Why aint she pleased for me?

[Laura b]

Hi all I'll introduce my self for those that don't know me I'm Laura I had a gastric bypass 16th April so 3 wks ago, doin great lost 5 stone so far from my pre op diet and since my op well I did wen I weighed in last wk not weighed since, well this message is about my mom she was all for me having the surgery wen I mentioned it but wasn't pleased for me wen I got funding or even got a date it seemed she lost intrest I just thought maybe she was worried, she came with me for my op but sat in the room eating a whole pk of biscuits and drinking coffee while I was nil by mouth, then after the op she sat eating quiche in my room :-0
Well obviously iv lost 5 stone and iv been to hers today and she ain't mentioned it infact she said cus iv lost weight everywhere else my belly looks a bit pregnant, everytime my weights mentioned she tells me her weight (she's lighter than me by 4 stone ) she's just lost a few lb and it feels she wants me to give her praise but me she don't say anything I think iv done well I was 24 stone 12lb I'm now 19 stone 12lb shes gave up smoking 5 wks ago I keep saying how well she's doin but she ain't once told me?? I think she's jealous wat do u think x

 

[EmDubs]

Hi Hun,

Firstly well done on the weight loss. 5 stone is amazing!

Personally I wouldn't worry too much. I guess it makes it harder and question things more because it's your Mum but my Mum is funny about me having my TT too. Anytime it's mentioned she scowls and skulks off mumbling 'Aaah! Don't even know why you want that!' I just shake my head and laugh!

The op benefits you in so many ways and it's a shame people can't see it. Obviously I don't know your Mum but do you think there could be a touch of jealousy in the air?

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[Deets]

wowsers Laura, youre doing so well!

Honestly it sounds like a little case of jealousy You keep going hun, she'll eventually catch up x

 

[sydenham]

Oh Laura
That is so sad, but it sounds like Mum is having problems dealing with what she knows is going to happen to your body.
Is there a reason that Mum seems threatened? Is she happy? Maybe she is struggling with your success and happiness for whatever reason.
Dont let her attitude get you down though, as you are doing so well and you are doing this for yourself, not for anyone else.
On a lighter note, I have got to be honest - both my husband and Mum stayed with me from 6am to 7pm the day of my op and I made a big pack up for them to munch thru as they were going to be there for so long but it didnt worry me.
Keep your chin up Laura.

 

[Laura b]

Oh Laura
That is so sad, but it sounds like Mum is having problems dealing with what she knows is going to happen to your body.
Is there a reason that Mum seems threatened? Is she happy? Maybe she is struggling with your success and happiness for whatever reason.
Dont let her attitude get you down though, as you are doing so well and you are doing this for yourself, not for anyone else.
On a lighter note, I have got to be honest - both my husband and Mum stayed with me from 6am to 7pm the day of my op and I made a big pack up for them to munch thru as they were going to be there for so long but it didnt worry me.
Keep your chin up Laura.

I think ur right Hun about her not being happy she's single and has been for many of yrs and we use to b best friends wen I lived at home I moved out wen my eldest son was 2 and we was still close but then I decided to move I'n with my fella and it seems she ain't been happy since we always seem to argue and she always blames me but I really think she's jealous of my whole life not just the op and the weight iv lost!!! Xx

 

[Laura b]

wowsers Laura, youre doing so well!

Honestly it sounds like a little case of jealousy You keep going hun, she'll eventually catch up x

Thank you Hun yea I think it is jealousy I lost weight b4 she never praised me untill it all went bk on she was the first to say how much weight u put on Laura and how good u did look to now!! Xx

 

[Laura b]

Hi Hun,

Firstly well done on the weight loss. 5 stone is amazing!

Personally I wouldn't worry too much. I guess it makes it harder and question things more because it's your Mum but my Mum is funny about me having my TT too. Anytime it's mentioned she scowls and skulks off mumbling 'Aaah! Don't even know why you want that!' I just shake my head and laugh!

The op benefits you in so many ways and it's a shame people can't see it. Obviously I don't know your Mum but do you think there could be a touch of jealousy in the air?

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

Ur so right the benefits of the op r gonna improve my life and yes it is jealousy but being my mom u think she would happy xx

 

[suepat10]

Congratulations on what you've achieved x

I'm sorry to hear how negative your mums being. My parents live a few hundred miles away and I'm not going to tell them about my op - assuming I get funding - as I already know they won't be supportive x

 

[Laura b]

Congratulations on what you've achieved x

I'm sorry to hear how negative your mums being. My parents live a few hundred miles away and I'm not going to tell them about my op - assuming I get funding - as I already know they won't be supportive x

Thanks hun, good luck with ur journey hope u get ur funding xx

 

[Sambucca]

Hugs Laura,

I hope this isnt too personal for the forum - if you feel it is then I'll delete it, but I remember years ago, before you and your sister were born your mom was really big. Perhaps not as big as you and I got to, but big all the same.

When her and your dad split up which was yonks ago now, I remember being gob smacked the next time I saw her as she had lost tonnes of weight and was looking really good. I don't know whether she managed to maintain that or not as I havent seen her for a good few years now.

So you, your mom and your sister have all struggled with your weight over the years and you are the only one that has been brave enough to try to tackle your weight once and for all with something as final as WLS. So perhaps its worry, but more likely I'm afraid is jealousy.

My sister, D, has reacted in exactly the same way. She NEVER mentions my weight loss, unless someone else mentions how well I look and then she'll respond with something catty like "you should have seen how massive she was"

Honestly, Im not even joking! Thats exactly the sort of comment she makes. I have a little smirk to myself and think if she was anyone else I'd smash her face in, but as she my sister and I love her I put it down to jealousy - her problem, not mine!

You know you have done the right thing hun, already you are looking marvelous, and this is just the start. It will take people some time to get used to the new you. Dont let anyone stand in your way. You've got one chance to make a success of this.

Loves ya xxx

 

[yorkiegal]

It could be a mixture of jealousy and guilt. She might feel in some way responsible for her daughter gaining so much weight and just doesn't want to talk about your weight at all.

 

[wizzbang]

It may be her way of hiding any guilt she feels.

Lynne x

 

[phatmomma]

Laura rise above it and glide gently onto slimdom....

You are making positive steps in your life, you've lost weight, your in a settled secure relationship with your family and partner, all of which it sounds like your mom missed out on. Be thankful for all that you are and all you will be, one day your mom will turn round and give you the recognition you deserve....

Sam? It's a good job it's your sister been mean, funny how family think it's okay to have a crack at your expense grrr

 

[lotsabeefy]

Hi Laura
My mum has always been a very attractive slim lady, when i first had the op she was very encouraging and supportive. I dont think either of us thought that it would work as well as it has for me. anyway we went shopping together the other day and she was unable to grasp the fact that i was the same size as her.
She has hardly spoken to me since. Dunno why it happens, its quite upsetting though xx

 

[Shopgirl1301]

This is very sad to read, it could well be jealousy, but another feeling could be helplessness, I know my mum isn't happy unless she is "saving" either myself or my sister from some sort of trouble, whether it be personal, financial or whatever, my mum wants to feel needed, so perhaps it could be a bit of that, whilst you are big you may get upset and mum's there to say "don't worry" and cuddles or give advice etc, once you start loosing she might feel that you don't need her anymore, and this is upsetting perhaps for her, just an idea..

 

[Laura b]

Hugs Laura,

I hope this isnt too personal for the forum - if you feel it is then I'll delete it, but I remember years ago, before you and your sister were born your mom was really big. Perhaps not as big as you and I got to, but big all the same.

When her and your dad split up which was yonks ago now, I remember being gob smacked the next time I saw her as she had lost tonnes of weight and was looking really good. I don't know whether she managed to maintain that or not as I havent seen her for a good few years now.

So you, your mom and your sister have all struggled with your weight over the years and you are the only one that has been brave enough to try to tackle your weight once and for all with something as final as WLS. So perhaps its worry, but more likely I'm afraid is jealousy.

My sister, D, has reacted in exactly the same way. She NEVER mentions my weight loss, unless someone else mentions how well I look and then she'll respond with something catty like "you should have seen how massive she was"

Honestly, Im not even joking! Thats exactly the sort of comment she makes. I have a little smirk to myself and think if she was anyone else I'd smash her face in, but as she my sister and I love her I put it down to jealousy - her problem, not mine!

You know you have done the right thing hun, already you are looking marvelous, and this is just the start. It will take people some time to get used to the new you. Dont let anyone stand in your way. You've got one chance to make a success of this.

Loves ya xxx

Sam that's a lovely message thank you xxx
Carnt believe d is like that but sounds just how my mom is with me she even said earlier can u see iv lost weight lau I said no mom sorry I mean shes lost a few lb sam then she started showing me how big her 18's was on her and then reminded me I was a 22 :-( I always tell her how good she's doin with not smoking and things and always tell her she looks great but she never tells me infact she tries to sabotage me all the time and always has done, I think her and Claire r jealous although Claire has praised how well I look xxxx

 

[Laura b]

It could be a mixture of jealousy and guilt. She might feel in some way responsible for her daughter gaining so much weight and just doesn't want to talk about your weight at all.

That could b true cus me my sister and brother r all very over weight I'm the only one who always tries to do something about my weight my brother and sister r happy how they r xx

 

[Laura b]

Laura rise above it and glide gently onto slimdom....

You are making positive steps in your life, you've lost weight, your in a settled secure relationship with your family and partner, all of which it sounds like your mom missed out on. Be thankful for all that you are and all you will be, one day your mom will turn round and give you the recognition you deserve....

Sam? It's a good job it's your sister been mean, funny how family think it's okay to have a crack at your expense grrr

Thanks Hun lovely message xxxx

 

[Laura b]

Hi Laura
My mum has always been a very attractive slim lady, when i first had the op she was very encouraging and supportive. I dont think either of us thought that it would work as well as it has for me. anyway we went shopping together the other day and she was unable to grasp the fact that i was the same size as her.
She has hardly spoken to me since. Dunno why it happens, its quite upsetting though xx

My mom keeps saying if u have any 18's if u go lower than that then pass them to me but all ur other stuff will b massive on me!!!
Moms r funny ppl sometimes ain't they?? Hope u sort it out Hun and well done on ur success xx

 

[Laura b]

This is very sad to read, it could well be jealousy, but another feeling could be helplessness, I know my mum isn't happy unless she is "saving" either myself or my sister from some sort of trouble, whether it be personal, financial or whatever, my mum wants to feel needed, so perhaps it could be a bit of that, whilst you are big you may get upset and mum's there to say "don't worry" and cuddles or give advice etc, once you start loosing she might feel that you don't need her anymore, and this is upsetting perhaps for her, just an idea..

Yea my mom is the same wen iv fell out with my partner she's the first one there saying don't worry ur b fine, and she b at mine every day as soon as we got bk together she will go weeks without ringing and say well ur probably busy with Macca for me, so yea maybe she feels a bit like that? Xxx