BMI Over 100!

[Peterborough Guy]

Guys I need your help, I was asked to go and see a man that has been admitted to Peterborough Hospital.

The head dietitian called me asking me to go and speak to him about the benefits of WLS as he has basically told the dietitian team that he is not interested.

When I spoke to him, he told me that he can see no way out, but basically he has come to the decision that he knows he will not move out of his bed. To be honest he cant even be bothered to talk and just wants to sleep and then one day not wake up from it.

He is over 50 stone, and I feel so sorry for him, and want to do something to help him, but he has basically turned down my support and in a nice way, told me to leave him alone.

But I don't feel I can, he is only 36 and has a wife and two children, so would like to help him, together with the medical care he is getting.

It took 6 nurses 2 hours to wash him today and they have had to get a extra wide bed in for him and a double hoist that they have constructed around him, to help move him.

I accept that if he don't want my help then there is nothing I can do about it, but has anyone got any suggestions what I could do or how I can approach him to offer support.

 

[Caren]

omg Gary thats so sad i'm guessing you took before and after pics? The only thing i can think of is to harp on about his poor kids, he must love them! How he's going to break their heart when he dies, oh god this is so sad good luck mate, you truly are one in a million mate xxx

 

[Peterborough Guy]

Thats the thing Caren, he didnt even want to see the pics, he did ask me how much did I weight at my heaviest and when I told him, he said thats nothing, thats just half of what I weighed !

You just can not make him see that things can change for the better, but physically and mentally.

 

[SARAH S]

Oh Gary , what a tricky one. We've all been there haven't we, not accepting that help is the only option.

You have offered a helping hand and on this occasion it was refused, that doesn't mean that you cant offer it again at a later date.

Perhaps you have an album of your photos you could leave for him to look at whilst alone, does he have access to the web - you could suggest he has a look around the forum.

You have a good heart Gary, but as the saying goes - "you cant save 'em all Hasselhoff!" (Dr Dolittle!)

Just let him know that you are prepared to talk to him when and if he's ready x

 

[Caren]

Thats the thing Caren, he didnt even want to see the pics, he did ask me how much did I weight at my heaviest and when I told him, he said thats nothing, thats just half of what I weighed !

You just can not make him see that things can change for the better, but physically and mentally.

he sounds very depressed to me

 

[Peterborough Guy]

he sounds very depressed to me

I have even said that to the dietitian and she has said that they cant assess him for depression without his consent and she dont think he will give it.

 

[Caren]

I have even said that to the dietitian and she has said that they cant assess him for depression without his consent and she dont think he will give it.

bless him, sounds like he just wants to die

 

[Peterborough Guy]

Oh Gary , what a tricky one. We've all been there haven't we, not accepting that help is the only option.

You have offered a helping hand and on this occasion it was refused, that doesn't mean that you cant offer it again at a later date.

Perhaps you have an album of your photos you could leave for him to look at whilst alone, does he have access to the web - you could suggest he has a look around the forum.

You have a good heart Gary, but as the saying goes - "you cant save 'em all Hasselhoff!" (Dr Dolittle!)

Just let him know that you are prepared to talk to him when and if he's ready x

I did leave on his table, a copy of our support group literature Sarah, which has a few peoples before and after pics in, also a few forum websites together with my mobile number and email, and told him free free to contact me anytime, which he said he would, but deep down I just know he wont.

 

[SARAH S]

I did leave on his table, a copy of our support group literature Sarah, which has a few peoples before and after pics in, also a few forum websites together with my mobile number and email, and told him free free to contact me anytime, which he said he would, but deep down I just know he wont.

People have to be ready to accept the help, you've done the right thing and I hope he will come round...perhaps curiosity will come the better of him and he'll call and ask you some questions....fingers crossed

 

[TwinkleTwinkle]

Sounds like the dietician was using you as a last resort, honey Has he seen a psychologist, do you know, Gary. If he has refused your help & the thought of leaving his wife & children behind at such a young age, is not enough to jolt him out of this destructive cycle, then I have no idea what comes next for the poor man. If he is in hospital & presumably on a restricted diet, is he losing weight anyway? Once he starts to lose weight, he may be in a better frame of mind to see away forward. He sounds too depressed to make any kind of decision at the minute. My heart goes out to him & moreoverly his young family xxx :wave_cry:

 

[Peterborough Guy]

Sounds like the dietician was using you as a last resort, honey Has he seen a psychologist, do you know, Gary. If he has refused your help & the thought of leaving his wife & children behind at such a young age, is not enough to jolt him out of this destructive cycle, then I have no idea what comes next for the poor man. If he is in hospital & presumably on a restricted diet, is he losing weight anyway? Once he starts to lose weight, he may be in a better frame of mind to see away forward. He sounds too depressed to make any kind of decision at the minute. My heart goes out to him & moreoverly his young family xxx :wave_cry:

To be honest Twink, Im not sure, as Im not authorised to look into his medical records, Im not even sure what he is in there for.

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Perhaps you could ask him to set his house in order and prepare his kids for not having a daddy,write them letters etc.If he is so depressed and wont accept help there isnt much else anyone can do.There is help and he is refusing it.Perhaps he has got used to being center of attention,who knows what is going through his mind.Try not to worry and get on with your life,hard I know.Maz x

 

[Raynebubble]

Hi Gary, oh bless you for taking the time out and effort to help this poor man. I think you have done all you can do for now.... but maybe give it a couple of days and try again... tell him he isnt alone and his life can be so much better if he allows people to help and support him... He does sound very depressed.
Good Luck Gary, but try not to stress yourself hun as this poor man needs to want help before he will accept it xxx

 

[Peterborough Guy]

Perhaps you could ask him to set his house in order and prepare his kids for not having a daddy,write them letters etc.If he is so depressed and wont accept help there isnt much else anyone can do.There is help and he is refusing it.Perhaps he has got used to being center of attention,who knows what is going through his mind.Try not to worry and get on with your life,hard I know.Maz x

To be honest Maz, you are thinking the same as my wife, like u say if he dont want to take the help then we cant help him.

But the classic signs which we have all been to, were cans of fizzy pop on his table, chocolate bars, then a pack of grapes lol and apparently his mum keeps buying him biscuits which isnt helping people.

 

[TwinkleTwinkle]

To be honest Twink, Im not sure, as Im not authorised to look into his medical records, Im not even sure what he is in there for.

I imagine he has a few medical conditions & the apathy is definitely a sign of depression. Gosh, what a terrible situation If he refuses all help, the medical staff have no choice but to honour his wishes. If he only knew what a gift they were offering.:wave_cry: I don't suppose he would read any of the posts on here if he won't look at your photos. I don't know who the heaviest person on here has been but sure there have been people close to his weight who have gone on to lose the vast majority of their weight. Don't let it get to you Gary :sigh: you have done what was asked of you but know anyone with a heart would lose sleep over this. Take Care, babe xx :wave_cry:

 

[northernwoody]

This is so sad. Could a bunch of post oppers write to him via you?

 

[Caren]

Perhaps you could ask him to set his house in order and prepare his kids for not having a daddy,write them letters etc.If he is so depressed and wont accept help there isnt much else anyone can do.There is help and he is refusing it.Perhaps he has got used to being center of attention,who knows what is going through his mind.Try not to worry and get on with your life,hard I know.Maz x

this might just sow a tiny seed in his head

 

[Peterborough Guy]

this might just sow a tiny seed in his head

Yeah think the shock tactic is the only way to be honest.

 

[Cicca]

When I was at my heaviest 30 stone, a lady came round to my bed while I was recovering from stage 1 DS and she was basically thin and was at the end of her journey. I was only at the starting line and I remember thinking 'great for you but this isn't helping, I need to see someone who's where I'm at. Who feels like I'm feeling' the lady was very nice and in hindesight I knew was only trying to help. But I just couldn't see it, felt more like she was feeling sorry for me and I didn't need that at that time.

xx.

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[Andy1968]

You're a good man Gary with a big Heart...Probably the deciding factor-along with your weight loss- why the Dietitian turned to you in the first place.
Unfortunately,When someone digs in their heels you're losing a battle that have little signs of winning.

Maybe...just maybe they'll be a turning point in the gentleman's life that will make him sit up and take note of what he is in danger of losing..namely his family.

Good Luck with it all mate.

Andy