Telling children . . .

[top_kat]

Hi everyone.

I have one son who will be 12 next month and as yet, he is unaware of my surgery that is planned for the 23rd of this month.

As a single parent, I of course have concerns in relation to the op, to not waking up, to him being left alone etc, and while I do not want to put any of my fears onto him at all, I do need to explain the operation especially as my Aunt will be coming to look after him and I am hoping that she will also make the trip up to collect me from the hospital after surgery.

I will travel up by train on the day as I don't want him to be hanging around at the hospital or seeing the panic in me lol

As it is just me and him, and I look after him all the time, he will obviously need to be aware, I dont want him alarmed if I am in some pain or am sick or whatever.

What I am interested in, is for those who have children and have gone through surgery, what have you told them? In what way have you told them?

Would be interested in any feedback.

Kat x

 

[bexh]

I have 3 children, the youngest wouldn't know what is going on at 3 and the other 2 are 12 and 14, they've been aware of it for a while as I was going through the appointment process towards getting the op, so have had 2 years of this.

I think the sooner you tell him the better as he will need time to think it through and ask you any questions that pop up before you go in, it may come as too much of a shock else.

I've kept it quite casual with the children as to not alarm them, been honest with their questions about the op and naturally they'll be concerned but kids are resilient creatures and have shocked me sometimes with their blasé attitude. Children have a wonderful gift that us adults seem to no longer possess and that's not getting too worried or anxious over things. Try not to project your worries as he'll think he should be worried else.

But we all have different ways of dealing with this so too will our children, so do what you think is best for you both in the end xx

 

[fab40]

Hi,

Totally know where you are coming from, as I have a son who is 5 and I told him about the operation I am having.

He seemed fine with it not trully understand but then told some stranger the other day that my mummy is having an operation to make her bottom smaller!!

I think you should tell him how you feel and let him know what you are doing and why and how it will effect him.

Good luck

Jane xx

 

[top_kat]

He seemed fine with it not trully understand but then told some stranger the other day that my mummy is having an operation to make her bottom smaller!!

out of the mouths of babes! lol

Thank you for your reply tho, I am going to talk to him later this week as he will wonder why Im drinking enough milk I could have my own cow LOL

 

[JO28172]

I ve brought my 2 girls up alone since they were 2 And 5. At 14 and 17 they hardly seemed to bother although my 14 yr old was interested in my pre and post op diet and went on to shed 2.5st of her excess weight as a result in eating similar goods to me. Kids are tougher than we think, so much so the little blighters didn't pander to me one bit post op and would happily watch me get up n about (slowly) to make my own drink! That's kids for ya! if it was me I wouldn't make a big deal of it, just drop it in conversation. Yes I made a "what if" letter which they would find on my desk if anything happened, but that got thrown away as soon as I got home

 

[suzie290304]

Im a single mother to an 8 year old, she was 7 at the time of my surgery and told her everything which she was great about she even visited me in hospital and was so interested in my wounds (she wants to be a nurse when she grows up) lol. I'm all up for being open and children take the news better than older family members x

 

[Wobbletogo]

I ve brought my 2 girls up alone since they were 2 And 5. At 14 and 17 they hardly seemed to bother although my 14 yr old was interested in my pre and post op diet and went on to shed 2.5st of her excess weight as a result in eating similar goods to me. Kids are tougher than we think, so much so the little blighters didn't pander to me one bit post op and would happily watch me get up n about (slowly) to make my own drink! That's kids for ya! if it was me I wouldn't make a big deal of it, just drop it in conversation. Yes I made a "what if" letter which they would find on my desk if anything happened, but that got thrown away as soon as I got home

Haha I can relate to this, I have 2 boys, aged 13 and 14. I sat them down just over a year ago to tell them about my ME, explained how it affects me etc. I have to keep reminding them why I don't have the energy to run around after them! When I told them about the op I'm having, they just said "OK" and then changed the subject lol Part of me wishes they weren't quite so blaise but I do appreciate it makes they pretty flexible and accommodating in their lives so I don't discourage it.

Like others I agree children are alot more resilient than we give them credit for and can handle alot of information. If they don't understand they will ask questions. They don't seem to have as many hang ups about things as adults do.

 

[Yvessa]

To be honest, you know your son and how he will deal with this - my daughters quite sensitive and she's 9 so I started by asking her if she would like me to lose some weight and become healthier to which she said no and burst into tears and said I love you the way you are.
I explained to her about the operation and that I'd still be the same person, but just healthier and we talked about the things I couldn't do that I wanted to be able to. She was happier with that.

As I came closer to the op I shared everything with her, including letting her read my diet sheets, explaining how the milk diet worked etc.

 

[Nellyphant]

My daughter is 6 and I explained that I was having an operation to make my tummy smaller so I wouldn't been able to eat as much. Didn't make any more of it than that. She has worked out herself that I'm getting smaller as a result of eating less.

 

[Evenstarr]

I've got 3 children aged 22,20 and 10, all three of them know about my upcoming op and all three of them are really supportive.
My two older girls are all for it because they know the long term health benefits of my having this surgery.
My youngest daughter just can't wait for me to lose enough weight for us to go cycling together.

 

[schgar]

The kids worry. Don't tell him too much about it.

 

[top_kat]

He and I had a long conversation about it, because he was asking lots of questions as to why I wasn't eating. I explained to him what I am having done, and why, have told him he can ask any questions that he wants. His response was

"Im so proud of you Ster" (Ster is his nickname for me from the name Mumster lol)

He's asked a few questions since, as in, will it make an immediate difference, will I feel pain, and then "does that mean we will be able to play tennis" . . .