as we had watch the telly programmes together , suprisingly he was all for it as i knew he would have done his own research without me knowing lol ... smart bugger!! My youngest i didnt tell as he has special needs & wouldnt have understood so just told him i needed to have an operation on my tummy . Of course we all have concerns of having such major surgery we wouldnt be human if we didnt you will be fine xxxxx

 

[pinklady130868]

Thanks guys I was beginning to think I was getting far too morbid. I've also wrote songs and readings etc. purely I think too is because they don't live with me everyday then they wouldn't know what my preferences where etc.
I think I will be brave tomorrow and have the much needed conversation with them both because my son goes back to his dad on Thursday :-( but this year my daughter wants to spend another week with me before she goes back to university we get to go out together for new year too... Probably my last taste of alcohol til 2013

 

[Fuffs]

This has crossed my mind. But my kids are so young I think 'op on my tummy' may be the way forward. My eldest is 9 and a week ago was diagnosed with having aspergers syndrome. He is so caring, sensitive and an absolute worrier. Would be torture for him if I told him the truth.

The 3 year old has just had an op himself and seems a caring, but very matter of fact. I have a feeling he would take it better than the 9 year old

I am going to play it down to both of them. The 9 year old always worries I am going to die and leave him as it is

I had not thought about doing the letters. I will have to think over that one xxx

 

[mariew]

I didn't do the letters, I didn't ever believe I wouldn't wake up. My kids are 21, 23 and 26. They all knew I was waiting for this op, but as the middle one was worrying himself stupid I decided not to tell them the exact date. They never knew when I was going in I just asked my husband to call them and let them know as soon as they hospital called him and said I was in recovery. I swore everyone to secrecy. Unfortunately, someone I barely know, posted a goodluck message on my fb wall while I was in theatre, and the son I was trying to protect saw it and called my husband. They were all upset that I hadn't told them, but I still don't regret it, as I only saved them over 2 weeks of worry. They are all fine now and understand my motives.

 

[Fuffs]

You did the right thing

I don't think I will write the letters. I have every intention of being fine

 

[helenback]

so glad i am not the only one! i have gone through the same motions, writing letters to the kids, telling my mom where all my paperwork is......though surprisingly, as the op date gets closer the less i worry x

 

[pinklady130868]

I've had my chat with the children today and it all went well. My daughter obviously being older was very interested in all the technicalities.
My son it seems had somehow been told by his 'step-mum' that I was having my 'stomach stapled' I can only presume that my daughter had said something to her! It also seems that the 'step-mother' has been a little vindictive with this knowledge as she told my son to get me a box of celebration chocolates for Christmas :-( I know it's the thought that counts but they also know that im diabetic ....... The wicked step-mother has been found out!! Lol

 

[Fuffs]

I've had my chat with the children today and it all went well. My daughter obviously being older was very interested in all the technicalities.
My son it seems had somehow been told by his 'step-mum' that I was having my 'stomach stapled' I can only presume that my daughter had said something to her! It also seems that the 'step-mother' has been a little vindictive with this knowledge as she told my son to get me a box of celebration chocolates for Christmas :-( I know it's the thought that counts but they also know that im diabetic ....... The wicked step-mother has been found out!! Lol

Oh how I love stepmothers. They do nothing blatant enough to get in their face, but have you snarling thinking how much you would like to b*+ch slap them lol

 

[pinklady130868]

Lol never a true word said!! she's probably jealous that I will have a new body if I'm ever unfortunate to meet her again lol

 

[Fuffs]

That will be her problem. She is scared you will be red hot and turn the head of the man you dont want no more lol. Saddo!

 

[Yvessa]

I have a nine year old, and I told her, because I was going to tell the rest of my family and I did not want her to wonder what was going on and feel left out.

I have always believed that kids know about things like this anyway and that they need adults to show them positive ways of dealing with difficult situations - I often feel that I never saw my parents dealing with hard times as they tried so hard to shelter me and my sister. We grew up in this 'bubble' which, while nice, never prepared us for real life.
I know that a lot of my eating problems etc are because its one of my ways of coping with real life.

By being honest with my daughter both about wls and other things that have happened eg my father dying from cancer, my grandmother dying etc. She has always been 'in the know' and has learnt how to deal with these things.
She was worried about my wls, not so much about me dying but because she 'loved my bouncy tummy'! Since seeing me lose weight preop she is much happier but still a bit worried about the operation. She does come and talk to me about it and get a cuddle so I know she is dealing with it.

 

[Dinda]

Im sure your children knowing is a weight off your mind, maybe planning something fun for the future with your youngest that you can't enjoy at present will give him something to look forward to doing with his new slinky mum when the op is over? (Ice skating, fun fair rides, horse riding?)

As for his step mother - perhaps she could have some of your cast off clothes to go with your cast off fella?

 

[Fuffs]

Im sure your children knowing is a weight off your mind, maybe planning something fun for the future with your youngest that you can't enjoy at present will give him something to look forward to doing with his new slinky mum when the op is over? (Ice skating, fun fair rides, horse riding?)

As for his step mother - perhaps she could have some of your cast off clothes to go with your cast off fella?

Lol!!!! I love it!!!