BMI Over 100!

[pinklady130868]

This is such a sad situation. This poor man does sound very depressed. He is obviously at his lowest eb which ultimately being so low he cannot see beyond his own negative feelings. It may be too that this poor man is absolutely petrified at the prospect of facing possible surgery. He may feel that he will die if he has it. Though at the moment he has control over his life span with his eating pattern. Being depressed floods the mind with lots of irrational thoughts and behaviours.
I think Garry that you have tried your best for this man and feel proud of yourself.
I hope this post makes some sense, but like many of you on here I really feel for this man and his young family and I hope they get lots of support.

 

[Sharonimo]

What a difficult position, Gary.

Obviously you can't force surgery on someone who does not want it. Almost ironic how many of us have desperately wanted the surgery for years, and have had to fight our GP's and PCT's to get referred and get funded ..... and then someone so totally apathetic and uninterested.

I can understand this man's fears, Gary. It sounds like he has come to accept his condition, but he is either (a) frightened of the surgery (which obviously does have a morality risk), (b) thinks that will be of no use to him, it's only of use to "moderately" obese people (he must think of 20 - 30 stone people as "moderately" obese compared to himself).

I wonder whether you could get any info from the Dietician, Surgeon or Bariatric Co-ordinator at the L&D regarding:

-- what is the *largest* patient they successfully operated on and what was the outcome?

I know in the national news the chap Paul Mason ("Britain's Fattest Man") keeps making the news, mostly in a negative way because that is how the press like to report it. But he has lost half his initial 70 stone and is now mobile at 35 stone (or less). The interviews I have read he does say it has made a tremendous improvement to his quality of life, and now he can get out and about he has things to look forward to, and feels less depressed than he has done in years.

 

[Big an Bouncy]

What really annoys me is the hospital allowing all that crappy food on the ward for gods sake!If he was an alcoholic they wouldnt allow drink or drugs for an addict.Yes they cant police his every move but surely someone could have a word with the family and ask them not to bring stuff in.My hubby is diabetic and has heart failure I wouldnt dream of taking crap in for him.Maz x

 

[MinnieMouse9]

I think a massive part is you have to be ready to make the change. I've tried previously to loose weight and I know some of the time i used to think, why put myself the this misery its easier to eat the way I have been, and go back to my old ways not only because it was easier, but because at the time I was loosing weight because others wanted me to, not because I wanted to!
Sounds like he needs pysch input and assessed for depression. What a lovley guy for going to see him though

 

[MinnieMouse9]

What really annoys me is the hospital allowing all that crappy food on the ward for gods sake!If he was an alcoholic they wouldnt allow drink or drugs for an addict.Yes they cant police his every move but surely someone could have a word with the family and ask them not to bring stuff in.My hubby is diabetic and has heart failure I wouldnt dream of taking crap in for him.Maz x

The bottom line is; we cant stop families bringing stuff in, and although hospitals do try and encourage families not to for example bring sweets in to diabetic patients, we cant physically stop them.
Theres a fine line between nursing and policing.

 

[Ric]

What about that dude who was the heaviest man in the world, and had a bypass? He has lost over twenty stone and probably more now.

Maybe say people heavier than you have had wls.

It is a shame especially because he has a young family and will most likely leave then before they are grown up

He is not your responsibility though PG, but it's great that you care

 

[Raynebubble]

To be honest Maz, you are thinking the same as my wife, like u say if he dont want to take the help then we cant help him.

But the classic signs which we have all been to, were cans of fizzy pop on his table, chocolate bars, then a pack of grapes lol and apparently his mum keeps buying him biscuits which isnt helping people.

Somebody is going out and buying these foods for him, so maybe the health authorities instead of asking you to go in and see him, maybe they should get the family in and gve them a blooy god talking too... they are the guilty ones here.... they have to be cruel to be kind... his situation is not going to get any better unless they help by stop buying him the junk xx

 

[Miss DeeDee]

He really sounds depressed to me, we as large people know how depressing being over weight is - and we hide it so well, sometimes from ourselves, always being the funny person, so that what people say or insinuate doesnt hurt us.

I understand why the hospital asked you to speak to him, but also think they have put rather a lot on you, and agree that the hospital should talk to his family alone, then with him together and lay the facts on the table,

He will never loose weight unless he wants to ( we all know this) in the end it really is his decision, he is already costing the nhs a lot of money having to be hospitalized, and i feel so sad for him and his family and will pray for them.

In the end - only he can make the decision, but he needs the facts and the hospital or his family should be the ones giving it to him.

Debs

 

[Mrs Quiggle]

What a sticky one Gary. Bless you for trying to help him. I think you need to go down the look what you are leaving behind you avenue with regards to his children. It's a very hard nut to crack and only he can help himself but by the sounds of it he is in a deep depression. It's a shame they can't section him as he is suicidal in his thoughts. I realise they couldn't move him to a phsyciactric unit but it would mean that they could give him the medication to allow his brain to relax and start to think properly again. I agree that his family are doing him no favours bringing in crap for him to eat and it often makes me want to scream when you see documentaries about people like this who can't do anything for themselves as it is someone else feeding them. If it were my husband I would have had him on a forced diet long ago.

I am keeping you both in my prayers Gary and sincerely hope that he has a change of heart and decides accept the help that is being offered.

You are a saint Gary. xxx

 

[Dinda]

I agree with everyone, this man seems really depressed - and no wonder. He probably feels a real failure to his family and perhaps even believes they will be better off without him (he may think he is a burden)
Weighing as much as he does most be very painful and difficult, both physically and emotionally. Food might be his only 'comfort' so swapping things too radically/quickly could really upset him - but I agree there are no nutritional benefits from a jammy Dodger! Hopefully someone will speak to his family about healthier alternatives because they are helping to kill him with their perceived 'kindness', but I imagine they are all a bit lost and don't know what to do.
PG guy - are you expecting to make further visits? If so perhaps avoiding his weight might be a tactic you could use initially, find out what his interests are/were to get a spark of enthusiasm going and a pally/bloke camaraderie. He might have envied you a bit or seen you in a 'teachers pet' way initially - but being a success story is nothing to be ashamed of!!! It is lovely that you reached out to a fellow struggler (just like you do here) but you can't take responsibility for his choices.

Is there a way we could send cards or letters of support and encouragement? We don't have to know his name or details - just an address of the dietician so they could pass them on (you would need to explain what was happening - imagine the confusion if they suddenly got 50 letters to "Fred" on their desk)
It might be nice to know that people who don't even know you care about your wellbeing and understand a bit of your struggle.

This man and all you lovely people are in my thoughts xxx

Sent via telephonic magic!

 

[Yvessa]

Hi PG,

This man obviously wants to close his eyes and just not wake up one day - I don't think he wants to live even a day longer if he can help it.

He can't see the possibility of a life and he probably feels like his wife and son are better off without him.

This sounds horrid but I would talk to him about how if he does nothing then his wife and child may hate him for not trying and that it will really hurt them, whereas if he dies trying to have the surgery they at least know he loved them. Either way, one day, he will just close his eyes and not wake up.

I know I will probably get flamed for this, but I think this man will not believe, no matter who talks to him, that he could possibly live. Maybe this way life will surprise him.

Yve.

 

[lamornamiss]

"There is no-one so blind as one who will not see or as deaf that will not hear"
This is one of my fav quotes
This man doesn't want to see or hear any one elses story because he chooses not to.
Gary the only way to make him sit up and take note will be through his family, And even then he might not want to listen to them either, you will just have to hope that he will have a lightbulb moment.

 

[Peterborough Guy]

thanks for your comments and support, well as i thought, so far i have not received any communication from him, not that i expected too either.

I have weekly radio show on Tuesday evening at the hospital, so will catch up with the dietitian before then and maybe take a visit to him.

 

[MinnieMouse9]

It may be he needs to meet people who are bariatric to his extreme (sorry not very pc but don't know how else to explain it) and have made the change and lost the weight.
I've been watching the half ton man documentary and the documentary about the teenager who weighed about 40st, I think if the half ton man can do it ayone can
as I say I think this man prob needs some psyc input to try and find out why he feels he can't loose weight and why he does not want to make the change. Pherhaps if the pysc issues were addressed meeting other WLS patients will help.
I think when your extremely large for your frame it does effect you and can be very off putting if someone is saying you need to loose x amount of stones because it probably sounds like a massive target, I'm assuming the dietian will be aiming for this man to meet small targets at the moment rather than massive amounts in one go.

 

[Peterborough Guy]

I agree and thats what I said to him, lets not look at 6 months, lets just look at tomorrow and small changes can benefit him hugely.

 

[Sharonimo]

Gary the only way to make him sit up and take note will be through his family, And even then he might not want to listen to them either, you will just have to hope that he will have a lightbulb moment.

I wondered the same overnight. Instead of speaking to *him* (the man) about how he will be leaving his wife and children behind, ...... try to speak to his family instead:

(1) ask them gently "out of curiosity" why do they still bring him junk food when it is doing him no good at all?

[sometimes you can get people to think and open their minds -- question themselves -- by ASKING a question about why they are doing something, rather than immediately preaching "you shouldn't"]

and

(2) ask them if they had thought about bariatric surgery and the longer life and better health it could offer their family member? Ask if they had heard about the new "gastric sleeve" operation which is now performed on very large individuals (like this man) as a simpler and less risky operation than the full bypass?

Perhaps if his family were given some info about the "gastric sleeve" (from anyone -- you or the dietician) they might eventually feel like mentioning it to him.

 

[MinnieMouse9]

Exactly. Small changes are good, even as far as today let's just have 3 biscuits with my cup of tea instead of 5! Huge targets are very offputting

 

[Peterborough Guy]

I have only gone and done it. I have emailed Shaw Somers office to see if they will speak to Paul Mason, who was Britain's Heaviest Man to ask him would he contact me and see if we could get the two talking.

Fingers crossed he will come back to me.

 

[loubyl00]

This is such a sad situation Gary. Would he let you visit him, 'as a friend'? If you just visit and be positive then one day soon he may listen to what you have to say. Its so difficult when people don't want help cos you cant make them.
You are so kind for going to see him hun!

xxx

 

[MinnieMouse9]

It saddens me, I keep thinking about this poor man