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My best mate has let me down big style. is this about me losing weight??
- Thread starter tammy
- Start date
callysplace
New Member
Well I have to say I think I have been very lucky, in the fact that my closest friends and family have 100% supported my decision.
Your friend will hate the fact that you have made a positive decision to deal with your weight, just remember she is not yet at that point in her life where she can deal with such huge changes herself, maybe she never will be, but if it comes to a point that she wants to change then she will then realise how wrong she has been with her poor treatment of yourself.
One thing I have to say and I know some others have mentioned it on here, but with loosing the weight you change who you are not just on the outside but also the inside. I know that I am no longer a yes person, or willing to be a wall flower and I know that some folk are finding that difficult to cope with now, but they are going to have to like it or lump it!
Your friend will hate the fact that you have made a positive decision to deal with your weight, just remember she is not yet at that point in her life where she can deal with such huge changes herself, maybe she never will be, but if it comes to a point that she wants to change then she will then realise how wrong she has been with her poor treatment of yourself.
One thing I have to say and I know some others have mentioned it on here, but with loosing the weight you change who you are not just on the outside but also the inside. I know that I am no longer a yes person, or willing to be a wall flower and I know that some folk are finding that difficult to cope with now, but they are going to have to like it or lump it!
ditzyangeluk
New Member
Ditto the above .. I totally agree regarding
It is your life &, harsh though it sounds, at the end of the day it is YOU that counts. My family never ask how I am doing, but that is the way they are! (At the same time my friend turned her back on me, she also informed me that my sister felt the same so that bit the dust too!)
I am afraid I am not a forgiving person &, perhaps part of the new me, I won't have people around that bring me down, I just don't need it on this journey (which I struggle with at the moment & support is invaluable - if only to put uo with the whingeing!) I saw a pic yesterday about a lost friend that said "I don't miss you, I miss the person I thought you were", which was very apt!
A sad fact of life
...those whom I assumed would support me (..family) didn't. You have to do what is right for you at the end of the day and if some people can't be supportive then you have to let them go, you don't need the negativity at this point in your life ... My [family] never comment on how well I am doing, or how nice I look but I have come to accept that this is how it is
...The most important person in my life, my husband .. is my rock, he is so supportive and has always been behind me.
It is your life &, harsh though it sounds, at the end of the day it is YOU that counts. My family never ask how I am doing, but that is the way they are! (At the same time my friend turned her back on me, she also informed me that my sister felt the same so that bit the dust too!)
I am afraid I am not a forgiving person &, perhaps part of the new me, I won't have people around that bring me down, I just don't need it on this journey (which I struggle with at the moment & support is invaluable - if only to put uo with the whingeing!) I saw a pic yesterday about a lost friend that said "I don't miss you, I miss the person I thought you were", which was very apt!
A sad fact of life
mandy-1975
Regular Member
Hi Tammy
Hiya
If you have read my thread, you will see that i went threw an awful time with who I thought was my best friend.....
We were always so close and I always supported her in everything she choose... we both did LL together which caused a few problems but we got threw them...
Then when I chose wls she changed completely she did not support me once..... but had plenty to say to other people!!!
after my op, things just seemed worse... she wasnt their for me once! but always wanted me to listern how badthigns were for her....
things came to a head in the summer and i won't deny i was cut up about it.... and took it so badly!!! which then spiralled completely out of control and my depression got worse......
But i can honestly say I flipped one day and told her exactly what I though... how she was jealous.. and that i was no longer going to be her lap dog.. in fact i surprised myself and others around me.....
I can now say I feel totally at peace with myself and am so pleased i no longer have her in my life...
Whilst this is good for me...... you have to understand as many have said on here, that people change when we have the op call it thier insecurities or jeolousy but we also change, we become us...... we learn to like ourselves, be confident!!!!
Try and talk to your friend, but always be true to you......
Big hugs
Hiya
If you have read my thread, you will see that i went threw an awful time with who I thought was my best friend.....
We were always so close and I always supported her in everything she choose... we both did LL together which caused a few problems but we got threw them...
Then when I chose wls she changed completely she did not support me once..... but had plenty to say to other people!!!
after my op, things just seemed worse... she wasnt their for me once! but always wanted me to listern how badthigns were for her....
things came to a head in the summer and i won't deny i was cut up about it.... and took it so badly!!! which then spiralled completely out of control and my depression got worse......
But i can honestly say I flipped one day and told her exactly what I though... how she was jealous.. and that i was no longer going to be her lap dog.. in fact i surprised myself and others around me.....
I can now say I feel totally at peace with myself and am so pleased i no longer have her in my life...
Whilst this is good for me...... you have to understand as many have said on here, that people change when we have the op call it thier insecurities or jeolousy but we also change, we become us...... we learn to like ourselves, be confident!!!!
Try and talk to your friend, but always be true to you......
Big hugs
Cowgirl
Licks the lid of life!
Tammy, it's not just your mate. I think we've all had someone like that!
I have a fat friend, we've always been the same growing up, starting diets together etc. As soon as she found out what I was doing, she started a diet and has now successfully lost about 2 stones I think. But now of course her way is the only way and the healthy way. She is the only person out of everyone I know who has been negative towards me. It is jealousy. You have looked yourself in the face and faced your demons and done something about changing your life. Some people can not handle that they aren't that strong and therefore will lash out at the closest people to them. You are making her look at herself and she isn't ready. Therefore she is turning her negative energy from herself to you. Don't worry about it. It's not you, it is her problem. If there is going to be anomosity between you on this hen doo then I wouldn't bother going. I'd explain to the hen that the situation could cause unwanted negativity on her special weekend. Although if you two can put it aside thats good. Which ever way you look at it, its out there now, what you think has been voiced to her and really its up to her how she deals with it. You've done nothing wrong and shouldn't feel bad about what you've done. It's your life and you haven't got to live it anybody elses way.
I have a fat friend, we've always been the same growing up, starting diets together etc. As soon as she found out what I was doing, she started a diet and has now successfully lost about 2 stones I think. But now of course her way is the only way and the healthy way. She is the only person out of everyone I know who has been negative towards me. It is jealousy. You have looked yourself in the face and faced your demons and done something about changing your life. Some people can not handle that they aren't that strong and therefore will lash out at the closest people to them. You are making her look at herself and she isn't ready. Therefore she is turning her negative energy from herself to you. Don't worry about it. It's not you, it is her problem. If there is going to be anomosity between you on this hen doo then I wouldn't bother going. I'd explain to the hen that the situation could cause unwanted negativity on her special weekend. Although if you two can put it aside thats good. Which ever way you look at it, its out there now, what you think has been voiced to her and really its up to her how she deals with it. You've done nothing wrong and shouldn't feel bad about what you've done. It's your life and you haven't got to live it anybody elses way.
thanks you all for all your kind words. i have had some time to calm down and think about the situation. i know the problem isn't about me or who i have become but her own issues about how she feels about her. i text her today and she is phoning me tonight so will see where that gets us. i am not gonna cave in though and either she supports me and my decisions or i'll have to call it a day. sad but thats the way it is gonna have to be.
thanks you all again. will keep you posted xx
thanks you all again. will keep you posted xx
charliegirl
New Member
((((hugs)))) ...xx
Mynewlife
New Member
Hiya Tammy
hope everything goes ok with speaking to your friend, let us know how you get on. I am glad that you text her and she is going to call you, maybe these few days have given her a bit of space and she will have had a chance to think things through and decide that your friendship is worth more than not having your friendship, if that makes sense :innocent0002:
MNL
hope everything goes ok with speaking to your friend, let us know how you get on. I am glad that you text her and she is going to call you, maybe these few days have given her a bit of space and she will have had a chance to think things through and decide that your friendship is worth more than not having your friendship, if that makes sense :innocent0002:
MNL
well just back from a meet up with my mate. after drinking lots of wine and talking lots i think we have turned a corner. she said that she is not jealous of me and my weight loss but wishes that she could sort her own weight issues out. she says that WLS is not for her but she respects the decsions i have made and is envious that i have made the hard choice to have the bypass. she feels she does not have the will power to address her own weight issues and knows that her weight is spiralling out of control. we have talked alot about how she has made me feel and i think we have reached an understanding that she will support my decisions and not let it affect our frinedship.
i feel alot happier and want to thank you all for your support and kind words.
i am off to London on saturday for a few days and then hitting ireland. my social diary has never been so good and i have no doubt this is down to how i feel about me. thanks again guys and gals and talk to you all soon xx
i feel alot happier and want to thank you all for your support and kind words.
i am off to London on saturday for a few days and then hitting ireland. my social diary has never been so good and i have no doubt this is down to how i feel about me. thanks again guys and gals and talk to you all soon xx
hopelesscase
New Member
Tammy so glad you got it resolved. Your friendship will be all the stronger for it.
Have a fab few days
take care
HC
Have a fab few days
take care
HC
charliegirl
New Member
Oh tammy I am so pleased you sorted that can you now please come and sort my daughter and me out lol....have a lovely weekend look forward to hearing all about it next week....xxxxx
Thank you all for all your support. guess it's just aprt of life but doesn't make it any easier. at least we have turned a corner and feel so much happier now i have got it all of my chest. will talk to you all when i come back from london. off to see the sound of music with my little girl can't wait xx
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