A few things...i havent started a thread for a while......

[MissyMustDoIt]

i read every day guys and you keep me going to thankyou to all who post in here xxx

im a little bit confused/upset/angry and everything all rolled into one...my best friend of 20 years, we never have had a bad word to say to each other, i love her with all my heart..

remember me saying that i wasnt going to tell anyone about this journey....well i drank a bottle of wine and said...'im visiting the hospital for weight management' i didnt mention surgery as thats not a given as yet....anyway, she was shocked that i was even upset about my weight and was very supportive and offered to come with me, i asked that we dont speak of this again (as i knew id opened my gob too soon lol) and she promised not to speak of it again, i said when i was ready i would explain it all to her but i do get upset and therefore wish to go it alone for a while...

this was great, i felt supported when i needed it BUT then she made this post on FB....

Oh my god. Supersize V's Superskinny. Why do all obese people want easy way out and have a gastric band or staples???? You did the eating, so loose weight the proper and correct way!!!! Grrrrr. NHS has enough stress.

i am majorly shocked that this is her opinion! i will certainly not be telling her what i intend to do now!!!! Shes not an opiniated person normally and wouldnt voice anything like this to me in conversation so think she must feel very strongly about it!

there was then another post on FB, a friend saying how she is glad her mom is on the mend and cant wait to get her home, my friend wrote asking if her mom was ok and the friend said 'yeh shes fine, she had a gastric band fitted last night and is doing well, im just relieved and want her home'

my best friend didnt reply to this and i dont think she knows that i can see all of this due to the new changes on FB...she would normally reply and wish luck or something similar....

anyhoo, i now feel that i can NEVER tell her if i ever have my op! i dont know if im asking for a reply or not or whether i wanted to get it off my chest lol

the next thing....a friend is on SLIMMM at the moment and has pointed me in the direction, after reading up on it, it is very similar to celebrity slim and is low carb like atkins, i succeeded well on atkins about 18 months ago and love low carb, it makes me feel brilliant but with slimmm i dont have to think about putting the meals together as it is meal replacement for breakfast and lunch and then low carb meal for dinner, as i have lots of recipes and understand low carb im going to give this a whirl. Im not thinking of it as a long term thing, but if im really thinking of surgery then im going to have to do liquid only at some point so i can trial this now and lose a bit of timber whilst im at it...

my goal....to not cause a bloody dam in the bath when i get in it!

ill post my weight losses in my signature as and when they occur....

i think thats it, over and out lol xxx

 

[vikkib]

awww hun im sorry that your friend has such an uninformed opinion of weight loss surgery.i do honestly believe that anyone not in our position cannot truly understand how this makes us feel.

i understand that you dont want to tell her about your operation hun but maybe you should speak to her about her comment xxx

 

[MissyMustDoIt]

ai do honestly believe that anyone not in our position cannot truly understand how this makes us feel.

completely agree vikki.

her comments were made last week and if i were to bring it up, then id have to explain why it bothered me so much....then the convo would turn to me etc etc etc

ill just keep schtum, and if my time arrives ill tell her once the op is done and dusted, im sure ill be in a better place by then, shes my best friend of 20+years.....she wouldnt walk away from out relationship, i hope i could educate her

 

[newcy]

Poor you! That's why I'm only telling my hubby and my parents. I'm not ashamed but I don't want to be judged or constantly asked how much weight I've lost - especially by the in-laws who are a nightmare!

I only have one friend who I'm going to feel guilty about lying to as she's bigger than me and I know she's going to ask how I lost the weight. That's going to feel pretty rubbish x

 

[OOnion]

My bet is she does not even see your weight as an issue, therefore does not think of you as obese and that her comments would be offensive to you... She sounds like someone that you may need post op - I would start sowing the seeds now and let her come on the journey with you, she may then understand your reasons more. Is she a health BMI?

True friends are like Diamonds
precious and rare,
False friends are like Autumn leaves
found everywhere...

Don't risk loosing a diamond over something so important in your life eh?!
xx

 

[MissyMustDoIt]

she is a healthy BMI, she had a baby 4 months ago and has weight watchered back down to pre baby weight.....shes never had an issue, where as i have been overweight since i was 15...we met in the last yr of junior school, so has grown up with me, i dont suppose she has seen it as an issue.....

i cant tell her, ive not told anyone else, and i may not even get the operation (although i want it with all my heart).....i wouldnt risk losing her, shes my best friend and has been through everything with me xx

 

[Tray3004]

Aw big hugs Hun really hope u get ur op n get the support from ur friend when ur ready to tell her xx

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[Fuffs]

My one Bezzie thought bypasses are totally too drastic. Even until 3 days into my pre op diet.

I sat down with my bypass folder from the hospital. I explained the op to her properly. Then explained why it was the right op for me.

That was all it took. She has been highly supportive and has been to visit me. I would have hated to have to lie to her. She means too much to me. If she had chosen to fall out with me over it. I would have had to conclude that our friendship isn't what I thought it was for the past 11 years.

I have been pretty open with most people. Don't want then thinking I am ill. But I do understand early on not telling people. No point defending your choice when you don't know where the choice will lead.

Good luck to everyone on this delicate matter (((hugs)))

 

[Minoots]

I have told everybody that I know and have not had a single person not support me... My personal opinion is that I want people to know and understand my new eating habits and support me.

My friends think it is exciting and are keen to do this journey with me,

I just could not cope with anyone negative at this stage - this is all about me!!!! And I want it go be good not dotted with unpleasantries !

They call/text me when they find clothes on sale in smaller sizes and also just to hear the next instalment!!! I start pre op diet on Tuesday (tomorrow) and op is on 28th

I have also made the most amazing new WLS friends who have been fantastic to me

Good luck everyone !!!

 

[genevive57]

OMG the things that some people do and say never cease to amaze me!!
for a stranger to say that is bad enought but, someone who you perceived to be a good friend is shocking.
i would give this friend a wide berth [deffo no more sharing a bottle of vino with her].
you seem to be a strong person my love and i know you will get through this, chin up and move on.
you know you will always get loadsa love n support on here chick xx

 

[chrisa]

Hi all, I didn't tell loads of people my hubby, mama and dad cos we don't drive so they would have to take me and 1 of my 2 sisters at work I told 2 people and the HEAD who had to know incase I had to go in at short notice and need time off. Other than that the first year I told no one else. My 2 friends tried to be supportive but were very concerned as was the family but I knew that I was accepting the help I had craved for so long. I thought i would have a band the surgeon suggested a bypass and i went along with it they were all horrified as they class it as not reversible even though it can be but very rare, all they could do was stand by and watch, when the time came my closest friends were brilliant as was my family, some at work still don't know, i have told anyone who has asked how i'v lost the weight i had an op but its a very personal thing I told my friends at boible study who have prayed and supported me through out 2 of which were nurse and they were brilliant giving advice and encouragement and still are. You stick to those that help and say bye to those who don't and sometimes refuse to understand. Its difficult to understand that we need help to lose the weight when others can manage themselves do they honestly think we would put our lives at risk having these major ops just for the fun of it!!! Some people are quite blinkered especially if they haven't struggled too much with their weight. Its their loss xx

 

[MissyMustDoIt]

thanks all for your thoughts on this, i dont want to lie to people, i also (as sophie said) dont know where this journey is going to take me, so until i know, im going to keep it to myself for a while.

i appreciate all of your comments, im sure you'll hear this again before any op happens lol xx

 

[Raynebubble]

some people make me so angry... so not to put your friend down... im gonna stay stum... and send you big hugs xxx

 

[loubyl00]

Most people are uneducated about WLS and think we take the easy option. Point them in my direction and I will convince them otherwise.

Don't be too hard on her though, like the others have said she probably doesn't realise that you are in a similar situation.

X

 

[MissyMustDoIt]

some people make me so angry... so not to put your friend down... im gonna stay stum... and send you big hugs xxx

hun i really appreciate this post,

she is my best friend in the whole wide world and id have probably gone on the offensive if somebody bad mouthed her, although im thinking it, no one else is allowed too lol

another post has hit in on the head, she doesnt know how unhappy i am or anything ive gone through as ive been very private about it all for years and am always the party person who loves life, when in fact i knw this is only ever a front.

shes not a spiteful person, just opened her mouth without knowing or thinking about who it may effect xxxx

 

[Mikaela]

Hi hunni your friend will never understand how us fatties feel, i don't think it's drastic it's a need to feel human and not a shadow off yourself at least u have all the support on ere so good luk u only have one life and way ever makes u happy ,xxxxxx