-
Hi, If you cannot get into the site, be sure to Contact Us. Please be advised that the app is no longer in use!
Had Enough of life
- Thread starter deepblue
- Start date
Grace
New Member
Hi Honey I just wanted to send you a huge hug. I know how it feels to be blamed for your child's issues, it's different but my eldest was 3 before they diagnosed kidney disease and in that time we were told we were neurotic, bad parents etc.
I guess in the long run, love you have to try to let go of the anger and injustice, just because hanging onto it makes you bitter and unhappy. Try to focus now on fighting for yor lad to get him the best possible treatment. I have 2 friends with sons with Aspergers and yes, it's difficult but they're both doing ok and much better than they were expected to.
Your brother, as much as you feel for him; he has to help himself right now. Try to narrow your focus down to what you can actually achieve and the first thing is to STOP with the crazy eating because you know you're hitting self-destruct big time. You DO NOT DESERVE to be punished for any of this, so DON'T PUNISH YOURSELF.
There is an organisation called CAP (Christians Against Poverty) who I do a bit of work with who may also be able to help you with your debt management. They are experts, do it for free and one to one, and you don't have to be a Christian or church goer to get their help. I'll have a look see if there's a centre near you who can help. Livinstone in Scotland right? Is that a big city or near one?
Much love and hang on in there sweetheart. You're not alone. xxx
I guess in the long run, love you have to try to let go of the anger and injustice, just because hanging onto it makes you bitter and unhappy. Try to focus now on fighting for yor lad to get him the best possible treatment. I have 2 friends with sons with Aspergers and yes, it's difficult but they're both doing ok and much better than they were expected to.
Your brother, as much as you feel for him; he has to help himself right now. Try to narrow your focus down to what you can actually achieve and the first thing is to STOP with the crazy eating because you know you're hitting self-destruct big time. You DO NOT DESERVE to be punished for any of this, so DON'T PUNISH YOURSELF.
There is an organisation called CAP (Christians Against Poverty) who I do a bit of work with who may also be able to help you with your debt management. They are experts, do it for free and one to one, and you don't have to be a Christian or church goer to get their help. I'll have a look see if there's a centre near you who can help. Livinstone in Scotland right? Is that a big city or near one?
Much love and hang on in there sweetheart. You're not alone. xxx
kurvykaren
New Member
Hi hun - big hugs from me too.
I agree with everything that Kelly and the others have posted on here. You're human - you can only do so much for others and if you don't think of No.1 first you won't be able to look after Nos 2, 3, 4......
Good luck with your GP - I hope that they can give you the support you need.
Just remember theres plenty of people on here for you to sound off to should you need it. xx
I agree with everything that Kelly and the others have posted on here. You're human - you can only do so much for others and if you don't think of No.1 first you won't be able to look after Nos 2, 3, 4......
Good luck with your GP - I hope that they can give you the support you need.
Just remember theres plenty of people on here for you to sound off to should you need it. xx
Hello love, thinking of you and I just want to say we have broad shoulders, most of us have seen a fair bit of life and what it can throw at times.
It's so tough when it affects our children...
Please try and regain your strength and firstly care for you and seek all of the support that you can to overcome this difficult patch...
Sending a loving hug to you and please take special care of yourself... Bev xxx
It's so tough when it affects our children...
Please try and regain your strength and firstly care for you and seek all of the support that you can to overcome this difficult patch...
Sending a loving hug to you and please take special care of yourself... Bev xxx
hope2bthina
New Member
It is so sad when children go undiagnosed for so long...but at least now you know you can push for the help that it is needed.
Even though my son was diagnosed i've had to fight for help and fight to get him into the right school etc. That in itself can be draining emotionally and time consuming but will be worth it in th end.
My son goes to a mainstream school but it has a base unit in, same as his junior school did. He doesn't do a language and he goes to the base in this time and gets help in his areas needed, he has settled really well.
If you feel your son is not getting the help he needs pester the education department and also ask if there are local support groups as well as they can help you fight for your rights.....good luck..and i'm here if you need anything or just need a rant xx
Neen
WLS Moderator
Hi x
I understand how you feel about being blamed for your childs undiagnosed condition as this is exactly what happened to me with my two. Both my sons are autistic and that has been very isolating for us all, especially before diagnosis because people just saw them as bad and me as a crap mother by default.
It is going to improve now you have that diagnosis and can see about claiming for DLA for him. You should be entitled to it and the amount will depend on how much care and supervision he needs on a daily and nightly basis.
I agree about citizens advice for help managing your debts.
Also I understand your pain regarding your brother but you cannot fix everyone..you can be there if he wants but you are not responsible for his mistakes.
You have your addiction to food to battle already and you have your sons' best interests to deal with and you have to find some resolution with your wife and get your little immediate family unit back to some peace and harmony.
Work on those people closer than anyone to you first, you , your wife and your kids.
Anyone else needs to take responsibility for themselves as you have more than enough to do here.
I would also recommend you change your GP as this person is going to be the starting point for getting a lot of different issues taken care of here. You need to have one that you feel IS doing everything they can to assist and support you.
One of the key people you in particular need confidence in is your doctor.
Don't be afraid to look online on the NHS website for doctors surgeries in your area that are registering new patients.
You just fill out a form at the new docs and no-one asks you why you changed.
As far as your food goes...you are just trying to bury the other issues as mentioned...they are not your fault and they are not necessarily something you can control so no amount of food will distract you long enough for them to just disappear.
All that will happen is you will be feeling lower and lower and the issues that drove you to eat will still be there.
If you put the food down and start making steps to get help for those problems you will be making sure you are there and have more stamina to get things to a more controllable point and get that happyness back into your life.
You are definately not alone xxx
I understand how you feel about being blamed for your childs undiagnosed condition as this is exactly what happened to me with my two. Both my sons are autistic and that has been very isolating for us all, especially before diagnosis because people just saw them as bad and me as a crap mother by default.
It is going to improve now you have that diagnosis and can see about claiming for DLA for him. You should be entitled to it and the amount will depend on how much care and supervision he needs on a daily and nightly basis.
I agree about citizens advice for help managing your debts.
Also I understand your pain regarding your brother but you cannot fix everyone..you can be there if he wants but you are not responsible for his mistakes.
You have your addiction to food to battle already and you have your sons' best interests to deal with and you have to find some resolution with your wife and get your little immediate family unit back to some peace and harmony.
Work on those people closer than anyone to you first, you , your wife and your kids.
Anyone else needs to take responsibility for themselves as you have more than enough to do here.
I would also recommend you change your GP as this person is going to be the starting point for getting a lot of different issues taken care of here. You need to have one that you feel IS doing everything they can to assist and support you.
One of the key people you in particular need confidence in is your doctor.
Don't be afraid to look online on the NHS website for doctors surgeries in your area that are registering new patients.
You just fill out a form at the new docs and no-one asks you why you changed.
As far as your food goes...you are just trying to bury the other issues as mentioned...they are not your fault and they are not necessarily something you can control so no amount of food will distract you long enough for them to just disappear.
All that will happen is you will be feeling lower and lower and the issues that drove you to eat will still be there.
If you put the food down and start making steps to get help for those problems you will be making sure you are there and have more stamina to get things to a more controllable point and get that happyness back into your life.
You are definately not alone xxx
Lostinmy30's
New Member
Hey Deepblue we are all here and rooting for you.
I can't offer bypass advice as a bander but heres my two penneth.
I was the person hiding debt in this marriage up until about 6 years ago - call the CCCS - its a charity so free advice - they will stop all the debtors contacting you and keep the bailiffs away from the door - so don't worry about anything being taken away. I've been with them on a debt management plan for a fair few years and am nearing my final year now and then I'll be alot better off. Remember your debt does not define you and once the CCCS sort it for you you will wonder why you didn't speak to them sooner. They will take away that feeling of dread every time the post hits the mat or the phone rings.
Mental health - well I'm clinically depressed and have been for over 14 years now..I suffer horribly from seasonal adjustment - living in Scotland does not help this lol. Make sure you are staying in contact with your Doc for the bi polar issues - get them to pass you onto a mental health care team. That way there is always someone for you to talk to and your condition is managed. A dear friend of mine, who herself is bi polar, gave me a wonderful gift last year - hope. There is another side to mental health issues..there will be periods of light and as you learn to work with your condition these periods will get longer and better. Even ask to be referred for homeopathic treatments....reiki, acupuncture...you name it it's there on the NHS now and will all help you manage your condition.
One of the guys I am friends with in a Druid group I am a member of has aspergers and tbh with you I had known him a year before he told me this and I hadn't a clue. He is the most peaceful person I have ever come across, incredibly intelligent, sharp sense of humour and succesful. Now your son has a name for his condition you can all work together getting him the help that will make him a success too. A few techniques to help with coping and he will feel like he 'fits' alot better.
I know what its like to be a parent with mental health issues and I can promise you - it makes them very strong, clever wee cookies - my girls are the best tonic anyone could ever have.
We are here for you -anything you need to talk about tell us.
Finally a wee nugget from my granny that keeps me steady some days 'If you can't change something do not waste energy worrying about it'.....
Bright healing blessings my friend,
hope you make it on sunday for the meet and have some WLS head space for an hour or so x
Vicki
I can't offer bypass advice as a bander but heres my two penneth.
I was the person hiding debt in this marriage up until about 6 years ago - call the CCCS - its a charity so free advice - they will stop all the debtors contacting you and keep the bailiffs away from the door - so don't worry about anything being taken away. I've been with them on a debt management plan for a fair few years and am nearing my final year now and then I'll be alot better off. Remember your debt does not define you and once the CCCS sort it for you you will wonder why you didn't speak to them sooner. They will take away that feeling of dread every time the post hits the mat or the phone rings.
Mental health - well I'm clinically depressed and have been for over 14 years now..I suffer horribly from seasonal adjustment - living in Scotland does not help this lol. Make sure you are staying in contact with your Doc for the bi polar issues - get them to pass you onto a mental health care team. That way there is always someone for you to talk to and your condition is managed. A dear friend of mine, who herself is bi polar, gave me a wonderful gift last year - hope. There is another side to mental health issues..there will be periods of light and as you learn to work with your condition these periods will get longer and better. Even ask to be referred for homeopathic treatments....reiki, acupuncture...you name it it's there on the NHS now and will all help you manage your condition.
One of the guys I am friends with in a Druid group I am a member of has aspergers and tbh with you I had known him a year before he told me this and I hadn't a clue. He is the most peaceful person I have ever come across, incredibly intelligent, sharp sense of humour and succesful. Now your son has a name for his condition you can all work together getting him the help that will make him a success too. A few techniques to help with coping and he will feel like he 'fits' alot better.
I know what its like to be a parent with mental health issues and I can promise you - it makes them very strong, clever wee cookies - my girls are the best tonic anyone could ever have.
We are here for you -anything you need to talk about tell us.
Finally a wee nugget from my granny that keeps me steady some days 'If you can't change something do not waste energy worrying about it'.....
Bright healing blessings my friend,
hope you make it on sunday for the meet and have some WLS head space for an hour or so x
Vicki
phatmomma
New Member
Deepblue i was so sad to hear your story. Not all of the crap that's happening to your outer family circle but your inner family problems (your wife and child). Personally i think it's great now that you know your boy is not a badly behaved child and you are not a bad parent, there is medical reasoning for what is happening to him, you keep your chin up mate. Now for the debt, it's time to take all of your wife's credit cards off her and cut them up. Let her know in no uncertain terms she is not to apply for any further credit anywhere if she knows what's good for your marriage. Next job is to get your credit card bills as they come in and write to each and every lender and explain what has occured and how you would like them to freeze the interest (i do believe they can do this) and you will try and make their minimum payments (obviously you will have to look at that in your finances) on a monthly basis and when your wife is back at work (which you need to encourage) you will aim to pay extra to get rid of the debt. I am sure in today's current economic climate they will accept a reasonable offer like this...
Finally, stop worrying about everyone else and look after you, the missus and your son! Your bypass has given you a wonderful opportunity which you are fully deserving of, you know resorting to old habits was just a cry for help. Go see your gp and ask for the help you need. Good luck and remember you are not a stranger on here, we all wish you well and are interested in what's happening with your life and your journey xx
Finally, stop worrying about everyone else and look after you, the missus and your son! Your bypass has given you a wonderful opportunity which you are fully deserving of, you know resorting to old habits was just a cry for help. Go see your gp and ask for the help you need. Good luck and remember you are not a stranger on here, we all wish you well and are interested in what's happening with your life and your journey xx
